Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek: Voyager, but not this AU.
Author's note: This was only supposed to be a three parter, believe it or not, and I'm already onto the fifth! So if you want me to keep writing then you'd better start reviewing (so now I'm resorting to blackmail, shakes head in shame).
Anyway, this has not been beta-ed because my usual beta reader has been annoyingly busy for the past few days, glares at Kathryn Janeway (obviously not the real one), and so I must apologise in advance for having more mistakes than usual.
Part 4
They sat opposite each other in her office, forced to work together to discuss further anti-Cardassian strategies, and to make sense of some of the intelligence that had been collected on the Dominion. It was two weeks since 'that day', and they had spoken to each other comparatively little, and she had passed him several times in the corridor without even acknowledging him. He had been putting up with it, he felt in some ways that he deserved it, but it annoyed him a little that she was using him as a type of punch bag; she was angry at her husband for dying, but felt that she couldn't be angry at someone dead, so concentrated her anger on Chakotay.
In turn, Chakotay started to hate Donnie. Donnie was the reason that Kathryn hated him. Donnie's death would be remembered as heroic and noble, whereas all those of the Maquis would be remembered as trouble makers who deserved it. Donnie was the man who did all the stuff with Aaron that Chakotay should have been doing. Donnie was the man who married the woman Chakotay should have married. Chakotay back tracked on his last thought, but didn't glance up from his padd, realising that Kathryn was right opposite him, and started to wonder why that thought had occurred in his head.
Eventually he did glance over the edge of his padd, and saw her concentration focussed on her computer console. She was beautiful, even when she was mad at him, he decided as he gazed across at her. He still wasn't completely sure himself why he had kissed her that other night, the only reason that came to mind was that it had felt right and natural- at the time. That night, years before, after their short trip to the delta quadrant, still confused him. The events after they had had sex had clouded his memories over the years, he had fooled himself it was to get her command codes for when the Maquis revolted- and then the notion that he had no idea of his crew's plans until Tuvok had hailed the Captain as they lay beside one another, had been the bit that he had altered. Fuming with anger as he was locked in prison, he had blocked out that part; the part that had him sleeping with Voyager's Captain, with no alternate motives.
She didn't seem to notice that he had stopped working, or that he was gazing across at her. Was it love? He knew he cared for her, he knew he was attracted to her, and he knew he had great respect of her. But did he love her? It was ironic, he thought, that as soon as he should start to question if his feelings for her went deeper, that she should start to silently hate him. At least if Donnie was still alive then he couldn't be accused of pursuing a woman at a very venerable point in her life.
She looked up and caught him staring at her, he instantly looked away, broken from his own musings, only just catching her blush.
They stayed in silence for a few moments longer before Chakotay broke it. "So how's Aaron doing?" he asked; their son was safe ground when it came to conversations, as it was his son also and she couldn't accuse him of prying.
Kathryn looked across her desk, she really had hoped on this taking no more than an hour, if they got talking that could easily double or triple. "Fine," she replied.
"How did he take the news that Donnie's dead?" Chakotay asked gently, hesitantly, he had gone to Tuvok about a day after Kathryn had told him, to get the details; it had happened just as he had expected, went down with the ship after a Dominion attack, that is after having transported most of his crew aboard a neighbouring ship. His hatred towards the man just intensified the more he thought about it.
"He doesn't know," she replied, quickly averting his gaze and looking back across at her computer screen.
Chakotay's jaw hung for a second, "no one's told him?"
"He's not even four yet, he's not going to understand," she attempted to give him her reasoning.
"Well someone should at least try to tell him."
"Don't tell me how do deal with my own son Chakotay, that's my responsibility not yours," she snapped back, her eyes boring into him.
"He's my son as well you know," he shot back, "I have just as much of a right over him as you do."
"No Chakotay, you don't, his father is dead, and that's the end of the matter," her voice rose a little more as the sentence spilled from her mouth.
"You can't shut me out from his life," he insisted.
"Watch me."
"So you're just going to let him grow up without a father?"
"Children have grown up in much worse conditions."
