Third Month, 21st day
I could not sleep (again!), so I went wandering about the houses, all were asleep that I passed. I stopped briefly in Merry's room to ask the Valar to bless him. There were one or two other patients in the halls I passed through, but most have died and been buried, or have returned to duty. At least on this floor anyway. I did not venture upstairs, for I had no intention of getting lost. I came back the opposite way I left, passing by Faramir's room. His light was off, so I felt it was safe to enter his room, as he was sleeping.
The fire had died, and the room was cold. He slept fitfully in his bed, tossing and turning. There was a trickle of moonlight through his window. His desk, which faces the window was partially illuminated by it. There were papers all over it. I crept over to take a look at them. Some were in neat stacks, others were tossed about as if in a fit of rage. The topmost one caught my eye.
Dear Faramir, my brother;
If you are reading this letter it means that I have fallen into
shadow. Never to see our flag flap in the breeze again on Ecthelion.
But do not grieve me. There are things to be done before this Middle
Earth falls into ruin.
As I am sure you know, our father is not to be trusted. There were
many reasons why I did not wish to go to Rivendell. This being one. I
do not trust him with you, my brother, I cannot protect you from his
rage and insane temper when I am thousands of leagues away in this
Elvish city. I pray all goes well with you. (And you know I never
pray.) Gondor and Minas Tirith will have need of a strong and able
ruler ere the end of this war, and since father cannot, you must.
You must lead this nation of ours through the following years, for I
cannot. Do not be afraid of the Stewardship, for you are a far more
capable man than I am in that respect as in many. Al l you must do is
think wisely, do not make careless and hasty decisions (but you should
really be telling me this).
Above all, do not hinder the hobbit Frodo in his quest. Though I
fought to bring this thing to Gondor, I only did it on our father's
wishes, for I know this thing does not belong there. In doing so, I
have proven to be a coward, for I cannot stand up to father to do what
is right, the way you do. I admire you Faramir, don't ever forget
that.
I shall miss you too, until you and I can be together at long last in
some other happier place. Meanwhile, help father while you can, and
take over for him when you must. Be the great man and Steward I know
you can be.
Boromir, Son of Denethor the Steward of Gondor
Faramir had scrawled on the bottom:
"Last letter from Boromir-he thinks I can do it. But can I?"
I turned away, the letter tore through my heart. My tears were starting to flow in anger and rage at the man who had done this to my friend. How could a father treat his son so cruelly? I looked over at Faramir who suddenly cried out, "Father! NO! You can't!" I ran over, and shook him, he woke up slowly.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"These are the Houses of Healing friend. You have been dreaming again."
"I cannot rid myself of them. Everywhere I go, whatever I do, or think, or say; still he haunts me."
"Your father?"
"How did you know?"
"You have told me of him, and what I heard I did not like."
"I am afraid that you would find that opinion biased."
"Biased? Nay, it is not just from you that I hear such things. They are all over the city, rumors of Denethor's madness."
He sat bolt upright, "What kinds of rumors?"
"Many, I know not all of them. I am sure they are founded on nothing anywise."
He relaxed a little, "My father's madness will be known by all soon enough, but now is not the time. But, why are you in here again? Do you normally go about on nocturnal visits throughout Meduseld?"
"Nay, I simply find I cannot sleep without troubling dreams. They are not really nightmares anymore, but they are not nice dreams either."
He looked at me curiously, "It is strange you should say that, for I also have troubling dreams. My main problem is they are usually premonitions. I wish I were not burdened so with them. For many a time people will not believe me." He paused and looked at me again, "As always, I am everyone's second choice. First it was Boromir..and now the Lord Aragorn. It seems I shall always be destined to hold second-place, no better."
"Faramir, you are wrong-"
"Pray tell me Lady, how I could be wrong. For if you had your choice would it not be Lord Aragorn son of Arathorn of the Dunedain of the North whom you would wish were here by your side then me, Faramir second son of the late, mad Lord Denethor?"
I opened my mouth to deny it, but in truth could I?
He turned away, he could read me, and needed no answer. "Nevermind Lady, I can understand why you like him better. He is the greatest man now alive, no matter what my father said. It is-was only natural for you to want to love him. He came riding up to Meduseld, so different from any man you'd ever known. He freed your uncle, your brother, and he looked like he might free you. Free you from the dark and useless life you seemed to be leading. To bring you to glory and renown, and then to make you the brilliant, shining, beautiful Queen of Gondor. That is what you wanted? Is it not?"
He looks at me again. "Alas, lady, your wishes have come to naught. He has not freed you. For it does not lie within his power to do so. Nor shall you be his Queen. For he loves a fair-elven princess, the daughter of Lord Elrond. One Arwen Undomiel. She will be his Queen if ever we live to see such things. Now you had best go, for I am in a foul mood. I shall not be good company. Besides, why-oh nevermind. Please just go, you shall only make me more miserable if you stay. Perhaps I shall be better company in the morning."
