A/N: Nothing too spectacular to mention here. Once again thanks to all in whom reviewed. I shower you with gratitude. If I had any idea where any of you lived I'd buy you a beer. But I don't (and I'm broke) so nyah.

Oh, and a special yahoo goes out to The Architect MkII- I must say I also tend to agree with your opinion XD (However, if done tastefully, I don't mind an occasional pairing fic. Keyword: Tastefully.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this fic. What? You expected something witty? Try this: A priest, a rabbi, and a duck all walked into a bar. The bartender gaped and exclaimed, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

...Just read the fic -.-

The Great Invaders Fic of Very Ficcish DOOM!

Chpt 3: GIR Takes a Shot (And Misses)

Lights flashed by slowly, almost eerily as Zim rode the elevator up to the main floor, his eyes closed and arms crossed loosely across his chest in a cool façade of calm. Internally, despite his rather collected appearance, was quite a different story.

He huffed lightly- In all honesty; he was rather torn between two very strong emotions... Emotions tied to the Dib-human. On one hand, he didn't want to see it for a very, very long time so shortly after reading more about the human scum than he ever, ever, ever wanted to know thanks to the dreaded fanfiction. On the other hand however, was his deep yearning to see the human... If only the filthy Dib-beast could possible comprehend just how badly Zim desired him... of pummeling his ugly, dirty, gross stink-face until it reached the consistency of applesauce. The green invader grinned cutely, little happy squeaks just barely escaping the confines of his throat, his eyes still closed and his hands twitching slightly as he daydreamed of strangling that hopeless little filth-monster. Oh, but how would he do it? Fast and easy, or sloooow and oh-so satisfying? Maybe he would wriggle it back and forth... For some reason imagining Zim strangling Dib (with his rather oversized head and toothpick like neck) brings a bobble-head doll to mind... A Dib bobble-head with an "I'm in Excruciating Pain" look painted on it's little bobbly face... Or perhaps a "For the Love of God My Anus is Bleeding" look...

But getting back to the story. Gee, it's really taking Zim a long time to reach the main floor, ain't it? Let's just say he was on the lowest level of his lab. Ya' know, the one where if he listens very closely, he can faintly make out the sound of people speaking Chinese somewhere nearby... And thus I take the story off track again...

With a barely audible 'click' the end-tables legs propped up, the rest of it inclined sharply, lifting off the floor as it opened with a menacing hiss. Zim had (finally) emerged into his living room. He crouched into an attack position, eyes snapping open and quickly searching around the room for any signs of the intruder. Adrenaline (or whatever the Irken equivalent happens to be) pumped through his veins, heightening his senses as he automatically slipped back to the Invader training of his youth.

Ceiling. Clear.

Windows. Clear.

Holes in Floor? Nope.

Holes in... Walls perhaps? Nada.

Zim fell out of his defensive, dramatic stance, a perplexing look pulling at his green features as he glanced around, searching for any sneaky underhanded means of sneaking sneakily into his if-it-weren't-for-Dib-impenetrable fortress. He peaked over into the kitchen... Nope, clean... He absently scratched at his wig. Now where could that little monster be...?

"Hey Zim!"

"What the-? You Stink-Human that Stinks! How in the Mighty Name of Irk did you get in through the Front Doo-?!"

FLASH!

"ARGH! My Glorious Superior Eyeballs!" Zim squealed and hissed as he desperately scrubbed his burning eyes. The familiar flash of Dibs little pocket camera blinding the alien invader. Again. Dib sneered darkly as he waved his camera victoriously above his head.

"Take That Space-Boy! Once I get these developed, I'm going to send them in to-"his usual, mandatory savior-the-world speech™ however, was rudely interrupted by a low cackling from the hunched green figure crouched beneath the end-table. Dib blinked as he glanced around nervously, the hand holding the camera slowly dropping to his side as Zims dark laugh rose in volume and pitch. The alien stood up, his head thrown back as he laughed throatily, sickly, evilly. Suddenly his head pitched forward, the laughter stopping instantly. He absently rubbed an eye as he took one threatening step forward.

