"We're here!" announced Kiros, waving from the concert hall entrance. He blinked - literally - and there was Laguna, standing in front of him.
"Oh great HYNE, where have you been??" the president screeched.
"You called us 10 minutes ago; we came over right away." Kiros and Ward appeared a bit agitated, Ward especially. He was missing the season premier of his favorite sitcom for this.
"Well, stand over there and look guest-like!" Laguna pushed the two into the small crowd. Kiros tripped into Selphie and Ward nearly squashed Irvine.
"Heeeeey!" Selphie squeaked. Kiros mumbled an apology, head turned to give Laguna an icy stare.
"Can't-feel-myfoot!"
Ward looked in surprise at Irvine, whom he didn't even notice was there, and politely removed himself from the smaller man's foot. The Galbadian shook his leg several times, attempting to coax the blood back into flowing. Squall, who just-so-happened to glance Irvine's way at that time, sighed in disgust as he thought the man to be making obscene gestures of the sexual nature.
Zell grinned, amused by the normally cool and confident Irvine hopping around like a maniac. "Don't wear steel-toed boots, cowboy?"
Irvine stopped mid-jump and turned his gaze on Zell. "No, but I have some spurs I could stick up your-"
"STOP IT!" Selphie shrieked, hopping up and down. The entire hall became dead silent, everyone intrigued by the outburst.
Zell and Irvine had their attention to the small girl, who, after seeing them stop fighting, was satisfied and skipped off to find Sir Laguna.
"Laguna Laguna Laguna!" Selphie chanted gaily near the president's ear. Laguna was only vaguely aware of her presence, mind too absorbed in the prize he was about to win.
"Laguna Laguna Laguna!" continued the chorus. Selphie now resorted to dancing around the older man. Her bouncy, off-beat steps closely resembled that of a rain dance or tribal sacrificial ritual.
"Laguuuuunaaa! Sir Laguuuunaaaa!"
Again and again and on and on.
"Laguna, Laguna, Laguna, Laguna, La-"
"FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD AND HOLY, SHE'S TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!" Squall spazzed, entire body twitching.
Laguna came out of his trance appearing groggy. "Hmm? Oh! Selfish, it's you!"
"Her name is Selphie," Squall growled, more to himself than to correct his father. Why bother correcting Laguna when, in five minutes time, he would forget Squall had even spoken to him?
"Ah, yes that's right," Laguna replied lightly, eyes still slightly glazed. "Did you want something?"
"I want a knife," grumbled Squall, and again this comment went unnoticed.
Selphie stopped prancing around and instead hopped slightly in place. "Some strange men just entered, Sir Laguna! Do you know them? Who are they? It's your party, they were probably looking for you!"
"If we're lucky, they're from the insane asylum." By this time Squall had given up the courtesy of being discreet and decided to say things loudly. Not that it mattered. No one listened to him, anyway.
"Strange looking men? Really?" This piqued Laguna's interest. He stretched his neck like a giraffe and stood on tip-toes to get a better look. Squall gave a disgruntled frown as Selphie was only 5'1 1/2" and a wiener dog - on all fours - could see over her without difficulty.
"I see them! There they are!" He began waving frantically. "Here I am! ...Where are they going? No, wrong way, I'm over heeere!!"
Laguna returned his heels to the floor and looked at Selphie briefly. "I'd better go greet them," he announced and sped off.
Laguna pushed through the small crowd which oddly seemed to be getting bigger. In fact, he didn't recognize anyone he passed and he'd lost all sight of Squall and his friends, or acquaintances, or whatever the kid wanted to call them.
The two men from the radio station were dressed in black and wearing sunglasses, looking as if they'd just escaped from a Matrix RPG. Laguna shoved a young man out of his way (and into a decorative iron maiden) and continued his quest to catch up with the disc jockeys and claim his prize. He could taste the grease already.
As Laguna got closer, the men got farther away. Where were they going? Didn't they hear him yelling? Laguna increased his pace. The men were heading toward the back corner. They were heading toward Ward and Kiros.
Kiros and Ward stared silently at the men in front of them. They were being inspected up and down, they were being whispered about. The guy on the left scoffed.
"Did you want something?" questioned Kiros finally, his tone low. It was as much of a warning as the two would get before he punched them in the face.
"Can you verify that you are the man in this picture?" asked the man on the right. He outstretched his arm and flashed Kiros and Ward a photograph.
"Ugh." Kiros grunted in disgust. It was the first time he'd seen the picture Laguna snapped and it wasn't taken at a very flattering angle.