I got up to leave, I was not angry with him like the last time. For how could I be?
"Faramir?" he turns to look at me again, "You shall not always be second. I know this, for the Valar would not have ordained such a fine man as you for such a lowly position. He has something special in store for you. In order to get it, you must not be jealous though, and you must learn to let others find their own paths."
He reached out his hand, to lay it on my shoulder, and suddenly I was embarrassed, and my face began to turn red. Maybe it was because no man had ever touched me in my nightgown. (Now, let me explain, it was just his hand on my shoulder nowhere else for you sickies out there.) It was my own fault I was in my nightgown though. He spoke, "We both need more than physical healing. We both have emotional wounds. Deep and painful. I do not know how we shall find healing, but Éowyn, remember me when you find yours. Even if I have passed on. Will you do this?"
"I will never forget you Faramir. never." I say softly. We stared at each other for the longest time, and I started to cry silently again, but I was not ashamed this time. He reached out his hand t brush them away, "Do not cry, it makes you look too much like my mother."
"But I thought you said that your mother had dark hair?"
"She did. But you are as beautiful as she, and you need not be as sad as her too."
I smile, "Do not forget me either Faramir."
He laughed softly, "I could live as long as Lady Galadriel herself and never forget you." He dropped his hand slowly, suddenly I was turning red all over again, and I felt I had to get out.
"Excuse me, I think I should go now." I say hurriedly turning around.
"Did I offend you?" he asks alarmed.
"Nay, I am just tired, I should not have stayed up so late." I dash out of his room, and down the hall to mine. I run over to my garden door, and throw it open stepping outside. I needed to get out of there, and even though I have no idea as to why at this moment. I wanted to kiss him back there. Am I not in love with Aragorn? Then why am I longing to kiss my friend? There is something about this man that has bewitched me..
Third month, 22nd day,
I spent yesterday trying to regain my composure from earlier that morning. I did spend some time with Faramir and Merry, but most of it was in my rooms. I did not wander last night, for fear of a reoccurrence. My emotions seemed to have calmed down. Today is the fifth day since I have met him.
Later...
Is that not scary, now I count the days since I have met this man. He and I had breakfast together since poor Merry's arm was hurting him badly. We discussed a wide range of things. At the end he invited me to view the city and the surrounding plains from the walls today. I am excited this will be the first time I have gotten out of these houses.
Even Later...
We were out on the walls, and it was absolutely freezing. Faramir did a strange thing.
He gave me his mother's cape. It is beautiful, midnight blue with bright silver stars all over it. It was very warm compared to my thin soldier's cloak. I was grateful for it, but embarrassed as I had nothing to give him in return. He did not seem to be fazed by that.
We then looked East towards the Black Gate, and I spoke of the riders that were fighting there, as did he.
Then he spoke in riddle again by saying, "But think not ill of me, if I say to you: they have brought me both a joy and pain that I never thought to know. Joy to see you; but pain, because now fear and doubt of this evil time are grown dark indeed. Éowyn, I would not have this world end now, or lose so soon what I have found."
At this I was puzzled at this and replied, "Lose what you have found lord? I know not what in these days you have found that you could lose. But come, my friend, let us not speak of it!" I said some more, but it is not worth repeating here.
Then he told me he did not think that any darkness should endure. I was surprised by this, but even more surprised when he kissed my forehead. I felt this tingling sensation sweep through me when he did, but then he moved back. I was still breathing quickly afterwards, and this was not even a real kiss! Oh Valar! What a mess I am! Do I love Faramir or Aragorn? If I love Aragorn why do I dream of Faramir? Why does his kissing my forehead (of all places), make me want more? Aragorn kissed my hand and nothing like this happened to me. I was still recovering when an Eagle flew by telling us that the Kings of the West were victorious and had passed through the Black Gate!
That is when joy erupted throughout the city and people were singing in the streets. Faramir turned to me, "So, Lady that which we have hoped so desperately for has finally come to pass. What say you to this?"
"My heart is joyed in this great victory for Sauron can never hold dominion over us, but unless my brother the King and Lord Aragorn return I do not wish for such a diminished victory."
His face grew serious again, "Lady, do you truly love the Lord Aragorn, or do you think you do?"
I felt angry at this, though I know not why, "How should I know? My brother always said I never truly knew what I wanted even when it were right before me. How should I know whom I wish to marry?" I counter angrily.
He looked down, "I am sorry if I have offended thee lady, I did not mean to. I must go down though, for there are things to do."
With that he whirled and left. Left me standing as the wind blew at me, and my tears started to fall. Even in victory I am miserable. Faramir was wrong, there is no cure for whatever ailment I have...
A/N: Ahhhh... Love is so very confusing..