Chakotay bit his lip, knowing that he should probably just walk away, but he wanted to see this argument through. "Donnie might be dead, but I'm still here, and if when Aaron gets older he decides that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, then that's his decision, it's not yours."
Suddenly she stood from her chair and leaned heavily on the table in front of her, in an attempt to tower over him. "I have been responsible for him since before he was born, and if I don't want my son to be raised with a criminal father, then that's my choice. If," she strained the word, "when he gets older he does want to meet you, then I don't think I'll have any right to object, but whilst he's too young to make his own life altering decisions, he's not going to have any further contact with you."
Chakotay stood also at her last sentence, this time he was towering over her, "are you saying that I'm not good enough to be a father? What about Taya, would you say I'm not good enough to be her father also?"
Kathryn's jaw dropped slightly, "no," she said rather stubbornly.
"Oh right, so I'm just not good enough to be a father of your child," he stated, "well maybe I don't want to have anything to do with Aaron if it means that I have to have anything to do with you."
He turned and started to head for the door to her office, turning just before he reached it to see her looking slightly dumb struck, still standing in front of her desk. "You know Kathryn," he said in a much softer, but equally resentful tone, "you can push me away as much as you like, but it's not going to bring Donnie back to you."
They stood facing each other for a moment or two longer, their gazes fiercely meeting one another, before she looked away from him, and he slowly turned to leave. He took another few steps towards her door, but stopped dead when her heard a muffled sob from behind. Again, he turned to face her, this time to see her slumped in her chair, with tears starting to glisten on her cheeks. She saw him looking at her and looked away, trying to shield her face with her hand. He thought about leaving, part of him didn't care that she was crying, but then another part of him, a more influential part of him, told him to stay. So he did.
Slowly he made his way back over to her desk, then walked around it, and knelt in front of her. He pulled her hand from her face and forced her to meet his gaze, which she only did so reluctantly. She attempted to pull herself together, to stop the tears from flowing, and even to tell him she was okay and that he should leave. She got as far as: "I'm fi-" before breaking off her sentence as tears started to cascade down her face.
Gently and tenderly Chakotay eased her off her chair, deciding that comforting her whilst they were on two different levels would be far to complicated. He pulled her down to the ground where he was kneeling, and after shuffling around for several moments, positioned her between his legs, wrapping his arms around her. She shook softly as more sobs escaped her, and he ran his hand over her upper arm, trying to sooth and calm her.
As she became comfortable in his embrace, and had forgotten what had happened last time she had let her guards down with him, she started to lean heavily back into him. Eventually her crying subsided and they continued to sit on the ground, gaining pins and needles, but neither particularly wanting to move. After some time had passed with Kathryn unmoving in his arms he was starting to wonder if she had fallen asleep, he shifted a slight amount to save his arse the worst possible pain when he did eventually did stand back up, but she stayed still.
"He wanted to have children," she eventually said, her words little more than a whisper. He was about to ask who, but stopped himself when he remembered why they were sitting on the floor. "But all he had was Aaron, and Aaron's not entirely his; he's yours."
"You're worried that I'll replace Donnie with Aaron?" Chakotay asked softly.
"Would your involvement with Aaron, make Donnie any less his father?" the question wasn't rhetorical.
Chakotay paused for a long moment, "not any less your husband," he eventually said.
"But Donnie would become less significant than you; Aaron would forget him before his forth birthday, and it wouldn't take many years for other people to forget that Donnie was there when Aaron took his first steps. Or that his first words were spoken to Donnie in the kitchen whilst he made dinner. Or Donnie was there when I had to take Aaron into hospital."
"People?" he asked, "or you?"
She stiffened in his arms slightly, "what are you saying?"
He bit his lip, but pressed on, "he was a big part of your life for three years Kathryn, I don't think you'll ever forget him; your perception of him may change, but you won't forget him. I promise."
She relaxed again in his arms. "I'm sorry about what I said."
"We don't have to talk about that now."
She rested her head back on his shoulder, "are you legs killing?" she asked.
"No," then after a beat he added, "they're dead."
