AN: Whoa... This fic already has the most reviews I have ever gotten for a fic on the first chapter alone. o.O Whoa... I feel so special. Thanks to everyone who pointed out my rather retarded, blatant errors in the first chapter (smeet/skeet & Irken/Irkian)- Heh, doesn't that do wonders for making me look like a drunken dyslexic monkey behind the keyboard. (Bashes head against table for a while). Forgive my stupidity. Anyhoo, onto the fic!

Disclaimer: Do drunken dyslexic monkeys own anything (besides their Cuban cigars and cheap wine)? I didn't think so.

The Great Invaders Fic of Very Ficcish DOOM!

Chpt 2- Irken Mad Writing Skillz (Zim Lays it on Reeeal Thick)

Darkness. Desolation. Despair. He could feel it, his last grips on the frayed edges of sanity slowly slipping through his fumbling fingers as he sunk, deeper and deeper into the cesspool of rot that was his mind. No... It simply couldn't... He would never... But the Fanfiction, the Fanfiction never lied. Oh cruellest of fates, how could this be?! How could he, a great Irken Invader fall to such... such a low as to- No! There had to be some mistake, some... thing. Really, he just... He didn't even have reproductive organs for Irks sake! But the Fanfiction... the Fanfiction...!!!

Zim was brought from his dark thoughts by a distant squealing. At first he kinda thought it was the pressure in his head finally ready to explode in a rather messy splatter of Irk-Brain, but this theory was dispelled once it became distinctly clear... Zim gasped as he glanced at the conveniently placed half-full (empty for all you pessimists) glass of Space Soda ™- the fluid rippled ominously with each heart-stopping thud. It was coming closer... closer... He could hear it now, moving down the chute to his lab with inhuman speeds- The 'squeal' slowly morphing into the word "Tacoooooo" dragged out for insane lengths... Until suddenly-

"Argh! GIR! Get Off My Head! Can't you see you're Ruining a perfectly good angst scene?!- Nyeee! YukUkUk! What have I Told you about eating that Earth Filth? You're all- All Beany!"

"I Wuv You!"

"Graaah! The Taco Sauce! It Burns!" the green invader bucked madly, flinging the small, clingy android off his large alien head and quickly retreating to a far corner, scowling darkly after having his nice, gloomy sulk so rudely interrupted.

"Aww, someone needs a hug!" the tiny demented SIR bot squeaked cutely as he wobbled over to his beloved, grumpy master, his little arms open to embrace the rather not-cuddly alien. (How cute! We'll just dutifully forget to mention the burrito remains dripping off him...)

"No! No GIR, Bad! I do not need a- a" he paused for a moment, his face twisting like he had some horrid taste in his mouth "hug." Zim spat contemptuously. "Right now I just need to be left alone so I can properly rot within the depths of my mind for the sick pleasure of all these dirty stink-beasts!"

"...What stink beasts master?"

"I... Don't know..." Zim and GIR paused in their slight domestic disagreement, eyes nervously glancing about the room as they both simultaneously got the distinct, sinking feeling that someone, or something was reading them...

"Fanfiction..." Zim whispered quietly to himself, shuddering in horror. GIRs teal eyes suddenly lit up, his cute pink little tongue lolling out the corner of his upturned lips (do robots have lips?).

"I like fanfiction..." Zim whipped around to stare incredulously at his malfunctioning SIR unit, his mouth gapping slightly. His what-would-be-eyebrow quirked as he gazed at the small, bean-covered android. 'Advanced' indeed.

"GIR, do you even know what 'fanfiction' is?" a pause.

"I do." GIR smiled so wide it looked like his face was about to split. "I loveded the little ficcies. I read 'em for Scary Monkey all the time!" he chirped happily with his usual bubbly air of complete and total inattentive bliss. Zim blinked down at the small unit before it continued. "I even write some sometimes!" he smiled up at his masters disbelief.

"GIR... How can you write fanfiction...? Unless-!" suddenly the green alien gasped, his eyes widening as the gears churned in his mind "Unless... You are a future-predicting device thingie too!" he cried, one black, gloved claw pointing accusingly at the shorter robot. GIR blinked up at him. Perfect silence, until...

"...I am." GIR purred cutely, the little pink tongue once again appearing.

Crickets chirped.

"Gah! Master! Your ears ran away!" GIR suddenly exclaimed, panic rising in his voice as he pointed disbelievingly at his masters large, green, earless head. Zim gave him a blank look. "We have to find them! Don't worry master, I'll find the- Aiiee! My toes are gone too!" the little androids clear teal eyes began to water, the fluid dripping down his suddenly miserable face. "My toesies..." he sniffed lightly. Zim, not for the first time, idly wondered just how GIR could do that, seeing as last time he checked, the little robot didn't have tear ducts. He then made a mental note to examine this phenomenon later. (A mental note he would promptly forget about later, as he often did.) For now, however... The invaders eyes narrowed dangerously, that deep suspicion that someone had just made a very big fool out of him beginning to nag at the corner of his mind.

