Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and most of the characters are property of
Paramount.
A very good point you made Raven Sage- yeah, the flash backs are meant to be confusing, they haven't accidentally been put in without any warning; I did that on purpose. However, if anyone is really confused on what is a flashback and what's not, then I guess I could put in little ''s at the beginning and end or something- but I'd rather not.
Part two
Kathryn nestled into his side with his arms wrapped comfortably around her as they lay tangled beneath the sheets of her bed. "You do this for all your prisoners?" he joked softly as he kissed her forehead.
She ran her hand up his hairless chest, "no, just the ones that can cook."
Chakotay chuckled lightly. "But seriously, how much longer do I have here?"
She closed her eyes tiredly, "if you don't leave in about twenty minutes then Tuvok will probably contact me to make sure that everything's okay, and if you don't leave half an hour after that, then security will come in."
"That's a little late if something were to happen to you though?" He said thoughtfully.
She shifted a little against his side, "my life signs are being monitored constantly, the first sign of trouble and a security team will storm in and detain you."
He ran his fingers through her long hair, "am I really that dangerous?"
Kathryn pushed herself up onto an elbow and looked down at him. He smiled up at her, but she didn't return the smile, "you know this can't change anything?"
He nodded, "I know."
"I still have to hand you into Star Fleet," she explained.
"I know," he smiled softly at her, "do you think I'm a criminal?"
She shook her head, "no."
"Then that's all I need," he said pulling her on top of him.
"You're not going to try and convince me to let you go?" She propped her self comfortably above him.
"Do you want me to?" He pouted and she leaned forwards and kissed him lightly on the lips.
Kathryn smiled, "you can try but I don't think it would work very well."
"Okay," he thought for a moment, "what if I said I liked you very much."
"I wouldn't believe it."
"Oh," he put on a face of mock insult, "I see you're going to be a tough one to break." He thought again, and as an idea came to mind he smiled, "what if I told you that, being with you has made me see the errors of my ways, and because of you I'm willing to leave the Maquis and settle down with you- maybe start a family."
She laughed, "um, no, still not convinced."
"What if I told you that you complete me, and I think that I'm falling in love with you."
"I don't know, it sounds a little corny," she confessed, pretending to think deeply about it.
His smile faded, "well what if it was the truth, would it change anything?"
Before she could answer, her comm badge bleeped, "Tuvok to Janeway."
Not taking her eyes from Chakotay she reached over and grasped the badge from her night stand, "Janeway here," she replied.
"Some of the Maquis have escaped," he informed her.
"How many?" she moved off from her prisoner and climbed out of the bed.
"Ten or so," Tuvok elaborated.
She sighed, "yellow alert, find them, detain them, I'll be right over." She chucked her comm badge back on the bed and went over to a draw to remove some clean underwear.
"Does it change anything?"
Kathryn turned round sharply to see Chakotay sitting up in the bed, she glanced to where she had left her comm badge and couldn't see it. Her eyes moved over to Chakotay's hand, where she saw the glint of her gold badge. "Does what change anything?"
He stood from the bed, "come with me."
"Return my comm badge!"
Chakotay shook his head, "come with me and help me get off this ship."
"I can't do that," she said tersely.
"Then give me the access codes to your shuttle bays."
"And what if I don't do either?" She said stubbornly.
He closed the gap between them, "then I'll give Star Fleet a proper reason to come after me."
"You bastard!" she slapped him hard across the face.
Choosing not to respond to that action he took a step back, "get dressed," he said, moving over towards her bed side table and going through her top draw. Eventually finding the phaser that he had guessed was there, he turned back round and pointed it at her, "I don't have much time."
They both dressed quickly, although Chakotay took a little more time, finding it difficult to juggle the phaser as he dressed. He chucked her comm badge back to her, which she caught and looked back at him confused, "contact Tuvok and tell him that I have you hostage, then tell him to let all of my Maquis crew go or I will shoot you."
"3 4 8 3 Omega Janeway," she said instead.
"What's that?" he frowned.
"The access code you wanted," she replied with an anger boiling below her calm composure.
He shook his head, "you could change them when I'm gone, you'll have to come with me."
"What if I said I believed you and that it did change something?" she looked sincerely at him, "I can't come with you, but I can make sure that you're not recaptured."
He nodded, "I'll stun the security on my way out, thanks."
Chakotay walked along the corridor towards the turbo lift, but stopped short at hearing two familiar voices. He listened harder, although not hearing the exact words, he worked out that the female voice belonged to B'Elanna, but who the male voice belonged to he couldn't be sure. He back tracked a little way, and took a left down the corridor, following the source of the conversation.
"No, no, no, no, no," he muttered to himself under his breath, as he turned a corner just in time to see Tom Paris and B'Elanna kiss. Not wanting to watch any more he made his way back towards the turbo lift, "of all the men," he muttered again to himself just as the doors to the turbo lift opened and he stepped inside. "Of all the frigging men!" he said a little louder as the turbo lift started to move up, "she would have to fall to the Paris 'charm'."
The doors opened and he stepped out, today really wasn't turning out to be his day. That morning he'd had an earful from Kathryn, and then even more of an earful from Seska, not to mention a red cheek, and now- no, he couldn't even bare to think about it. Maybe he'd have a talk with her about it later, but it wasn't really anything to do with him, but then again, she was his best friend, and Paris was one of his least more favourite people.
Before he pressed the button at the side of the doors he took a deep calming breath in, deciding that he didn't want to be in a bad mood when he entered her quarters. The short meditation worked to an extent, and he pressed to enter, but there was no immediate response. After a minute he pressed the button at the side of her quarters once more, but again, there was no response. He was just about to leave when he heard someone approaching from behind.
Chakotay turned to see Kathryn approach with Aaron on her hip, she smiled at him, "sorry," she said, getting to her door and punching in the access code, "I lost track of time, you haven't been waiting too long have you?"
He shook his head and followed her inside, "a minute maybe."
She dropped Aaron on the floor, "Aaron, you remember Chakotay don't you?" she asked over her shoulder as she headed towards the replicater.
The small boy nodded and looked up at the Maquis Captain who seemed to tower above him, "you're a Maquis aren't you?"
Chakotay nodded, "I am."
"Why?" Aaron continued to look up at him.
"Chakotay, would you like a drink?" Kathryn called over from the kitchen area of her quarters.
He looked over at her, "I'll have whatever you're having."
"Coffee?"
"That'd be great," he smiled, and returned his attention back to Aaron, who was still looking eagerly up at him. "You want to know why I joined the Maquis?" The boy nodded, "well, I guess because I share the same ideals as the Maquis."
Kathryn walked over to the two of them, and handed Chakotay a coffee, whilst taking a sip of her own and heading towards the sofa. Chakotay followed her, and sat down besides her on the sofa, while Aaron lounged in the armchair and looked across at his mother, "Chakotay and the Maquis like the same things, like you and Tom."
"So I'm a Tom?" he frowned.
"No honey," Kathryn rose an eyebrow at the thought, "because if you did become more like Tom Paris then you would be a mildly bad Comedian." She explained.
He nodded, returning his attention to Chakotay, "so you like killing people?"
Chakotay shook his head, "no, it's just my family was killed by some aliens called the Cardassians, and Star Fleet let them get away with it, so I joined the Maquis to stop the Cardassians from doing the same to other people."