"Poor little Dib..." he purred. It would have almost sounded affectionate if it weren't for the pure venom dripping off each word. "I suppose your pathetic human eyes aren't working properly, so I'll just point out the obvious here." He paused for dramatic effect. "In case you haven't noticed- I'm wearing my brilliant disguise!" He flailed his arms a bit, once again, for effect as he giggled almost giddily. "You've done nothing but waste your precious... film!" he spat before shooting the human a superior grin. "ZIM reigns VICTORIOUS!" He waited for the human to fall to his knees and grovel for his life.

Nothing. Dibs face was completely blank, his gaze absent, dull, those amber eyes seeming to stare straight through Zim. The alien blinked as his arms dropped heavily to his sides once again. Well, this wasn't really what he expected...

"Uh... Dib-worm?"

Nothing. Perhaps his genius was too much for the stink and he fainted on his feet?

"Human?"

Still nothing. Zim crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently as he shot the intruder an annoyed look.

Zilch.

"Do Not Ignore Me! RESPOND TO ZIM!" he screeched, clawing the air as the pupils of his contacts dilated. Zim did not appreciate being disregarded so easily. The Dibs head twitched grotesquely on his neck suddenly with a soft 'zzzt' sound.

"Sooo... You are wearing you crummy 'zzzt' crummy little disguise for once Zim?" He smiled threateningly, his head dipping so the shadows caught it just right to create that spooky effect (he'd had lots of practice). "Well, that's nothing my trusty Photo Editor can't fix'zzzt'!" Dibs head did that weird little twitch thing again as he continued "Then it's just a quick trip to Mys'zzzt'rous Mys'zzzt'er- che'zzzt' and then an autopsy table! Muwahaha! 'zzzt' Muwahaha! 'zzzt' Muwahaha!" the Dib-beast cackled (zzzt-ed?) as he turned and jerkily marched through the (closed) door and past the gnome-field, lasers bouncing harmlessly off his petite body as he swaggered through the lawn. Zim gasped in horror- Somehow the Dib-human had developed an immunity to doors and lasers! And what about that- that 'Photo Editor' that could supposedly see through his disguise? Who knew what sort of ghastly device it was!

"GIR!" he barked as he swiftly spun upon his heel. The small android dropped down from the ceiling with a metallic clunk, his eyes glowing a deep crimson as he saluted his owner. (I am well aware that he was in the labs in the last chapter. He got up to the main floor with the use of... Magical leprechauns...) "GIR, I am going in pursuit of the vile Dib-creature." Zim stated as he marched across the room and pulled a secret lever beside the TV. The screen covered in static as it slowly split with a painful groan. Inside held row after row after pant-wettening row of scary, painful looking alien weaponry of death, doom and destruction. Zims eyes narrowed in thought as he sifted through his granddaddy of all armories in search for the perfect Dib-hunting device. He casually loaded several particularly excruciating looking devices into his pak as he nonchalantly continued to talk "I need you to stay here and guard the base. Let NO ONE in GIR. Not even the Pizza Guy." Zim staggered over to the door, swaying under the weight of the rather oversized bazooka-canon thing strapped to his back. He paused for a moment as he stood on the threshold (or maybe he was waiting for the pain to subside after pulling something the very wrong way when kicking open the door) and added over his shoulder almost as an afterthought. "And whatever you do GIR, don't touch the computer!" And with those parting words, he disappeared into the night.

Upon the floor, GIR lifted both legs and grasped his feet, kicking back and forth as he swayed to his soft, bubbly song.

"Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring... BananaPhone..."

Crouched behind the darkness of the overstuffed couch Dib gaped at the sheer amount of death-machines the alien had stored behind his TV screen and quietly shuddered. He certainly didn't envy the Dib-bot Zim himself had created right now (remember 'Future Dib'- I incorporate elements from the series! Fear my background research!). Argh! He knew he should have paid more attention to its sound chip! "Mistress Mr. Cheese?" That sounded like a pole-dancing transvestites stage name! Oh well, the robot had served its purpose (albeit badly, but still served) He was in! ... Now all he had to do was wait for Zims little android slave thingy to... go... somewhere... else...

"I've got this feeling- So appealing, For us to get together and sing- SING!" the malfunctioning SIR unit squeaked as he pulled a little rubber piggy from... somewhere and proceeded to 'dance' with it. "Oh Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring... BananaPhoooone!"

