A/N: Well, after putting out such a horrible previous chapter (and horrible it was), hopefully this will make up for it somewhat. In all honesty I've been kinda looking forward to writing this one XD Yay Dibness! And with my recent acquisition of the second IZ DVD set, I am thus further inspired! If this chapter isn't awe-inspiringly amazing then I'll surely die a slow and horrible death due to... old age! (Eventually)
Once again huge thankies go out to all the wonderful reviewers, it is you guys that keep me locked up in my basement in front of my computer instead of terrorizing the general populous- Thus doing your part in making the world a better place! Now get out there and rescue some baby seals or something you lot of filthy do-gooders... Blarg, long time, no update- Curse you, accursed Writers Block! Curse You!
Disclaimer:
Dibs head is bigZims arms are thin
I'm mighty blue
'Cause Jhonen owns Invader Zim
The Great Invaders Fic of Very Ficcish DOOM!
Chpt 4: Revenge of the Big-Headed Earth Boy (Dib Lays it on Reeeal Thick)
Silence. Darkness. Warmth. The small earth boy lay curled into a small ball tucked away in the dusty, cramped crevice behind the couch of his mortal enemy. He felt almost as though he were floating, drifting beyond the harsh realities of todays heartless society and the selfish minds churning behind its workings. Beyond the cruelty of his sister and the cold, painful rejection of his father (he wondered if they even knew how deeply they hurt him, or if they did would they even care? Would anyone?). Beyond himself and his own fragile limitations. He could see himself dimly, as if through an elongated tunnel- He looked so small, so fragile, a child forced to grow up long before his time. He was so pale... Pale as death... He could feel it distantly, the slow, steady throb of his heart, the soft beating almost a poetic lullaby... But it was okay, this was okay, he didn't want to return to that cold faceless world, he didn't need to- No one would miss him there anyway... Here (tucked neatly behind Zims couch) was where he belonged. Here (tucked neatly behind Zims couch) he was finally free...
...What kind of creepy alien dust spore did Zim shed behind here anyway? Dib quickly shook himself out of his daze and shuddered in revulsion. Oh no, hallucinations and/or out of body experiences were definitely not typical symptoms of inhaling too much human dust/shed skin flakes. Well, seeing as the mandatory amount of Dib-Angst™ required in any decent Invader Zim fanfic has been fulfilled, we can finally move on with the rest of the plot. He craned his head out from behind the reaches of the faded couch, a quick double check to make sure the coast was clear before squeezing out with an audible 'pop'. He barely gave his eyes a moment to adjust to the sudden light (and his lungs to adjust to the sudden clean-ish air, or his mental state to the sudden shift of focus to his person instead of the usual Zim-centered style it has been for pretty much the entire fic. Wow, that's one hell of a run-on sentence...) before scampering over to the toilet nestled cosily in Zims kitchen corner. (He didn't bother asking, he wasn't entirely sure his brain would be able to comprehend the answer without imploding.) That stupid robot wasting all that precious time! Now he was once again unsure of his time limits- But no, this was a golden opportunity that may never come again! He had spent too many hours and days and mind-numbing minutes of meticulous planning and slash-inspiring obsession to let this chance slip by!
...He'd even faced down Gazs hellish wrath to get the Dib-bot from her room... Well, his lungs did appear to still be functioning decently well without those few rib bones, so (knock-on-wood) he should be fiiine... He couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit stupid, standing in a toilet... If only his dad could see him now...
"The jig is up Zim! Once I send these photos in to Mysterious Mysteries, there will be no place left for you to hide! Soon you'll- Wha?"
The door suddenly smashed open, Dib barely got a glimpse of a tall, dark silhouette looming into the living room before he was blinded by the sudden innumerable bursts of light behind the foreboding figure- Cameras. Lots and lots of cameras...
"And thus, utilizing the 'Offspring-Seeker 3010' the location of a child can be pinpointed in mere seconds! Thus taking a bite out of child abductions and- Great Jumping JellyBeans! My only son conversing with himself while bathing in a foreign boys kitchen toilet! And is that a CAMERA? Oh the DISHONOUR that has been brought down upon the great Membrane™ name! Oh the UNBEARABLE SHAME!"
The authoress then took this moment to exploit her divine author-y powers and poke Dib out of his stupor with a metaphorical pencil crayon of sharpened periwinkle doom. This hallucination stuff is starting to drag (not to mention the slight feelings of miff-ness towards the professor for quitting his position of ending announcer guy...) But enough about me, PLOTWARD HO!
Dib was poked- er, startled from his train of thought by a distant rumbling, swelling up from the unexplored depths of Zims porcelain throne- something was coming, rising up from the sick underbelly of the invaders base like some twisted leviathan... Kinda like a leviathan, only... not. He hopped off the toilet and rested his ear against the bowl- He could faintly hear the chutes and ladders of the concealed labs groaning under the pressure- The very bowels of Zims base were shifting as though they'd downed a bad, bad burrito, ready to spew forth it's pure half-digested evil liquid dooky!
...He paused for a moment and wondered if he was even still mentally ranting about the labs... He quickly pulled out his camera, bracing himself against the side of the toilet when the floor began to tremble from the force... Whatever it was, it was big.
