Morpheus: So, I suppose you're feeling confused. Like..... Alice down the
rabbit hole.
Lupe: Wow! You read Lewis Carrol too? Just like my computer!
Morpheus: Uh, yeah. So, I'm going to offer you a choice. Blue pill, you wake up at home like nothing's happened. Red pill, and you stay in Wonderland, and see how far the rabbit hole goes.
Lupe: You're a drug dealer now?
Morpheus: No! The pills aren't drugs! They don't do anything!
Lupe: Then why are you giving them to me?
Morpheus: It's a representation of the choice you need to make. It's metaphorical.
Lupe: Well why don't you give me a red doughnut and a blue doughnut, or something? At least that doesn't make you look like a drug dealer.
Morpheus: Who would eat a red doughnut?
Lupe: *raises her hand*
Morpheus: eeeeeew.
Lupe: *snickers*
Morpheus: Well, I don't have any doughnuts, so you will have to take the pills.
Lupe: Aww, man, I wanted a doughnut. Oh well. *reaches for the red pill* *spies her reflection in Morpheus's sunglasses* Hey, cool shades.
Morpheus: Thanks.
Lupe: How do they stay on your head? There's no earpieces or anything. Are they superglued to your face or something?
Morpheus: That's not-
Lupe: And why are you wearing sunglasses indoors? I mean, it's not even bright in here! It's pretty dim in fact! Can you even see anything?
Morpheus: Why are-
Lupe: Ooooooh! I bet it's because you superglued them to your face! And you can't take them off so you're doomed to walk around wearing shades forever! Do you walk into walls a lot? Because I can see that-
Morhpeus: JUST TAKE THE FREAKIN' PILL, YOU IDIOT!
Lupe: All right, all right, sheesh! *takes the red pill*
Morpheus: Okay, now, try to relax.
Lupe: Oh great. Everytime someone says that, that means I have a really good reason to not relax, like they're gonna poke me with a needle or- hey, did that mirror just do something? Wow! Cool! What's that got do do with anything? I don't care, it's cool! Hehehehe!
Morpheus: Don't touch it.
Lupe: Hmmmm.... I should do the sensible thing here..... *pokes mirror* hehehehehehe! Oh, crap, what's it doing now?
*mirror is crawling up Lupe's arm*
Lupe: Get it off me! HELP!
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Lupe? A dream so real, you- Lupe: WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE TALKING PHILISOPHY WHEN THERE'S A FREAKIN' MIRROR CRAWLING UP MY ARM?????
Morpheus: Ummmm.....
Lupe: WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST AAAAAAAAARRRRrrrrrrrrgh..........
Morhpheus: *smacks forhead* why does everyone poke the mirror?
*there is all kinds of stuff happening involving pink goo and a lot of machines. I'ts just gross and very long so we'll skip it*
Lupe: *wakes up in the Neb* Wha?.......
Morpheus: *stands over her* Welcome to the real world.
Lupe: Morphy?.... Hey! I'm naked! Get the hell out of here! *kicks Morpheus in the shins*
Morpheus: Owie! *hops away*
*later* Lupe: Okay, you can come in now. I've got some clothes on.
*they walk around*
Morpheus: This is my ship, the Nebuchadnezzar.
Lupe: The Nebaca.... Nebawera.... Nebazzra.... Nebathingy.....
Morpheus: That's why everyone calls it the Neb.
Lupe: Oookay. Gotcha.
(now Morpheus explains the Matrix. This takes a long time, and you all know the drill. We'll skip it too)
Lupe: So what's your mission?
Morpheus: To shut down the Matrix.
Lupe: You mean that computer program dealie, right?
Morpheus: Uh-huh.
Lupe: *smacks forhead* GOD, you idiots!
Morpheus: ?
Lupe: You just press Ctrl + alt + delete. Duh! I mean, EVERYBODY knows that.
Morpheus: Um.... ookay.
Lupe: *sighs* Well are you going to press the buttons or not?
Morpheus: Well... I don't know if the Matrix is a Windows program.
Lupe: Come on! It's full of glitches, and it makes people's lives miserable, so the producers keep making new versions just to keep us happy! It can't be anything else!
Morpheus: You have a point there.
Lupe: So?
Morpheus: Well if I pressed it now there wouldn't be much of a story left now would there? Lupe: Right......
Morpheus: So there.
