Chapter Seven: Unforgotten Half
Written by: Sleepwalking Chicken
Written: August 15, 2004author's notes: I'm sick of arguing the spelling of Tessaiga. I do not watch the English version because I really don't like the way it was presented. I watch the Japanese version and in the Japanese version the sword is pronounced Tessaiga. I believe that the Japanese version is more reliable than the English version. But thank you all for the concerns over the spelling.
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The sun beat down on the travelers' backs as they departed the village that had rejected Inuyasha's demon heritage. Sango and Miroku noticed a significant change in the way Kagome and Inuyasha spoke to one another. There was nothing different in what they said; it was simply an unspoken bond that had seemed to grow within them. Occasionally Kagome or Inuyasha would smile slightly at the other, their eyes glowing with a gentle understanding that hadn't been present as of late.
As they took a break for lunch under the shade of a large tree, Kagome consulted their map a second time, pointing to the small island that was north east of Hokkaido's Main Island. Kagome explained that her map only showed the main islands, and that there were several unlivable islands slightly north of there. Kirara could only hold so many, and if they didn't get a boat, they'd have to make two trips using the fire cat.
Sango chewed her food thoughtfully as she examined the map. "That journey will take at least a week, permitted that we get proper transportation to cross the water and we're uninterrupted by disturbances." She took another bite of her food and pointed at the large island of Hokkaido. "This territory is crawling with wild and dangerous youkai. It will be difficult to pass through unnoticed. The minimum amount of time is a week, but I highly doubt the possibility of getting there within the week."
Kagome looked up from the map, listening to Sango's speech. "Wild and dangerous youkai? Aren't they all wild and dangerous?" She glanced at Inuyasha out of the corner of her eye, but the inu youkai was not paying attention and was instead thoughtfully chewing on his food. His eyes would glance up at the sky every so often before returning to his feet.
"Yes, the one's we've encountered are certainly wild and dangerous. However, the ones in the Northern island are much more so. It is claimed that they are unintelligent and lack human forms. Some do, but the majority is made up of large, monstrous beasts, stronger than the youkai of this island," Sango said gravely. She set the rest of her food down and allowed Kirara to eat her leftovers. The fire kitten mewed her happiness and started eating.
Miroku scratched his head. "I assume you've destroyed many of these youkai in your time then, Sango?"
"No, my kinsmen have, though. The youkai gave a run for their money. It was when I was still very young, that they began to refuse to do service in the northern island." Sango shook her head sadly.
"Sounds scary," Shippou murmured as he crawled into Kagome's lap, snuggling into her warmth. Sango shrugged and Miroku nodded his head.
"It will indeed be very scary," Miroku said, a glint in his eye, "The chances of us getting out alive are very slim. Most likely they'll feed upon us, causing us most excruciating pain."
Shippou whimpered.
Sango glared at Miroku. "Stop that. You're scaring him!"
Miroku laughed and patted Shippou's head, "I'm joking, Shippou, no harm will come to you as long as we're around." Shippou gave him a look before snuggling under Kagome's shirt, hiding from the monk.
Kagome rolled her eyes and finished her food, "Miroku-Sama, grow up."
Miroku frowned when Sango and Kagome began to laugh. Inuyasha stared at them for a long moment before smiling. Soon afterwards Miroku found himself laughing as well.
'This is the first time we've laughed in so long…' Kagome thought as she contained her laughter and began packing away her things into her yellow knapsack. 'It feels good to laugh again.'
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Later that night, the group settled down at a mock campsite, watching the sun sink lower and lower towards the horizon. The party members happily left the inu youkai alone, who had been in a slightly bad mood as the day approached its end.
The inu youkai sat high in a tree, staring at the large sun, its golden rays flaming across the heavens. Clouds drifted in the molten sky, flaming bright reds and yellows. Inuyasha pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around the limbs, resting his head on his knees. He let out a deep sigh. 'The new moon…the first one where I won't become human. I'll stay like this…I'll stay a youkai even when the moon is shadowed.'
His golden eyes drifted down to his companions, setting up the camp. Miroku and Sango had left to gather fire wood and the kitsune was helping Kagome build a fire pit. He frowned deeply, his eyebrows slanting downward.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. 'God…I should be happy. I no longer have a weakness.'
