"Summer? What are you doing?" Seth never saw Summer like this.
Her face was sunken in, like too many days without food. She was tiny, shrinking into the closet. Why she hid there was beyond Seth's comprehension. Summer had once been beautiful, but now, she was just a shadow of her old life.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Summer screamed, tears ran down her face. She held a knife, pills and alcohol lie around her.
"Summer, stop." Seth tried to get her to put the knife down.
"Why should I?" Summer couldn't believe she was looking at Seth. He was awake, actually awake. She wanted to hug him, to say she was sorry, but she couldn't. He caused her too much pain, and he forever would. She had made up her mind, he wouldn't change it.
"Please Summer, don't." This wasn't the Summer Seth knew. The Summer he knew was strong, independent, bitchy even. She had changed more than he ever thought.
"Why?" There was no sparkle in her eyes anymore, her skin was placid. Seth tried to remember the old Summer, but he couldn't. The memory faded.
"Because it's not worth it." Seth wasn't ready for this, he wasn't prepared. What had he expected? Seth wanted to save her, but was he strong enough to do it?
"How would you know?" Seth dint know the pain Summer felt every moment, he didn't understand what she felt.
"I know what it's like to be alone and have no one. I know what it's like to hate life." Seth knew, all right. Most of his life he was alone, he was the expert at loneliness. He just never went as far as killing himself.
"No you don't." Summer had more pain than Seth would ever know about. He didn't know what it was like to be her.
"Yes I do! Just put the knife down." Seth wasn't going to lose Summer, not after how much he fought for her.
"Ryan, help him." Marissa whispered into Ryan's ear. She was in tears as she watched them.
"I can't." Ryan told her.
"Why not?" Marissa didn't want to lose Summer either.
"He's gotta do it on his own. I can't stop her, only he can." Marissa looked up at him angrily, but gave up and looked back to Summer.
"No." Summer began to put the knife to her wrist. She would slice them, and then down as many pills as she could.
"Please don't do this." Seth was almost in tears and it took a lot to get him to cry. She halted and looked into his eyes.
"Give me one good reason." Summer knew he wouldn't. As she looked into his eyes, she was melting. She had to be strong. Strong enough to do this.
"Marissa, your dad, your mom, Ryan..." Seth told Summer all the people she was hurting. "Me." Seth didn't know if he could survive without Summer in his life.
"You?" Summer didn't get a good enough answer. "You left me." She could never forget that day.
"I never meant that to happen. I can't change the actions of other people." Seth explained. He thought he knew what she was talking about.
"Not that time." Summer said sternly. "The time before. When you left me in a fucking note." Summer could never forgive Seth for leaving, she just couldn't.
"I had to do that Summer." Seth told her. She didn't get why he left.
"No you didn't." Summer could've helped him, but he hadn't given her a chance.
"Yes, I did. You don't understand." Seth wanted to hold Summer, but he was afraid. She was so small, so breakable. Her bones poked through the skin, she was like a little girl. An innocent, little girl. But she wasn't.
"Yes I do Seth. You're just selfish." Summer accused him. A part of her wanted to end the fight, but a part of her wanted it to go on, so she wouldn't have to go through with it. It could've been so easy, but it wasn't. Seth came back.
"And killing yourself isn't?" Seth screamed at her. How could she accuse him of being selfish when she was going to commit suicide? It didn't make sense.
Summer didn't really know what to say, she knew Seth was right. She didn't want to admit it, Summer wanted to end it. She looked back down and put the knife to her skin.
"Stop." Seth commanded her. "You don't know how much pain you're gonna cause people." Summer looked back up.
"You don't know how much pain you've already caused them." Summer had always dreamt of the say when Seth would come back, and she never expected it to be like this. There wasn't supposed to be a fight, Summer was supposed to immediately jump into his arms and they would live happily ever after. Summer didn't even know if she would live after this.
"What?" Seth didn't understand why she said that. Maybe she didn't want to be stopped, and he should just let her go. No, he couldn't. He had to save her, stop her.