3 HOURS LATER

After finishing several full punk rock, swing, country, R&B/hip hop, opera, metal, jazz, and wingdings 'BananaPhone' remixes, GIR decided it was about time to do a 'BananaPhone' techno remix.

Behind the couch, Dib twitched. He tried to block out the small android by focusing on the sound of distant explosions. Suddenly, the Dib-bots fate seemed almost appealing...

Suddenly, GIR stopped in mid (insert techno-ie noise here), his little cyan eyes narrowing and shading to dangerous red. Master Zim had given him specific orders... His eyes narrowed further. He could not disappoint Master Zim! Master Zims word was law!

...But what...? His face scrunched as he silently cursed his bubbly, insane half for not paying closer attention. What had Master Zims orders been?! He silently rewound, replaying the jumbled, disconnected bits of the last three hours through his mind... Master Zim arming himself- Standing in the doorway- Something... Something about... the Computer...?

"Ooooo! I know! I know!" a bouncy voice chirped at the back of his mind, he instinctively bristled as he felt his lesser half begin gnawing away at the edges of his consciousness. Not now! Master Zims orders-!

Red faded slowly, the little robots body visibly relaxing as his little pink tongue slipped out. Yeah, he remembered masters orders, much better than the other one. Yep. No wonder master loveded him more! His head tilted to the side, his other distantly pushing the importance of the Mission and Master Zims orders upon the teal GIR. His little eyes squinted as he tried to piece together his jumbled memories....

Master stood in his disguise, a huge grin lighting up his usually scowling face. He lifted his hand to show a fat, over-stuffed green bumbly-bee type stuffed animal thing resembling his normal Irken appearance.

"Now GIR," he squeaked in a too-high-I've-been-sucking-helium voice, the little dolls head bobbing to indicate it was the one supposedly 'talking' "I'm going over to the Dib-humans base to play Street Fighter, and it would make me really super-duper happy if you'd watch the computer for me!" Master made the little stuffy wave goodbye and gently placed it on the floor as he began floating backwards towards the door.

GIR waved bye-bye.

A moment passed. GIR poked the little stuffy. The stuffy roared and imploded.

Dib craned his (gargantuan) head slightly out from behind the couch to stare at the small android in confusion once the dreadful 'BananaPhone' finally came to an end. What now? It was just... standing there, like it was thinking... But Dib knew better than to suspect that occurrence- he'd been stalking Zim more than long enough to be quite well informed on the functions (or shall we say 'malfunctions') of the small robot. Then what was it doing? Perhaps it had burned itself out...?

"I GETTA GO PLAY ON DE COMPUTER!" it squealed in absolute delight, shattering a window and forcing Dib to hurl himself back behind the couch, desperately clutching his bleeding ear. GIR swept up his beloved rubber piggy, paused momentarily to squeeze it and giggle, before skipping down into the labs. Once again courtesy of the Magical leprechauns. Mmyep.

We'll just skip the magical journey to another dimension and the battle to save Middle Earth.

IN THE LAB

GIR casually flicked his trusty Sting into the 'discard' pile (to accompany the grand majority of Zims experiments) as he wobbled over to the computer, humming a soft tune under his breath as he went. He paused at the keyboard to struggle out of the heavy cape and rather oversized 'Noble GIR- Savior of Gondor' sash. These soon also made their way to the 'discard' pile. Along with that shiny ring-thinger that other guy gave him. Ah well, enough with the Lord of the Rings rips, back to the plot (or what sad shambles there happens to be left of it).

Now, what were masters orders again...? He chewed thoughtfully on the banner as his mind drifted back, back.. back...

A wide, open grassy field, scenery obscured by nothing but a lone bush off to the side as several random members of the Invader Zim cast (and, strangely, a 7 foot tall piece of broccoli) danced merrily to the never ending chant of "BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadger- Mushroom, MushROOM!" Oh well, at least the beat was catchy...

GIR giggled and happily bounced to the music in his head for a few moments, easily getting caught up in the cheery, strangely addictive tune.

"BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadger- Mushroom, CompuTER!"