A soft laugh escaped her mouth, but she subdued it and shifted away from him, and slowly they made their ways back to their feet. He watched her as she attempted to compose herself, and shot him the smallest of smiles as she did so, and that's when he realised that he loved her.
V
Six months later.
Kathryn stood outside Chakotay's quarters with a box under one arm. It hadn't been long since she had pressed to enter, but was just about to press it again when the doors opened up to present a smiling Chakotay. "Morning," she greeted him with a grin.
"Is that for me?" he asked, referring to the box, "oh Kathryn, you shouldn't have."
She gave him a lopsided smile, "I didn't," they both knew it, "is the birthday girl about?"
He took a step back and invited her in, "she's with her aunty B'Elanna," he nodded in their direction.
B'Elanna looked up at the mention of her name, momentarily taking attention away from Taya, "Captain," she started to stand, a little worried as she had been caught off guard.
"It's okay," Kathryn waved a hand, "this is a social call."
It was then that B'Elanna saw the present and blushed a little at having felt the need to act so formally around Voyager's Captain, around her Captain.
"Would you like a drink of something?" Chakotay brought attention back to himself.
"I could kill for a coffee," she replied, making her way over to B'Elanna and Taya on the sofa, she put the present down on the table, and took Taya into her own arms as B'Elanna extended the one year old over towards her.
Chakotay watched the scene in amazement for a moment or two as he waited for the coffee to materialise from the replicater. He had never thought he would see the day where B'Elanna and Kathryn would sit besides one another on the sofa, chatting comfortably about nothing or everything in particular. With a bleep the coffee was done, and he took it across the room to where they were sitting.
"But hopefully we should be able to bring the holo-emitters back online in a day or so," he caught the end of B'Elanna's sentence as he put the coffee down in front of Kathryn. Their conversation continued unhindered by the slight interruption as he went over to his dining table to grab a chair, taking it over to the two women, and sitting down opposite them.
As he sat down B'Elanna looked across at him, "oh, you shouldn't have bothered getting a seat, I didn't plan on staying long," she told him, then added a short explanation, "I've had to leave Vorik in charge of engineering."
Kathryn smothered a smile, but Chakotay didn't hide the grin at the thought of the two of them constantly bickering in engineering. "Okay," he said standing as she did, "well are you coming for dinner tonight?"
She nodded, "yes, but are you sure you don't mind me bringing Tom?"
He shrugged, "not if you don't."
B'Elanna studied him for a moment longer, before looking over Chakotay's shoulder and at the Captain, smiling and bidding her good bye.
Once the doors had closed behind her, Chakotay sat back down on his chair, and shot Kathryn a quick grin. "Those two are becoming awfully close," she noted.
Reluctantly he nodded, "I know."
She leant her head to one side and looked at him for a moment, "and how do you feel about that? Really?"
He let out a deep sigh, "really," he echoed, "well, officially it's great, she's one of my best friends and I'm very happy for her, but," he paused, thinking of the right words, then giving up, "but it's Tom!"
Kathryn nodded, it was no secret now that five years ago on Voyager as the Maquis had started to escape her ship, she had asked Tom to 'join' them, and lead them into a trap. It had worked, kind of, Tom had lead them into the trap, but a little later than expected. Voyager had arrived earlier than planned to meet the rouge shuttles, and some of them, including one that B'Elanna had boarded, had noticed Voyager and fled before they could be apprehended. However, Voyager had been able to reclaim just under half of its shuttles, and that was how Chakotay had ended up in prison, not that long after.
"I don't think that I can say anything to change your mind about him Chakotay, but from my point of view he's a good officer; he's changed a lot since you met him in the Maquis, and he's come along way since he was released early from his sentence."
Chakotay clasped his hands and nodded, "well, if you can trust him enough to fly your ship," he looked up, "then I guess I can trust him enough with B'Elanna."
She smiled slightly, her attention only drawn away from him when Taya squirmed against her, and she had to readjust her hold on the baby.
