Chapter 21

I didn't come out of my room. Actually,I didn't want to come out of my room. It was just so nice and quiet. I didn't want to worry about Paris anymore. Why was I so worried about Paris anyway? He doesn't love me anymore.

But then again,why did he bring me back here? There has to be some reason to why he did this. Does he still love me? Who am I kidding? I'm just kidding myself. I know that he doesn't love me anymore. I'm going to go mad now. I need the answer.

How can I protect Paris from himself? Isn't he the only one who can do that? But what about Helen? She can help him. She loves him. Or does she? Does she want war? She should just go home if she doesn't. This is so stupid. There is a war just because Paris stole this man's wife.

Shouldn't I be down there fighting though? Isn't this my war too? I said that if there was a war that I would fight even if Paris tried to stop me. So why did I stop? He doesn't care about me anymore. No one loves me anymore. I'm not good enough for anyone anymore.

"Lady Kikyo?"asked someone as the door opened. It was Helen.

"Yes?"

"Are you coming to breakfast?"

What was I supposed to say? I hesitated for a second. "Yes....I'll be down there in a second."

She smiled and then left.

How could I do that,I thought. How could I lie? But then again,why did it matter? I hated Helen. Everyone knew that for a fact. But she didn't steal the love of my life. Paris stole her. But I still didn't give her any sympathy. She was here and I hated her.

I didn't want to hate,but I just felt like that I had to. I was just so tired of everyone lying to me. I wanted to be loved! Is that so hard? Just to be loved... Now I have all this pain. And this pain won't go away.

I wanted to cry for Hector right now. I felt so bad that he was out there fighting,and I wasn't. I'm the one who should die,not him. He has people that love him,I don't. My lover rejected me. At least he still has his wife and child.

The door opened again. "Kikyo?"it was Paris...

"Paris...?"

"Would you please come to breakfast?"

I didn't want to say anything. I still hated him. Was he trying to tell me something? No. He couldn't possibly trying to. Maybe he was frightened or something. Yes. He was scared. I could see it in his eyes. "Yes...I'm coming. Hold on."

He waited for me. I mean,he actually waited for me this time. But he didn't love me. He just wanted some sympathy because he was here while he was brother was down there fighting. Maybe I could run away after breakfast. Would anyone care? Would anyone see me? I hope I can try to get out of here because I really want to. I want to go and fight. No one is going to stop me this time.

"You still want to fight don't you?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't want him to become suspicious.

"Well...are you going to say something?"

Silence.

"Answer me..."

"I...I don't know." And it's not really your place to ask me is it,I thought. So please leave me alone. Or I might as well just leave and you won't be able to find me because I don't give a damn about you anymore because you don't love me.

"Oh...I see..."

I can't tell you anything or you might find me again. But I wouldn't care because next time I won't come back with you. I'm going to stay with Hector and find. I don't care if he finds out it's me. He cares about me more than you do at least. "I'll leave you. I know where to go. Thank you."and I walked on a head,hoping that he wouldn't find me in the vast crowd of people.

"Are you going to tell her?"asked Helen as she walked toward Paris.

"What did I need to tell you? I have you remember?"

"She still love you Paris. Can you see it in her eyes?"

"I should know I don't love her anymore. But at least I still care about her. That should be enough. I saved her life again. Next time,she might not be so lucky. You shouldn't worry about her. She'll be fine without me. We should go. They're waiting for us." And with that they went to breakfast.

Whisper

By: Evanescence

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Chorus:
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Chorus

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet my end