Oh yeaaaa... The computer. The small android shook himself out of his stupor and focused his eyes on the screen. It took him a moment to figure out what it was, but it wasn't long before his face split into a huge grin- He remembered now! Master needed his help with writing his little nifty ficcie! (Because no offense, but master couldn't write very good...) GIR plopped down in the cushy chair and briefly stretched his arms, then frowned. Stupid opposable digits... He bet they were hiding out somewhere with his toes! He clenched his little mitt-like hands for emphasis. Ah well, what can ya do? He shrugged to himself before ducking over the keyboard, eyes glowing deep red as he began typing, one agonizingly slow letter at a time...

GIRs Fic 

gir walked into teh rum w/ his rubber piggy and saw master looking al sad and unhoppy-like.

'aw master wats wrong w/ u?' said gir.

'the goverment dookied up my tax return and now i am so very upset by the hole matter.' said master.

'i now wat wil cheer u up master!!!!!!11!!! sniff dis permanent felt marker. its mildly titling odor wil ease ur stressed mind n sooth ur tormented soul!!!!!111!!!2' said gir n gir gave master his felt penny-tinger n master sniffed it.

'wow gir, u r write!!!! i fell sooo much better now, let us go frolik in teh conveniently placed field of daisyes behind the house and sing infuriating, mind-numbing songs we learned from annoying internet flash videos!!!!!!!!!!!!11111' said master so thy went to the field of daisyes n they al (all as in all, even the Tallests. Even Angry Monkey. Even the 7 foot tall broccoli.) danced togeter n sang the kenya song and the final fantasy song and redid the hole my spoon iz to big thinger n they wer al so hapy. N hen the backgrond feel back n they wer al dressed up brodway-ish n they all sang n danced n the audience humans loveded dem. they loveded them god.

then sudenly a big meteora feel fr the ski and hit the gib human in the hed, cause his hed is sooooo big u cant miss it. dib feel over n cried n everyon was sad.

'i can sea death!!!!!111one!!! it smells like pinapples!!!!!!2345!!!' said dib.

n thn he died n every1 was runing don this big scary hall.

'i dont now how we got in this big scary hall or why we r runing but i am so scared!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!' said the scary girl dib human sister.

oooo is gettin scary now huh? lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

n then just as they wer getting to the end of the hall-

End GIRs Fic 

The little android perked up as he felt his communicator thingie vibrate- master was calling! He hopped down from the seat as his head popped open, the familiar panicked face fizzing into view.

"GIR! I have defeated the surprisingly heavily armed Dib-filth, but somehow he has implanted a nuclear warhead in his chest! It's set to go off in 5 minutes! GIR, I need you to bring my tool kit to me now so I can disarm it, or we'll all be DOOOOMED!"

"YAAAAY!"

"...No GIR, that's bad."

"...oh."

"Now bring me my kit GIR, the fate of Zim depends on it!"

Teal switched to crimson immediately "Yes my Lord!" With that he blasted up the elevator to the main floor. If it was one thing both GIRs agreed on, it was that the red one tended to handle these types of situations better.

(But master still loveded the cyan one better...)

(Does not.)

(Does too.)

(Does not.)

(Does tooooooo.)

(You're an idiot.)

(You tired to eat master.)

(I did not, it was a-)

(With French fries!)

(What he was doing was counter productive to the mission-)

(An' a Classic Poop!)

(I'm sure we could have worked something-)

(An' Worchester sauce!)

(... Worchester sauce?)

(Prof. Membrane. Again.)

On the next episode of 'The Great Invader's Fic of Very Ficcish Doom!', wait a second, how did I get suckered into being the announcer guy for these ending credit things?

(Keef voiceover)

On the next episode of 'The Great Invader's Fic of Very Ficcish Doom!', Dib gets to see the fic, and how many times my bestest buddy Zim and GIR killed him. Poor Dib, he's just so unstable and sad. All he really needs is a friend! I could be his friend, I just don't understand why he keeps screaming whenever I try talking to him, I mean, I'm sure it's just cause he's shy and just a bit insane, but I'm sure he'd get over that too it he had a good bestest friend-

( End Credits -.-)

(Keef. Again)

What? You don't like waffles?

Ending Rant.

Urg. This chapter is even more painful than the last. GIR may be cute, but he's a royal pain to write (that's why you get jacked with the pathetically short GIR fic). Otherwise not much to add. Actually, I remember wanting to mention something, but I forget now...