Aaron nodded, "but Star Fleet's doing that now aren't they? So why do you want to stay with the Maquis?"
That had him a little stumped, technically there was no reason to stay with the Maquis other than loyalty, but then explaining the concept of loyalty to a three year old seemed a little too daunting for Chakotay.
"It's not so much a case of Chakotay needing to fight the Cardassians with the Maquis, but more a matter of the Maquis needing Chakotay to help them fight," Kathryn came in a saved him.
Chakotay nodded and smiled across at Kathryn, "something like that," he said more to her than to Aaron.
"Oh," the boy leant his head back, already bored with the topic. Suddenly he sprung his head forwards and looked back at Chakotay, "would you like to see my television?" he asked.
Chakotay frowned but nodded, "I'd love to," then he looked across at Kathryn, "if that's okay with your mother of course?"
She grinned, "sure, I have work to do though, so you'll have to keep an eye on him, just make sure he doesn't try to eat any small objects."
"I'm not a baby!" Aaron insisted as he jumped out of his seat.
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "sometimes I wonder though when you shove those plastics soldier things in your mouth."
He just rolled his eyes at her, "my bedroom's this way," he said over his shoulder to Chakotay as he started to run towards his room.
Chakotay hung back a little and turned to Kathryn, "thanks," he smiled.
She shrugged, "you have an hour, no longer."
However, that hour turned into two, and then three as Aaron had a quick dinner, and then four as Aaron went to bed and Chakotay had dinner with Kathryn, and then five as he stayed for coffee.
They both sat down on the sofa, a fresh brew of coffee in each mug. "So you just left him there?" Kathryn carried on their conversation, her thumb casually tracing the edge of the mug.
Chakotay grinned, "for a few hours, before we started to feel sorry for him, and flew the shuttle back."
She laughed, "I can't remember doing anything like that back at the academy, but I can remember an end of year prank that my friends roped me into on our last year."
"Yes?" he said, his intrigue caused him to subconsciously close the gap between them as if they were in a public place and she was about to tell him a secret that neither of them wanted anyone else to hear.
"It was a stupid idea thinking back, but at the time we thought it was genius," she explained. "We got hold of several gallons of weed killer, and basically did a very large and detailed portrait of a man standing naked on the academy sports field."
"That was you?" he asked laughing.
She nodded, "how come you've heard of it, you left the academy before I even started."
He shrugged, "I've heard stories from ex-Star Fleet Maquis that must have attended the academy after you, apparently it's become like a legendry story among the Cadets, and every year they try to recreate the portrait."
Kathryn shook her head at the thought, "the best part is that we all got away with it."
"How'd you manage that?"
She bit her lip, "well, few people know this, but we laid out red herrings that we were sure security would find, that would cause the finger to be pointed at Professor McHugh. So I guess when he realised that he was being suspected he forced them to drop the entire investigation."
"McHugh, he was an arse hole!" Chakotay thought back to his lessons with the man, "one of the few lessons where you were meant to form your own opinion, and he insisted that his ideas were right, and everyone should follow his example."
"I was fortunate," Kathryn shrugged, "I only had him for politics in my last year, some of my friends though had him for the full three years!"
"I was one of the unfortunate ones to have him for three years," he commented, "I've never really had much interest in the subject since."
She nodded, and the conversation wound down as she took a gulp of her cooling coffee. "Could I ask you something?" she looked up at Chakotay, and was suddenly aware for the first time since they had sat down, how very close he was to her. She nodded. "When you found out you were pregnant, and that I was the father, why did you not just have an abortion?"
She looked oddly at him, "do you think I should have?"
"No, no, nothing like that," he shook his head, and looked intently at her, "it's just you were already engaged to someone else. Surely the last thing you wanted was to have a child by a man you barely knew, who for all you knew had used you to get access codes to escape your ship, and was spending time in prison for killing Star Fleet's so called 'allies'."
Kathryn shrugged, "I guess the same reason I helped to get your sentence reduced; I didn't think that you had started off with the intention of using me to get those access codes, and as you've said before, I would have done the same if I had found myself in your situation, if it had meant preventing my crew from being punished from doing something that they believed in. I saw you back in the delta quadrant, and I saw the type of man you were, why else do you think I invited you to dinner in the first place?"
Chakotay pulled back a little from her, "it's getting late, I'd better go," he said smiling gently at her. "Aaron's a great kid. Thank you for letting me come tonight, I think that's two dinners I owe you now."
She smiled pleasantly, "but who's counting? I'll see you around tomorrow." With that he stood from his seat, and she walked with him to the door and let him out.
When arriving back at the quarters he was staying in, the lights were out, and assuming that Seska was asleep already he crept into the bedroom and silently undressed down to his underpants. On his way back from Kathryn's quarters he had had time to think about that evening. It had been weird in a very non-weird way; he had assumed that it would be awkward, but it had been far from that, he had felt very relaxed in her company and felt himself unwind as the evening went on.
They had spent a lot of time talking as they seemed to have much in common; they were both Captains, they had both attended the same academy, they were both fighting the same enemy, and although fighting for different reasons and on different spectrums of the same side, they had very similar ideals, although just expressed them in different ways. Kathryn was a diplomat at heart, and would prefer to spend days talking than hours fighting. Whereas Chakotay often found himself plunging straight into a fight.
He lifted the covers and climbed into the bed. "You're back then?" he had assumed that his wife had been asleep, but with her back to him it had been hard to tell for certain. She turned over, "where have you been?"
"Captain Janeway asked me to have dinner with her and my son," he didn't see the point in lying, she'd see straight through the lie anyway.
"Oh right," Seska lifted herself up onto her elbow, "I forgot, you've just found out you have a son by her, and now you feel a sense of responsibility towards it."
"Don't start Seska," he turned over so that he didn't have to face her.
"Start what?" she asked innocently, "is it so wrong of me to be annoyed that my husband would rather spend time with a slutty Star Fleet Captain, than me?"
"I never said you shouldn't be," he said tiredly, "but she's the mother of my son, so I was hoping that you might be a little more understanding."
"Chakotay, I'm the mother of your new born daughter, I'm your wife! That bastard son of yours hasn't had you for his entire life, he's not going to miss you. And don't even get me started on Janeway!"
"Then don't!" Chakotay breathed a little more heavily as anger started to simmer beneath his skin at her words.
Seska looped an arm around him and kissed the back of his neck, "maybe I over reacted when I accused you of raping her," he grunted that he agreed. "She must have drugged you or something," she went on, "but we can't let this- one night stand, ruin our lives. I can understand why you might want to meet your accident, but there's no point in dwelling over it. When we rendezvous with the Freedom, we can pretend like none of this ever happened, Taya will be your only child, and the boy will be nothing more than a spoilt Captain's son."
Chakotay didn't trust himself to respond and so kept himself silent, although fuming beneath his nonplussed exterior.
"Now," she said running her hand down his chest, "it seems a little bit of a shame to be wasting these comfortable Star Fleet beds."
He grabbed her hand and peeled it off from him, "I'm not in the mood Seska."
She sank back, frustrated, "you never are! At this rate I might go and find someone else to satisfy my needs!"