"You don't know how much pain we felt for you. You don't know how many tears were shed over you. You matter more to people than you think." Summer was amazed at how long she hadn't killed herself. She was supposed to be dead right now. Why wasn't she?
"So do you." Seth had to keep Summer from not thinking about the knife.
"Don't lie." Summer didn't believe Seth. She was nothing.
"I'm not." Summer figured she wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer.
"Why can't you just let me do this?" Summer complained to him. She just wanted to end it. No one was holding her back, yet she felt like someone was.
"Because I love you." Seth should've grabbed her and just made her stop. She was weak enough, Seth could've taken her. But for some reason, he didn't. She was so fragile, but she might do something drastic in those few seconds.
"Why?" Summer whispered, wanting a real answer. Why was she chosen to be loved by Seth Cohen? What had she done? Could she have changed that? Summer did love him, but he left her. That was the only thing Summer could never forgive. Too many people left her and she never took them back. Seth wasn't any different. She never forgave her father for leaving her alone. She despised her step-mother. But not as much since she was the one who provided the pills.
"Why do I love you? I don't know. It's just something that sets you apart from everyone else that makes you special." Summer was losing it. She couldn't do it when he said that. Why did he have to be good at words? Summer wanted this to be over. She couldn't stay.
"If you really love me, you'll let me go." This wasn't supposed to happen. Seth wasn't supposed to be awake. Summer was supposed to be dead. She shouldn't be fighting with Seth over it. It was just a decision, no thinking.
"I can't. And I never will. You do this, I have nothing to live for." Summer felt sick. He had to say that, didn't he? He had to make it so hard. Summer couldn't do it. Not when he said that. But she had to. Confusion sucked.
"Why are you making this so hard?" Summer cried.
"Because I don't want to lose you." With every word, he felt more like he could stop Summer.
"No." Summer had to end it. She held the knife to her wrist. She would push as hard as she could and let the blood flow. She would take the pills and shove them down her throat, and it would be over. No going back, it would be the end.
Summer applied pressure to her skin. She could feel the pain, it increased as it went into her skin more.
"Summer...." Seth warned and he looked on with fear. She stared up into Seth's eyes. She saw the fear, the sadness, the pain. She knew in her own eyes were just coldness. The pain was getting to a numbing level. But she pushed on. She could feel the blood hit her finger, and Summer kept going.
She had never felt so much pain in her life. But she didn't stop, she was ending it. Her life was over, she would be gone, and a burden would be lifted.
Seth had to stop her, he wouldn't let her do this to herself. Seconds felt like hours, it was killing him to watch her.
"Summer!" Seth pounced and she pulled. She didn't finish the line, but it still hurt. It stung and burned, as if Summer's arm was on a hot stove. Seth grabbed the knife, but the damage was already done. Blood seeped out from her arm, it didn't stop. She wasn't ready to go now that she did it. Or was she?
"Seth...I'm sorry." She told to him, upset that she was going. She would miss her life, Seth, all the people she knew.
It's fine. We just have to stop it." Seth felt a change in Summer, like, the blood stopped her from wanting to die. But it hadn't. Marissa saw a hint of the blood and ran to the bathroom. Ryan rushed over to the closet door.
"Bring her out." Ryan instructed and Seth helped the sobbing Summer out. Her hand and arm were covered in blood, and it didn't look like it would stop any time soon.
"Here." Marissa handed Seth a washcloth and he applied it to Summer's bleeding wrist.
"I'm sorry." Summer never felt more like a child. She felt unable to do anything. She felt more useless than ever.
While the three huddled over her arm, with her other, she grabbed the bottle of pills. Summer was ending the uselessness, her pain. she put the bottle to her mouth and quietly let the pills slip down her throat. Summer felt herself growing more numb as they continued to fall. The helplessness was slipping away, she was slipping away. This must have been what Marissa felt over a year ago.