And all he was armed with was a camera. Whenever that thing came out (taking its sweet time ain't it?) he was going to be so subjugated... Or just liquefied... Craaaap...
Suddenly, the toilet split open as a small green and black fuzzy blur blasted from within, shattering the fragile porcelain toilet and Dibs calcium-y cranium with a carefree squeal. The tiny androids jets scorched the surrounding rooms as they worked overtime to compensate for the rather oversized toolkit (or was it a vending machine?) strapped to its back. And as suddenly as it had appeared, it was again gone without a trace (besides the trail of charred destruction left in the wake of his erratic flight... And Dib, who was pitifully flailing on the floor in the wraps of his burning agony. Look at him go!)
"FACE-FLESH- MELTING! OH SWEET DIVINE BEING THE ALL-ENCOMPASSING, SEARING PAIN!"
And then Dib died from the severity of his injuries. Then Zim, being a cosmically inept fool, cut the turquoise wire instead of the magenta wire, detonating the nuclear warhead that, through some freak occurrence, ended with all of the USA sinking into the ocean. But Canada was okay- for they had Timbit powers and hockey pucks. Eh. But then Squishy, Hugger of Worlds, came along and obliterated (that's such a spiffy word- it's not used nearly enough) the planet, and not even an amazing cup of coffee could save Canada then.
I would say they all lived happily ever after... But they were all dead... and stuff.
And the Massive randomly blew up due to a well-placed unpopped corn kernel and one deceitfully delicious piece of cake.
And they were all dead too.
So, to make a long story short, the Slaughtering Rat People of Blortch became the unquestioned rulers of the universe.
Until they all died as well.
THE END.
"Dat's jus' Stupid!" howled the Grouts from within their grimy trailer of unkept, uncleanly, unsanitary flith (that's way too many 'un's for one sentence). "No dec'nt author wou' end no dec'nt stawry like 'at!" Mr. Grout threw a stern chicken leg at the TV. "BOO! All you's 'n yer Government Fics SUCK!"
And the authoress' feelings were deeply hurt.
And the Grout children sat in a distant corner, munching on... weenies (yes... 'weenies'), blissfully unaware.
Sooooo anyway, Dib craned his (disturbingly large) head over to peer into the blackened mouth of the toilet, now obviously not so much a toilet as a secret entrance to Zims underground labs. His face was calm, smooth, blank (and magically unharmed)... Then, the corners of his mouth began to twitch slightly, before splitting into a huge shi-er, dooky (have to keep the rating down)- eating grin. A grin that could only be compared to that of a paranormal investigator stumbling across the secret entrance to an alien...s... underground... labs... (cough) Victory for DIB! And making sure he had his trusty camera in hand he hopped into the mangled tube to see where fate would drop him.
Dib, of all people, should know very well by now that good old Lady Luck was not often in his favour...
Dib sailed down the ruined passages, levels blurring by like a... blurry thing. A computer room. A... making-stuff room thing. A... laundry room... That was one evil looking washing machine... A torture chamber... That was one evil looking washing machine... What the-? In the torture chamber!? Dib did a mental double-take but had already flew long past the door. Twisting, tumbling, spiralling out of control- it took all the small boys willpower to keep from loosing either his limbs or his lunch as he plummeted into the dark abyss. Maybe this hadn't been such a brilliant idea... And suddenly he was regurgitated (another awesome word that isn't used nearly enough) into what must have been the bottom level, skipped twice across the waxed floor and ended with a bone-crunching stop against the base of a big, demonic red... something. Right now he was in a bit too much pain to care. It was at this point his camera flew out of the passage, bounced, and delicately lodged itself firmly in Dibs central lobe.
"Wh-why... must e-everything... hurt..." he gasped as he began to shift around- an attempt at popping his spine back into place.
"INTRUDER ALERT! COLLECT YOUR BLADDER AND PREPARE FOR LASERY ANNIHILATION!" a few rather menacing looking wires dropped down from the ceiling, each tipped with wicked claws or spiffy alien-ish looking high-tech gun-thingers. Dib swallowed thickly as he painfully pulled himself to his feet.
"WAIT! I come in peac-"the computer scoffed and drew the weaponry closer. Dib absently wondered how a computer could scoff as he continued "eaccccafist!... ness. Pacifistness! See? My camera is broken, and everyone thinks I'm crazy so they won't listen to anything I say without it!"
The computer seemed to consider this.
Dib wept inside (and he was pretty sure he was bleeding as well). Why Cruel Fate, WHYYYY!?! So Close to Exposure!
"Weeeeelll... Alright. I suppose. But only because I'd have to scrape your greasy charred little filth carcass off the wall before Zim returned."
Dib blinked. Well, there was something else to mercilessly haunt his nightmares. Psychological trauma was fun!
"But... How am I supposed to get out of here?"
No response, the computer had already returned to its previous activities, and be damned if it was going to be disturbed again! It was Boos wedding on 'True Tales of Human Drama' (the computers favourite soap) and poor, angsty Sir was caught in a life or death struggle against rush-hour traffic to get there. Would he make it in time to proclaim his undying love for Boo, or would she be swept away in the twisted, heartless arms of Huddi Hudgy Honni the pro wrestler playboy who merely wanted to use her for her mystical power to distort time, space, and cook a perfect burrito every time? The Suspense!