He twisted around, "fine with me," he replied curtly , "just as long as you don't mind me doing the same!"
Seska growled throatily at him, before turning to sleep facing away from him.
B'Elanna entered the mess hall the next morning, and seeing a familiar face she made her way over towards Chakotay. He was holding a sleeping Taya and looking down miserably into his coffee, only looking up briefly when she sat down opposite him, before returning to his glum staring competition with the warm brown liquid. "Let me guess," B'Elanna started, "Seska's giving you hell again?"
"Let me guess, you're sleeping with Tom Paris," he retorted.
She stopped her train of thoughts and looked at him more intently, "no," she said slowly, "why do you think that?"
He looked up, unconvinced by her act of innocence, "I have my sources. Is it true?"
"No it's not!" She insisted, "okay, he may have invited me to spend some time on the holodeck with him, and then to his quarters for dinner, and after several hours of him pestering me, I may have said yes, just to shut him up. But did I sleep with him? No!"
"Sorry," he looked back down at his coffee, lifting it up and taking a small sip before. He suddenly put the mug back down on the table, the liquid waving a little at his sudden action, "you had dinner with him?" he asked, just as what she had said sunk in, "in his quarters?"
"Chakotay, I know you don't like him," she pulled a face, "but that doesn't mean that everyone else has to dislike him!"
Chakotay nodded his defeat, "I guess you're right, but it doesn't mean I have to like the idea!"
B'Elanna nodded, then remembering something she looked up sharply at her best friend, "so what have you and Seska fallen out about now?"
"I never said that we'd fallen out about anything," he defended himself, "and besides, you make it sound like we fall out all of the time."
She raised an eyebrow and lowered her eyes, forcing herself not to comment on his last words, "I'm sorry, it's just you were looking a little low when I came in. I apologise for jumping to conclusions," she held her hands up defensively.
He smiled guiltily, "no need to apologise B'Elanna, you were right, Seska and I have had a falling out."
"What about?" B'Elanna pulled a concerned face, but part of her just wanted to hear the latest dirt on Seska.
After he'd let out a long breath he shook his head, "I don't think that I can tell you," he said in a hushed voice, deliberately taking his attention from B'Elanna to his daughter, and fussing with Taya's blankets.
The woman sitting opposite him grunted in an annoyed manner, "don't clam up on me Chakotay," she warned him, "if you can't talk to me about it, who can you talk to?"
He sighed, she was right; B'Elanna was his most trusted friend, if he couldn't speak to her, there was no one else. "Okay," he looked around the mess hall secretly, the mess hall wasn't very full as the morning was late and most of those that were having breakfast in the mess hall had already had it. Even so, the mess hall wasn't exactly deserted either, but as there was no one sitting at a table close by he guess that it was probably safe enough to tell her.
B'Elanna leaned across the table, closing the gap between her and Chakotay, and he did the same. "Seska found out yesterday that Taya's not my first child," he said in a hushed voice.
"Not your first child?" B'Elanna sounded surprised but managed to keep her voice down, "how many do you have?"
Chakotay glared at her, "do you think I'm some sort of slut or something? I just have the two that I know of thanks!"
"That you know of?" she almost laughed, but stopped abruptly when she saw his face, "sorry, carry on."
"I only found out myself a couple of days ago," he went on, "apparently I have a son."
"Younger or older than Taya?" B'Elanna questioned with intrigue.
He shook his head, "again we come back to this image of me that you seem to have created, does everyone think of me as this guy that screws and then loses women; that cheats on his wife while she's pregnant, or is it just you?"
"Must just be me," B'Elanna shrugged, "so, how old is he?"
Chakotay shrugged, "I don't know exactly," he muttered, but seeing B'Elanna's face he added, "but older than Taya by a few years if you must know!"
"Who's the mother?" she asked the obvious question. Chakotay looked even more nervous and she leant a little closer, "not that Melanie Collins!"
The man looked almost petrified at the prospect, "hell no!" he said a little louder than he meant to, and a few people looked around. Once they lost interest in looking over at the conversation, Chakotay leant in towards B'Elanna, "Captain Janeway," he said.
B'Elanna looked over her shoulder, "where?" When realising that the Captain hadn't entered the room, she froze momentarily in position before turning slowly back round towards Chakotay, suddenly realising what he had meant. "How?" she frowned.
"I believe the usual methods were implemented," he said as if he question was the most stupid he'd ever been asked.
"You slept with her!" She struggled to restrain her voice. Before he could respond she did some quick maths in her head, "how long ago was this?"
"On Voyager."
"When we were working with the Voyager crew in the delta quadrant, or when we returned to the alpha quadrant and she shoved us all in the brig?" Then the memory of when they had been standing outside the shuttle bay and he had complained that Janeway had changed the access codes, returned to her and she answered her own question. "Hang on," she frowned, "you what? Slept with her in exchange for the access codes to the shuttle bays?"
He shook his head, "no! It was just something that happened," he confessed, "she invited me round for dinner, and well, one thing lead to another. It was only afterwards when I overheard her security officer inform her that some of you had escaped that I asked her for the access codes."
"So basically a longer version of what I just said?" she asked rhetorically.
Chakotay glared at her, "something like that," he replied sarcastically.
Before B'Elanna could retort however, Taya started up crying. Chakotay quickly determined that she needed a nappy change and made his excuse to go, leaving B'Elanna to sit alone in the mess hall for a short while, before she too left the room.
The sickbay was almost deserted seeing as there had been no major emergencies in the last few days. One of the Maquis crew lay motionless on a bio-bed, he had received some very nasty plasma burns and the doctor had heavily sedated him to allow the medication to do it's job. Doctor Parsons smile pleasantly up at Chakotay, "your daughter's perfectly healthy," she announced.
Chakotay returned the smile, "thank you."
She sighed, "it's amazing how many doctors you see screw up such modifications you know," she returned her instruments to the side.
"What modifications?" Chakotay shuffled with the baby in his arms until she appeared comfortable.
"The genetic modifications," Parsons prompted.
The cell leader shook his head, "genetic modifications?"
"Yes, to make Taya appear less Cardassian," she elaborated.
Chakotay looked even more confused, "no, my wife's Bejoran."
Parsons looked a little nervous, "according to the readings I took of Taya a few moments ago she is half Human and half Cardassian."
"Let me see."
The doctor showed him over to a console, and brought up Taya's DNA sequence on the screen. She quickly highlighted the relevant sections, and brought up Human and then a typical Cardassian DNA structure for a comparison. "I'm almost certain that Taya got her human DNA from you, but these scans clearly indicate that she has fifty percent Cardassian DNA."
"How the hell did my daughter end up half Cardassian?" Chakotay demanded.
Parsons shrugged tensely, "you said that her mother is Bejoran, well either your daughter's mother is not your wife, or your wife is not Bejoran."
The shocked father took a calming breath and tried to clear his mind, but not knowing what he was thinking anyway made it hard for him to clear his thoughts. He stumbled back a little from the console before storming out of the sickbay, heading in no particular direction, just knowing that he wanted to get as far from the doctor as possible.
