IV Songs

a songfic by: Ninetails

Part 4: Again

I heard from a friend today

And she said you were in town

Months passed. I took my final exams. There was a lot of tension but I passed with flying colors. My life is as dull as ever. I had countless dates, I guess, but there was no chemistry. I have no joy, even if I promised myself to find some excitement. But every hour seems monotonous, every day sameness as of yesterday. Girls were acting weird around me. They never cease to amaze (and surprise) me. They do such crazy things to catch my eye. One even went so far as to offer me her body... yadda, yadda. I was so amused with that, not to mention quite scandalized. No one has come to visit me via my window. I'd give almost anything to catch a glimpse of him again, to hear his bitter snort, to catch the crimson light of his eyes... I sighed. 'Kurama no baka, you're hopeless!'

On an early, sunny weekend, I trudged through the streets, enjoying the warm breeze caressing my face. I decided to pay a visit to Genkai-basaan's temple to see how the girls are doing. I spotted Yukina-chan sweeping dead leaves into a neat pile at a corner of the garden. When she saw me, she gave a beaming smile, but her eyes were troubled. I approached her, a small smile on my face. "Ohayo, Yukina-chan! How'ya doin'?" I said cheerily. I was surprised that Kuwabara wasn't in the vicinity. Usually, he can't let Yukina out of his sight for fear of other suitors. "Good morning, Kurama-kun. Why don't you come in first and have something to snack on? I'm sire that Genkai-basaan will be glad to see you," was her somewhat strained reply. I looked at her questioningly but she just escorted me into the temple. Genkai was still out somewhere in the yard so being the good hostess as she is, she set some cups and poured tea. "Yukina, doumo for sounding rude but... Is something bothering you? I-I can't help but notice that you're a bit preoccupied and there's sadness in your eyes. Is something wrong with your relationship with Kuwa?" I asked her, seeing her flinch a little. "It's – not – that, Shuu-kun. It is better for me to tell you than when you'll find out yourself. My 'Nisaan is coming here for a visit. It's been quite a time now since I saw him so I requested him to go here and see me. I – I hope you don't mind... Shuu? Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

Suddenly the memories came back to me in My mind

I felt my face pale as her news seeped through. Hiei, here. I'll see him again. Suddenly, images whirled through my mind. The first night we spent together as lovers was as vivid as ever in my mind's eye. Him coming through my window, as always and telling me that my happiness was over. Myself crying to sleep, waking up with my face blotchy with my eyes red and puffy. The festival we went to when my hopes slowly sparked but was instantly diminished. Toki... everything that happened to my life with that fire demon replayed in my mind. It seemed to take only a few seconds, but it was as though I have passed through an eternity of pain. I finally went out of my reverie with Yukina's hand on my head and Genkai hovering worriedly on the background. "Daijoubu, daijoubu, hontou! I was just a little dizzy. Heat of the day, you know," I said, feeling the lame excuse. Genkai heaved a sigh of relief and said, "Kurama-kun, don't do that to me! You almost gave me a heart attack! For an old lady, it would be the death of me." "Don't say that, Genkai-chan!" Yukina pleaded, voice wavering and eyes close to tears. "Ah, don't mind me, can't an old lady make an attempt at a joke?" I laughed; a bit relieved that I didn't start to bawl all over the place. We talked of things, pointedly avoiding THAT subject, until the sun was on its zenith and decided to go home. I politely said goodbye and went on my familiar path home.

How can I be strong I've asked myself

Time and time I've said

That I'll never fall in love with you again

He's here. Again. What will I do if I will see him? How am I going to act? Will I go ballistic? Will I be affected by his presence as much as before? I felt my knees weaken. I cautiously heightened my senses to find that familiar ki. Tense seconds passed... 'Good, I can't sense him yet.' I walked on, showing a calm, serene outward appearance. But inside, turmoil was erupting.