"Yeah, that's me. Sorry you had to see it. I'm afraid I'm not photogenic."
"You are Mr. Loire?"
Ward turned to see how Kiros would respond. A wicked grin crept across the shorter man's mouth. He realized who these people were.
Kiros waved his hand. "Yes. Yes, that's me," he replied airily.
"In that case..." The man reached into his coat, searched a pocket for something and then -
"CONGRATULATIONS!!" A spray of confetti rained from his clenched fist and into Kiros' eyes. "You've just won a year's supply of free pizza!"
Trumpets blared off in the distance, the lights in the room flared red and blue, people dressed in peasant costumes danced and cheered. Laguna's jaw dropped to the floor.
"Me... Me..." the president sputtered, pointing to himself. His whimpering was overshadowed by the loud noises of celebration.
The sudden outburst of cheer was enough to stop Zell and Irvine in their tracks, which was lucky for Zell considering he was in a headlock. Quistis looked around in slight amusement. Selphie didn't miss a beat as she continued dancing along with the new music. Rinoa laughed and clapped while Squall stood in horror. Lights...too bright...happiness...too much. The room began to spin for the leader of Garden.
"Here's your certificate, sir!" said the man, handing Kiros a slip of paper. Flashes of lights came from the crowd, though Kiros couldn't tell exactly from where.
He squinted his eyes, cheesy smile still plastered on his face as he accepted the gift graciously. The second man threw a microphone at Kiros and asked him to say a few words. Kiros had no trouble performing under the watchful eye of the crowd and began riddling off the names of people he'd like to thank, from his parents to his teammates to the Moombas in the Desert Prison to people he made up.
Unable to take much more of this, Laguna finally squeezed his way to the front and stepped in-between Kiros and the men from the radio station.
"Stop! Stop!" he yelled. The crowd fell silent, unaware of who this maniac was and afraid of what he might do since he was obviously intoxicated.
"I am Mr. Loire! Me! That's my certificate, that's my pizza!"
"Who is this crazy man??" demanded the guy on the left. The disc jockey shrugged, as did Kiros.
"Wait a minute!" came a voice from the back. "That's the president!!"
Gasps all around. Squall smacked his forehead.
"The president??" parroted the disc jockey. "How marvelous! The president has even come to wish this man congratulations!"
The crowd cheered at the kind gesture of their leader.
"What?" grunted Laguna indignantly. "No, no, this-"
"HOW NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, Mr. President!" Kiros patted Laguna on the back good-naturedly.
"But-"
The disc jockey wrapped an arm around Laguna's shoulder, twisting him to face the crowd. "Isn't it great that our fearless leader cares that much as to take time out of his busy schedule to mingle with the commoners?"
The guests shook their heads in agreement. Laguna was stuck.
"And so, Mr. Loire..."
Laguna's lip quivered as the disc jockey's arm reached out past him to shake Kiros' hand.
"You will never be hungry again!"
The room erupted as Kiros raised the certificate in victory. Another streak of lights flashed as camera men caught the moment on film. This would definitely be on the front page of Sunday's newspaper.
"No, no mushrooms. That's right. Uh-huh, extra cheese."
Laguna stared murderously at his once-teammate-and-friend, Ki... No, he no longer said that name, not even in his thoughts.
"No need to tell me the price, I've got a certificate right here-" Kiros waved the slip of paper about. "-That says I get free pizza from you for a year. ...Why yes, yes I am Mr. Loire."
Laguna grunted quite audibly and turned his head to face the other way, refusing to acknowledge Kiros even after he hung up the phone.
"Still mad?" Kiros ventured. He couldn't suppress the small smile creeping up his lips.
Laguna huffed, arms crossed over his chest.
"I got your favorite toppings," he continued, walking - cautiously - closer. "You want a piece?"
"No," replied Laguna in spite of himself.
Kiros looked down at the president who was balled up in his chair pouting like a child. He extended his hand, certificate waving in Laguna's face. Laguna peeked over out of the corner of his eye and blinked in surprise.
"You knew I wasn't going to-"
Before he could even finish, Laguna snatched the slip away and held it protectively against his chest, hugging the piece of paper as best as anyone can hug a piece of paper.
"-keep it." Kiros raised an eyebrow, though somehow he had expected a similar reaction...if not something much stranger. Taking a cue, he quietly exited the room, leaving Laguna and his gift certificate to their privacy.
Laguna got his pizza, Kiros got revenge for the antelope prank, and Ward got to buy his favorite sitcom on DVD, though he had to pay for that himself. Everyone was happy and when everyone is happy, that means it's the end. :)