Chakotay stormed around his quarters, pacing frantically, trying to work out what the hell was going on. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard his daughter crying out for him, but he had long ago blocked out the sound as it reminded him too much of a Cardassian. His daughter couldn't be Cardassian, she was half Human, half Bejoran. He had been there at her birth, held her tiny pink form for the first time in his arms, and for the first time in his life felt like he had really achieved something. Not no way in hell had he helped to bring another Cardassian life into the universe! Not a frigging chance.
He let out another painful and shaky breath, reaching the wall for the hundredth time in his pacing and hitting it hard with his fist. His feet stopped abruptly and he leaned his head against the wall in front of him, for a moment he was again aware of the wailing, but closing his eyes he managed to block some more of it out. He wasn't however, able to block out the sudden bleep from the door. Unprepared for that sound he jumped back sharply and stared right at the door, willing the person behind it to go away. They didn't leave however, and the door bleeped again.
"Pull it together Chakotay," he muttered under his breath, as he made his way over towards the doors.
The doors opened to reveal Kathryn, dressed smartly in her Star Fleet uniform, she smiled across at him, then hearing the crying to looked a little concerned, "sorry, have I caught you at a bad time?"
"Yes," he said through gritted teeth, and instantly regretted his tone.
She looked a little taken aback, "I'll leave you to it then," she said in a slightly clipped voice and started to walk off.
"I'm sorry," she stopped in her tracks and turned back to him, "it's been a very stressful day. Was there something in particular you wanted to speak to me about?"
"Yes actually," she looked up at him, and assuming that she didn't want to talk about it in the corridor he stepped to one side of the doors. She entered into the guest quarters and the doors closed automatically behind her. "Shouldn't you see to that crying first though?"
Chakotay shrugged, "she's been crying for some time," he made his way towards her basinet in his bedroom, Kathryn followed closely behind him, but stopped short at the doors to his room as he went right ahead and seemed to reluctantly pick the baby up. Robotically her held her against his chest, and tried hurriedly to sush her.
After a short time, Kathryn, not being able to bare see him struggle any longer, stepped forwards and took the child from his arms. He looked momentarily confused, but handed the enfant over easily enough, and watched intently as Taya quickly went silent in the Star Fleet Captain's arms. "You're good with her," he noted, forgetting his anger for a short time, "usually she doesn't like strangers."
"Maybe not all strangers have had much experience," she smiled, as Taya's head started to droop against her shoulder.
A stabbing pain returned to Chakotay, and almost seemed to wind him as he saw his daughter so peaceful in Kathryn's arms. He instantly realised that even if his daughter was half Cardassian, and even if Seska had been lying to him all along, he would still love Taya, no matter what. He realised then, at that exact moment, that the pain in his gut that he'd been feeling since doctor Parsons gave him the news that his child was half Cardassian, was not hatred directed at either the enfant, the doctor or even Seska, but hatred at himself.
Suddenly he felt sick and backed away from Kathryn and the now quiet Taya. Kathryn turned and looked curiously at him, "is there something wrong?" she asked as he backed against a wall and seemed to collapse beneath his feet onto the floor, where he sat and leaned back, staring straight ahead.
Swiftly Kathryn returned the baby to the basinet, where, with some luck, she stayed silent as Kathryn made her way over to Chakotay. She sat down besides him on the floor, "Chakotay, are you okay?"
He shook his head, but didn't say anything, his eyes fixed on the opposite wall.
"Chakotay," she placed a palm gently on his cheek and turned his face towards her, looking deeply into his eyes. He looked right back at her with a cold stare, that lasted only moments before his eyes softened and met her gaze.
"I can't do this any more," his eyes dropped and he looked down.
"Do what?" Kathryn dropped her hand from his face, and rested it lightly on his opposite arm.
He took in a deep breath and shook his head, trying to break himself out of his suddenly numb state, "the Maquis," he said slowly, "I don't think I can carry on with them."
"What would you do instead?" Kathryn asked, deeply confused.
He shrugged, "I don't know," he admitted, "when I first joined the Maquis my enemies were the Cardassians for killing my family, and then Star Fleet for not doing anything to protect the colonies, and signing that treaty which condemned them all to die in the first place." He looked deeply and intently at Kathryn, "but now that Star Fleet is at war with the Cardassians, and I find out I have a child with a Star Fleet Captain, I'm finding it harder and harder to call Star Fleet my enemy. And as for the Cardassians," he took a deep breath, "how can I fight them, knowing that my daughter is one of them."
Kathryn frowned, "how can Taya be Cardassian?"
Chakotay looked shakily across at the woman sitting besides him, and was reminded again of the attraction he had first felt for her all those years ago in the delta quadrant. He knew that what had happened then was as far as it would ever go, they were two very different people, they could never have more than that one night stand. But a large part of him wished that it had have been more, that they could still have more. He could see himself falling deeply in love with her, if he wasn't already, but he couldn't imagine her ever feeling the same way for him.
He shook his thoughts back to the present day, and the question at hand. "Seska's a Cardassian," he told her, with absolute certainty that he was right, he didn't even have to ask his wife, it all made sense to him now; Seska was a fucking Cardassian! All those times their plans had been ruined by a Cardassian war ship appearing as if it had read their thoughts, all those times in battle where for some reason the enemy ships had just passed over their wounded vessel as if it was nothing more than debris. Seska had been manipulating everything.
That was why it hurt so much to be with Seska, because part of him knew what she was, and was disgusted, but at the same time feeling satisfied that he was being punished for staying alive whilst his family perished. He had always had split feelings towards Seska, there was a side of him that hated her, and then another side that in some perversed manner loved her.
He had realised how easily she seemed to be able to manipulate him very early on, it happened with most of the women he slept with, but for some reason had ignored the facts for a great deal of time before he could take it no more and had broken it off with her. But after his cooling off year in prison, he seemed to have forgotten the reasons for breaking up with her, and they had more or less picked up where they had left off.
It had felt like more than just a coincidence at the time, when just as their relationship seemed to be grinding to another halt she announced that she was pregnant. She hadn't just told him, she seemed to slip it to the rest of the crew first, and then announced it to him; maybe she was worried that he would want her to have a termination or something, but the news had made him feel trapped all the same.
All those reasons were why he came to the conclusion that it was in fact himself that he hated. On some level he had known it all along, but had ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that told him Seska was not to be trusted. He had told himself he was fighting the Cardassians out of anger for what they had done, and the idea of killing someone purely because you didn't like them, sickened him. Sure, he had tried to convince himself that he was helping to prevent the Cardassians from killing others, but what had he really achieved in the Maquis? Their colonies still got swiftly destroyed, the people he was supposed to be protecting still died, and he didn't even care, they just became a list of names that would later be added to a memorial stone once the war was over.
He wasn't exactly sure how long he had sat there thinking to himself, but as his thoughts drew to a numb close he was suddenly aware that Kathryn was still there. One arm around his back and gripping his shoulder, whilst the her other hand covered his hand, which was rested on his knee. Her legs were pulled up towards her chest, but leant lightly on him as her body leaned into his. As his head, at some point, had tilted slightly towards her, she had tilted her head against him, so that he could feel her warm breath through his hair, and on the top of his ear.
With her wrapped around him, trying to comfort his confused form, he suddenly felt more at peace than he had ever felt before. It was at that point that he started to cry, feeling safe to do so for the first time in a long time, feeling safe with her at his side. She didn't say anything, just gripped his hand a little tighter and promised him that it would be okay.
