Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me and the song is Brandy - Almost Doesn't Count
Author notes: Okay this is my first stab at a CSI fan fiction so it is not great but I would appreciate reviews and tips.
"Well I guess this is goodbye."
Grissom nodded. "Yes I guess it is. I just wanted to say good luck." The words seemed hollow to both of them.
"Thanks."
She half smiled and nodded her head. They both stood in the office as an awkward silence descended. This was how it would be from now on just an awkward silence between them. They no longer laughed and joked, the joy had gone from their relationship. This, more than anything, made her see that leaving was the right thing to do. Grissom knew it as much as she did but it was hard to let go.
"I'd better get back to this case." He knew it was the wrong thing to say but he was not a people person and he did not know how to react. This was all too much for him he needed to immerse himself in his work. It was the only way he could see to move forward. Sarah knew the conversation was over and she excused herself. He got up to let her out and as he did so he brushed her arm. The spark was there but it just was not enough and he let her leave the office.
Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, babe
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
Sarah kept walking because she knew if she turned round and saw him she would never be able to leave. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes but she pushed them back. Sarah was stronger than that and she would not let him reduce her to silly tears. He had already caused her so much pain and she did not want to add to it. Greg, Nick, Warrick and Catherine had lined up to say their goodbyes. She hugged each one of them knowing it would probably be the last time she saw them. The only true way to get over Grissom was to sever all ties with him. And of course that meant giving up the rest of the team. They knew it as well. She could tell from the things they said and the fact that each of their hugs lasted a little longer than they might normally have had.
"I guess we'll never go for that drink hey." Greg laughed.
It was a well known fact that Greg had a huge crush on Sarah. He also knew that he had no chance and had secretly been running a book on how long it would take Grissom and Sarah to get together. He was about to loose a lot of money. She pecked Greg on the cheek. It was the least he deserved for putting up with her teasing.
"Of course we will. Next time I'm in town you can buy me dinner." They both knew it was a lie but played along anyway. "Well I'd better be off." She gave them a smile and walked down the corridor.
Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, babe
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
Grissom had wanted to open up to Sarah but something had always been stopping him. In truth he had always felt that he could never really truly open up to anyone. He was scared that once she saw who he really was she would not want to know him. He was not the strong intelligent man she thought him to be. In fact he was a scared little boy who longed to be wanted but just could not accept it when he was. He had lived on the outside for so long that he could not remember what it was to be in a normal relationship. And now she was leaving because he could not love her the way she wanted him to. There were times when he had come close to telling her his feelings. He had told her how beautiful he thought she was in his own words. He had been there when she had been hurt bit somehow he had never taken the final step. Every time she had come close to him he had pulled away. Retreated to his offices to be with his bugs. He understood them, they were simple their lives were not complicated by emotions. If only his life could be like that but it was not.
I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for
Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
As she walked down the corridor she thought of all the times he had nearly told her how he felt. So many times he had come so close only to pull away and been so cold. He always hinted but never confirmed. It was not just her imagination others had seen the signs. Sometimes people just were not meant to be together and Sarah could see that this was one of those times. Their friendship had been wonderful and she had wanted to try and preserve some part of it but it was obvious that they could not. She needed a man who would be there for her and would let her know how he felt. Sarah could not cope with the constant hesitation and Grissom could not cope with needing to constantly show his feelings. He was not that kind of man but he was not unkind. He wanted her to be happy and the best way to let that happen was to free her. He could see no other way.
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
Sarah had finally realised that Grissom would never be the man she wanted. She could love him all she wanted but it would never be enough. The odd flirtation there a look here a touch there. It just was not enough. When it came down to it and she really needed him he just was not there. Physically he could stand there and hold her, even hint at the fact that he did care for her but never quite follow it through. That was Grissom the man who she had fallen helplessly in love with and now was having to leave. In a way she secretly hoped he would stop her. Give her back her letter of resignation, hold her and tell her he loved her. But she knew that was a fantasy. Grissom was not a white knight and she did not need rescuing. Well that what she told herself and tried to believe.
Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, babe
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convinced me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see you around
That's the way it goes
She waited half and hour in the car park. Waiting but knowing that he would never come. He had said his goodbyes a long time ago and now there was nothing more to say. But there was still a part of her that thought he might stop her. She wanted him to be upset or angry, she just wanted him to show some kind of emotion. Anything as it would let her know that he did care. But all he had given her was a blank face that masked whatever he was really feeling. She was not like that, she could not be so detached.
Grissom hesitated. If he went out to see her would it really change anything. Would he not just be giving her false hope that he could be the man she wanted. He could not do that to her, could he? He stood up and walked to the window. Perhaps he could change it would not really be that hard. He could become the happy talkative approachable guy he knew she needed. But in his heart he knew he could not be. The phone rang and he made his decision.
She put the keys in the ignition and began to drive off. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed he was not there. For a second she had actually thought he was there. She shook her head. Lack of sleep and her emotional state were playing tricks on her. She tried to concentrate on the journey ahead but her thoughts always returned to him. Until finally she allowed herself to cry. The tears came and came. She had loved Grissom had he had almost loved her but.....
Almost doesn't count