I could not sleep (again!), so I went wandering about the houses, all were asleep that I passed. I stopped briefly in Merry's room to ask the Valar to bless him. There were one or two other patients in the halls I passed through, but most have died and been buried, or have returned to duty. At least on this floor anyway. I did not venture upstairs, for I had no intention of getting lost. I came back the opposite way I left, passing by Faramir's room. His light was off, so I felt it was safe to enter his room, as he was sleeping.
The fire had died, and the room was cold. He slept fitfully in his bed, tossing and turning. There was a trickle of moonlight through his window. His desk, which faces the window was partially illuminated by it. There were papers all over it. I crept over to take a look at them. Some were in neat stacks, others were tossed about as if in a fit of rage. The topmost one caught my eye.
Dear Faramir, my brother;
If you are reading this letter it means that I have fallen into
shadow. Never to see our flag flap in the breeze again on Ecthelion.
But do not grieve me. There are things to be done before this Middle
Earth falls into ruin.
As I am sure you know, our father is not to be trusted. There were
many reasons why I did not wish to go to Rivendell. This being one. I
do not trust him with you, my brother, I cannot protect you from his
rage and insane temper when I am thousands of leagues away in this
Elvish city. I pray all goes well with you. (And you know I never
pray.) Gondor and Minas Tirith will have need of a strong and able
ruler ere the end of this war, and since father cannot, you must.
You must lead this nation of ours through the following years, for I
cannot. Do not be afraid of the Stewardship, for you are a far more
capable man than I am in that respect as in many. Al l you must do is
think wisely, do not make careless and hasty decisions (but you should
really be telling me this).
Above all, do not hinder the hobbit Frodo in his quest. Though I
fought to bring this thing to Gondor, I only did it on our father's
wishes, for I know this thing does not belong there. In doing so, I
have proven to be a coward, for I cannot stand up to father to do what
is right, the way you do. I admire you Faramir, don't ever forget
that.
I shall miss you too, until you and I can be together at long last in
some other happier place. Meanwhile, help father while you can, and
take over for him when you must. Be the great man and Steward I know
you can be.
Boromir, Son of Denethor the Steward of Gondor
Faramir had scrawled on the bottom:
"Last letter from Boromir-he thinks I can do it. But can I?"
I turned away, the letter tore through my heart. My tears were starting to flow in anger and rage at the man who had done this to my friend. How could a father treat his son so cruelly? I looked over at Faramir who suddenly cried out, "Father! NO! You can't!" I ran over, and shook him, he woke up slowly.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"These are the Houses of Healing friend. You have been dreaming again."
"I cannot rid myself of them. Everywhere I go, whatever I do, or think, or say; still he haunts me."
"Your father?"
"How did you know?"
"You have told me of him, and what I heard I did not like."
"I am afraid that you would find that opinion biased."
"Biased? Nay, it is not just from you that I hear such things. They are all over the city, rumors of Denethor's madness."
He sat bolt upright, "What kinds of rumors?"
"Many, I know not all of them. I am sure they are founded on nothing anywise."
He relaxed a little, "My father's madness will be known by all soon enough, but now is not the time. But, why are you in here again? Do you normally go about on nocturnal visits throughout Meduseld?"
"Nay, I simply find I cannot sleep without troubling dreams. They are not really nightmares anymore, but they are not nice dreams either."
He looked at me curiously, "It is strange you should say that, for I also have troubling dreams. My main problem is they are usually premonitions. I wish I were not burdened so with them. For many a time people will not believe me." He paused and looked at me again, "As always, I am everyone's second choice. First it was Boromir..and now the Lord Aragorn. It seems I shall always be destined to hold second-place, no better."
"Faramir, you are wrong-"
"Pray tell me Lady, how I could be wrong. For if you had your choice would it not be Lord Aragorn son of Arathorn of the Dunedain of the North whom you would wish were here by your side then me, Faramir second son of the late, mad Lord Denethor?"
I opened my mouth to deny it, but in truth could I?
He turned away, he could read me, and needed no answer. "Nevermind Lady, I can understand why you like him better. He is the greatest man now alive, no matter what my father said. It is-was only natural for you to want to love him. He came riding up to Meduseld, so different from any man you'd ever known. He freed your uncle, your brother, and he looked like he might free you. Free you from the dark and useless life you seemed to be leading. To bring you to glory and renown, and then to make you the brilliant, shining, beautiful Queen of Gondor. That is what you wanted? Is it not?"
He looks at me again. "Alas, lady, your wishes have come to naught. He has not freed you. For it does not lie within his power to do so. Nor shall you be his Queen. For he loves a fair-elven princess, the daughter of Lord Elrond. One Arwen Undomiel. She will be his Queen if ever we live to see such things. Now you had best go, for I am in a foul mood. I shall not be good company. Besides, why-oh nevermind. Please just go, you shall only make me more miserable if you stay. Perhaps I shall be better company in the morning."
