Strawberry Pocky: Hiro's Diary
Warnings: Shonen-ai, suicidal thoughts and actions, lovesickness, OOCness, cursing
Rating: R...
A/N: This is my first Gravitation fanfic, so bare with me if it's bad... And my chapters are gonna be really short (sorry) But I'm trying to make them longer
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gravitation; sadly it belongs to Murakami Maki. If I did own Gravitation.............................. the world would probably end...
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Days 3-6
9/27/04
Damn! I don't know how much longer I can wait only three more days, but I can't wait that long... I'm going to tell him tomorrow. I'm sorry Shu-chan if I ruin everything for you, but I just have to let you know. Not much else to say except, I love you Shu-chan.
9/28/04
It is now 9:39 at night and Shu-chan went out for a walk. I told him and he had no reaction at all what-so-ever. Than he wouldn't keep his mind on practicing. So, we called it quits for the day. I wonder if he's coming home tonight, or if he'll stay at Ryuichi's place. I hope he comes home, I miss him. How does he feel about me? Does he feel anything at all?
I started slitting my wrists yesterday. I don't know what else to do. It helps me; it takes my mind off of the world and any problems with Shu-chan. But you see, I have to hide it, it feels so good, I don't know if I could stop, even for Shu-chan.
9/29/04
crying
Shu-chan didn't come home last night. He did what I feared most, he turned me down. I don't know what to do. He told me that he loves Ryuichi and that he's moving in with him. Now I'm alone and heartbroken. Could it be any worse?
Fuck this, where's my knife? 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14... I keep cutting until my arm is covered in blood. What would happen if I cut deeper? What if I died? Would Shu-chan care than?
9/30/04
I woke up this morning expecting to see Shu-chan's smiling face, but instead all I saw was the ceiling. Shit! My arm hurts from yesterday, and I got blood on my only clean pair of pants. What am I supposed to tell everyone, that I got a bad paper cut? They're all idiots, they'll probably believe me. Maybe I should just call in sick...
Later the same day...
Shu-chan came over today, I thought it was maybe to see how I was doing, or apologize, but it was just to get the rest of his stuff and give me the extra key. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to play for Bad Luck anymore, and he told that he understood why. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but that seems to be happening too. I don't know what to do, should I just quit Bad Luck and move on, without Shu-chan? Or should I just pretend everything is fine and go on with my life as it is? Shu-chan why don't you love me?