End of part two.
A very good point you made Raven Sage- yeah, the flash backs are meant to be confusing, they haven't accidentally been put in without any warning; I did that on purpose. However, if anyone is really confused on what is a flashback and what's not, then I guess I could put in little ''s at the beginning and end or something- but I'd rather not.
Part two
Kathryn nestled into his side with his arms wrapped comfortably around her as they lay tangled beneath the sheets of her bed. "You do this for all your prisoners?" he joked softly as he kissed her forehead.
She ran her hand up his hairless chest, "no, just the ones that can cook."
Chakotay chuckled lightly. "But seriously, how much longer do I have here?"
She closed her eyes tiredly, "if you don't leave in about twenty minutes then Tuvok will probably contact me to make sure that everything's okay, and if you don't leave half an hour after that, then security will come in."
"That's a little late if something were to happen to you though?" He said thoughtfully.
She shifted a little against his side, "my life signs are being monitored constantly, the first sign of trouble and a security team will storm in and detain you."
He ran his fingers through her long hair, "am I really that dangerous?"
Kathryn pushed herself up onto an elbow and looked down at him. He smiled up at her, but she didn't return the smile, "you know this can't change anything?"
He nodded, "I know."
"I still have to hand you into Star Fleet," she explained.
"I know," he smiled softly at her, "do you think I'm a criminal?"
She shook her head, "no."
"Then that's all I need," he said pulling her on top of him.
"You're not going to try and convince me to let you go?" She propped her self comfortably above him.
"Do you want me to?" He pouted and she leaned forwards and kissed him lightly on the lips.
Kathryn smiled, "you can try but I don't think it would work very well."
"Okay," he thought for a moment, "what if I said I liked you very much."
"I wouldn't believe it."
"Oh," he put on a face of mock insult, "I see you're going to be a tough one to break." He thought again, and as an idea came to mind he smiled, "what if I told you that, being with you has made me see the errors of my ways, and because of you I'm willing to leave the Maquis and settle down with you- maybe start a family."
She laughed, "um, no, still not convinced."
"What if I told you that you complete me, and I think that I'm falling in love with you."
"I don't know, it sounds a little corny," she confessed, pretending to think deeply about it.
His smile faded, "well what if it was the truth, would it change anything?"
Before she could answer, her comm badge bleeped, "Tuvok to Janeway."
Not taking her eyes from Chakotay she reached over and grasped the badge from her night stand, "Janeway here," she replied.
"Some of the Maquis have escaped," he informed her.
"How many?" she moved off from her prisoner and climbed out of the bed.
"Ten or so," Tuvok elaborated.
She sighed, "yellow alert, find them, detain them, I'll be right over." She chucked her comm badge back on the bed and went over to a draw to remove some clean underwear.
"Does it change anything?"
Kathryn turned round sharply to see Chakotay sitting up in the bed, she glanced to where she had left her comm badge and couldn't see it. Her eyes moved over to Chakotay's hand, where she saw the glint of her gold badge. "Does what change anything?"
He stood from the bed, "come with me."
"Return my comm badge!"
Chakotay shook his head, "come with me and help me get off this ship."
"I can't do that," she said tersely.
"Then give me the access codes to your shuttle bays."
"And what if I don't do either?" She said stubbornly.
He closed the gap between them, "then I'll give Star Fleet a proper reason to come after me."
"You bastard!" she slapped him hard across the face.
Choosing not to respond to that action he took a step back, "get dressed," he said, moving over towards her bed side table and going through her top draw. Eventually finding the phaser that he had guessed was there, he turned back round and pointed it at her, "I don't have much time."
They both dressed quickly, although Chakotay took a little more time, finding it difficult to juggle the phaser as he dressed. He chucked her comm badge back to her, which she caught and looked back at him confused, "contact Tuvok and tell him that I have you hostage, then tell him to let all of my Maquis crew go or I will shoot you."
"3 4 8 3 Omega Janeway," she said instead.
"What's that?" he frowned.
"The access code you wanted," she replied with an anger boiling below her calm composure.
He shook his head, "you could change them when I'm gone, you'll have to come with me."
"What if I said I believed you and that it did change something?" she looked sincerely at him, "I can't come with you, but I can make sure that you're not recaptured."
He nodded, "I'll stun the security on my way out, thanks."
Chakotay walked along the corridor towards the turbo lift, but stopped short at hearing two familiar voices. He listened harder, although not hearing the exact words, he worked out that the female voice belonged to B'Elanna, but who the male voice belonged to he couldn't be sure. He back tracked a little way, and took a left down the corridor, following the source of the conversation.
"No, no, no, no, no," he muttered to himself under his breath, as he turned a corner just in time to see Tom Paris and B'Elanna kiss. Not wanting to watch any more he made his way back towards the turbo lift, "of all the men," he muttered again to himself just as the doors to the turbo lift opened and he stepped inside. "Of all the frigging men!" he said a little louder as the turbo lift started to move up, "she would have to fall to the Paris 'charm'."
The doors opened and he stepped out, today really wasn't turning out to be his day. That morning he'd had an earful from Kathryn, and then even more of an earful from Seska, not to mention a red cheek, and now- no, he couldn't even bare to think about it. Maybe he'd have a talk with her about it later, but it wasn't really anything to do with him, but then again, she was his best friend, and Paris was one of his least more favourite people.
Before he pressed the button at the side of the doors he took a deep calming breath in, deciding that he didn't want to be in a bad mood when he entered her quarters. The short meditation worked to an extent, and he pressed to enter, but there was no immediate response. After a minute he pressed the button at the side of her quarters once more, but again, there was no response. He was just about to leave when he heard someone approaching from behind.
Chakotay turned to see Kathryn approach with Aaron on her hip, she smiled at him, "sorry," she said, getting to her door and punching in the access code, "I lost track of time, you haven't been waiting too long have you?"
He shook his head and followed her inside, "a minute maybe."
She dropped Aaron on the floor, "Aaron, you remember Chakotay don't you?" she asked over her shoulder as she headed towards the replicater.
The small boy nodded and looked up at the Maquis Captain who seemed to tower above him, "you're a Maquis aren't you?"
Chakotay nodded, "I am."
"Why?" Aaron continued to look up at him.
"Chakotay, would you like a drink?" Kathryn called over from the kitchen area of her quarters.
He looked over at her, "I'll have whatever you're having."
"Coffee?"
"That'd be great," he smiled, and returned his attention back to Aaron, who was still looking eagerly up at him. "You want to know why I joined the Maquis?" The boy nodded, "well, I guess because I share the same ideals as the Maquis."
Kathryn walked over to the two of them, and handed Chakotay a coffee, whilst taking a sip of her own and heading towards the sofa. Chakotay followed her, and sat down besides her on the sofa, while Aaron lounged in the armchair and looked across at his mother, "Chakotay and the Maquis like the same things, like you and Tom."
"So I'm a Tom?" he frowned.
"No honey," Kathryn rose an eyebrow at the thought, "because if you did become more like Tom Paris then you would be a mildly bad Comedian." She explained.
He nodded, returning his attention to Chakotay, "so you like killing people?"
Chakotay shook his head, "no, it's just my family was killed by some aliens called the Cardassians, and Star Fleet let them get away with it, so I joined the Maquis to stop the Cardassians from doing the same to other people."