I got up to leave, I was not angry with him like the last time. For how could I be?
"Faramir?" he turns to look at me again, "You shall not always be second. I know this, for the Valar would not have ordained such a fine man as you for such a lowly position. He has something special in store for you. In order to get it, you must not be jealous though, and you must learn to let others find their own paths."
He reached out his hand, to lay it on my shoulder, and suddenly I was embarrassed, and my face began to turn red. Maybe it was because no man had ever touched me in my nightgown. (Now, let me explain, it was just his hand on my shoulder nowhere else for you sickies out there.) It was my own fault I was in my nightgown though. He spoke, "We both need more than physical healing. We both have emotional wounds. Deep and painful. I do not know how we shall find healing, but Éowyn, remember me when you find yours. Even if I have passed on. Will you do this?"
"I will never forget you Faramir. never." I say softly. We stared at each other for the longest time, and I started to cry silently again, but I was not ashamed this time. He reached out his hand t brush them away, "Do not cry, it makes you look too much like my mother."
"But I thought you said that your mother had dark hair?"
"She did. But you are as beautiful as she, and you need not be as sad as her too."
I smile, "Do not forget me either Faramir."
He laughed softly, "I could live as long as Lady Galadriel herself and never forget you." He dropped his hand slowly, suddenly I was turning red all over again, and I felt I had to get out.
"Excuse me, I think I should go now." I say hurriedly turning around.
"Did I offend you?" he asks alarmed.
"Nay, I am just tired, I should not have stayed up so late." I dash out of his room, and down the hall to mine. I run over to my garden door, and throw it open stepping outside. I needed to get out of there, and even though I have no idea as to why at this moment. I wanted to kiss him back there. Am I not in love with Aragorn? Then why am I longing to kiss my friend? There is something about this man that has bewitched me..
Third month, 22nd day,
I spent yesterday trying to regain my composure from earlier that morning. I did spend some time with Faramir and Merry, but most of it was in my rooms. I did not wander last night, for fear of a reoccurrence. My emotions seemed to have calmed down. Today is the fifth day since I have met him.
Later...
Is that not scary, now I count the days since I have met this man. He and I had breakfast together since poor Merry's arm was hurting him badly. We discussed a wide range of things. At the end he invited me to view the city and the surrounding plains from the walls today. I am excited this will be the first time I have gotten out of these houses.
Even Later...
We were out on the walls, and it was absolutely freezing. Faramir did a strange thing.
He gave me his mother's cape. It is beautiful, midnight blue with bright silver stars all over it. It was very warm compared to my thin soldier's cloak. I was grateful for it, but embarrassed as I had nothing to give him in return. He did not seem to be fazed by that.
We then looked East towards the Black Gate, and I spoke of the riders that were fighting there, as did he.
Then he spoke in riddle again by saying, "But think not ill of me, if I say to you: they have brought me both a joy and pain that I never thought to know. Joy to see you; but pain, because now fear and doubt of this evil time are grown dark indeed. Éowyn, I would not have this world end now, or lose so soon what I have found."
At this I was puzzled at this and replied, "Lose what you have found lord? I know not what in these days you have found that you could lose. But come, my friend, let us not speak of it!" I said some more, but it is not worth repeating here.
Then he told me he did not think that any darkness should endure. I was surprised by this, but even more surprised when he kissed my forehead. I felt this tingling sensation sweep through me when he did, but then he moved back. I was still breathing quickly afterwards, and this was not even a real kiss! Oh Valar! What a mess I am! Do I love Faramir or Aragorn? If I love Aragorn why do I dream of Faramir? Why does his kissing my forehead (of all places), make me want more? Aragorn kissed my hand and nothing like this happened to me. I was still recovering when an Eagle flew by telling us that the Kings of the West were victorious and had passed through the Black Gate!
That is when joy erupted throughout the city and people were singing in the streets. Faramir turned to me, "So, Lady that which we have hoped so desperately for has finally come to pass. What say you to this?"
"My heart is joyed in this great victory for Sauron can never hold dominion over us, but unless my brother the King and Lord Aragorn return I do not wish for such a diminished victory."
His face grew serious again, "Lady, do you truly love the Lord Aragorn, or do you think you do?"
I felt angry at this, though I know not why, "How should I know? My brother always said I never truly knew what I wanted even when it were right before me. How should I know whom I wish to marry?" I counter angrily.
He looked down, "I am sorry if I have offended thee lady, I did not mean to. I must go down though, for there are things to do."
With that he whirled and left. Left me standing as the wind blew at me, and my tears started to fall. Even in victory I am miserable. Faramir was wrong, there is no cure for whatever ailment I have...
A/N: Ahhhh... Love is so very confusing..