Hey, sorry it took so long..I've been ill :(…. Anyway thanks for all the reviews, glad you all liked the twist :D Hehe, I think this is the first fic that someone's requested a character to be killed.
Okay, enjoy and please Review :D
Mixed Emotions
Chandler sat alone in the hospital corridor, staring at the wall in front of him with his hands gripping the side of chair tightly. He stood up suddenly and began to pace up and down; he couldn't sit still at a time like this.
There was two women sat further down the corridor and when he glanced at them, they gave him a sympathetic smile.
He quickly turned back around and walked the short distance back to where he had been sitting, taking his seat again.
He's brain search for something he could do, to make the time go faster. He had already called Monica, explaining what had happened and that he wouldn't be able to make it to the scan and he rang work to let them know why he wasn't there.
Now there was nothing left to do but wait and think about everything that had happened.
5 minutes later, he still hadn't heard anything from the doctor, he sighed and stood up again. He only stopped walking when he heard someone call his name and when he turned around; he saw Monica and Rachel running towards him.
"What happening?!" Monica asked but never got a reply; he just simply pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
"He's going to die…" Chandler whispered after a few seconds, pulling away slightly.
"What?!" Monica asked. "He's not going to die!"
"You didn't see him, Mon," A tear slid down his face, "He collapsed and he wouldn't wake up!"
"He's going to be fine…" She assured him, putting her arms around him.
Chandler nodded slowly, not really sure what else he could say. He harshly wiped away the tears that were in his eyes and sat back down, looking up at them.
"Where is everyone else?" He asked, quietly.
"Ross and Joey have took Robbie to the park to play football and Phoebe's with Mike…" Rachel explained, sitting down next to him.
Chandler could only nod again, returning his eyes back to wall in front of him. Silence took over as they waited for some kind of news. Rachel shot Monica a look, silently asking what they should do but she didn't have the answer.
"You two should go…" Chandler commented, breaking the silence.
"I'm not leaving you!" Monica insisted.
"Yeah, we're here for you." Rachel gave him a small smile.
"I'm fine.. We could be here all day!" He told them, "I'll be okay."
"Chandler…" Monica started.
"No, Mon… I'll be okay, I promise," he assured, "If you leave now, you can be on time for that scan."
"Are you sure?" She asked, not really wanting to leave him.
"Yeah, I'm positive."
"Okay, then…" She stood up reluctantly. "Call when you have some news.""Yeah, sure.." He nodded, "I'll see you later."
"Okay, bye.." She gave him one last hug and kissed his cheek.
"Look, after her, Rach…." Chandler ordered, while hugging her.
"No problem," she smiled. "I hope everything turns out okay."
"Thanks." He managed to return the smile.
Chandler collapsed back into his chair once they disappeared around the corner. He sighed, leaning his elbows on his knees and covering his eyes with his hands. He just wanted this to be over, he wished it was just a dream and that he would wake up any minute.
His head snapped up when he heard footsteps approaching, he quickly shot to his feet when he saw the doctor making his way towards him.
"Mr Bing?" He asked and when he saw Chandler nod, he continued, "Your father has suffered from a very serious heart attack…"
"But he's going to be okay, right?" Chandler questioned.
"I'm sorry but its very early stages," the doctor informed him.
"But people recover from heart attacks all the time!" Chandler stated.
"It's not as straight forward as that…I'm sorry."
"What do you mean by that?"
"We've discovered a small tear in his heart…"
"But..you can fix that?" Chandler stuttered, "Can't you?"
"Yes, he's scheduled for an operation this after noon…" The doctor nodded.
"And after that he'll be okay?" Chandler asked, pleading silently that he would be.
"I'm sorry, I can't say…" The doctor said sympathetically.
Chandler sat down heavily, taking in all the information. No matter what he had said to his Dad earlier, he didn't want him to die. He would anything if there was someway to save him.
"Would you like to see him before surgery?"
"Yeah, yeah..that would be great, thanks…" Chandler nodded, standing to follow the doctor.
"We've given him something that might make him a bit drowsy…" The doctor warned before opening the door to Charles' room.
Chandler thought the tears when he saw all the machines that were around his Dad, keeping him alive. He slowly made his way towards the chair next to the bed and sat down quietly. He wasn't sure what he should. Should he wake him or should he just sit there and wait.
After about 5 minute, Chandler decided he couldn't just sit there and watch, wondering if his father was going to die. As he stood up, he knocked his chair into another one.
"Chandler?" A quiet and slurred voice said.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you…" Chandler told him, slowly sitting back down.
"It's okay…" Charles managed to say; he felt like he was floating, that he was dreaming.
"How you feeling?"
"Not the greatest…" He muttered.