Aaron nodded, "but Star Fleet's doing that now aren't they? So why do you want to stay with the Maquis?"
That had him a little stumped, technically there was no reason to stay with the Maquis other than loyalty, but then explaining the concept of loyalty to a three year old seemed a little too daunting for Chakotay.
"It's not so much a case of Chakotay needing to fight the Cardassians with the Maquis, but more a matter of the Maquis needing Chakotay to help them fight," Kathryn came in a saved him.
Chakotay nodded and smiled across at Kathryn, "something like that," he said more to her than to Aaron.
"Oh," the boy leant his head back, already bored with the topic. Suddenly he sprung his head forwards and looked back at Chakotay, "would you like to see my television?" he asked.
Chakotay frowned but nodded, "I'd love to," then he looked across at Kathryn, "if that's okay with your mother of course?"
She grinned, "sure, I have work to do though, so you'll have to keep an eye on him, just make sure he doesn't try to eat any small objects."
"I'm not a baby!" Aaron insisted as he jumped out of his seat.
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "sometimes I wonder though when you shove those plastics soldier things in your mouth."
He just rolled his eyes at her, "my bedroom's this way," he said over his shoulder to Chakotay as he started to run towards his room.
Chakotay hung back a little and turned to Kathryn, "thanks," he smiled.
She shrugged, "you have an hour, no longer."
However, that hour turned into two, and then three as Aaron had a quick dinner, and then four as Aaron went to bed and Chakotay had dinner with Kathryn, and then five as he stayed for coffee.
They both sat down on the sofa, a fresh brew of coffee in each mug. "So you just left him there?" Kathryn carried on their conversation, her thumb casually tracing the edge of the mug.
Chakotay grinned, "for a few hours, before we started to feel sorry for him, and flew the shuttle back."
She laughed, "I can't remember doing anything like that back at the academy, but I can remember an end of year prank that my friends roped me into on our last year."
"Yes?" he said, his intrigue caused him to subconsciously close the gap between them as if they were in a public place and she was about to tell him a secret that neither of them wanted anyone else to hear.
"It was a stupid idea thinking back, but at the time we thought it was genius," she explained. "We got hold of several gallons of weed killer, and basically did a very large and detailed portrait of a man standing naked on the academy sports field."
"That was you?" he asked laughing.
She nodded, "how come you've heard of it, you left the academy before I even started."
He shrugged, "I've heard stories from ex-Star Fleet Maquis that must have attended the academy after you, apparently it's become like a legendry story among the Cadets, and every year they try to recreate the portrait."
Kathryn shook her head at the thought, "the best part is that we all got away with it."
"How'd you manage that?"
She bit her lip, "well, few people know this, but we laid out red herrings that we were sure security would find, that would cause the finger to be pointed at Professor McHugh. So I guess when he realised that he was being suspected he forced them to drop the entire investigation."
"McHugh, he was an arse hole!" Chakotay thought back to his lessons with the man, "one of the few lessons where you were meant to form your own opinion, and he insisted that his ideas were right, and everyone should follow his example."
"I was fortunate," Kathryn shrugged, "I only had him for politics in my last year, some of my friends though had him for the full three years!"
"I was one of the unfortunate ones to have him for three years," he commented, "I've never really had much interest in the subject since."
She nodded, and the conversation wound down as she took a gulp of her cooling coffee. "Could I ask you something?" she looked up at Chakotay, and was suddenly aware for the first time since they had sat down, how very close he was to her. She nodded. "When you found out you were pregnant, and that I was the father, why did you not just have an abortion?"
She looked oddly at him, "do you think I should have?"
"No, no, nothing like that," he shook his head, and looked intently at her, "it's just you were already engaged to someone else. Surely the last thing you wanted was to have a child by a man you barely knew, who for all you knew had used you to get access codes to escape your ship, and was spending time in prison for killing Star Fleet's so called 'allies'."
Kathryn shrugged, "I guess the same reason I helped to get your sentence reduced; I didn't think that you had started off with the intention of using me to get those access codes, and as you've said before, I would have done the same if I had found myself in your situation, if it had meant preventing my crew from being punished from doing something that they believed in. I saw you back in the delta quadrant, and I saw the type of man you were, why else do you think I invited you to dinner in the first place?"
Chakotay pulled back a little from her, "it's getting late, I'd better go," he said smiling gently at her. "Aaron's a great kid. Thank you for letting me come tonight, I think that's two dinners I owe you now."
She smiled pleasantly, "but who's counting? I'll see you around tomorrow." With that he stood from his seat, and she walked with him to the door and let him out.
When arriving back at the quarters he was staying in, the lights were out, and assuming that Seska was asleep already he crept into the bedroom and silently undressed down to his underpants. On his way back from Kathryn's quarters he had had time to think about that evening. It had been weird in a very non-weird way; he had assumed that it would be awkward, but it had been far from that, he had felt very relaxed in her company and felt himself unwind as the evening went on.
They had spent a lot of time talking as they seemed to have much in common; they were both Captains, they had both attended the same academy, they were both fighting the same enemy, and although fighting for different reasons and on different spectrums of the same side, they had very similar ideals, although just expressed them in different ways. Kathryn was a diplomat at heart, and would prefer to spend days talking than hours fighting. Whereas Chakotay often found himself plunging straight into a fight.
He lifted the covers and climbed into the bed. "You're back then?" he had assumed that his wife had been asleep, but with her back to him it had been hard to tell for certain. She turned over, "where have you been?"
"Captain Janeway asked me to have dinner with her and my son," he didn't see the point in lying, she'd see straight through the lie anyway.
"Oh right," Seska lifted herself up onto her elbow, "I forgot, you've just found out you have a son by her, and now you feel a sense of responsibility towards it."
"Don't start Seska," he turned over so that he didn't have to face her.
"Start what?" she asked innocently, "is it so wrong of me to be annoyed that my husband would rather spend time with a slutty Star Fleet Captain, than me?"
"I never said you shouldn't be," he said tiredly, "but she's the mother of my son, so I was hoping that you might be a little more understanding."
"Chakotay, I'm the mother of your new born daughter, I'm your wife! That bastard son of yours hasn't had you for his entire life, he's not going to miss you. And don't even get me started on Janeway!"
"Then don't!" Chakotay breathed a little more heavily as anger started to simmer beneath his skin at her words.
Seska looped an arm around him and kissed the back of his neck, "maybe I over reacted when I accused you of raping her," he grunted that he agreed. "She must have drugged you or something," she went on, "but we can't let this- one night stand, ruin our lives. I can understand why you might want to meet your accident, but there's no point in dwelling over it. When we rendezvous with the Freedom, we can pretend like none of this ever happened, Taya will be your only child, and the boy will be nothing more than a spoilt Captain's son."
Chakotay didn't trust himself to respond and so kept himself silent, although fuming beneath his nonplussed exterior.
"Now," she said running her hand down his chest, "it seems a little bit of a shame to be wasting these comfortable Star Fleet beds."
He grabbed her hand and peeled it off from him, "I'm not in the mood Seska."
She sank back, frustrated, "you never are! At this rate I might go and find someone else to satisfy my needs!"
He twisted around, "fine with me," he replied curtly , "just as long as you don't mind me doing the same!"
