Pirates of the Caribbean isn't mine. This holds for all future chapters. I'm getting bored with typing it out. I'd like to thank my one faithful reviewer. Lets all give it up for... Civeta! Thank you so much. I need at least one person to tell me that my writing doesn't suck.

I'm sorry that it took so long. I am not worthy. Prostates self on ground, beats head on floor Really, really sorry. I lost interest in this story for a month... or many.

Deer Diari,

Lifes god ere on the Black Perl. That's all fur no.

Me

I wasn't cooking at the moment and I had been ordered to make meself useful. So, I was swabbing the deck, only, down in the brig. Ain't it great? Then, a shadow fell across the part that I was scrubbing.

"Whaddaya want?" I snarled, not wanting to mince words.

"A little of what ye've been givin' Jack." An ominous voice whispered.

"No pay, no play." Why was he whispering? Who was he? The extraordinarily ugly one?

"No pay?" He sounded incredulous, as if my rather commonplace statement had taken him by surprise.

"Aye, ye 'eard me righ'. No pay, no play. If ya got nothin' te pay with, ye ain't gonna get anything te play with."

"Well, what if I got nothin' te pay with, but still wanna play?"

"Tough luck then." I stood up just as he made to grab my shirt. I managed to dodge that, but his second advance caught me. My shirt ripped right down the front, exposing my light brown skin. He leered unpleasantly as I attempted to pull the edges of my shirt together. My attempt at modesty was fruitless. I was thrown to the ground forcefully, and he fell down on top of me.

POV Switch to Jack

I was at the helm, steering me ship when Marie emerged from the brig, clutching her shirt together. It had ripped all the way down, forcing her to hold it closed if she wanted to preserve any modesty.

"Marie! What 'appened, luv? Why's yer shirt all ripped?" She jumped slightly, looking around with wide eyes. When she saw that it was only me, she mumbled something about being clumsy and ran into me cabin.

On my ship, we keep no secrets from each other. It helps to promote a sense of camaraderie. That way, no one is tempted to betray us from within. Marie looked like she had a secret, and I was determined to find out. It was for her own good. I yelled for Gibbs. He came up beside me and I told him to take the helm for a bit. I strode over to me cabin and eased the door open quietly.

POV Switch to 3rd Person

The sight that confronted him as he cautiously peered into the room was horrible. It certainly wasn't the worst thing he had seen in his long years of pirating, but he had never seen a woman so bruised and beaten up. He heard her voice and leaned farther in so that he would be able to hear better. When he did hear, he was shocked. She was crying.

A/N: Now I'm depressed. Sorry, but that was part of the plot. And now...

The Jaywalkings of Captain Sparrow, which shall now be known as...

The Numerous, Horrific Crimes of the Thoroughly Disreputable Captain Sparrow, Pirate Extraordinaire

Jack Sparrow, serial jaywalker, was on the run from the law. This was normal. However, in this specific instance, it was completely un-normal. He was usually hunted for crimes such as arson, looting, kidnapping, piracy and other such crimes. This time, wanted for... A Public Display of Affection. Yes, another horrid crime that he could be charged with. Here's how it happened...

Jack Sparrow was sauntering down the streets of Port Royal when he saw a beautiful girl ambling along the sidewalk slowly, window-shopping. He boldly strode straight up to her, looked her in the eyes and kissed her. She, to the horror of the other, upstanding citizens of Port Royal, kissed him back. Never, in all the years that Port Royal had stood, had such a thing occurred. It was shocking. It was alarming. The citizens of Port Royal were frozen in the face of such audacity. Then, Commodore Norrington fainted, his wig falling off. He hit the ground with a thump that ordinarily would never have been heard. Today, however, with the whole street silent, that small sound became deafening. The chaos had begun. Women began screaming and men began shouting for the Navy. Jack Sparrow, his purpose accomplished, broke off the kiss with Anamaria, who promptly spat on the ground.

"No time for that, luv, let's get out o' here before the Navy comes a' callin'." Anamaria, seeing the wisdom in his words, sprinted down the street with Jack on her heels.