Marissa stood staring at Harbor High's front doors. She shuddered, how could she go through them? Just two weeks ago, all the students, or most, came running out there. Ambulances and cop cars flooded the parking lot, students by the dozen pulled out on stretchers. It was dubbed the Harbor High massacre by the media. And now, Marissa Cooper was staring at it. She was afraid of going in, it scared her. She was alone, she hadn't seen Summer or Ryan yet. She had to battle the memories herself.

Marissa took a step and another, until she was inside the building. She shuddered again, the memories came flooding back to her. A memorial area had been placed in the lobby, Marissa went over to look at it. A "Those Who Are To Be Remembered," one held photographs and names of the people who died. Next to it, another one for "Those To Be In Our Prayers," held names and photos of people still in the hospital. There were no pictures of Seth, so Marissa went to one of her folders. She had taken photos of Ryan, Seth, and Summer the one weekend, she finally found a good one of Seth. He was laughing, not fully knowing Marissa was taking the picture. It was different than other photos of him, he never usually smiled. But this one was different, he was happy, smiling. Marissa grinned sadly and placed her favorite photo of him. He shouldn't be left out of the prayers.

There were so many more people hurt or killed in the shooting than Marissa had imagined. She had heard rumors of a bomb going off, and killing people in the gym, but there was no information to back that rumor. It was so sad to think these people, who she walked in the halls with, would never be seen in them again.

Marissa turned around, she walked on, she didn't want to look at it anymore. It brought her too much pain to look at the happy faces staring back at her. They hadn't had a clue they would die running down the halls. They didn't know what was lying ahead, the gun that would eventually kill them.

She headed to her locker and grabbed her books. Two weeks ago, she had done the same thing, unaware of the terror that would soon commence.

She next went to her home room, she should be in it. His locker wasn't far from hers, they were allowed to choose their lockers. When they had chosen, Marissa and Seth weren't on the best of terms. Ryan was in the home room next to theirs, it was alphabetical. Marissa peered in, and saw him sitting there, not knowing what to do.

"Ryan." She whispered to him, and he looked up. He saw her and since they could leave their home rooms, he got up and went over. "Hey." She said, trying to look happy.

"Hey." He said. He was his usual, non-talkative self.

"So, did you see the memorial in the lobby?" That was the only thing Marissa could some up with.

"Yeah, I did." He felt awkward, alone.. He had walked to school, never picking up his bike in the two weeks they weren't there.

"I put a picture of Seth on the one. There wasn't any." Marissa told him proudly.

"I know." Marissa was confused. "I saw you put it up."

"Oh." Marissa didn't know what to say. If Ryan had seen her, then why didn't he talk to her? "So, any change with...?" Marissa asked.

"No. As usual." Ryan answered. Seth hadn't moved for about two weeks. That wasn't good.

"Oh. I guess I'll go to home room so, I'll see you later Ryan." Marissa was out of things to say.

"All right. Bye." Ryan went back into his home room. She sighed, frustrated. Marissa went to her own home room. There was less people in it, obviously. She sat in her usual seat, next to no one. Seth used to sit in the back. Marissa had wanted him to sit by het, but it didn't matter. Summer and her usually just signed in and left until first period. Those times were the closest they were to getting to before Ryan came. They cherished those alone times. They reaped havoc, kissed their boyfriends of the week. It had been during fourth period that it happened. Marissa had nowhere to go, she saw there alone.

"Class," the home room teachers began, "we have an assembly right no. so, if you will follow me..." Marissa stood up, she knew what the assembly was about. Everyone did. She followed the rest of her class to the auditorium and kept a lookout for Summer, but Marissa didn't see her. She did see Ryan, who looked very out of place in the mass of students, now lightly deceased, but more out of place than usual. She followed him as he got into the auditorium and as he took his seat. She got into the auditorium, looking for a friendly face, but there were none. Sadness was on everyone's face, no happiness was around. The only person she knew was Ryan.

"Is this seat taken?" Marissa asked once she was next to Ryan. He looked up, not expecting her. Their relationship was so much more complicated now. Sometimes they were together, sometimes they were just friends, and sometimes, they barely knew each other.

"No." He shook his head, and she sat down, immediately feeling the tension. They looked the other way, not wanting to see each other. She awkwardly waited for the assembly to begin.

