The One Thing That I Tried to Hold on To
Harry walked as quietly as he could to the basement. If Hermione had gotten to sleep, he didn't want to wake her. However, when he got to the bottom of the stairs, he noticed the couch was empty, save for a small, two-year old form that was covered by a blanket,and there was a smell of coffee coming from the kitchen.
"Good morning, Hermione," Harry said tenatively, as he walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulders.
"Good morning," she said absentmindedly, and continued stirring the cup of coffee she had in front of her.
An awkward silence ensued. "So..." Harry said haltingly. "How are you?"
"How am I?" Hermione laughed bitterly to herself. "How am I?" She turned and faced Harry, tears in her eyes, her usually mellow voice roughened by a lack of sleep and too many tears. "I'm just fucking fabulous."
Harry stepped back. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know how to approach the subject with you. Every time I try, you just get mad at me." He shook his head as he walked to the tiny table that barely fit into the small kitchen. "I guess, I'll just wait until you're ready."
Hermione put her head down, and crossed to the table. She sat down across from Harry. "I don't mean to be so horrible to you. It's just..." she paused, and she attempted to choke back tears. "I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to feel, or do. My life has fallen apart. I know it seems stupid," she said, looking at Harry, "But, I feel like part of me is missing. I mean, Harry, I really love him. I can't just stop loving him overnight. Though apparently he can." Hermione looked down at her coffee cup, and began to sob. Her shoulders shook with every breath, while Harry looked at her, unsure as what to do. He was never very good at comforting people. It's not that he didn't want to, he just didn't know how.
Just as he was reaching across the table to touch her hand, the doorbell rang. Hermione didn't even look up. "You should get that," she said tiredly.
"I'm not just going to leave you."
"Harry," she said, looking at him. "I'm not going to kill myself if you leave for five minutes. I'll probably just cry, anyway."
Harry looked startled. "Oh, just because I lost my husband doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor," she said, the faintest glimmer of a smile on her face. Harry smiled back, and went to open the door.
He tightened the belt on his robe, and opened the door.
Standing before him, looking as dark and as menacing as ever, was Severus Snape.
"I would like to see my wife," he said smoothly, his anger clearly conveyed through his black eyes.
Harry gritted his teeth, trying very hard not to punch him. "She's not here."
Snape narrowed his eyes. "You're lying, Potter."
"Sorry, Proffessor," he said sarcastically. "I don't know where she is. Why isn't she with you?"
"Stop lying. I know she is here." Snape took a step towards Harry. While after he had married Hermione, Snape, Harry and Ron had all had a mutual understanding towards eachother, and had even begun to respect eachother, the only thing that kept them civil was Hermione.
"Well, you're mistaken." Harry had begun to close the door, when suddenly, a piercing baby's cry cut the air.
Snape glowered at Harry. "Let me in. I hear my daughter. I have a right to be with her. And Hermione."
"No, no I'm pretty sure you lost all rights when you told Hermione you didn't love her."
"Shh, shh," Hermione said, trying to calm Emma. She realized that Harry had been at the door an awfully long time, and decided to go see what was wrong.
"Harry, what's taking you so--" Her voice dropped as she saw Snape standing there.
"Hermione," he said, his voice soft, and loving. "Please, let me talk to you. I need to explain..."
"Forgive me, Severus, but I don't believe there is a lot to explain." Her voice was hard, and scathing. "You. Don't. Love. Me. That's pretty fucking clear."
"Hermione. Please." Snape tried to get in the door, but Harry was still there, forbidding him entrance.
"Alright Severus, you want to talk? Fine. I still love you. I may, in fact, always love you. And I'm really sorry that you can't feel the same way." She paused. "I used to think I was really special. Thinking I was the only one who could see you as the loving man I always thought was in you somewhere. When I saw you hold Emma for the first time... I was amazed. The look on your face..." Hermione smiled bitterly, remembering the happiness she had felt at that moment. "But I suppose it's all different now. The only way you will ever see me again, is in a courtroom, when we fight for custody of Emma. Because, quite frankly, I never want to speak to you again."
Snape opened his mouth to respond, but Harry had already slammed the door in his face.