Seska growled throatily at him, before turning to sleep facing away from him.
B'Elanna entered the mess hall the next morning, and seeing a familiar face she made her way over towards Chakotay. He was holding a sleeping Taya and looking down miserably into his coffee, only looking up briefly when she sat down opposite him, before returning to his glum staring competition with the warm brown liquid. "Let me guess," B'Elanna started, "Seska's giving you hell again?"
"Let me guess, you're sleeping with Tom Paris," he retorted.
She stopped her train of thoughts and looked at him more intently, "no," she said slowly, "why do you think that?"
He looked up, unconvinced by her act of innocence, "I have my sources. Is it true?"
"No it's not!" She insisted, "okay, he may have invited me to spend some time on the holodeck with him, and then to his quarters for dinner, and after several hours of him pestering me, I may have said yes, just to shut him up. But did I sleep with him? No!"
"Sorry," he looked back down at his coffee, lifting it up and taking a small sip before. He suddenly put the mug back down on the table, the liquid waving a little at his sudden action, "you had dinner with him?" he asked, just as what she had said sunk in, "in his quarters?"
"Chakotay, I know you don't like him," she pulled a face, "but that doesn't mean that everyone else has to dislike him!"
Chakotay nodded his defeat, "I guess you're right, but it doesn't mean I have to like the idea!"
B'Elanna nodded, then remembering something she looked up sharply at her best friend, "so what have you and Seska fallen out about now?"
"I never said that we'd fallen out about anything," he defended himself, "and besides, you make it sound like we fall out all of the time."
She raised an eyebrow and lowered her eyes, forcing herself not to comment on his last words, "I'm sorry, it's just you were looking a little low when I came in. I apologise for jumping to conclusions," she held her hands up defensively.
He smiled guiltily, "no need to apologise B'Elanna, you were right, Seska and I have had a falling out."
"What about?" B'Elanna pulled a concerned face, but part of her just wanted to hear the latest dirt on Seska.
After he'd let out a long breath he shook his head, "I don't think that I can tell you," he said in a hushed voice, deliberately taking his attention from B'Elanna to his daughter, and fussing with Taya's blankets.
The woman sitting opposite him grunted in an annoyed manner, "don't clam up on me Chakotay," she warned him, "if you can't talk to me about it, who can you talk to?"
He sighed, she was right; B'Elanna was his most trusted friend, if he couldn't speak to her, there was no one else. "Okay," he looked around the mess hall secretly, the mess hall wasn't very full as the morning was late and most of those that were having breakfast in the mess hall had already had it. Even so, the mess hall wasn't exactly deserted either, but as there was no one sitting at a table close by he guess that it was probably safe enough to tell her.
B'Elanna leaned across the table, closing the gap between her and Chakotay, and he did the same. "Seska found out yesterday that Taya's not my first child," he said in a hushed voice.
"Not your first child?" B'Elanna sounded surprised but managed to keep her voice down, "how many do you have?"
Chakotay glared at her, "do you think I'm some sort of slut or something? I just have the two that I know of thanks!"
"That you know of?" she almost laughed, but stopped abruptly when she saw his face, "sorry, carry on."
"I only found out myself a couple of days ago," he went on, "apparently I have a son."
"Younger or older than Taya?" B'Elanna questioned with intrigue.
He shook his head, "again we come back to this image of me that you seem to have created, does everyone think of me as this guy that screws and then loses women; that cheats on his wife while she's pregnant, or is it just you?"
"Must just be me," B'Elanna shrugged, "so, how old is he?"
Chakotay shrugged, "I don't know exactly," he muttered, but seeing B'Elanna's face he added, "but older than Taya by a few years if you must know!"
"Who's the mother?" she asked the obvious question. Chakotay looked even more nervous and she leant a little closer, "not that Melanie Collins!"
The man looked almost petrified at the prospect, "hell no!" he said a little louder than he meant to, and a few people looked around. Once they lost interest in looking over at the conversation, Chakotay leant in towards B'Elanna, "Captain Janeway," he said.
B'Elanna looked over her shoulder, "where?" When realising that the Captain hadn't entered the room, she froze momentarily in position before turning slowly back round towards Chakotay, suddenly realising what he had meant. "How?" she frowned.
"I believe the usual methods were implemented," he said as if he question was the most stupid he'd ever been asked.
"You slept with her!" She struggled to restrain her voice. Before he could respond she did some quick maths in her head, "how long ago was this?"
"On Voyager."
"When we were working with the Voyager crew in the delta quadrant, or when we returned to the alpha quadrant and she shoved us all in the brig?" Then the memory of when they had been standing outside the shuttle bay and he had complained that Janeway had changed the access codes, returned to her and she answered her own question. "Hang on," she frowned, "you what? Slept with her in exchange for the access codes to the shuttle bays?"
He shook his head, "no! It was just something that happened," he confessed, "she invited me round for dinner, and well, one thing lead to another. It was only afterwards when I overheard her security officer inform her that some of you had escaped that I asked her for the access codes."
"So basically a longer version of what I just said?" she asked rhetorically.
Chakotay glared at her, "something like that," he replied sarcastically.
Before B'Elanna could retort however, Taya started up crying. Chakotay quickly determined that she needed a nappy change and made his excuse to go, leaving B'Elanna to sit alone in the mess hall for a short while, before she too left the room.
The sickbay was almost deserted seeing as there had been no major emergencies in the last few days. One of the Maquis crew lay motionless on a bio-bed, he had received some very nasty plasma burns and the doctor had heavily sedated him to allow the medication to do it's job. Doctor Parsons smile pleasantly up at Chakotay, "your daughter's perfectly healthy," she announced.
Chakotay returned the smile, "thank you."
She sighed, "it's amazing how many doctors you see screw up such modifications you know," she returned her instruments to the side.
"What modifications?" Chakotay shuffled with the baby in his arms until she appeared comfortable.
"The genetic modifications," Parsons prompted.
The cell leader shook his head, "genetic modifications?"
"Yes, to make Taya appear less Cardassian," she elaborated.
Chakotay looked even more confused, "no, my wife's Bejoran."
Parsons looked a little nervous, "according to the readings I took of Taya a few moments ago she is half Human and half Cardassian."
"Let me see."
The doctor showed him over to a console, and brought up Taya's DNA sequence on the screen. She quickly highlighted the relevant sections, and brought up Human and then a typical Cardassian DNA structure for a comparison. "I'm almost certain that Taya got her human DNA from you, but these scans clearly indicate that she has fifty percent Cardassian DNA."
"How the hell did my daughter end up half Cardassian?" Chakotay demanded.
Parsons shrugged tensely, "you said that her mother is Bejoran, well either your daughter's mother is not your wife, or your wife is not Bejoran."
The shocked father took a calming breath and tried to clear his mind, but not knowing what he was thinking anyway made it hard for him to clear his thoughts. He stumbled back a little from the console before storming out of the sickbay, heading in no particular direction, just knowing that he wanted to get as far from the doctor as possible.
Chakotay stormed around his quarters, pacing frantically, trying to work out what the hell was going on. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard his daughter crying out for him, but he had long ago blocked out the sound as it reminded him too much of a Cardassian. His daughter couldn't be Cardassian, she was half Human, half Bejoran. He had been there at her birth, held her tiny pink form for the first time in his arms, and for the first time in his life felt like he had really achieved something. Not no way in hell had he helped to bring another Cardassian life into the universe! Not a frigging chance.