"Good morning, Harbor High. As you all know what happened two weeks ago, we are continuing school through the tragic loss of students." Dr. Kim began. "Our school counselors are always here to help and listen. Everyone here had gone through what happened and we all have changed. Some of us have lost sisters, brothers, best friends, cousins. But as a whole, we will get through this and continue on with the education provided. Memorials have been placed in the lobby, and anyone can put a picture of one who we lost, or one who is still in the hospital. What these six students did was so tragic and horrible. There is no appropriate punishment for them, but we can not punish them. On the day they took so many lives, they took their own." Marissa thought back to the day. She had never seen anything like that. Those killers, those cold-blooded, dead-hearted people had been students. People she had walked by every day. What did they think before it? Did they remember every tiny wrong that a person did to them and go after them first? Had they judged every person as they walked by? Had they crossed off the people they would kill in their yearbook? The thoughts made Marissa shiver. She felt cold inside. Ryan sensed something was wrong, but he didn't say anything. What could he? "We will now take a moment of silence for those who lost their lives, and pray for those trying to keep their lives and get out of the hospital." No one spoke. Marissa didn't know whether to bow her head or to close her eyes, or do both. So she sat there, afraid to screw up. She thought of Seth, then Summer. Two of her best friends weren't there because of the shooting. Directly and indirectly. When would they ever be able to go back to the way they were? They never could. It'd never be the same.

The assembly was over soon, and Marissa jumped out of her seat, trying to get away from the awkwardness between her and Ryan. She darted to her first period class, which she used to have with Seth. As she walked through the halls, the memories were there. Imaginary screams played tricks to her ears, and she walked by the library. Where she found Summer, and they tried to get away. The corner was intoxicating, she couldn't stop staring at it. People in the halls didn't rush or run, they walked, taking in the school. They all remembered what happened, and some specific spots, like the corner Marissa was looking at, brought back specific memories. She shook herself out of her trance and continued on. Her first class on the second floor, so she began up the stairs. She had been one of the first out of the auditorium, and she was the only one on the stairs. Her steps made echoes and she got to the second floor. There were a couple people already on the second level, and she headed to her class. Marissa had been on the first floor during the shooting, she didn't know what had happened on the other levels. She walked past lockers, and one in particular made her shudder for no reason. She didn't know it then, but that had been the locker Seth had fallen on when he was shot.

Marissa walked into her classroom, the teacher and a few students were there already. She took her seat, and saw quietly like the rest were doing. Her seat was near the back, she was on the far left, while Seth was one row up, on the far right. The class was Chemistry II, everyone had lab partners. Marissa's was a supposed super gifted, majorly talented voila player named Gabby. They never talked a lot, other than doing labs. Marissa mostly wrote a note to Summer, the only person worth getting a note at that time. She would see Summer in the hall after first period, where Marissa would get a note from Summer. Gabby just paid attention, was super-smart, and got Marissa through the class. But Gabby never walked in the room.

Class was about to start, and they were missing about seven in their class. The teacher took attendance, no one had to explain where someone was. Marissa paid no attention, she just stared at Seth's empty chair. He had always paid attention, just like Gabby. It was strange not seeing him there, as of then he had perfect attendance. The teacher could barely teach them anything, all their minds were preoccupied. The teacher was too depressed. She had watched her students die, the promising ones and the not so promising ones. It was a rough time for everyone.

Marissa stared at the clock, waiting for the bell to ring. But that would be a while. Marissa didn't want to break tradition. She took out a piece of paper and on the top, she wrote Summer's name. But she didn't know what else to write. Summer wasn't even there. So, on it, she wrote three simple words: I miss you, and signed it. Summer would never get it, but Marissa hated breaking her tradition, and then she folded it up like all the other notes. She stared at Seth's chair, every minute was like an hour. Marissa would never make it through the day. She missed Seth too much, when would he wake up?

The class inched by, but the bell finally rang. Marissa breathed a sigh of relief, and left the room. she headed to the note pass-off, hoping Summer was actually at school, but she wasn't there. Marissa looked down at her note, she didn't know where to put it. She didn't want to throw it away, so she stuffed it in her pocket and went on sadly.

The next two periods were much easier to get through, those teachers actually taught something. But as she walked to her fourth period class, the shivers ran down her sine. This was the class were it all started, where Marissa watched someone die. She stepped in the room, and every memory flooded back. She took her seat, and the board glared back at her. The image of herself and the girl appeared. Marissa could see herself working on math problems she understood, she was proud, math was always her weakness. She had been finishing up her problems and walking back to her seat when a gun shot went off. Everyone had stopped dead in their tracks, and then soon a guy came in. Nobody knew what was happening. It was so strange. The guy shot, everyone feared they were hit. He left, and they could hear the panic and terror all around them. Then the girl next to Marissa collapsed on her. Marissa didn't know what was wrong. Until she saw the blood. Marissa had never seen so much blood. She tried to keep the girl alive, but Marissa knew in her heart, the girl had died. Tears poured from her eyes, she had to leave. But she didn't, she stay glued to the floor, holding the girl, staring at her. Marissa stayed there for a bit longer, then she finally left. After seeing that girl, she knew she would never be the same. No one would.