Harry walked as quietly as he could to the basement. If Hermione had gotten to sleep, he didn't want to wake her. However, when he got to the bottom of the stairs, he noticed the couch was empty, save for a small, two-year old form that was covered by a blanket,and there was a smell of coffee coming from the kitchen.
"Good morning, Hermione," Harry said tenatively, as he walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulders.
"Good morning," she said absentmindedly, and continued stirring the cup of coffee she had in front of her.
An awkward silence ensued. "So..." Harry said haltingly. "How are you?"
"How am I?" Hermione laughed bitterly to herself. "How am I?" She turned and faced Harry, tears in her eyes, her usually mellow voice roughened by a lack of sleep and too many tears. "I'm just fucking fabulous."
Harry stepped back. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know how to approach the subject with you. Every time I try, you just get mad at me." He shook his head as he walked to the tiny table that barely fit into the small kitchen. "I guess, I'll just wait until you're ready."
Hermione put her head down, and crossed to the table. She sat down across from Harry. "I don't mean to be so horrible to you. It's just..." she paused, and she attempted to choke back tears. "I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to feel, or do. My life has fallen apart. I know it seems stupid," she said, looking at Harry, "But, I feel like part of me is missing. I mean, Harry, I really love him. I can't just stop loving him overnight. Though apparently he can." Hermione looked down at her coffee cup, and began to sob. Her shoulders shook with every breath, while Harry looked at her, unsure as what to do. He was never very good at comforting people. It's not that he didn't want to, he just didn't know how.
Just as he was reaching across the table to touch her hand, the doorbell rang. Hermione didn't even look up. "You should get that," she said tiredly.
"I'm not just going to leave you."
"Harry," she said, looking at him. "I'm not going to kill myself if you leave for five minutes. I'll probably just cry, anyway."
Harry looked startled. "Oh, just because I lost my husband doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor," she said, the faintest glimmer of a smile on her face. Harry smiled back, and went to open the door.
He tightened the belt on his robe, and opened the door.
Standing before him, looking as dark and as menacing as ever, was Severus Snape.
"I would like to see my wife," he said smoothly, his anger clearly conveyed through his black eyes.
Harry gritted his teeth, trying very hard not to punch him. "She's not here."
Snape narrowed his eyes. "You're lying, Potter."
"Sorry, Proffessor," he said sarcastically. "I don't know where she is. Why isn't she with you?"
"Stop lying. I know she is here." Snape took a step towards Harry. While after he had married Hermione, Snape, Harry and Ron had all had a mutual understanding towards eachother, and had even begun to respect eachother, the only thing that kept them civil was Hermione.
"Well, you're mistaken." Harry had begun to close the door, when suddenly, a piercing baby's cry cut the air.
Snape glowered at Harry. "Let me in. I hear my daughter. I have a right to be with her. And Hermione."
"No, no I'm pretty sure you lost all rights when you told Hermione you didn't love her."
"Shh, shh," Hermione said, trying to calm Emma. She realized that Harry had been at the door an awfully long time, and decided to go see what was wrong.
"Harry, what's taking you so--" Her voice dropped as she saw Snape standing there.
"Hermione," he said, his voice soft, and loving. "Please, let me talk to you. I need to explain..."
"Forgive me, Severus, but I don't believe there is a lot to explain." Her voice was hard, and scathing. "You. Don't. Love. Me. That's pretty fucking clear."
"Hermione. Please." Snape tried to get in the door, but Harry was still there, forbidding him entrance.
"Alright Severus, you want to talk? Fine. I still love you. I may, in fact, always love you. And I'm really sorry that you can't feel the same way." She paused. "I used to think I was really special. Thinking I was the only one who could see you as the loving man I always thought was in you somewhere. When I saw you hold Emma for the first time... I was amazed. The look on your face..." Hermione smiled bitterly, remembering the happiness she had felt at that moment. "But I suppose it's all different now. The only way you will ever see me again, is in a courtroom, when we fight for custody of Emma. Because, quite frankly, I never want to speak to you again."
Snape opened his mouth to respond, but Harry had already slammed the door in his face.