V
Dinner was just the five of them, including the baby, but Taya had gone to bed not long after they had started, and so it was really just the four of them. Kathryn's quarters were much bigger than Chakotay's and so they had eaten there. Maybe it was the setting, or maybe just that the Captain was present, but the first half an hour of the meal had been almost painful as B'Elanna and Tom had sat almost to attention whilst they ate. Thank god for alcohol, thought Kathryn over an hour later as they took their coffees over to the sofa.
The conversation moved from what a good cook Chakotay was, passed the jokes about Kathryn's own culinary disasters to ship goings on, and the current gossip before B'Elanna and Tom decided they had better leave as they had early shifts the next morning. They had made a quick pilgrimage to Aaron's old bedroom, where Taya was peacefully sleeping, wished her a final happy birthday for that year and then left, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone to enjoy another brew of coffee.
"Has Tuvok sent you the mission specs yet?" she asked as she sat down on the sofa, removing her boots.
He sighed inwardly as he carried the coffees over to her, she was doing her usual trick of turning the conversation to ship duties to avoid a charged silence. "Yes." He handed her her cup.
"And what do you think?" he noticed her tilting her head in all different directions and realised that she probably was suffering from a stiff neck.
"I'm not to sure about this guy... Crovak, and I'm not too happy about you going down on your own to meet him," he said honestly, putting his coffee down on the table in front of them.
"I won't be on my own," she insisted, still looking highly uncomfortable, "I'll have a couple of security escorts hanging back in case something happens."
"I don't know," he shrugged as she took a sip of her coffee, "I'm just feel a lot more comfortable if I was there with you, I've got much more experience with handling men like him, and I think I'd have a better idea if he was trying to lead us astray."
"Then why don't you come with me?" she said with a smile.
He frowned, "would that be okay?"
"Well, that's the entire reason that StarFleet's letting you stay on this ship; for your experience outside the federation handbook."
Chakotay chuckled lightly at her words, "good, then all I need to do is find someone to look after Taya for a few days," he gave her a dimpled smile.
"I don't think that will be a problem, almost the entire crew adores her," Kathryn pointed out.
"Almost?" Chakotay folded his arms in mock horror, but the edge of a grin crept across his mouth.
"Well, I'm sure Tuvok would if he wasn't Vulcan," she laughed.
He laughed with her for a moment, before catching a pained expression flicker across her face. "Okay, I've had enough of this," he said, closing the gap between them.
She frowned, "what?"
He gently but somewhat forcefully turned her away from him, so that most of her back was exposed to him, and just as she was about to resist, he placed his hands down on her shoulders, her shoulder length hair just touching his knuckles, and undid the first few knots. She instantly became like putty in his hands, and shifted even further around, so that she had to sit cross legged, to give him better access to her shoulders and neck.
She closed her eyes and leaned back into him, "that's good," she sounded far away, and she was, "how did you learn to massage-" his thumb undid another knot and she let out a short and throaty groan, "like that," she eventually finished.
Chuckling lightly at how she had suddenly gone from being one of the most fierce and respected StarFleet Captains to just a woman totally under his control, in a manner of seconds, he replied, "I've had a lot of practice, my mother used to get sore necks all the time- I was the only one she's trust not to make it worse-"
"You know just where it aches," she leaned back heavily into him, enjoying the sensations.
He found another spot and she struggled to suppress a gasp, "yes. I do," he replied, knowing exactly what he was doing.
His words caused her eyes to flicker open. He noticed that the mood in the room had changed, and was suddenly aware of the charged atmosphere, and silently his hands came to rest on her shoulders. They both stayed deadly still, both unsure what to do next, but both knowing what they wanted to do next.
Taking in a deep breath, Kathryn pulled away from him, and his hands dropped to his lap. She turned around, at the same time putting some distance between them on the sofa, until she was up against the arm. "It's getting late," she pointed out.
He nodded, "I'd better go and get Taya."
She watched him rise from the sofa and walk towards Aaron's bedroom, emerging a minute later with a sleeping baby. She shifted dreamily in his arms, before resting her head back against his shoulder, and falling back into a deep sleep. Kathryn stood, and met him at the door. They stood in silence for a few moments, before she broke it, "thank you for the massage."
He smiled, "any time," and let himself out.