"Get another towel." Summer could heat Seth telling Marissa. No one noticed what Summer was doing. They would only notice when it was too late.
Numbness was taking her deeper down, and she dropped the bottle. It was finally over.
"We gotta take her to the hospital. She's bleeding too much." Ryan said when her wrist didn't stop bleeding.
"How are we gonna get there? Her dad'll see us for sure." Marissa knew what would happen.
"So?" Seth didn't understand, he was too preoccupied with Summer.
"He sees her, she's gonna be sent away for sure." Marissa knew.
"There's two staircases. Marissa, you divert his attention. We'll sneak her out." Seth began to wonder why Summer hadn't spoken.
"Okay." Marissa nodded and they began to get up.
"Summer, c'mon.... We're gonna take you to the hospital." Summer didn't respond. "Summer?" Seth looked over and saw her out cold. "What the..." He began to say before seeing the bottle. "Oh shit." He grabbed the bottle and saw a good amount was gone. He turned Summer over to look at her face. It seemed at peace. No. That wasn't good.
It was just like Seth's dream. Summer wasn't responding, blood was everywhere and Seth screwed up. He felt sick to his stomach, he had let her down.
"Oh crap, we really have to go." Ryan saw the bottle. He remembered what happened to Marissa. How could it be that both girls tried to kill themselves by the same exact pill? What if Summer didn't just attempt? What if....Summer did it? Accomplished what Marissa hadn't? Images of an almost dead Marissa flooded into his head. "Seth, come on. Now we really have to go. Marissa you divert her dad's attention. Where's Summer's keys?" Ryan took charge. He had to.
"Here, take mine. I'll take Summer's." Marissa tried to be strong. She grabbed Summer's purse and pulled out the keys and headed out of the room. Seth, carrying Summer, and Ryan slid down the back stairs while Marissa went down the other one. "Mr. Roberts, where are you going?" Time to start the lie.
"Is she out." Neil was sick with worry.
"Yeah, it's great. Um, she really wants a burger and we're going to get her one." Marissa hated lying.
"Shouldn't you be in the car?" Neil could hear it.
"We're taking two cars. Um, Ryan, has a....mathletes competition in an hour....and he has to be there early so he's gonna leave before us." That had to have been the stupidest lie Marissa ever made up. But that was all she could think of. "Well, I really have to go. Don't wanna miss it. Bye!" Marissa rushed out of the house, tears falling down. She was shaking, she now knew what they felt before. When she had almost died. She knew what Summer felt like. Marissa was scared is Summer would be alive.
Marissa tried to put the keys in the ignition, but she was shaking. She didn't know if Summer was okay. Her tears blurred her vision, she was too upset. Finally, she got the key in and turned the car on. She just realized she might be driving in a dead girl's car.
Seth sat in the back seat of Marissa's car while Ryan drove. Summer lie on Seth's lap, out cold to the world. It soon began to rain, pouring down on the silent car. Seth stared down at Summer. What had she done to herself? Was it Seth's fault? Had he done it to her?
"Seth, it'll be okay." Ryan told him, looking into the rearview mirror. Seth didn't respond, he just stared at the pale Summer. "We'll get through this. We did with Marissa." Ryan remembered that night. It had been a nightmare, plucked from Ryan's head. But this time it was Seth's nightmare, and it was more real than ever.
Seth never was one to enjoy foreshadowing, but it had sat right in front of him. He just ignored it and went around it, ultimately ending right where he started. What could he have done to prevent it? He could've grabbed the knife, the pills, but would she really have stopped trying?
If Summer died, Seth didn't think he could live. This had happened too many times. Summer was the third person to attempt suicide in the last year and a half that Seth knew. Would the third time be the charm? Summer couldn't have taken that many pills in such a short time, could she?
Summer was the person least expected to fall apart. Why had she? It had to be Seth's fault, no doubt about it.
