All right, I will get back to 'Imaginary Monsters' and 'Sweet Dreams' soon, but I'm having a bit of writer's block. As soon as I can, I will beat it up and banish it forever from my household. Until then, hopefully, this'll keep ya'll happy.
All right, so it was Thanksgiving a couple of weeks ago, in Canada, anyway, and I somehow got this idea from it. How, I'm not entirely sure, but if I keep getting good ideas out of the blue like this, I'm not complaining. Anyway, I researched this thoroughly; you have to know what you're doing in order to screw it up completely.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. But I do own a lovely slice of pumpkin pie.
"All right, team. It's that time of year again. If we want to win this time, we have to plan our battle."
Robin stood before the four other Titans as they sat on the couch, pointer in hand. An easel with a large piece of lined paper clipped to it stood behind him.
"Robin... Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?" Raven asked, eyebrow raised.
Robin shook his head. "We have to go to the extremes if we want to get this right. We don't want a repeat performance of last year." He shuddered, a brief memory shooting through his head of a green armadillo sniffing out a frozen runaway turkey, Raven passed out from lack of oxygen, Cyborg missing an arm, and cold pizza for dinner.
"Anyway," he continued, getting back to the matter at hand, "This year, we're going to split up. Sort of a 'divide and conquer' idea. Cyborg," he glanced back at the paper, "You'll do the turkey. Raven, you're in charge of cranberry sauce. Beast Boy, you take the pumpkin pie. I'll do the dressing."
There was a chorus of "All rights" and "Aye, aye, Cap'ns", as the three other Titans got up and left to take care of their assigned foods, leaving Robin and Starfire behind.
"Robin," Star piped up, "What is it that you wish me to help with?"
"Uh..." Robin scratched his head, stalling for time, "Star... I want you to..." A flash of inspiration came to him. He smiled at the alien girl.
"Star, you're in charge of decorating the place."
Starfire clapped her hands happily. "Oh, joyous! I take much pleasure in the decoration of rooms! I will go and prepare!"
Robin smiled to himself. It looked as though this Thanksgiving was going to be perfect.
Robin stared at the ingredients laid out on the counter before him. "All right," he muttered to himself, "You can do this. You've fought bad guys; you can make dressing."
Making dressing was pretty easy, Robin realized a couple of minutes later. In fact, it was almost fun. That is, until it came time to add the salt.
"'One tsp. of salt'," Robin read aloud. Carefully, he tapped out a teaspoon of salt onto the measuring spoon. Of course, Beast Boy chose that moment to come barging in with a pumpkin the size of his head, knocking into Robin. Robin could've sworn that time slowed down as he watched the lid to the saltshaker fall into the dressing – taking the rest of the salt with it.
"Sorry, dude," Beast Boy chuckled nervously, a sheepish grin on his face as he watched the Boy Wonder frown at his ruined bowl of dressing.
"No problem," Robin sighed. "I can do it again."
Cyborg sighed, watching the changeling wrap his arms around the oven door in protest. "BB, I don't care if you want a soy turkey, the rest of us want turkey, and that's what I'm cooking!"
"No way!" Beast Boy protested, then grinned. "Besides... You can't cook turkey if you can't get to the oven."
Cyborg easily pried him off the front of the oven with one hand. "There. Problem solved. Now get out of my face."
"Not until you cook the surkey!" Beast Boy replied stubbornly, arms crossed.
"The what?!" Cyborg asked in disbelief. Beast Boy grinned.
"Surkey. Soy-turkey."
Cyborg rolled his eyes. "Not a chance, little man."
"Robin," Starfire called out, finding the Boy Wonder disposing of his salty batch of dressing. "I do not know what this 'turkey-bird' looks like. Could you perhaps show me a photograph of it?"
"Sure," Robin replied, leading Starfire over to the computer. After a moment of searching, he was able to bring up a picture of a turkey.