A wounded heart you gave,

My soul you took away

My room, the familiar sight, smells and feel surrounds me. The atmosphere was dour. I was dour. I stare up my ceiling for countless hours. 'God, youko. Why are you so weak? You have told yourself time and time again that you'll never fall so deeply in love. That you'll never let yourself get hurt as badly as he hurt you. That, that... you won't love him again.' I sigh, that's all I ever do now.

Good intentions you had many,

I know you did

He had a reason for doing this. At least he told me. Told me that he was ending the one thing that's making me whole. Told me that he will calmly seize my soul and trample it. Told me that he's crushing my heart in his hands and will never give a damn. "Stop it. You don't have to be this way. You promised yourself to go on. Now... go on!!!" I wondered if I'm going insane, talking to myself like that. Shiori knocked on my door, asking me whom I was with. I laugh out loud, at least I still can do it. laugh, I mean.

I come from a place that hurts,

God knows how I've cried

And I never want to return

Never fall again

I'm not ready to fall again. But I will... someday. But not as badly as I fell for him.

It was only recently that I went out of my solitude. Even my closest friends said that I'm starting to have that radiant smile on my face again. Even Yuusuke agrees, and he's the most worried of them all. I am glad that I'm starting to recover.

I still remember those sleepless nights when I was drowned with my own tears. Hn, was I silly! Crying my heart out for someone like that! HAH! 'Someone whom you love but didn't love you in return? Someone who you were willing to give your all and threw them all away?' asked a calm voice in me. That's it! tomorrow, I'm scheduling a session with a psychiatrist!

A few nights later, there was a party given to me by my classmates. It wasn't really that big a deal. I was the Best Student of the Year. I don a mask of happiness for them, since Keiko has commented that I was looking rather pale (! SIGH! as usual), and I should take medication, whatever. I was trying hard to NOT think of my health right now. Especially my mental... no emotional health. I am becoming the boring ningen that I am again; please shoot me! So, back to the party.

The party was held in the gym of Meiou High. It was decorated with streamers and a large banner saying "I love you, Shuuichi!!!" (Which was crossed out and was written over with," Congratulations, Shuuichi Minamino). Of course, all of my close friends, not my best friend, were invited. They were quite surprised that one of those friends was Yuusuke. Some girls played a trick on Keiko, giving her a death threat letter. She was seen being intimate, if that's what you call good friends fooling around, with me. Other than that incident, I have to admit that I really had a great time at the party. But all things must come to an end and my happiness did end.

As I walked home, I cursed the harsh, cold wind that blew. I am all alone. I entered my room, shivering slightly. It turned into a full shudder as a pair of ruby eyes blazed directly at me.

Hiei was in my room, sitting on my bed, absently twirling a rose gotten from my vase. I almost passed out, not because of the past, but because it was quite unnerving to be greeted with red eyes in the solitude of your bedroom. Seeing him there, as if he really belonged there, brought memories to my mind, which I nervously thought could be very hazardous to the situation. "Oh, before I forget, I am not your lost love." "What?" I asked stupidly. He sighed. "Before I went away, you called me mashiara, which isn't true. You haven't lost me. You will never lose me that easily, youko. Kurama..." he uttered in his sexy... err, deep voice. 'Oh no, here we go again,' I sighed dejectedly.

Making love to you felt so good and

Oh so right

/FLASHBACK/: It wasn't the first time we made love. But every time is always a wonderful time, with Hiei. Every sound he made, every groan and gasp was like music that enhances me to do things even my youko side would think scandalous. I was helpless as he did things to my body, which excites me, licking and sucking, touching and caressing. In those private, special and wonderful times, I thought that our joy was endless. I thought we would never part. I thought wrong /END OF FLASHBACK/.