Ryan looked back as he stopped at a stop light. He had seen so much more stuff similar to this. Like, in third grade, when this little kid climbed the highest tree and fell. Ryan saw it with his own eyes, it was one of the most disturbing moments in his life. Such a little kid to go. Ryan had known him, he had been playing with him. They wanted to play some stupid game and Ryan walked away, going to see if Theresa wanted to go on the couple of swings the elementary school had. He heard his name being yelled, he had only walked a couple yards. Ryan had looked back and saw his buddy waving to him up in the top, and Ryan waved back to him. At that point, he wanted to play. Theresa saw him, and called for Ryan, wanting him to come. In the moment Ryan looked away, someone screamed, Theresa he believed and Ryan turned to where she was looking. The boy fell, making a sickening sound when he landed. After that, Ryan didn't like trees a whole lot.
Later, when Ryan was thirteen, someone on his bus cut himself and died. It had been a normal day, this kid was always alone. Ryan was on the bus with Theresa, it had been one of the few days he went to school. They were fighting playfully in the back, with a couple of Ryan's living friends. No one saw it happen, so no one had stopped it. All Ryan knew was another scream and he looked and there was the kid, eyes closed, bleeding. Ryan had always liked the girl, they might have talked a few times.
Death, suicide, or murder, was sort of common in Chino. This was the fourth time it was someone really close to him. Oliver wasn't very close, but Ryan knew him better than the girl on the bus. Ryan always knew Oliver had been psychotic.
The hospital loomed in the distance, and Ryan sped up. He headed to the emergency area instead of the normal front doors. Ryan hadn't been at the hospital emergency room since a month ago, with Summer. Ryan stopped and he got out, and opened Seth's door. Seth slid out holding the unconscious Summer. She was smaller than she had ever been, weighing less than Marissa. They rushed through the doors and got a nurse. More of them came with a stretcher and they took Summer away. Seth was shaking, and the two sat down. They waited for Marissa, who appeared no less than two minutes later.
"How is she?" She asked immediately.
"Don't know. They just took her in." Seth answered, and Marissa sat down next to Ryan.
"How'd it go?" Ryan wondered, hoping Neil wasn't too worried.
"If anyone asks, you're at a mathletes competition." Marissa told him. Ryan had a perplexed look, what the hell? Marissa made up some weird lies.
They sat there in worry, they wouldn't feel better until they saw Summer. They had been in the hospital too many times, did they ever leave? Would they forever be tormented? They just left an hour ago, and they were back. Someone leaves, someone comes. A never-ending cycle, full of dismay.
"How are we gonna hide this? Her dad's gonna find out." Marissa exclaimed as she thought about it. They couldn't hide what Summer did. How would Summer get out?
"Yeah. It's no use. We should call him now." Ryan agreed with Marissa.
"They might have already." Marissa was deathly scared if Summer would make it.
"Stop. We can't tell him. If we tell him, she's gonna be sent away for sure. We can't let that happen." Seth couldn't think of Summer being sent away.
"Well, I don't think we can sneak her out. She's the one with the candy striper outfit." Marissa remembered the time when Seth, Ryan, and Summer rescued Marissa from going to the mental institute.
"He's gonna find out, Seth. We can't hide an attempted suicide from him. He will find out." Ryan told Seth disappointingly.
"But...." Seth tried to argue.
"She'll get through it. She won't get sent away. We're gonna fight him if he tries. Stay positive." Marissa patted his hand. They didn't speak anymore, awaiting news on Summer. They sat there for fifteen minutes in silence.
"Maybe we should call your parents." Ryan proposed to Seth.
"Yeah, I guess so." Seth sadly got up. "I'll be over there." All happiness seemed drained from him.
"I should tell my dad where I am too." Marissa said and she followed Seth to make a call. Ryan watched them go, and he sat back down. Doctors passed by him, he seemed invisible. Marissa and Seth were taking forever, he watched them on the phone. Marissa to her dad, Seth to Kirsten. Marissa finished first and she walked back over, flashing a quick smile. "Hopefully this will be over soon."
