And so it was that the three lads grew up to be tall, dark and handsome. Especially the one called Shigure. Why, as soon as he walked past, his fans were so overwhelmed with joy to bask in his great presence, they forgot they were supposed to be unhappy!
(CUE Flying Overripe Tomato)
Mon dieu! Give a gentleman his right to dream!
(CUE Flying Full Basket of Bad Fruit)
ANYWAY! As I was saying:
As they progressed in their three wonderful, fan-filled lives... You there! Excuse me, monsieur, but kindly keep that finger to yourself! There are people here who appreciate my work! Yes, there are! Stop sniggering over there, you!
ANYWAY!
Ayame, Hatori and Shigure rose to the top of their professions!
Hatori became the Royal Physician.
(ENTER Hatori AND Great King Honda)
(ENTER Large Comfy Couch AND Wooden Chair)
(Great King Honda LIES DOWN ON Large Comfy Couch)
(Hatori SITS DOWN ON Wooden Chair)
GREAT KING HONDA: It's all so horrible and terrible, I tell you! Now even though I have a daughter - a drop-dead gorgeous one at that! - no one will take my offer and kill that horrid DEMON! The pain, I say! The sorrow!
HATORI: Your Majesty, I must ask you to sit up.
GREAT KING HONDA: But Royal Physician, I'm a depressed man! My troubles have me worn out!
HATORI: Your Majesty, I'm a doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist. Kindly sit up, or I'll never be able to start the examination.
GREAT KING HONDA: What is there to examine? We haven't had tourists for thirteen years now!
(Hatori STUDIES Hour Glass)
HATORI: I'm afraid we're out of time, Your Majesty. That's it for your session.
GREAT KING HONDA: But Royal Physician! I'm in pain! Pain, I must say! There are voices in my head!
HATORI: Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.
(EXIT Hatori)
(EXIT Wooden Chair)
(EXIT Large Comfy Couch with Great King Honda)
Ayame became the Royal Dress Consultant.
(ENTER Ayame AND Great Queen Honda)
GREAT QUEEN HONDA: Ayame-san...I just don't know...
AYAME: It's perfect, Your Majesty! It's my finest work!
GREAT QUEEN HONDA: I doubt my husband would approve. You know what I mean.
AYAME: And I do! But Your Majesty must make the first move! All for a MAN'S ROMANCE!
GREAT QUEEN HONDA: Very well, if you think it best.
AYAME: You will not regret this decision at all, Your Majesty!
(EXIT Great Queen Honda)
(EXIT Ayame)
(EXIT Stewardess Uniform designed to fit men AND Pilot's Uniform designed to fit women)
And Shigure became the Royal Bard.
(ENTER Great King Honda, Great Queen Honda, Ayame, Hatori AND Shigure)
GREAT KING HONDA: What have you for us today, Royal Bard?
SHIGURE: Your Majesty, I planned to stand before your glorious presence and recite a poem I just wrote!
GREAT KING HONDA: Excellent!
SHIGURE: Unfortunately, Sire, as circumstances would have it, I was challenged to a lyre dual just last night, and my toes are too tired!
GREAT KING HONDA: You play the lyre with your toes?! What do you do with your fingers?
SHIGURE: I stick them in my ears, Your Majesty. I can't play anything to save my life.
(Hatori WHISPERS TO Great King Honda)
HATORI: Take two more aspirins.
(Shigure ADDRESSES Great King Honda AGAIN)
SHIGURE: Fortunately, Sire, I have composed a great song in your honor, recommended by Your Majesty's War Horse!
GREAT KING HONDA: By my War Horse?
SHIGURE: Well, I asked him and he didn't say no.
XXX
Working together in the Palace, Ayame, Hatori and Shigure continued to be on good terms with one another as the best friends they were, and often met during lunch hour.
(ENTER Ayame, Hatori AND Shigure)
AYAME: We got venison again.
SHIGURE: That's the fourth time this week! Who's the chef around this place? Robin Hood?!
AYAME: I think I saw one of the cooks wearing Lincoln green back there. You might want to keep your voice down.
SHIGURE: No, that was Friar Harry. All that deer in his system, and he's finally gone funny.
HATORI: Stop whining and just eat the venison. It has protein. It's good for you.
AYAME: What do you mean "good for you"?
SHIGURE: I'm starting to grow antlers!
(Ayame, Hatori AND Shigure SIT DOWN AT Table with Full-Armor-and-Visor-Clad Figure)
(Shigure TALKS TO Full-Armor-and-Visor-Clad Figure)
SHIGURE: Pass the salt, please.
F.A.V.C. FIGURE: ...
SHIGURE: Hello? The salt. Will you pass the salt, please?
F.A.V.C. FIGURE: ... ...
SHIGURE: Anybody home?!
(Shigure KNOCKS ON Full-Armor-and-Visor-Clad Figure's Visor)
(Full-Armor-and-Visor-Clad Figure collapses and falls to pieces)
SHIGURE: Hey! This suit of armor's empty!
AYAME: GADZOOKS!!! There's a knighted clown running around naked somewhere!
SHIGURE: I need black tape!
AYAME: I need blindfolds!
HATORI: I need to start eating alone.
(CURTAIN DOWN)
We'll be right back after these messages. Now to find that cursed cup of coffee before it gets cold...Hey, what the heck? Ow! You stupid s- What? What do you mean we're still on the air? It's over! Turn off the camera! The button's right there! That one!
#click#
Yours Sincerely,
Sohma Shigure