Ha HA! Hooray for the weekend! Hooray for sleeping in! Hooray for a weekend off work! And hooray for creative juices that start flowing at 11:30 on said weekends! This is for names who reviewed my first chapter. Muchas gracias everybodies!
I may not own Naruto, but I do have this totally clutch Mardi Gras mask mi amiga got for me from New Orleans...
Ibiki! Stop goofing off on set!
-by gatogirl1
. . .
Take 1:
"But...those who cheat poorly...fail, of course." Morino Ibiki glared down sternly at the seated genin. "Because, at times, information is more important that life. On missions and on the battlefield, people risk their lives! Just to get their hands on it!"
As he finished saying this, Morino Ibiki pulled his forehead protector and bandana fully off, exposing his head. Revealing...
...a Mohawk?!?
The class stared at Ibiki with a mixture of horror and amazement. "How do you get your Mohawk to fit under your bandana and still look perfect when you take it off?" one oft the genin stuttered in awe.
"Yeah!" another stunned student spoke up. "What kind of gel do you use? I mean, I always use Elmer's glue, but it isn't even close to whatever you use."
"Ooops," Ibiki laughed sheepishly. "Make-up!"
...
Take 2:"But...those who cheat poorly...fail, of course." Morino Ibiki "Because, at times information is more important that life. On missions and on the battlefield, people risk their lives! Just to get their hands on it!"
Morino Ibiki pulled his forehead protector and bandana fully off, revealing his head. Exposing...
...a bald forehead covered in marker! The whole class sat stunned for a moment, before bursting out laughing at the sight of the proud jounin with "Kiss me, I'm Irish", bright red lips, and a pink flower colored onto his pale skinned head.
Ibiki scowled, rubbing at the markings. "That's the last time I give my kids markers..." he grumbled beneath the laughter.
...
Take 6:
Morino Ibiki pulled his forehead protector and bandana fully off, revealing his head. Exposing...
...nothing. Just his pasty bald forehead.
Naruto nudged Hinata on his right. "Just what are we supposed to be looking at?" he whispered to the quiet girl. Hinata shrugged, confused.
"MAKE-UP!" yelled the frustrated Ibiki.
...
Take 20:Morino Ibiki pulled his forehead protector and bandana fully off.
But as the forehead protector fell away, his face and clothing fell away as well, the disguise falling limp on the ground at his feet. Where Morino Ibiki once poised so proudly in front of the genin now stood...
...Naruto in his Sexy no Jutsu.
The whole room facefaulted, with all the males (all save Sasuke and maybe Gaara) flying out of their seats and slamming against the back wall due to the sheer force of their nosebleeds.
The well-endowed Naruto grinned at the now-anemic male population, blowing a kiss to them. "You all fail!" he shouted triumphantly.
...
Take 21:Morino Ibiki started pulling his forehead protector off...
"Hey wait a second!" shouted a confused Naruto, who was now back behind his desk, fully male. "I don't get it! Why didn't Sasuke or Gaara crumble under my Sexy no Jutsu? No one can resist it...even Hokage no jii-san!"
Sasuke and Gaara blushed ever so slightly, going unnoticed by the blonde baka. Ibiki smirked knowingly then coughed for everyone's attention. "Can we please just get this scene done?"
...
Many hours later...Take 48
"Because, at times information is more important that life. On missions and on the battlefield, people risk their lives! Just to get their hands on it!" With that, the bandana and small piece of steel slipped from his head, flashing the class with a tattoo: I Love You Uzumaki Naruto. Marry Me?
The entire room gasped in horror.
"That's right!" Ibiki proudly declared to his audience. "As seen in all the cliché 'Naruto' fanfics, I have realized that because of my seriously depraved childhood and horrible experiences from my youth, I must tell the world that I am in love with Uzumaki Naruto! Naruto!" Naruto flinched under the unblinking, yet strangely passionate, stare of the scarred jounin. "I love you! Come with me, away from all these lesser creatures who don't deserve your love!"
"Aww, heck no!" shouted Sasuke, slamming his hands down on his desk in a display of emotion so out of character that it would only be seen in a yaoi fanfic such as this. "Naruto is mine!"
Gaara's cold stare shot right back in the Chunin examiner's face. "My childhood has been far more deprived than yours," he coldly stated, slowly getting to his feet in the totally clutch way that only he could pull off. "My life has been emptier of love than a bowl of Ramen after Naruto's been all over it. Plus, the fact that he and I have lived with the prejudice against the demons that inhabit our bodies makes us that much more similar- to the point where we are soul mates. I deserve Naruto's love more than any of you!"
With a snarl, Sasuke pulled out a kunai and leapt out of his seat. Morino also pulled out a kunai and leapt up to meet Sasuke in the air. Seconds later, Gaara propelled himself up with sand and joined the midair cat- fight. Their steel crashed together with a clang, shattering the stunned silence of the rest of the room.
Wails of "I wanted Naruto!" echoed throughout the room, turning into heated debates between the male team members. Sakura sat back, turning to Ino with a grin of contentment on her face. "Hey Ino! All we need in here is a pit of chocolate syrup and I'd be set for life!"
Ino laughed back, also clearly enjoying the spectacle. "Maybe some strawberries too...Ano, Sakura? Let's put all our days of fighting over Sasuke behind our backs and be best friends again, okay?"
"Ino!" Sakura jumped up from her seat and ran towards her friend, arms wide open and tears flowing from her eyes. "Let's also make a promise never to fight over something stupid again! And you can come to my birthday party!" Ino also ran towards the pink-haired genin, arms extended. But because neither took into effect the speed that the other was traveling at, they crashed into each other and fell unconscious in the middle of a room full of battling genin.
Back on the other side of the room, Ibiki had been knocked out by a blow from a fist of sand. Now Gaara and Sasuke were sitting cross-legged, having an earnest discussion and trying to resolve their differences through nonviolence. "That's it!" Sasuke smiled at Gaara with uncharacteristic and extremely sudden friendliness. "We can share Naruto! He'll be able to heal both of our twisted and severely messed up minds! We can even have a threesome at my place- I'm sure I've got a bed big enough somewhere!" The two fell to hugging to seal their newly created deal and friendship.
And somewhere, hidden under their desk, Hinata and Naruto sat peeking out at the carnage and horror all around them. Hinata couldn't have asked for a better scenario if she had planned it herself. In a moment of bravery that normally wouldn't be seen for at least another twenty episodes, Hinata threw herself at Naruto and liplocked herself to him.
...
Off the set on stage right, Kakashi and Iruka watched with resignation the mess that had once been the Chuunin exam. With a shrug, they turned away from the carnage and went frolicking in the sun together.
......maybe that last one was a mite over the top...but once I started typing, it all just flowed out...probably could have kept it going for a long time too. [Shivers] Kowaii...
Hope I made you laugh; I thought they were funny when I wrote them...Morino Ibiki builds up such a moment before he pulls off his forehead protector. I thought it would be fun to diffuse the situation a bit; you know, lighten the mood. Tell me what you think, por favor!
Translation: Clutch, or saying something is 'clutch'- a word/phrase my sisters and I are trying to bring into everyday use. Generally means incredibly cool or unbelievably sexy, depending on the context.