V
She had her hair down, he noted as they walked through the busy streets. He wasn't sure why he thought it odd, it wasn't the first time he had seen it taken out of the bun, but he guess it was the first time he had seen her do so whilst on duty. This was duty- kind of.
Kathryn led the way, like usual, and Chakotay started to realise that people were giving the small group funny looks as they walked. At first he had started to wonder why; was it their clothes, their hair styles, their species- but the further they walked the more he realised that they should be blending in. Then it hit him as they rounded a corner, and he realised that the scene of a woman leading a group of three men round the streets with a triquarder in her hand, must look a little odd.
"Kathryn," he caught up with her in a few strides, and gently grabbed her elbow.
She stopped and turned, looking about ready to reprimand him for not addressing her by rank, when her face softened slightly as she remembered one of two things. One, that calling her Captain in the middle of the street would raise a few eye brows, and cause some unwanted attention, or two, that he was strictly speaking under her command.
"We're getting some strange looks," he said, taking her to one side, to allow the flow of people to go past.
She frowned, and glanced quickly around, "have you any idea why?"
"I think it's the way we're walking," he pointed out, "maybe you and I should walk together, and get Ryder and Beran to follow at a distance."
She looked across to them as they joined the two, wondering why they had stopped. "Chakotay thinks we're looking too conspicuous," she informed them, "you two pair off, and follow us at a distance."
They nodded, and before Chakotay could add anything further she bolted off down the street, not really bothering to wait for him. He caught up with her, finally, after he managed to manoeuvre himself back into the crowd without getting knocked over. "We're not in a hurry you know," he came up close behind her.
She thought about what she was doing, and slowed her step slightly, "sorry," she glanced across at him, "I just want to get this over and done with as quickly as possible."
"Well rushing isn't going help, it's just going to get us lost," he pointed out calmly, "and maybe you could do a better job of concealing that triquarder," he added in a quieter voice, "before you get mugged."
She rolled her eyes at him, "how can I get mugged with you with me, and two security officers not that far behind?"
He shrugged, "well at least now it's more obvious that I am with you, before it must have looked like we were stalking you."
A short laugh escaped her lips at that, "yeah, you do look like the stalker type in those clothes," she mocked him.
StarFleet had some part in their 'what to do' manual, that stated that you should always meet people for the first time in a public place. Kathryn entered the public house with Chakotay close behind her, looked around, and suddenly wished that they had agreed to meet Crevak somewhere else.
The bar was smoky, and smelt strongly of spilt alcohol. The floor that they stood on felt sticky beneath their feet, proving her earlier thought. There was a hum from around the room, but not the friendly hum that she remembered from bars back on earth, but the lucrative and deadly hum that brought back memories of some previous away missions that intelligence had sent her on. The place was filled with many different species, some of which were human, and she was sure she saw one of two Vulcans... or maybe they were Romulans, but one thing was certain, apart from a couple of bar staff, and a few prostitutes that hung around, they were all men.
Quite a few looked hungrily up when she entered, and she felt Chakotay's hand come down protectively around her back, and came to rest on the small of her back. He looked around at the faces, and stared them off, as if to say that she was his woman, and they he wasn't going to take any of their shit. Once enough of them had looked away, she felt less hesitant to make her way further inside. "This is the right place, right?" she asked as they made their ways over towards the bar.
He didn't answer, but caught the attention of a bar-tender. "We're here to speak with Crevak," he informed the man behind the other side of the bar table.
The man looked dully at them, "are you ordering anything?"
Chakotay bit his lip, "we'll have two of your cleanest beers," he said, reaching into his pocket, "leave them in their bottles," he added, remembering a very bad previous experience as a cadet.
The man nodded, and proceeded to produce two from under the bar, removing the caps, and placing them on the table. Chakotay passed a gold coin across the bar, knowing that it was more than enough, and nodding Kathryn in the direction of a vacant table against a wall as he picked up the bottles.
She shuffled along the bench, to make room for him, and he sat beside her, placing the bottles on the table. After examining the label on his bottle for a moment, he hesitantly took a sip. "You're not going to drink that are you?" she looked horrified.