In a cramped dark room, illuminated only by a large computer screen Zim hunched in his curved chair, eyes glowing a demonic red in the low light.

"Computer, tell me about this... 'Fanfiction'."

"Fanfiction. Slang- Fanfic, Fic, Ficcie, etc. A piece of literature written by creepy over-obsessed fans using the characters from a certain series and placing them in original situations outside of the intended plot. Holds absolutely no relevance to the actual series and is most definitely not anything that should be even considered a future-predicting device thingie. Nope. Nein. Nada. Negatory. You would have to be a complete and total moron to believe so." The computer droned in a perfectly pleasant and polite tone.

"...So... It's not some kind of future-predicting machine?"

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"That's what I said."

"That... That human filth!" He hissed ominously, no longer talking to the computer. The computer rolled its non-existent eyes at its masters denseness before returning to watch its Soaps.Zims eyes narrowed into murderous crimson slits, venom practically oozing from his visage, his teeth grating dangerously. "How dare they demean Me- ZIM- into performing some sick, horrid, and perversely bizarre kind of Mating Ritual! With the even more revolting Dib-creature!" he paused for a short bout of hyperventilation before continuing lowly. "Those hideous creatures... This... Fanfiction, getting in the way of Zims Mission!" he gasped suddenly "The mission! I haven't reported in! My Tallests must be growing worried!"

Meanwhile, on the Massive, our two favourite Tallests (currently the two only Tallests) were leaned forward in their seats, muscles taut and faces set into a grimace, focusing all their energies into the life-and-death display playing out before their eyes. Yes, they were deeply involved in the infamously challenging grips of a game, a horrid, horrid game....

Blip.

Blip.

Blip.

Blook!

"WOOTA! Sweet Pongish Victory is MINE!" Red pumped his arms into the air triumphantly before turning to Purple with relish. Now came his favourite part of the game- rubbing it in. "What's the matter hm? It didn't seem like your heart was in it this time..." he drawled smugly over at his co-leader. Purple smoothed a two-fingered hand through his antenna thoughtfully before slowly turning to Red, his look of... concern(?!) drawing the other leader from his playful mood.

"Red... Do you ever get this feeling like... I dunno, something's missing?"

"You mean like an ominous feeling of impending doom?"

"No. I'd say it's more like a deep feeling of... relief. Like some great weight has been lifted off your shoulders."

"You know Purple... Now that you mention it, I do..."

Both Tallests paused in a moment of sombre thought. Red slurped his Space Soda ™ in contemplation for a while until Purple again broke the silence.

"Yeah, and you know that nasty molty-rash thing I got- It looks like the skin is beginning to grow back!" He chirped cheerfully as he thrust his armpit into Reds face for emphasis.

"Ah dude! No! Get that away from me! I'm trying to eat here!"

Back on earth, Zim was developing a plan.

Now, I think I should take the liberty here to explain the difference between a plan, and a plan. A plan is basically just your usual, everyday plot. You plan a birthday party. You plan a surprise party. You plan a bank robbery. You plan to kill your spouse to get their life insurance. Blah blah blah. A plan is just your everyday, mundane, nothing special thing. A plan is something extraordinary. A plan is something so very amazing, so earth-shaking, so destiny-altering, so super spiffy one can only attempt to emphasize its astoundingness using italics.

...Well, okay, Zims idea wasn't quite as remarkable as all that.

Zim had a plan. A devious plan that would certainly shake the fanfiction world to its very core. A plan that would surely make all the slash fangirls heads explode. A plan that just might make the entire fandom spontaneously combust from the sheer amount of greatness poured into it all at once.

Zim would write... a COUNTER FIC!

For he was ZIM, and he was just that great. He leered evilly down at the keyboard laid lavishly out before him, he could feel his giant multi-coloured alien plot-bunnies already itching beneath the surface- His muses at work. And oh were they musing... Oh such musing they were! His fingers flew across the keyboard, the swift, mindless clacking only interrupted by the mandatory maniacal laughter that must be included at least once every chapter. And one just had to stop, tilt their head to the side and let loose a low whistle of admiration at just how fast he could type with only three digits...

 Zims Fic... Be Afraid 

Once upon a time, during a dark and stormy night (Not stormy like rainy-stormy, but stormy like, you know, thundering-ominous-booming stormy night of DOOM stormy) the vile, evil, despicable, contemptible, depraved, base, degraded, low, wicked, abominable, loathsome, foul (Zim found his handy-dandy 'Thesaurus' option on his toolbar) stink-beast Dib was walking home from the skool. Then he exploded and died. DIED! Gone forever, because he is pathetic and weak and made up of pitiful squishy flesh-meats! Take THAT human scum!