"Don't worry, everything will be fine…" Chandler assured him.
"I wish I shared your confidence," Charles replied."Dad…."
"No, Chandler, I wanna say sorry." Charles cut him off, "I'm sorry for everything I did."
"I know," Chandler whispered, not sure what else he should say. He could tell his was sorry but he didn't know whether or not he'd be able to forgive him and let him back into his life like he did before.
Charles closed his eyes as the drugs began to work. He forced his eyelids open again, looking at his son one for time before drifting back to sleep.
Chandler sat silently, next to the bed. He was so confused about how he should be feeling. His father just had a heart attack and nearly died in his arms, he should be worried, upset, scared and was all of those things but he couldn't help but have doubts about him, whether or not he could be trusted. He didn't know if he wanted to trust him again, he had moved on from wanting his Dad around. He had family now and that's what mattered to him, not someone who decides to be in his life when it suited him.
A nurse walking in interrupted his thought, she smiled at him sadly.
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave…" She told him. "We need to get him ready for surgery."
Chandler nodded and stood up, making his way out. Once he reached he turned back around and looked at Charles one last time with a mixture of concern, confusion, guilt and doubt.
Even with his mixed feelings, Chandler found himself sat back in the corridor waiting for news of the operation. They took him into surgery about an hour, he knew he should go and phone Monica, to let her know what was going on but he couldn't pull himself away, just in case he missed something.
He led his head back against the wall, his mind trying to work out his feelings. He allowed his eyes to close, feeling exhausted and before he knew it, he drifted off into a light sleep.
He didn't know how long he was asleep for but someone placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and shaking him gently waked him up.
He slowly opened his eyes, looking at the person next him. He rubbed his eyes, thinking he was dreaming.
"Mom?" He asked, with a slight frown. "What you doing here?"
"I was in town…" She explained, "Monica told me what happened."
"But why are you here?" Chandler repeated, he thought his Mom would be the last person to care about what happened to his father.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine.." He mumbled, looking down at floor, "I'm not the one is surgery…"
Nora nodded slightly, "What did the doctor say?"
"He had a heart attack and they discovered that there was a small tear in his heart…" Chandler sighed, rubbing his eyes. "They're repairing it now."
"Well, that's good." Nora replied, quickly continuing when she noticed the glare Chandler sent her. "I mean that they can repair it."
"Well, they're not a hundred percent sure…"
"I know but you've must have hope," she told him, patting his shoulder lightly.
Chandler glanced at her before nodding slowly and looking back to the ground. His mother turning up made everything more confusing. It wasn't only him that was hurt by his father leaving all those years ago and he wondered what he's mother's reaction would be if he gave Charles another chance.
He thought back to 6 year ago after his Dad left, cancelling their trip to Europe. His Mom was on the first flight out to New York, to make sure her son was okay. They spent a lot of time together, talking and spending time together. Until like with his Dad, no one had doubts about what Nora would do to Chandler and he was glad, it made everything seem perfect compared to what his life would have been travelling the world.
Now his perfect life was spinning out of control, he didn't know what to do about his Dad, just like before when he was asked to go Europe. He could give his Dad another chance but there was a big risk that he would get hurt again and also Robbie could to. He couldn't put his son through that kind of pain.
He thought about what it would be like to be in Charles position, he wouldn't be able stand it if he thought for one second that Robbie hated. It must be so much worse for Charles, not only did he think Chandler hated him, he was also refused the right to see his own Grandchild.
Was he capable of putting his father through that kind of torture any longer?
If he did let him back into his life, what would everyone's reaction be? He knew that Monica would support him no matter what decision he made but the other, he wasn't to sure. They had seen the mess he was left in last time; it was the first time that Chandler couldn't help but cry in front of them. They even saw it coming and tried to warn him but he wouldn't listen. Would it be the same again?
He groaned in frustration, he lent his arms down on his legs and buried his head in his hands. His mind was going around and around in circuses, he couldn't make this decision, not again.
He jumped slightly when he felt some slip their arm around his shoulder and he then realised his Mom was still sat there.
He sat up straight and looked at her, wondering why she was actually there.
"You don't have to stay…" He told her.
"Yes I do."
"No, Mom, I'll be fine…" He assured her.
"This is not only about you, Chandler," she told him softly, "I need to be here."
"Why?" He frowned.
"It's hard to explain…." She said, after a few minutes of think about what to tell him.
"Please try…I really wanna know."
"Okay…" She sighed, before slowly starting, "Your father was the first man I ever loved…"
"Yeah but after everything he did…" Chandler attempted to cut in but she held up a hand, signalling that she wasn't finished.
"He's also the father of my Baby…" She smiled gently at him, placing a hand on his cheek. "I can't hate him."