So here we are alone again,

Didn't think I'd come to this

I stared more. I could not seem to tear my gaze from him. He had on a beige jacket and tight fitting jeans. Gods, he was so gorgeous! 'This is it. The final encounter. What happens now will influence my future. I have to let him leave, to never see him again. I have to end our beautiful friendship. I must...' at that instant all thoughts were driven from my mind as he stood and went to me. He slowly unzipped to reveal a scarlet tank top that compliments his crimson eyes. He moved in that sexy... no, stealthy way of his. He gazed deeply into my eyes. His ruby ones were getting nearer, bigger, clearer. There was a raw emotion there, which I can not distinguish.

And to know it all began

With just a little kiss

Inches apart, I could see moisture in his eyes that wasn't there a while ago. He took my hands and let it run through the soft material of his red top. I can easily feel the compact muscles under it. I gulped, trying to moisten my parched throat. 'Hi-Hiei..." He then slowly peeled his trousers off his legs and my eyes were drawn to his rising manhood that was jolting out of his flimsy undergarment. Another breath of icy wind reached me and I trembled. "Youko, a little chilled? Why don't you let me warm you a little, hn?" and with that, our lips touched. I stood still for countless seconds. He also stood unmoving, our lips only touching. Then I felt his mouth lick my lower lip and it unconsciously gave way to that ravenous organ. His tongue, now warring with mine, we drew close to each other, content to stay in that familiar embrace.

I've come to close to happiness,

To have it swept away

I could feel my heart rising, starting to beat again. I could feel the tickle of his breath, the warmth of his body. I could feel his heart beat close to mine. I was kissing my love again. I am complete again. Our hands were uncontrollable, touching everything, anything. He started drawing me somewhere. 'To the bed...' I realized. I eagerly went with him, my youko impulses taking in charge of my actions. He led my hands to his undergarment and let it slowly push the little cloth down... down, until his erection was in sight. He started undressing me. He pushed me to my bed and took my trousers off. Now totally naked with each other, he started driving me crazy with desire. He put his hips down and ground it with mine, wringing a moan from the depths of my throat. We proceeded to make love, as we never had before. I screamed as we both came, feeling as if I was falling... falling... falling. When I was back to the world of the living, I felt his weight on top of me. He was breathing hard, his heartbeat erratic. I closed my eyes and savored what we shared. Then I felt something. His tongue, slowly licking it's way up to my neck. I gasped as hot lips bit my shoulder. It was painful, but it was exciting. Something registered in my mind. 'He's bonded. He's bonded now, you can't do this. He's bonded to Mukuro, dammit!!!' I moaned as I realized gravity of what we have done. "Hiei, stop! Damn youkai! Can't Mukuro satisfy your huge ego!!!" I shouted at him. He immediately went so still that I half wondered is he was still breathing. Then, a very unexpected thing happened. He began to laugh!

Don't think I can take the pain

No, never fall in love again

We just finished making love, he hurt my feelings, he tricked me, treated me like dirt... and he was laughing?!! Well, he was snickering, really. At least in Hiei's standard, it was laughing. I wasn't able to do anything but stare, flabbergasted, at his chortling form. That familiar ache in my heart was becoming more painful by the minute. 'Stupid, idiot! You swear not to have anything to do with this damned youkai... and here you are, minutes after making love to him!!! It's the worst... joke in the world! I felt like laughing myself, but not for some unknown reason. I wanted to laugh my brains, guts and heart out. He was quieting down now, only a slight giggle escapes his lips.