Marissa eventually tore her gaze from the board, and she looked to her notebook. She never carried many, just enough. But as she stared at the notebook, she knew it was almost time. Almost when it happened. All around were the memories, she couldn't take them. Her eyes went up to the white board again. Very faintly, she could see her own work, of course it was when she really concentrated. And on the other side Marissa could see the girl's writing. The long line as the girl had fallen, right into Marissa's arms. Marissa didn't know how much the shooting had affected her, other than the obvious. She was trying to bury her pain inside, lock it away, keep it hidden. In other words, doing a Ryan. Ryan was always the guy who never said his feelings, he was hiding them. Marissa wasn't Ryan, she didn't hold her emotions back. But yet, maybe she was. Without knowing it. Maybe she was hiding them so fast, she never had to feel them. Why had she been so normal when the shooting happened? The pieces were beginning to fit. Shouldn't she be acting like Summer? That was what Marissa did best, fall apart. She had done it do many times. Was a new Marissa taking place? One to hide the sadness, one to help others, one who didn't care about herself. One who neglected herself, who needed to drink. Marissa needed a sip of beautiful freedom. She needed her release, from the world, everything.

"Ms. Cooper? Ms. Cooper!" Marissa blinked herself out of her thoughts. Thirty eyes bore down at her with worry. She was on the floor, how did she get down there? "Ms. Cooper, are you all right?" The teacher was beside Marissa now, who had a tear rolling down her face. When had she started crying? Marissa was confused, had she blacked out? "Ms. Cooper?"

"What happened?" Marissa whispered, still lost

"You seemed to have fainted or something, and you fell out of your chair." Marissa hadn't done that in a while. The last she did was when she was eight, she was in class, and she just collapsed. Her father's parents had died in a car accident just a week earlier.

"May I be excused?" Marissa was freaked, she needed to breathe. The room was suffocating her.

"Yes, go to the nurse's. don't worry about a pass. Just go." Marissa nodded and got her stuff. She left the room, air filled her lungs. New tears produced from behind her eyes as she walked. Finally, she leaned on a locker, everything was overwhelming. She couldn't take it. Her hidden emotions came into focus, she cried harder. How could the world fall apart a second time?

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Ryan stared down at Marissa in disappointment. She was under a tree, it was lunch, her arms pulled her knees close to her body. Her hair was draped over her face, which was resting on her knees. She was trembling, you could hear her crying. Ryan had thought she was stronger than this. Marissa had gotten better. Sure, she cried, but under the circumstances, she didn't cry as much as most people. Ryan didn't cry. He never cried. He learned that lesson a long time ago.

Marissa didn't notice him, she didn't care. She was crying everything out. Where else could she? Nowhere was safe. Everywhere had too many memories. She cried a couple times under this tree before, she carved a tally mark every time she did. She hadn't cried at this tree for a long time.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked, but he knew the answer. He showed no emotion, it would make him weak.

"Go away." Marissa muttered, head still resting on her knees. She didn't want to have Ryan see her like this, but he already had. Many, many times.

"Marissa...." Ryan said, he wanted her to get up. She had gotten stronger, at least he thought she did.

"What?" She finally looked up, her face was red and tear stained.

"Don't do this." Ryan didn't want to lose Marissa like she had lost Summer. Everyone was falling apart, and Ryan didn't want to be left alone. He didn't know what would happen if he was alone. It was just, Ryan was only together because of Marissa.

"Don't do what?" She stared up at him, waiting for him to swoop down and take her away from this misery. That's what Ryan did. He was her hero. He saved her.

"This. Crying. Falling apart, whatever the hell you wanna call it." Ryan sat down next to her. That wasn't what she was expecting.

"Why shouldn't I, Ryan? This wasn't supposed to happen." Marissa was calming down a bit, her tears were falling down slower.

"What wasn't supposed to happen?" Ryan was confused by Marissa's answer.

"This! You leaving. Seth leaving, me and Summer hating your guts. That wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to be mad at each other until this brought us back. Seth isn't supposed to be in a fucking coma, Summer isn't fucking supposed to be, I don't even know where. None of this was supposed to happen! Last year everything happened to us. This year it was gonna be someone else. Not us. We've suffered too much." Marissa was mad at the world, she hated it. It was going too fast, too sad, and Marissa was falling fast. She was okay until today. Well, sorta okay. All her mistakes came back to haunt her today.