"Ta-dah!" Robin grinned at Star, obviously trying to impress her with the gross-looking bird. It didn't have quite the effect he wanted.
At the sight of the bird, Starfire shrieked. "A horrible injustice has been done!"
"Star, wha-"But before Robin could finish, Starfire had run off to the kitchen.
"Cyborg, no! We must not eat this Grakleborg! It is sacred!" She snatched the frozen turkey off the counter, cradling it in her arms like a baby.
"Yeah, Star! You tell 'im!" Beast Boy cheered, happy for backup in a battle he was obviously losing.
Cyborg sighed. "Star, we gotta cook the turkey. It's not Thanksgiving without turkey!"
Starfire held the turkey even tighter, looking indignant. "I shall not let you do such an injustice to this sacred creature! You shall have to go without your 'turkey'!"
Cyborg groaned. "But that's the main part of the meal! Now what are we gonna do?" He glanced at Beast Boy, who was grinning.
"Oh, no..."
Robin bent carefully over his second bowl of dressing, saltshaker and teaspoon in hand. Quickly looking both ways, he poured the salt into the spoon, then into the bowl. Proud of his accomplishment, he stood back to admire his handiwork.
"Done! Now I can just keep it in the fridge until it's time to stuff the turkey."
Whistling, he scooped up the bowl and headed for the fridge. Just as he approached it, though, he was caught in a storm of pink pieces of paper, Starfire flying in front of him.
"Have a joyous 'giving of thanks', Robin!" she greeted him, tossing more handfuls of pink confetti into the air.
Robin sighed unhappily as he watched the pieces of paper float gently into his bowl. "Star... Did you have to do that now?"
Starfire went red, looking mortified. "I apologize, Robin! Perhaps... Perhaps we could pick them out?"
Robin looked sadly at his pink confetti-doused dressing.
"No, Star, it's all right..."
"Raven, I'm almost positive that that's not how you do it!"
"And I'm very positive that you should leave me alone!" Raven glared at the green changeling, who insisted on giving his very unwanted two-cents worth. She was attempting to make cranberry sauce, 'attempting' being the key word here; the stupid green elf was constantly getting in her way.
"I know my food, Rae, and I know that you shouldn't put lemon juice in it!" Beast Boy insisted, holding the bottle of lemon juice out of her reach.
"Beast Boy, it says right here in the recipe, '2 T of lemon juice'! Now hand it back!"
Beast Boy stuck out his tongue. "Oh, what does the recipe book know?"
"More than you, I'm sure. Now hand it back!"
Beast Boy shook his head, holding it farther away from her. "I'm not gonna let you wreck the cranberry sauce like that! What did it ever do to you?"
Raven growled. "Not as much as I'm about to do to you. Now HAND IT OVER!"
Beast Boy rolled his eyes, handing her the bottle. "Fine, fine. No need to get touchy."
Raven gritted her teeth, resisting the temptation to blow him up. But that might wreck the sauce. Instead, she added the lemon juice, grateful for the fact that she was nearly finished.
Beast Boy, however, wasn't. He snatched the bottle from her, examining it. "Rae, I really don't think-"
"HAND IT OVER!" Raven exploded, and so did the cranberry sauce. A second later, it was splattered all over the kitchen walls, counters, floor, and Beast Boy and Raven.
Beast Boy smeared his finger across the sauce-covered wall and licked it. After a moment of thought, he announced, "You're right, Rae. The lemon juice tastes good."
Robin walked in the front door, toting a large turkey-shaped grocery bag. After Starfire had kidnapped the first turkey, Beast Boy had voted that they eat a 'surkey' instead, whatever the heck that was. Of course, it was only moments later that he confessed that he was currently banned from the store. Cyborg was in a sulk, and refused to go, so the task was left up to Robin.
He'd been in the middle of mixing up yet another batch of dressing when he'd been assigned to this mission, but he hadn't been gone too long; surely nothing could have happened to it.