Kinda late in the game

And my heart is in your hands

I had to thump his back for he was already choking. Him laughing was like Genkai going to a party... once a century. He caught hold of the hand on his back and held it to his heart. "If you only knew, Kurama..." "What? Why are you laughing, k'so! If you have nothing better to do but make fun of me, you better butt out or you might be plant food in a few minutes." At that, he laughed again, harder this time. I glared at him, a dangerous fire in my eyes. "Hiei..." I said warningly, an unspoken threat in my voice. After a few more (agonizing) minutes, he calmed down into an occasional smile. "Hn, the things you do to me, letting me sit up on a bed, directly on front of a window blowing cold wind..." I didn't get to finish the sentence. I was suddenly looking down at a Hiei, his arms tight around me. I didn't even have time to gasp. He was looking at me again, a tear gem forming in his eyes. "Hiei... I'm sorry , I... I mean, what, why did you came back? Hiei, please. Leave." "No Kurama, I won't leave. I love you, you love me. We need each other... "NO! I don't need you! I hate you! all you ever brought me was pain! How dare you say that you love me?!! You don't even know the meaning of the word!!!" I shouted in one breath, my voice getting hoarse by the sentence. I finally wheezed at the last word and he glued his lips to mind, once again. I struggled out of his grip and stalked away from my bed. I shook, taking an unsteady breath to calm myself a bit. No matter, I was about to break. All the strain and pain I've felt was showering down on me. I went to the window and pointed out. "GO!!! I never want to see you again, do you hear me? Never! Stay with that Mukuro of yours for all I care! Screw her all you want! Screw every youkai who crosses your path! GO!" he sat at my bed, calmly listening to my tirade. His eyes were still crinkled, for he was amused at... something. He stood and walked towards me, completely unabashed with his naked form. I fought the urge to grab and tumble him. He slowly collected his discarded clothes and donned them. I bit my lip to suppress my growing desire to kiss him. I was nuts! He finally reached me, taking my face in between his small hands. "I love you..."

Don't you stand there and then tell me

You love me

Then leave again

With those final words, he brushed against me and flitted out. "HIEI, WAIT!" 'Huh? Where did that come from?' I thought dazedly. I didn't plan to say that, what ever possessed me to say that? I heard a rustle and a faint curse. I turned around and saw Hiei hanging on a limb. He was too surprised, he lost his footing, I guess. Tears streamed my eyes. "Don't you dare leave! Don't you dare leave me again! Please," I whispered. "Hn, baka. Crazy as ever, aren't you, fox?" he said with slight amusement in his tone. "Why shouldn't I leave you?" he asked with a slight smirk, an eyebrow raised.

'Cause I'm falling in love with you again

"Be-because..." "Because what? Speak up, kitsune," he interjected mildly. "Because I love you..." "Oh."

Hold me, hold me

Don't ever let go

I approached the window a little warily. He might decide to flit away and disappear from my life again. I was clutching at air, desperately trying to feel his hands in mine. He warily reached out his hands and we clasped. I held his hand so tightly, I could feel every pulse throbbing in his veins. I slowly pulled him (again) into my room.

Say it just one time

I led him onto the bed and we sat, facing each other. "Hn. You're going crazy, koi." "You noticed?! I-I'm sorry I... couldn't live without you. please forgive me but... I love you," I told him quietly. He gazed at me, he drew nearer and enclosed me in a warm hug. He lifted his face and whispered in my ears. "I left you because I don't want you to get hurt." "What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed. He sighed, a deep, mournful sound. I cuddled deeper into his arms, wanting this moment to last. There was complete silence at first, his body stiffened. I began to caress his back, feeling the tensed muscles slightly slacken. "I was assigned by Mukuro to pursue youkai who are making trouble in her kingdom. I was the only one to volunteer to fight them, being her heir and all. We sent out some spies to track their activity and to measure their strength. Barely half of the number we sent out came back, barely alive. From the reports of our spies this group of top-rank youkai are all S-class. I went to you the night Mukuro told me that I was the chosen one to defeat these youkais. I knew you would be hurt, but I don't want you to have a dead lover. I wanted to hurt you so you would hate me, despise me... forget about me." "I could never do that! I could never forget my love for you. God, I could NEVER forget the first time we..." "If you would let me continue," he interjected with a glare. "After that festival, I was readying myself. I trained..." he trailed off. Maybe he felt foolish. This is the longest speech he as ever made in his whole life. "I defeated them and I want you back," he said in a rush. So that was it. my koi's story isn't so clear, there are still some parts that are quite questionable, but I saw the strain on his face caused by his drawn-out tirade. I pushed out of his grip and beamed at him. I stared at him for a while, drinking in the sight of him. He stared defiantly back. "Apology accepted!" "But I didn't apologize." "Well... you came close to it!" "Hn, kitsune no baka." Then silence overcame us. No words are needed when...

