Sunrise over the tango factory's A/N: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry this took ages to be posted. I've been so busy recently, writing other fan fics and homework. Thanks to all who have reviewed, trying to 'spur me on'; I think it was the negative vibe merchant comment that got me typing. Thanks a lot, and I hope you enjoy!

"A kiss" repeated Mike, shocked.

"Yes" replied Rik, loving being the holder of precious information.

"A proper kiss" Mike asked, hoping it was all a horrid trick.

"Yes" came the smug reply.

Mike nodded, before saying, in utter desperation "are you sure it was a kiss, maybe she had a penny stuck in her throat and Vyv was trying to get it out-"

"With his tongue..." offered Neil.

"Yes" smiled Mike, "with his tongue" he frowned, his idea had sounded so much more realistic in his head.

"No Mike" smirked Rik, "I was a proper kiss, tongue on tongue action, like the type of snog you do on yourself at the mirror" He blanched as the last part of his sentence came tumbling out, he laughed nervously at Mike and Neil who were staring at him.

"Not that I've ever kissed a mirror, sometimes I have to prise girls off my lips with a crowbar just so I can eat, when would my lips find any spare time to kiss a mirror?"

"I get your point Rik, they're always too busy letting crap come talking out of your mouth!"

Rik sniffed and turned away.
"So Vyv was in love all along" sighed Neil, "the worlds going to end," he said simply.

"What?" said Rik, "why?"

"Vyv becoming sensitive, kind and caring, found love and eternal happiness and I was right about something that had nothing to do with lentils. If that doesn't mean the apocalypse is coming I don't know what it?"

"You're right Neil" said Rik, voice trembling, "this signals the end, Oh God, I'm going to die a virg...very happy over sexed person" he quickly added upon seeing Mike's eyebrows shoot up in a 'I was right about you all along' fashion.

"What was she like?" asked Neil suddenly.

"Who?" snapped Rik,

"Vyv's girlfriend"

Rik sighed "sex on legs" he said dreamily, "she was a figure of beauty, innocence and you could just tell she was dying for a good shag by a wild anarchy...I fit that description perfectly!"

"What was her name?" asked Mike, seeing possible 'affair lawsuits' come up if he'd slept with Vyvyan's love.

"Jessica Parkinson" said Rik "Law Student, part time job in a florist, b cup"

"How d'you know all this?" queried Neil,
"I managed to piece together what little evidence I managed to find"

"You spied on them didn't you, Rik," laughed Mike.

"I DID NOT," bellowed Rik, purple with rage "I MERELY CLIMBED INTO A NEARBY TREE THAT WAS COINCIDENTLY RIGHT ABOVE THEIR TABLE AND WAS AT A HEIGHT THAT HAD I BEEN SPYING ON THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT FOR OVERHEARING THEIR INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS!"

As he finished his rant, the front door was kicked off its hinges; they're were screams from outside on the street and very loud swearing.
Vyv was home. The old Vyv.

"Vyvyan!" they all cried happily.

"PISS OFF" he screamed at them, tugging at his hair whilst trying to tear up his fancy jacket at the same time.

After tearing the jacket up into confetti sized pieces, he repeatedly jumped on their remains, before shooting Mike, Rik and Neil a deadly glare before going upstairs, jumping on every step of the way, kicking every wall and slamming every door.

There was a moment of silence before the others simply said, "He's back"

Rik knocked gingerly on Vyvyan's bedroom door, trying to ignore the assortment of pointy things sticking out of the woodwork.

"Piss off!" came the angry reply.

In a moment of bravery (or pure stupidness) Rik entered. Vyv was lay on his bed, turning his beloved silver knife over in his hands, looking very depressed, he barely looked up when Rik entered.

"Did she dump you?" he asked meekly. Vyv sat bolt up right, knife aimed at Rik's head, all he had to do was throw it. But he couldn't, it's be a hell of a laugh, watching Rik slump to the ground with a knife sticking out of his head, but it wouldn't stop the way he felt.

"Yes" he muttered darkly, lying back down the bed and sulking.

Rik nodded, and after thinking of nothing comforting to say, nodded some more.

"Mind if I ask why?" he said finally.

"She said she liked men who were dangerous," replied Vyv after picking his teeth with the tip of his knife "she said I was too safe, she dumped me for some biker with loads of metal, a dangerous attitude and spiky hair"

Rik tutted in agreement "women eh? Who needs em?"

"I do," said Vyvyan sadly

"Yeah, me too" replied Rik, staring out the window, "can we have the old Vyv back?" he asked.

Vyv stared at him, "why? Didn't like Mr. cool, sophisticated Vyvyan?"

"NO!" Rik replied firmly.

"Okay" said Vyv suddenly cheering up, "you wait here," he said, running out of the room.

"Okay" said Rik, he suddenly found "why?" but he was talking to an empty room. Vyvyan returned moments later with a sledgehammer.

"V-V-Vyv" stuttered Rik, backing against the wall "w-what are you g-going to do with that?"

"Oh nothing much" lied Vyvyan "I've just got a lot of catching up to do"

As the sounds of Rik's screams mingled with the sound of snapping bones and loud thumps echoed round the house, Mike and Neil smiled.

"Great to have you back, Vyv!"

END