"Calm down, Marissa. It's okay. It'll be okay." Ryan tried to put her at ease.

"No. No, it won't be. It'll never be. We can never go back to when it was. It'll never be okay again." Marissa had stopped crying, but she knew that wouldn't last long. Ryan didn't know what to say, she silenced him. Not like that was hard. He didn't know how to react. He also was upset about what was happening, but Marissa was taking it harder. Marissa always took things the hardest, it was in her nature. "Aren't you gonna say anything?" She asked, wanting Ryan to speak. She hated the silence, it was the calm before the storm.

"What do you want me to say?" Ryan didn't have anything to tell her, she was pushing him away.

"I don't know....something at least." Marissa wanted to be happy again, not this.

"Well, I don't know either. You're crying again and this is the billionth time I've seen you cry. Nothing cheers you up." Marissa always seemed to be crying, whenever something happened. Ryan never said it, but he was proud of her for letting her sadness out. She could, he couldn't. Over the years, he conditioned himself not to cry. If you cry, you lose. They beat you. You're weak. You can't handle it. That was what would go through Ryan's head every time he got hit. He couldn't let them win. He was stronger than that. If you get hit, you hit them right back. Ryan knew how to protect himself against his enemies, he had lots of practice. You just can't cry. Really this wasn't the truth with crying, but Ryan had made himself believe that.

"What? Do you think I'm weak if I cry a lot?" Marissa was taking what Ryan said the wrong way. How could she not? No, Marissa wasn't weak if she cried, Ryan was if he did. The rule only applied to him, everyone else could believe whatever they want.

"No, I didn't say that..." Ryan tried to redeem himself, but Marissa never paid attention.

"Well sorry Ryan, we're not all as strong as you are. We can't keep our feelings inside like you. We're just not that strong." The second the words left Marissa's mouth, she wanted to take them back. She shouldn't have said that, that wasn't right. Ryan looked down, he seemed hurt, but Marissa couldn't tell. "Ryan...." She started, but he ignored her.

"I gotta go." Ryan was done. Marissa screwed up, she knew she did. "See ya." Ryan stood up and walked away. He left the courtyard, went past the parking lot.

"Ryan!" Marissa called after him, but she knew it was no use. He left his bike behind and began his trek to the Cohens' pool house. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to be alone. Talking screws everything up. Both of them said the wrong things, and look where it got them. Marissa fell back on the tree as she cried harder, she hated herself. These were the moments she needed Summer, but Summer was gone. At least the old Summer was. She was horribly different now, less talkative, introverted.

The cars sped by Ryan, but he didn't notice. He was mad. At Marissa, at himself more so. Marissa didn't know him as well as he thought. She still assumed by looking at his exterior. He was different inside, he had emotions. Inside, he was scared. Being in the school freaked him out, but no one knew that. He had wished for Seth so he could lighten the mood, but Seth hadn't moved yet. Ryan began to doubt it would ever happen, Seth waking up. Given, it was only two weeks, but every day was like a lifetime. How much longer would everyone be able to get through?

Marissa still stared to where Ryan had been as he left. She felt horrible, why did she say the things she did? She hadn't been thinking, how stupid of her. Life was a mess now, Marissa doubted Ryan would come back to school. He probably hated her and everyone else. Hell, she did too.

Ryan finally go to the Cohens'. Sandy and Kirsten were at the hospital, Day 12 of the comatose Seth. Ryan went to the pool house, and collapsed on the bed. Silence surrounded him, it finally felt okay to him. For a while, silence was his enemy, he fought to keep it at bay. But finally, it was his friend, his only friend, comforting him. Ryan didn't want to move ever again, he was tired and content. A seagull called off in the distance. Ryan wanted to sleep for the last few days, but he had been waking up from nightmares. Every so often, Ryan would have a nightmare of his past, something that never seemed to leave his side. As far as he could run from it, it always came back. Some how, some way.

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Okay, so I don't usually put a message after a chapter, but I don't want to lose my readers! I know this was a little short, and a little depressing, but I'm hoping to make the next two or so chapters not very depressing. Sadness will happen, that's a given, but it won't be as depressing, I promise. Seth will be waking up soon, don't worry. Summer will have a chapter pretty soon, but she's pretty depressing to write right now, so she'll be a little later. I hope you all like the chapter, and I can't wait til you read what I have in store! Sethness, Summereth, Kandy, and Ryarissa. LOL. So, can't wait to read your reviews!(please do review, I live for the moment I get more...ha.) Bye!

Ali