"Even after everything he put us through?" Chandler asked, quietly.
"Part of me hates him…hates him for what he did to you, I hate anyone who hurts you." She explained, "But there's also part of me that loves him."
"Love?!"
"Chandler, he gave me that most importing thing my life.. And I can't hate him for that…" She reached across and took his hand gently, "We also had a lot of fun together before everything went wrong…"
"How can you still love him?" Chandler whispered, his feelings were more confused now then they were before.
"I loved him for a long time and not easy just to shut those feelings off."
"I'm sorry you got hurt…" He replied, quietly.
"I know… so am I…" She nodded, holding back the tears, "but if I had a chance I would go through it all again."
"What?" Chandler looked up, frowning.
"Like I said, we had some great times and I also got you out of it…I would change that for a world!" She grinned at him, a few tear escaping down his cheek.
Chandler returned a small smile, silently reaching up and brushing the tears away before pulling her into his arms.
"Thank you." She whispered.
"What for?"
"For being me son."
"I think you had something to do with that!" He quipped, smiling slightly.
Nora rolled her eyes but couldn't help but return a smile. She had an amazing son and she just wished that she could change everything that had happened all those years ago.
"There's one thing I don't understand…" She started.
"What's that?" Chandler sat back in his chair, feeling a bit more relaxed.
"You hated your Dad for what he did to you but you don't hate me."
"Why would I?" He frowned. "You never walked out on me and never spoke or saw me for years.""Yeah but I wasn't exactly the best mother I could have been…" She looked down, regretting the choices she made during his childhood.
"You were there…that's all that matters." He told her, squeezing her hand reassuringly.
"Yeah, during the school holidays and that wasn't even all the time!" She said, annoyed with herself. "I wish I could change all that I did back then."
"It doesn't matter…" Chandler shook his head, "You can't change it so don't worry about it."
"I'm still sorry though…" Not only was she sorry about what she did but she also felt guilty that Chandler didn't hold anything of it against her, yet he did with his father.
"I know.." He smiled.
"It was just so hard…" She sighed, attempting to explain it.
"Why?" Chandler asked, curiously. He always wondered what made his mother send him away to a boarding school and why she never spent a lot of time with him.
"This is going to make me sound so selfish…" She stated slowly, but when he squeezed her hand lightly, gesturing her to continue she carried on. "It was hard being around after being around you… you reminded me of your father…you're just like him."
Chandler pulled his hand away and sat up straight, her comment startled him. Not only was he shocked that she felt that way but he was also surprised about how much it hurt him, to hear someone say he was like his father. He shouldn't be feeling that… he should be happy he was like his Dad… Shouldn't he?
"I'm nothing like him…" Chandler muttered, looking down.
Nora never replied, slightly confused by his reaction, she hadn't meant to offend him.
"I can't believe you think I'm like him!" Chandler looked back up at her, after a few seconds of silence. "I'm nothing like him!"
"Chandler…" Nora started when she noticed his voice shaking.
"He didn't care about what he did to us!" Chandler stood up and paced up and down, trying to keep his emotions under control. "I would never…no no, make that could never do anything like that to my family!!"
"Chandler, I know..I'm sorry…I didn't mean it like that…" Nora tried to interrupt him.
"Why did you mean then?" his voiced lowered and stood still.
"I meant you were like him in looks…" She explained, standing in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders, hoping it would help him calm down. "I know you could never do anything like that…I know how much you love Monica and Robbie."
"I do, more anything.." He nodded and then collapsing back into his chair, exhausted. He buried his face in his hands again, being more confused about his feelings. He didn't want to feel this way, he didn't want to hate his Dad yet love him at the same time, he didn't want to be wishing for him to just leave him along yet be wishing that he would stay. Everything just too much for him, he couldn't hold his emotions anymore. He felt his Mom's arms slip around him as he let out a quite sob.
"Shhh…it's going to be okay…" She smoothed, her own eyes filled with tears as she witnessed her son breakdown for the first time since was a kid.
"What should I do, Mom?" He cried, looking up at her.
"Go home…" She told him.
"What?"
"Go home, be with your family." She stated, "Monica's worried sick and I bet Robbie misses his Dad."
"But I can't leave…" He tried to dry his eyes, "Not yet."
"Look, Chandler… we're not going to hear anything for a couple more hours yet…you're exhausted and confused…go home and get a good night sleep."
"What if something happens?" He asked, considering the idea.
"I'll be here." She assured him, "I'll call you straight away."
"Are you sure you're be okay?" He wanted to go, get away so he could do some thinking but he was reluctant to leave her alone.
"I positive!" She smiled, giving him a hug to confirm it. "Now go, get out of here!"
"Okay, thanks, Mom…" He pulled back and headed for the doors.