He growled and repositioned himself so that his legs and arms were swaying lightly near the branch, allowing the gentle breeze to move the limbs. His molten orbs stared at the foliage that surrounded him. A fang bit into his lip as his thoughts drifted.
Down below, Kagome glanced up at the tree, seeing the outline of the hanyou high above her. Her eyes softened as she gazed up at him. His peaceful demeanor had washed away over the course of the day, and it was obvious there was something on his mind.
Later, as the sun sunk to the ground, and the food was consumed by the hungry travelers, the three humans and the three youkai settled down for a night's sleep. Though there was one who did not find the blissful state of sleep.
Inuyasha watched his sleeping companions with sad eyes, the golden eyes glowing softly in the dying fire light. He frowned and turned his gaze towards the bright sky, the lack of the moon causing the stars to shine brightly in their positions in the heavens.
Inuyasha's gaze focused on the stars, their bright light twinkling softly in the night sky.
Sighing, he turned his gaze back down towards Kagome, her peaceful face snuggled in the warmth of her sleeping bag. Moving quickly, he emerged from his tree and landed silently next to her. Long claws moved out and brushed against her fine, silken hair.
He glanced at his sleeping companions, verifying that they truly were slumbering. Silently he leaned down and placed his lips upon her forehead. The presence was faint, and even if she had been awake, Kagome would not have noticed the feel of the inu youkai's lips upon her brow.
"Sleep well," he murmured as he leaned back to gaze at her.
Kagome snuggled deeper into her sleeping bag, the kitsune in her arms yawning tiredly and digging deeply into her shirt, snuggling his body in her chest.
Inuyasha blinked and watched her for a long time. 'If I were human, you wouldn't dare sleep would you? You'd stay awake and try to protect me. You've always tried to protect me, even when I didn't need it. And when I did need it…'
His thoughts drifted back to the episode in the hot spring. He blushed softly and a shadow of a smile graced his lips. Not too long ago, he had been a hanyou and perhaps he may have thought himself weak before, and though his strength was far superior than the hanyou's strength, he could not help but feel that perhaps with his tainted blood, he would not have had the courage to hold Kagome like he had.
He gently shook his head, 'Despite that…we did nothing. We kissed and went back. She said she chose me. But has she? How will I know for sure…could she really choose me over her own family? Her flesh and blood?' His thoughts drifted to Sesshoumaru momentarily. 'Well, I shouldn't compare between Kagome and Sesshoumaru; its no contest.'
Inuyasha shook his head and stared back at the schoolgirl. 'How can you throw your life away for me? How can I find myself worthy of your praise?'
A pang struck his heart and a lump formed in his throat. He fisted his claws and the sharp nails dug into the earth. He closed his eyes and reopened them constantly for a few moments, trying to get a grip on his emotions.
Everything that had bothered him since his change struck him at full force and he knelt down, feeling like the lost puppy he had always been since the death of his mother. He slinked closely to Kagome and nosed her arm, loose from the sleeping bag, over his body. He closed his eyes tightly and let out a small whimper as he huddled closely to Kagome, his body coiling into a small ball, his knees gently brushing her back. Kagome's arm tightened on his shoulders, where it had fallen, and Inuyasha found himself wrapping his arms around her, another whimper escaping him.
'It isn't supposed to hurt this much…'
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Later that night a stirring near her awoke Kagome. She laid still as her foggy mind struggled to clear herself of the dreams she had been occupying. Some time during the night she had flipped over, leaving Shippou snuggling in the sleeping bag on his own and her arms wrapped around someone else. She cracked open her eyes and was shocked to see a whimpering Inuyasha, who appeared to be in pain, wrapped tightly in her embrace.
She idly noted that his arms were around her and that he was remarkably close to her, but soon her concern for her whimpering companion took over. "Inuyasha…?" she murmured. The inu youkai cracked open his eyes and stared at her, as if shocked that she was there.
"Kagome," he whispered, his voice strung with pain and small beads of sweat running down his cheeks. He smiled faintly. "Why…does it hurt…?"