Say you love me

A few days later, the gang held a party in honor of our near bonding. I had a hard time convincing Hiei to attend it but Yukina-chan did her part and he finally conceded. Everyone was there; Mitarai, Shizuru, even Yuusuke's 'kaasan. Surprisingly, Koenma-sama and Botan found time out of their schedules of ferrying and admitting souls. Genkai was all smiles as she poured herself another cup of sake. I was all smiles, an arm around my koi as he scanned the festive scene. "Hn, why bother?" he grunted almost inconspicuously. I squeezed his butt affectionately and it earned me a downright snort. "Because they're happy for us! They are our friends, almost our family. And families share joy..." "Yeah, yeah. I'm not up to your blabbering. What's that orange thing on the table?" he asked suspiciously. I led him to the dining table and tried to convince that the Tempura was not something poisonous.

There were lots of food, I almost couldn't carry myself for I was full of it. I was ready to puke but they kept on insisting that I have eaten nothing yet. Hiei sat there and smirked. I winked at him, patting at my stomach. "I need you to burn this off tonight. Wanna help me?" That statement only earned a Look, a brook-no-nonsense glance.

We played some games, I even convinced Hiei to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey! I was totally convinced that he loves me. But he still doesn't want us to have a public display of affection. 'Hn, maybe we could work that one out,' I pondered awhile, taking a rest from the entertainment. Yuusuke and Keiko were being pressured to have an engagement party similar to ours. Keiko only laughed hysterically while Yuusuke had an inward, thoughtful expression. I realized that my fire demon has gone out of my sight.

For a second, I panicked. What if he has left me? 'Baka, youko! You know he wouldn't do that. He couldn't! Better ask them where he went to.' So I asked around about his whereabouts and felt for his ki. He was hiding it again. 'I wonder why.'

Botan finally wrenched herself from the festivity long enough for her to answer my question. "Don't you see him? He's over there, near the sake bottles. Probably imbibing every drop of sake in the bottle. Get to him before he gets completely drunk. I finally spotted him slouched near the table where the sake bottles are. He was gulping down bottle after bottle. I gently took the one he was holding and put it down on the table. "You should stop this. You might get hurt or something." He just leaned to me and I grudgingly embraced him, quite outraged at his lack of concern for his health. I caressed his back, snuggling my face into the crook of his neck. I heard a contented purring from him. Suddenly, there was commotion as everyone parted and made a way for some youkai in livery. It was Mukuro's livery. They announced her presence, I heard Hiei grumble "Arrogant and conceited as ever. Hn." And finally, after a lengthy introduction made by the youkais, Mukuro just pushed her way between the youkai and beamed at Hiei and me.

I was quite uneasy. After all, the woman had been my biggest rival and here she was in our engagement party. She winked at me. I smiled at her, feeling a bit of tension thaw out.

Suddenly, Hiei wrenched out of my grip and grabbed my crotch. "Hiei?!! Wh- what are you doing? People are watching!" "Oops, sorry. Thought it was where your hands are. If they can see, they can hear as well. You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this, my kitsune. You are the only one I loved, I still love, and I will love forever." One minute, I was just standing there, with just time to gape at a black blur streaking towards me; the next I was being quite thoroughly kissed. I thought I heard applause, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I was too much into the kiss that all thought drove out of my mind except the feel of my lover's warm lips on mine.