He soon realized how wrong he was. As he entered a cranberry sauce-splattered kitchen, he tossed the surkey on the counter, looking desperately for his dressing. He spotted it at the end of the counter, and approached it cautiously, praying silently. He peered carefully into the bowl, holding his breath.
Beast Boy passed at that moment, and, spotting Robin, sped up. He decided not to ask why the Boy Wonder was crying silently into his bowl of dressing.
"Hey, Robin, where's the surkey at?" Cyborg called out, searching for the veggie-bird, but he got no answer. He finally spotted the plastic grocery bag on the counter; it stuck out like a sore thumb, being the only thing that wasn't covered in cranberry sauce.
"Nevermind!" he called out again, even though there was no one around. He scooped the bird out of the bag, raising an eyebrow at it.
The poor thing looked like it had been beaten up, then dragged down some dark alley and left for dead. One wing was missing, as well as a huge chunk of meat – if you could call it that – from one side of it.
"Hey, Rob, where the heck did you get this thing? A dumpster?" Cyborg called out once more, and was answered by the echo of his own voice. "Whatever," he shrugged, and began to prepare the surkey for its trip to the oven.
Four of the five Titans were making their way to the main room, needing a break from the festivities. Robin had gone into a silent depression over his dressing, Cyborg was loudly telling the others how he was certain something had previously tried to eat the surkey ("But what nut would try and eat a soy turkey?!"), Beast Boy was slinking around behind the group, trying to avoid an angry Raven, and Raven was plotting the slow demise of a certain green elf. All talking, slinking, plotting, and sulking stopped, however, once they reached the room.
"Ta-dah!" Starfire cried out proudly, displaying her well-decorated room.
Beast Boy choked on a fly. "Beast Boy, perhaps that would not happen if your mouth was not open so wide," Starfire lectured sternly.
The Titans slowly made their way around the room, gaping at the 'Thanksgiving' decorations. It was all very... pink.
Robin raised an eyebrow at a drawing of what looked like a pink three-legged duck. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but... Star, what is this?"
"That? Oh, that is a Blapple. It is the food of choice during Bilnack, the festival of the giving of thanks on my planet. Is it not gorgeous?"
Robin stared for a moment. "Uh... Sure, Star..."
Raven was on the other side of the room, examining a table with what looked like a shrine. Set in the middle of the aromatherapy candles, and on a pillow, was the real turkey, in all its frozen splendor.
"Dude! That is awesome!" Beast Boy cried out, joining her. With a gobble, he turned into a green turkey, and began prancing around.
At that moment, the oven timer went off. Cyborg rushed over to check on his surkey. "Surkey's done!" he cried out, pulling it out of the oven. He set it on the counter, and everyone gathered around, plates in hand, to watch. He cut off the first slice of meat, setting it on Robin's plate. Then he began the second.
Crack.
Cyborg groaned. "It's still frozen!"
Beast Boy glared. "Dude, you totally did that on purpose, just so you wouldn't have to eat it! Admit it!"
Cyborg looked at him. "Beast Boy, if I really didn't want to eat it, I could've just thrown it out. I wouldn't have gone to this much trouble."
Beast Boy nodded. "I guess..." Then, he immediately cheered up. "Hey, there's still my pie!"
Happy to have something to eat, the Titans crowded around the fridge as the changeling pulled out the pie dish. Carefully, he slid a slice onto each plate, and watched proudly as, one by one, his friends took a bite... and less proudly as, one by one, his friends spit it out.
"Beast Boy... Did you remember to take the seeds out of the pumpkin?" Raven asked, after spitting out several shells.
The changeling went red. "...Oops." Raven rolled her eyes.
Robin sighed, looking around at the scene. There was a half-frozen, beaten up surkey on the table, pink three-legged ducks strewn across the room, a shrine of a real frozen turkey in the corner, cranberry sauce splattered across the walls, and a half-eaten seedy pumpkin pie on the counter, attracting flies.
"Anyone up for pizza?"