"Inuyasha…what hurts? What's wrong?" Kagome murmured as she sat up, squeezing her way out of her sleeping bag, causing the youkai to release her. She was slightly saddened by the lack of warmth, but didn't mention it as she and the inu youkai moved away from the group, so as not to disturb them.
"I don't know," he admitted as he pulled his knees close to his chest. He looked like a sad, lost child craving for attention and acceptance. Kagome cautiously moved towards him and gently touched his shoulder. "It's just…tonight is…"
"The first time you've ever not been human?" Kagome asked calmly, understanding glowing in her eyes. Inuyasha faintly nodded. Kagome didn't know how to comfort him. This was all too complex for her, to have lost a part of yourself almost seemed surreal.
"Kagome…" Inuyasha whispered and held his arms out, beckoning her towards him. She gratefully moved towards him and felt his arms wrap around her. Her head tucked gently under his chin as he rested his head against the crown of her head. Her hands feebly touched his back, small strands caught in between her fingers. His hands moved small patterns on her back.
"Its alright, Inuyasha," Kagome assured him.
They embraced each other in silence for a long time.
"I killed her, you know," Inuyasha whispered sadly after a long silence saturated the air.
At first Kagome thought he meant Kikyou, but mentally shook her head. "Killed who?" she whispered quietly, knowing that his superior hearing would pick up the murmured words.
"M…my mother…" he admitted and she felt him tense around her. Kagome closed her eyes and breathed his scent.
"Why do you say that?" Kagome asked, her voice small.
"Kagome," his voice took on a jagged edge as he pulled away, regretfully. "I'm no longer a hanyou; I no longer have my human blood; my mother's blood. I have killed her, shamed her, thrown her aside like she was nothing. And now that I am a youkai, I only now realize it…"
He squeezed his eyes shut and a hand gently touched his heart. "Damn it… it hurts again."
Kagome blinked in realization and inched closer to him. "Inuyasha…it's okay to cry."
He paused and turned his eyes towards her, the golden orbs staring at her and demanding an explanation for her comment.
"Sometimes crying helps show what you're really feeling, how you're affected by things. It proves your human," she said quietly, her lips quirking into a gentle smile, her eyes shining lovingly.
"I'm not human, Kagome, look at me!" He snarled and grabbed at his hair, pulling the silver locks and baring his teeth. He growled deeply before dropping his hands and closing his eyes, staring at his feet. "I'm not human."
"Silly," she whispered as her fingers lightly touched his bangs. He raised his head to stare at her and golden orbs locked with her cerulean ones. "You're a smart…caring…strong person, Inuyasha. You have a kind heart." He stared at her and watched as she raised a hand and rested it over his heart. She felt the pounding of the organ as it sped at her gentle touch.
Her smile grew and a few tears reached her eyes as she looked back up to meet his gaze. Clawed hands raised as well and batted away the stray tears that fell from her eyes. "You're body may be that of a demon…but your heart and your soul…what makes you you, will always be human."
He stared at her in shock, looking to see if she was in any way joking. Her eyes held a dead seriousness to them as she gazed up at him.
Inuyasha's fists unclenched and he lowered his head. Kagome stared at him for a long while before she saw a single tear roll down his shadowed cheek and fall to the ground.
"I'm not supposed to cry…I'm supposed to be strong," he whispered, a slight quiver in his voice.
Kagome gently touched his shoulders and pulled him to him to her. One hand came up and lightly touched his head and guided him to her shoulder. Clawed hands, desperate for something to hold on to, came up and wrapped around her waist, holding her to him closely.
They sat in silence as he cried. He didn't sob, and his shoulders didn't heave; the only evidence that the youkai was crying was the slight dampness she felt as he rested against her shoulder.
She gently cooed to him, and whispered to him, helping him feel as if he truly wasn't alone in this world, that perhaps there was someone that was always there for him 'Why did it take me so long to realize? I've always…had Kagome…'
His silent tears soon came to an end but they refused to break the contact. Kagome shyly glanced down at the youkai in her arms. "Feel better?"
"A little," he admitted. True the tears had helped calm something deep within him, but he felt funny. It wasn't like the excruciating loneliness he felt whenever he thought of his human blood long gone, it was more of a sickly feeling.
He couldn't understand why that was…