He let out another painful and shaky breath, reaching the wall for the hundredth time in his pacing and hitting it hard with his fist. His feet stopped abruptly and he leaned his head against the wall in front of him, for a moment he was again aware of the wailing, but closing his eyes he managed to block some more of it out. He wasn't however, able to block out the sudden bleep from the door. Unprepared for that sound he jumped back sharply and stared right at the door, willing the person behind it to go away. They didn't leave however, and the door bleeped again.
"Pull it together Chakotay," he muttered under his breath, as he made his way over towards the doors.
The doors opened to reveal Kathryn, dressed smartly in her Star Fleet uniform, she smiled across at him, then hearing the crying to looked a little concerned, "sorry, have I caught you at a bad time?"
"Yes," he said through gritted teeth, and instantly regretted his tone.
She looked a little taken aback, "I'll leave you to it then," she said in a slightly clipped voice and started to walk off.
"I'm sorry," she stopped in her tracks and turned back to him, "it's been a very stressful day. Was there something in particular you wanted to speak to me about?"
"Yes actually," she looked up at him, and assuming that she didn't want to talk about it in the corridor he stepped to one side of the doors. She entered into the guest quarters and the doors closed automatically behind her. "Shouldn't you see to that crying first though?"
Chakotay shrugged, "she's been crying for some time," he made his way towards her basinet in his bedroom, Kathryn followed closely behind him, but stopped short at the doors to his room as he went right ahead and seemed to reluctantly pick the baby up. Robotically her held her against his chest, and tried hurriedly to sush her.
After a short time, Kathryn, not being able to bare see him struggle any longer, stepped forwards and took the child from his arms. He looked momentarily confused, but handed the enfant over easily enough, and watched intently as Taya quickly went silent in the Star Fleet Captain's arms. "You're good with her," he noted, forgetting his anger for a short time, "usually she doesn't like strangers."
"Maybe not all strangers have had much experience," she smiled, as Taya's head started to droop against her shoulder.
A stabbing pain returned to Chakotay, and almost seemed to wind him as he saw his daughter so peaceful in Kathryn's arms. He instantly realised that even if his daughter was half Cardassian, and even if Seska had been lying to him all along, he would still love Taya, no matter what. He realised then, at that exact moment, that the pain in his gut that he'd been feeling since doctor Parsons gave him the news that his child was half Cardassian, was not hatred directed at either the enfant, the doctor or even Seska, but hatred at himself.
Suddenly he felt sick and backed away from Kathryn and the now quiet Taya. Kathryn turned and looked curiously at him, "is there something wrong?" she asked as he backed against a wall and seemed to collapse beneath his feet onto the floor, where he sat and leaned back, staring straight ahead.
Swiftly Kathryn returned the baby to the basinet, where, with some luck, she stayed silent as Kathryn made her way over to Chakotay. She sat down besides him on the floor, "Chakotay, are you okay?"
He shook his head, but didn't say anything, his eyes fixed on the opposite wall.
"Chakotay," she placed a palm gently on his cheek and turned his face towards her, looking deeply into his eyes. He looked right back at her with a cold stare, that lasted only moments before his eyes softened and met her gaze.
"I can't do this any more," his eyes dropped and he looked down.
"Do what?" Kathryn dropped her hand from his face, and rested it lightly on his opposite arm.
He took in a deep breath and shook his head, trying to break himself out of his suddenly numb state, "the Maquis," he said slowly, "I don't think I can carry on with them."
"What would you do instead?" Kathryn asked, deeply confused.
He shrugged, "I don't know," he admitted, "when I first joined the Maquis my enemies were the Cardassians for killing my family, and then Star Fleet for not doing anything to protect the colonies, and signing that treaty which condemned them all to die in the first place." He looked deeply and intently at Kathryn, "but now that Star Fleet is at war with the Cardassians, and I find out I have a child with a Star Fleet Captain, I'm finding it harder and harder to call Star Fleet my enemy. And as for the Cardassians," he took a deep breath, "how can I fight them, knowing that my daughter is one of them."
Kathryn frowned, "how can Taya be Cardassian?"
Chakotay looked shakily across at the woman sitting besides him, and was reminded again of the attraction he had first felt for her all those years ago in the delta quadrant. He knew that what had happened then was as far as it would ever go, they were two very different people, they could never have more than that one night stand. But a large part of him wished that it had have been more, that they could still have more. He could see himself falling deeply in love with her, if he wasn't already, but he couldn't imagine her ever feeling the same way for him.
He shook his thoughts back to the present day, and the question at hand. "Seska's a Cardassian," he told her, with absolute certainty that he was right, he didn't even have to ask his wife, it all made sense to him now; Seska was a fucking Cardassian! All those times their plans had been ruined by a Cardassian war ship appearing as if it had read their thoughts, all those times in battle where for some reason the enemy ships had just passed over their wounded vessel as if it was nothing more than debris. Seska had been manipulating everything.
That was why it hurt so much to be with Seska, because part of him knew what she was, and was disgusted, but at the same time feeling satisfied that he was being punished for staying alive whilst his family perished. He had always had split feelings towards Seska, there was a side of him that hated her, and then another side that in some perversed manner loved her.
He had realised how easily she seemed to be able to manipulate him very early on, it happened with most of the women he slept with, but for some reason had ignored the facts for a great deal of time before he could take it no more and had broken it off with her. But after his cooling off year in prison, he seemed to have forgotten the reasons for breaking up with her, and they had more or less picked up where they had left off.
It had felt like more than just a coincidence at the time, when just as their relationship seemed to be grinding to another halt she announced that she was pregnant. She hadn't just told him, she seemed to slip it to the rest of the crew first, and then announced it to him; maybe she was worried that he would want her to have a termination or something, but the news had made him feel trapped all the same.
All those reasons were why he came to the conclusion that it was in fact himself that he hated. On some level he had known it all along, but had ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that told him Seska was not to be trusted. He had told himself he was fighting the Cardassians out of anger for what they had done, and the idea of killing someone purely because you didn't like them, sickened him. Sure, he had tried to convince himself that he was helping to prevent the Cardassians from killing others, but what had he really achieved in the Maquis? Their colonies still got swiftly destroyed, the people he was supposed to be protecting still died, and he didn't even care, they just became a list of names that would later be added to a memorial stone once the war was over.
He wasn't exactly sure how long he had sat there thinking to himself, but as his thoughts drew to a numb close he was suddenly aware that Kathryn was still there. One arm around his back and gripping his shoulder, whilst the her other hand covered his hand, which was rested on his knee. Her legs were pulled up towards her chest, but leant lightly on him as her body leaned into his. As his head, at some point, had tilted slightly towards her, she had tilted her head against him, so that he could feel her warm breath through his hair, and on the top of his ear.
With her wrapped around him, trying to comfort his confused form, he suddenly felt more at peace than he had ever felt before. It was at that point that he started to cry, feeling safe to do so for the first time in a long time, feeling safe with her at his side. She didn't say anything, just gripped his hand a little tighter and promised him that it would be okay.
End of part two.