God knows I do love you again

We were bonded at the Reikai. My 'kaasan knew about it and was sad not to be able to attend it. She gave me consent and gave Hiei and I a personal party. I heard Botan sniffing and murmur, "This is sooo romantic!" When we had our hands clasped, I felt it. It was a warm feeling deep in me, at first. Then I recognized what it meant. Inari-sama, my fox deity, was giving my bonding with Hiei his holy blessing. I think Hiei felt it too, because at the time I felt it, he looked questioningly at me, then smiled. I sensed a slight disjointed feeling. Little did I know that at that time, my eyes shown more golden than green and my hair had strands of moonbeams in them. My youko side was rejoicing at this coupling too. Hiei's eyes widened as he witnessed this. But then, we felt content. We were three very different personalities then, but as we got bonded, we became one.

We had an informal honeymoon for a week somewhere in the Makai. Mukuro provided for our lodging there. Hiei didn't accept her invite in the palace, he said that it was too familiar and he was too sick of it. I was the happiest youko at those times. He was beginning to open himself completely to me. Every day, I learned something more about him. His smallest of smiles can make me deliriously happy. Unexpected things he does for me are forever stored in my mind. like how he gives me a garden-full of roses everytime I wake, how he suddenly holds my hand and look deeply into my eyes, and how he expresses his love for me in countless ways. I stay nights awake just to observe him when he sleeps. I notice such little differences in him when he was awake and asleep Like how he wants to sleep at the right side of the bed, how he looks like a fallen angel with his eyes crinkled and his lips forming a contented smile, how he talks in his sleep. And how noisy he could be when we are making love.

But then, something dimmed our happiness. Hiei had to go away for Mukuro. A twinge of jealousy strained my eyes and he kissed me, a smile on his face. I had to remember that he still IS in Mukuro's service and that he is loyal to me. I had to wait for a full year for him. A year!!! Now that I have him, a small time without him was enough to make me crazy. And now he's going away from me for a year! But then, one night before he left, he came to me. He got a velvet black box out of his inner pockets and put it in my hands. "Huh? What is this, koi?" "Just open it," he said with a hint of excitement in his eyes. I slowly opened the box, thrilled form head to toe. What I saw had me rooted to the spot. It was a ring of stone with tiny flecks that seem to vary in color. When the angle of the light changed, so did the colors sparkling from it. It sparkled ruby with an emerald halo around it. Tears formed in my eyes as he took it and slipped it into my ring finger. I saw my ring's twin on his ring finger. "I'll miss you..." I told him, snuggling a little in the hollow of his neck. "I'll miss you more, Kurama. Anata na ai shiteru," and he kissed me. I closed my eyes and I was content.

I was back in the ningenkai. I was working, doing homework and studying for exams. I was trying to live a normal life again. But it was easier this time. I have Hiei in my grasp. I am assured that he'll never leave me. I want to be certain of his health at all times so he sends me mental messages, full of thoughts of his love for me. I can't wait to have him in my arms again. But the bond we have makes the waiting a bit easier. I look dreamily up in the sky, partially distracted as he sends another mental note. Suddenly, I saw two stars; an olive one and the other, crimson. Their paths were one and as they collided, their flash was a strong, bright pulsating light that never grew dim. That was our love.

-Owari-

Author's Notes and Disclaimer:

Whee! Final episode, err, chapter! Whew! Such crap, ne? well then, you're being a masochist if you continued reading up to here with the thought of how crappy my fic is in mind. Err, okees, "Again" by Janet Jackson is not mine. The whole cast of Yuu Yuu Hakusho ain't mine. I desperately hope them to be but oh well... the lame plot is mine though. And I'm proud! Nyahahaha! (Oi, I'm starting to sound like Kuwabara!) Japanese terms are not translated since I'm sure you've already read them in other fics. Hiei had a lame reason, ne? I've always thought so. But at that time, I couldn't think of anything else, any motive for Hiei's sudden departures. Really, I am chastising myself with what I've put Kurama through. But such is he nature of fics. Hope (REALLY hoping) you've enjoyed the fic. Reviews are accepted. Flames? Interesting. ()