And then the great, wonderful, fantastic, magnificent, excellent, terrific, cool, groovy, good (Zim gritted his teeth. How dare there be more synonyms for Dibs descriptive word than his?) all around just spiffy and superior in every way shape and form Irken Invader ZIM pointed and laughed at the Dibs smokey remains that smelt vaguely like burnt weenies. Then ZIM burnt the remains and stirred them in the dirt. Then he burnt the dirt and went home and unleashed his ultimate plan for planetary domination! He blasted the disgusting, filthy dirt-planets surface with a big... scary death beam... thing and all the foolish infidel humans were running around like

"OMG what is going on!"

And the suave, handsome, noble Invader ZIM laughed at their patheticness, because they were all so very pathetic. And then the Dib-beast somehow revived and tried to stop ZIMs brilliant plans, but failed because he was twice as useless as the rest of his disgusting population, so he was like

"Oh ZIM, how could I, a simple-minded, revolting, disgusting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, horrible, horrendous, awful, dreadful, horrid creature ever think I could stand against such an obviously untouchable, Godly genius like you? I am nothing more than an insignificant worm! I am not worthy of even licking the dust off the bottom of your mighty boots that I now throw myself down before! Oh how delusional and stupid I was to ever even think of defying you, oh Great One! Please, I beg of you, end my irritating existence, for I simply cannot live knowing I ever dared bring shame upon my superior, my Lord and Master ZIM!" and he grovelled and begged and burst into tears and all that crap. And ZIM cackled from where he sat on his huge earth-ruling throne and he was like

"Dib filth, you suck!" And then ZIM zapped the annoying pest with super lightning from his fingertips and the Dib-humans brain fried in that grotesquely huge head of his and he died again.

And then ZIMs big scary death beam hit the guy that created pop-up adds and he died. And then the beam hit all the squeally slashy fangirls and they all died too. And then the worm-baby Dib randomly came back to life so ZIM could have the satisfaction of blowing him up again. And then the Tallests were like

"Gee ZIM, you did a real spiffarific job cleaning off that planet! We're so gosh-darned proud of you we're going to make you our second (third?) in command and devote the planet to your greatness! We'll call in 'Planet ZIMtopia', and we'll build a great big statue of you there so all the people across the galaxy can come and revel in your amazingness!" and ZIM was like

"But of course! I wouldn't expect any less from someone as mind-blowingly impressive as me!"

And then ZIM grew another two feet. And Dirt-Dib revived again, so ZIM splattered his squidgy human filth zombie organs all over the floor. And GIR was all like

"Geez master, you are so grooving and with it, I will from now on obey your every command without question like a good little SIR unit." And Zim was like

"Yea dat's cool."

Then the Dib-worm revived once more and the almighty ZIM curb-stomped him, and he died again for good because ZIM would never, ever ever ever ever even consider indulging in any horrible and creepy disgusting mating ritual with him. Ever. Not even if he was really drunk.

And then

 End Writing 

Zims head whipped up at the sudden blaring noise, started by the unexpected jolt from his thoughts.

"Warning! Security Breech!" the computer boomed loudly as his face was illuminated by bursting red lights. He growled irritably as he stood up and haphazardly threw on his disguise. If it was that horrid Dib human trying to get his stupid 'photographic evidence' again, he would not be responsible for what happened. With a huff of finality, he boarded the elevator to the main floor.

Deep within the silence of the lab the green invader had just left, a pair of softly glowing red eyes peered at the dull screen from behind an anonymous piece of machinery- the periodic flashing of the little cursor an invitation most difficult to resist...

Ah cliffhangers, gotta love 'em eh?

.....

(Dr. Membrane voice again)

On the Next Episode of 'The Great Invader's Fic of Very Ficcish Doom!', everyones favorite little dysfunctional SIR unit takes action! Beware little GIR, the fanfic tempts you! But what will Zim say when he finds his 'masterpiece' (in the loosest sense of the word) has been tampered with? Find out this, and more, next time! Same ZIM time- Same ZIM channel! Because-

(Purple voice-over)

It's not stupid, it's advaaanced!

.....

Ending Rant.

Wow. Really got the Dib hate going on in this chapter... I should probably add here that I have absolutely nothing against Dib, he's actually one of my favorite characters from the series. It's just... Zims perspective... This chapter was also quite a bit more... Brutal. And not funny. Hopefully the next chapter balances things out a bit. Poor Dib. Ah well, just wait until good ole Dib gets behind the keyboard... Then all shall be paid back in full...