Lupe: But-
Morpheus: END OF CHAPTER! (kicks Lupe offscreen)
Lupe: Wow! You read Lewis Carrol too? Just like my computer!
Morpheus: Uh, yeah. So, I'm going to offer you a choice. Blue pill, you wake up at home like nothing's happened. Red pill, and you stay in Wonderland, and see how far the rabbit hole goes.
Lupe: You're a drug dealer now?
Morpheus: No! The pills aren't drugs! They don't do anything!
Lupe: Then why are you giving them to me?
Morpheus: It's a representation of the choice you need to make. It's metaphorical.
Lupe: Well why don't you give me a red doughnut and a blue doughnut, or something? At least that doesn't make you look like a drug dealer.
Morpheus: Who would eat a red doughnut?
Lupe: *raises her hand*
Morpheus: eeeeeew.
Lupe: *snickers*
Morpheus: Well, I don't have any doughnuts, so you will have to take the pills.
Lupe: Aww, man, I wanted a doughnut. Oh well. *reaches for the red pill* *spies her reflection in Morpheus's sunglasses* Hey, cool shades.
Morpheus: Thanks.
Lupe: How do they stay on your head? There's no earpieces or anything. Are they superglued to your face or something?
Morpheus: That's not-
Lupe: And why are you wearing sunglasses indoors? I mean, it's not even bright in here! It's pretty dim in fact! Can you even see anything?
Morpheus: Why are-
Lupe: Ooooooh! I bet it's because you superglued them to your face! And you can't take them off so you're doomed to walk around wearing shades forever! Do you walk into walls a lot? Because I can see that-
Morhpeus: JUST TAKE THE FREAKIN' PILL, YOU IDIOT!
Lupe: All right, all right, sheesh! *takes the red pill*
Morpheus: Okay, now, try to relax.
Lupe: Oh great. Everytime someone says that, that means I have a really good reason to not relax, like they're gonna poke me with a needle or- hey, did that mirror just do something? Wow! Cool! What's that got do do with anything? I don't care, it's cool! Hehehehe!
Morpheus: Don't touch it.
Lupe: Hmmmm.... I should do the sensible thing here..... *pokes mirror* hehehehehehe! Oh, crap, what's it doing now?
*mirror is crawling up Lupe's arm*
Lupe: Get it off me! HELP!
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Lupe? A dream so real, you- Lupe: WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE TALKING PHILISOPHY WHEN THERE'S A FREAKIN' MIRROR CRAWLING UP MY ARM?????
Morpheus: Ummmm.....
Lupe: WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST AAAAAAAAARRRRrrrrrrrrgh..........
Morhpheus: *smacks forhead* why does everyone poke the mirror?
*there is all kinds of stuff happening involving pink goo and a lot of machines. I'ts just gross and very long so we'll skip it*
Lupe: *wakes up in the Neb* Wha?.......
Morpheus: *stands over her* Welcome to the real world.
Lupe: Morphy?.... Hey! I'm naked! Get the hell out of here! *kicks Morpheus in the shins*
Morpheus: Owie! *hops away*
*later* Lupe: Okay, you can come in now. I've got some clothes on.
*they walk around*
Morpheus: This is my ship, the Nebuchadnezzar.
Lupe: The Nebaca.... Nebawera.... Nebazzra.... Nebathingy.....
Morpheus: That's why everyone calls it the Neb.
Lupe: Oookay. Gotcha.
(now Morpheus explains the Matrix. This takes a long time, and you all know the drill. We'll skip it too)
Lupe: So what's your mission?
Morpheus: To shut down the Matrix.
Lupe: You mean that computer program dealie, right?
Morpheus: Uh-huh.
Lupe: *smacks forhead* GOD, you idiots!
Morpheus: ?
Lupe: You just press Ctrl + alt + delete. Duh! I mean, EVERYBODY knows that.
Morpheus: Um.... ookay.
Lupe: *sighs* Well are you going to press the buttons or not?
Morpheus: Well... I don't know if the Matrix is a Windows program.
Lupe: Come on! It's full of glitches, and it makes people's lives miserable, so the producers keep making new versions just to keep us happy! It can't be anything else!
Morpheus: You have a point there.
Lupe: So?
Morpheus: Well if I pressed it now there wouldn't be much of a story left now would there? Lupe: Right......
Morpheus: So there.
Lupe: But-
Morpheus: END OF CHAPTER! (kicks Lupe offscreen)