"Chandler?" She called out after him, causing him to stop and turn around. "He does love you, y'know."
"I know.." He nodded.
"And so do I…"
"I know that too…" He smiled, "I love you as well, Mom."
Nora smile faded as she watched disappear from site, she sat down heavily and prepared for a long wait.
XxXxX
The next morning, Monica was stood in the kitchen looking out into the garden as she waited for the kettle to boil. She was deep in thoughts, thinking about how Chandler was really. When he arrived home last night, he had told her how he felt and the conversation he had with his Mom. She was worried about what Chandler's reaction would be if anything happened to his Dad.
"Y'know the kettle boiled about 5 minutes ago…" Chandler said, causing her to jump.
"You want a coffee?" She asked, glancing at him quickly.
He nodded as he yawned and leant against the doorframe, running his hand through his hair.
She watched him, wondering what he was thinking. When he looked over at her, she flashed him a smile as she set down his drink on the table. Before she could turn back to the counter and start the breakfast she felt his arms wrap around her, tightly.
She sighed, closing her eyes relishing the feeling as she relaxed in his arms.
"I love you…" He murmured, tightening his hold on her slightly. Ever since his Dad's return, he felt like he had to let her know what he was feeling, just so she wouldn't doubt it.
"I love you too…" She replied, turning around to face him and kissed him softly.
"Aww… it's too early for that!" Joey moaned as he and Rachel walked into the kitchen.
"Yeah? Well you should learn to knock then…" Chandler replied, looking over at them, not once removing his arms from Monica.
"If you want us to knock, then why did you give us a key?" Joey questioned, holding them up, slightly confused by Chandler's statement.
Chandler laughed softly and shook his head, "Never mind, Joe."
"Okay." He shrugged, "So Mon, where's breakfast?"
"Well, I was just about to make it before I got distracted…"
"Didn't hear you complaining…." Chandler quipped, releasing her.
"So, Chandler how's your Dad?" Rachel asked slowly, not sure if she should be.
Chandler shrugged, "haven't heard anything, I'm going down the hospital in bit to see…"
"Want me to come?" Joey offered.
"No, it's okay, my Mom's down there." He informed them, causing them both to look at each other confused.
Monica mouthed she would explain later when Rachel looked over questionably.
"Right, I'm going to get changed…" Chandler said, walking out.
"His Mom?" Rachel asked, as soon as she heard Chandler start to climb the stairs.
"Yeah, she turned up last night, she told him that there was a part that still cared about Charles…" Monica told them.
"Wow."
"Yeah, I know…" She nodded, "Her and Chandler also had a huge heart to heart."
"Really?"
"Dunno if it's done any good…" Monica said, with a bit of concern. "I think it's made him more confused."
"Chandler will work out what do to…" Joey predicted as he stood up when he heard the doorbell, assuming it was Ross or Phoebe, he paused at the door and added. "He'll do
the right thing."
Monica nodded and turned back to the breakfast, while Rachel poured herself a coffee, both waiting for Joey to return with one of the others. She only stopped what she was doing when she heard some clear their throat. When she turned around she noticed it wasn't Phoebe or Ross, it was Nora.
She opened her mouth to ask how Charles was doing but could tell by her mother in law's state.
Nora guessed what she was going to ask, so she shook her head slowly, telling her before she had chance to asked.
Monica closed her eyes, as fear crept over her. This was going to destroy Chandler, how was he going to get over this while he was still confused about what he feeling.
Everyone was silent, no one knew what to say or do.
"Hey, Mom…" Chandler broke the silence as he walked in, "I was just coming to down to the hospital."
"I'm sorry, you're to late…he's gone…" Nora told him tearfully, reach out her arms to comfort him.
Chandler frowned, backing away from her slightly.
"Gone? You know he's gone to another hospital?" He asked, hopefully, even though he knew the answer already, he didn't want to believe it.
"No, Chandler…I'm sorry, he died this morning…" She informed him.
He stood staring straight ahead, tears burning in his eyes. His Dad was dead… he was never going to come back. He jumped when he felt Joey place a hand on his shoulder.
"I've..just..umm…gotta, ermm….yeah.." He stuttered, fighting the tears as he bolted for the back door.
"Chandler?!" Monica called out to him, watching him run to the backyard. She looked around at the others, silently asking what she should do.
Chandler heard Monica call after him but he ignored her, he didn't want her to see him like this. He wiped away a few tears that managed to escape his eyes.
He looked back towards the house and saw the four of them all stood looking at each other. His Mom sat down at the table, while Joey pour her some coffee. He watched as Rachel moved to hug Monica, he turned away; he should be the one comforting her.
He leant against a tree and found couldn't hold his emotions in any longer.
TBC
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