"Yeah, hopefully." Ryan said back, praying it would.
"I'm alive. And I don't think she was as bad as me." Marissa tried to lift his spirits.
"Tell that to Seth." Ryan said and motioned towards Seth, who was now walking to them. "What'd they say?"
"I didn't tell them. I didn't want them to worry." His mom had already been screaming at him because he wasn't home. Seth noticed a doctor coming out of Summer's room. With Summer. The three rushed over.
"What are you doing?" Marissa asked as they ran over.
"We're taking her to another room." The doctor told them.
"So she's okay?" Ryan questioned, Seth just stared at the girl he once knew, now so different. This wasn't the girl he fell in love with. Why had he destroyed such a beautiful person? It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. Seth should be dead, Summer didn't deserve this.
"She will be. I have to go notify her parents." The doctor was growing impatient.
"Are you sure that's necessary?" Marissa knew what would happen then.
"Yes, it is. Now excuse me." The doctor wheeled Summer away and left Ryan, Seth, and Marissa standing there.
"Great. We're screwed. Summer's going to a mental institute." Seth gave up. He sat back down and put his head in his hands. He lost her, she was gone. The girl he loved was gone. It was over.
"C'mon, Seth, not necessarily. She might now be sent away." Marissa tried to make him feel better.
"If her dad wanted her sent away because she didn't come out of her room, what makes you think he wouldn't if she tried to commit suicide?" Seth had a point. A depressing one, but a true one none the less.
"We'll talk to him." Marissa didn't want Summer to go away either. Then she would, Seth, Ryan, Kirsten, Sandy, Jimmy, Hailey, Caleb, Julie, Kaitlin. None of them knew how much they meant to each other. Through fights, hits, and cheating, they all still cared. Summer would just be the first one to go, then all of them.
"He'll probably be here soon." Seth was truly terrified. Yes, Summer was still alive, but was the doctor lying? She could've been going to the morgue. No, as easy as it was, Seth could think negative. He had to think of Summer alive. She had to be.
Seth closed his eyes, and thought of the Summer he knew. He pictured he looking at him at the wedding, when Seth lost it. He could picture her walking away, it would be the last time. Summer had changed so much, the one he just saw wasn't her. She had been replaced.
If he knew what he did when he was running away, he never would've done it. He had so many mistakes in his past, too many to count. He ruined Summer, like a beautiful flower withering. She was better off without him. If only he had never tried talking to her, getting close. She was safe not knowing him. He destroyed her. Seth made Summer into what she was now.
"Seth, you okay?" Ryan asked, knowing Seth wasn't. Seth never went through something like this. But it wasn't like Ryan had a whole lot of experience dealing with it.
"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine." Seth was distant, he always did that when something bad happened.
"You're not." Ryan wanted to help him, but didn't know how.
"Of course I'm not. Summer might be dead." Seth didn't want to lose Summer. Life sucked just when it got good.
"She's not dead Seth. We just saw her. She's alive." Marissa reassured Seth.
"I guess you're right." Seth figured Marissa was.
"Yep." Marissa covered her sadness. She couldn't let her unhappiness show. This scared her. Before she had been in the hospital having ODed. Now it was Summer. Summer was the strongest person Marissa know, other than Ryan. Summer was independent and strong, not weak. Life wasn't right.
"I just hope she's okay." Seth told them. He really had to be strong, for Summer. If she wasn't okay, he didn't know what he would do.
0000
Okay, we're nearing an end. Sorry. I want to do a sequel, but today I just got the greatest idea for a story, involving Ryan. And it's been bugging me all weak. I don't have anything written, but it will be a take on the OliverMarissaRyan thing. I can't wait to write it and hear reviews. But next chap will be the last chapter of this story, I can't believe it's ending. Seems like yesterday I started this. Almost three months later, I'm finishing it. So review, I love them and I will write to make a good ending and a nice start into the sequel and work on this other idea. Okay, bye!
Ali