He swallowed slowly, and then looked back at her, "just trying to blend in," he shot her a quick grin.
Rolling her eyes she looked around the murkily lit room, annoyed not to see her security officers not already sitting down at a table.
"Maybe they got a bit lost," he suggested as he realised who she was looking for.
"Maybe," she looked across at her beer, then up at him, "is it any good?"
"Not really," but the other bottle's not for you anyway," she shot him confused expression, "it's for Crevak."
She folded her arms, in mock hurt, "fine."
He chuckled, reaching an arm up and placing it across the top of the bench, touching lightly against her shoulders, "Kathryn, remember I've seen you when you're drunk, and trust me, you don't want to get off your face round here."
She looked at him, about ready to retort, when her attention was drawn to the opposite side of the table, as someone sat down on the other bench.
"I'm guessing one of you is Captain Janeway," he looked between the two of them.
He was shorter, and less intimidating than either of them had been envisioning, and more importantly he was Human. They had been expecting to meet a Cardassian, or a Romulan, never had they thought that the contact would be of their own species.
"She is," Chakotay said, without taking his eyes off the man opposite, "and you are?"
"Crevak," Crevak said, removing a bag that had been slung over his shoulder.
"No offence," he went on slowly, "but how did you manage to infiltrate Cardassia prime?"
"The same way that you think I'm not capable," he responded, then looked over at Kathryn, "so what? Does this guy speak for you?"
Chakotay was about to say something, but thought better against it as he received a warning glare from Kathryn. "No," she sounded annoyed.
"Oh right," he cut her off before she could say anything, then looked quickly around the room, "no offence, but I was expecting to see at least one other escort with you, and seeing as you are a woman, and you are here of all places, I must say I'm even more surprised to see that you've only brought along one companion, and a companion that could easily get the two of you into a fight with that attitude he has."
"Attitude!" he was about to tell the guy where to get off, when he received a painful jab in the ribs from her elbow.
"Do you have the charts?" she went on.
"Do you have the latinum?" he countered.
Chakotay folded his arms, "why do you want latinum? This planet uses gold for its currency."
Crevak seemed to sigh, "first because I know gold's worthless to StarFleet, and secondly, because I don't plan on staying here for much longer, this is just where I like to do business."
"I can see you took your time to pick a really nice place," he pointed out sarcastically, still a little pissed off that Kathryn was meeting him in the poor excuse for a bar.
He ignored Chakotay's comments, and turned his attention back to Kathryn, "do you have it?"
She nodded, making a mental note to have a word with her 'companion' later about his attitude, in the mean time she placed a small pouch on the table.
"Very good," he reached into a jacket pocket, looking over at two men arguing by the bar as he did so, but turning back as he placed a small device, about the size of a small match box, on the table. "All the data's there," he said, reaching out for the pouch, opening it, and starting to check the contents.
Kathryn picked up the small device and turned it in her hands, lifting her triquarder and starting to run a few scans on it, just to check if it was a data storage device, and it was likely to contain the kind of information that they needed.
They all turned their heads as they heard a loud smack, and saw one of the men that had previously been arguing, fall to the ground. Two other men, came up behind him, and helped him to stand, and looked just about ready to pound some punishment into the other, as the other alien threw something small at them, and fled the bar. One of the three remaining aliens crouched and picked up whatever had been thrown, frowned, then looked up in horror as he realised what it was.
Before anyone could do anything, Kathryn and Chakotay witnessed a large ball of light engulf the three men, part of it disappearing up into the ceiling and down into the floor as it expanded. It held its shape for a moment or two, some people looking on mesmerised, and some others looking horrified, and Kathryn wasn't quite sure, but she thought that those inside the light had frozen in their positions. She didn't have time to think, as with a loud bang the sphere of light suddenly collapsed, and before the roof came crashing in, am empty space could be seen where it had been.
Instinctively Chakotay reached across, and covered her smaller body with his own, staying conscious for the first onslaught of things falling, before something smacked the side of his head, and his body went limp and scarily lifeless on top of hers.
V
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