Dib blinked slowly and looked around, silently cursing with the dirtiest words his 11 year old mind could conjure. By Dooky, what a dumb place... Indeed, there really wasn't much in the room- No death rays, no zany inventions, no spooky alien healing tanks that seem to pop up in so many future fics, not even any of the thrice-be-damned PUNK RAWK references that seems to haunt almost every bloody Zim fic on the web. Why punk rock? WHY? Did Zim even listen to music...? Dib blinked again (does that a lot don't he?)- And why did he keep going off on a tangent about healing tanks and punk rock anyway?
It was almost like someone else was controlling his thoughts... Typing them out for the sick amusement of like minded-sicky people... Dib wrapped his arms around himself and glanced around insecurely, feeling distinctly barren and exposed... Suddenly, a soft glowing caught his eye- Spooky alien technology perhaps? He gave his broken camera a sad glance before ambling over to that side of the lab. Might as well see what it was... Perhaps Zims newest (amazing!) plan for world domination! That put a bit more spunk in his step as he marched giddily over to the computer (God! This boy is bi polar in this fic, I swear...) He couldn't wait to see the expression on Zims face when he defeated him at his own game once again... And then he'd strap him down in a science lab 'n cut him up reeeal good! An absent smile quirked at the corner of the small boys mouth as his mind filled with the delicious imagined screams of pure agony he was sure Zim would make as he was subjected to all kinds of horrible tests. (Heh, malicious little guy ain't he? Poor Dib, so young yet already so warped...)
However, it didn't take long for Dib to figure out that what was typed across the screen wasn't another one of Zims evil plots. Oh no, not at all, it appeared to be a story... A horrible story... Dib's eye twitched, his knuckles turning white against the panel, and then, the rage burst forth;
"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG! I Beat Thee!" he hissed, banging his fist futilely against the side panel. "That Stupid Jerk! How Dare he Kill Me Off Like Six Freaking Times?" he scowled in his little Dib-ish manner, crossing his arms and pouting (aw!) "This is how that spacey alien thing from space gets his kicks? Killing me off in badly written story rips?" he quickly scanned over the fic again. "Besides... This is just... Stupid. What kind of moron would kill off what few valuable brain cells they have left by reading this... thing?"
(You can all look ashamed now.)
"However, killing me, even if it is only in (badly written) fiction, is unforgivable- I shall Avenge Myself!"
Silence fell as the large headed boy realized just how stupid he was starting to sound. He twitched as he became subconsciously aware of some divine force poking fun at his huge head. There it was again! (twitchy)
Moving on...
The human loomed dangerously over the keyboard, eyes narrowing (I don't think I've totally ran this expression into the dirt quite yet) sinisterly as he quickly plotted out what horror he was about to unleash... Ah, evil protagonism... Is that even a word? Is that even a concept? Ah well, this fic wasn't been making any sense before, why should I start worrying about it now?
ïƒ Dib's Fic 
The door suddenly burst open, and there stood DIB, Saviour of Earth and Unquestionable Superior Being, armed to the teeth as the bright, justice-packed light of Divine Retribution shone... um... brightly behind him.
"Squee!" squeed Zim in absolute terror as he dropped to the floor, quivering amidst his own vile alien-y bodily fluids, obviously overwhelmed by the sheer power that was the Mighty Dib! "Oh no! My evident inferiority suddenly engulfs my fragile mind! I must retreat!" so Zim fled like the cowardly, not-superior alien scum he is. And all the people were so amazed, as they'd seen that Dib had been right All Along, and wasn't crazy, but deserving of... um... fame... and stuff. Good stuff. Yeah.
"Mmyep, my son sure is a real genius! I am so ashamed I ever doubted his geniusness!" Professor Membrane patted Dibs head as the two stood at the world summit to receive their Nobel Peace Prizes for uh... Defeating alien scum, proving the existence of ghosts, Bigfeets, the alternate sock dimension linked to dryers, and just generally making the world a better place for everyone. The massive audience cheered as Dib accepted his award, humbly and gallantly, in the background one could hear a distinct "Dib Membrane Rocks!"
Suddenly the cheers died away as cries of terror erupted- The alien invasion! Dib stood bravely, stock still and tough-looking like in all those super hero movies as the people began fleeing in panic. Perhaps he'd exact his Ultimate Revenge on Zim after all...
The aliens beamed down to earth and started terrorizing and stuff. Suddenly, Dib rose at the summit, did I mention he'd used his many mad skillz to hack into the uh, TV um, stuff, so he was broadcasted across the entire planet? No? Well, he did, so anyway, he stood up there and exclaimed:
"Do not despair mankind, those are Not aliens to be feared- They are a race made up entirely of Self-Deluded Morons that smell vaguely like old cabbage!"
"Duh, duh, We're so superior and stuff!" moaned the drooly zombie-like aliens as they stumbled around bumping into each other and stuff.
"Come my fellow humans, rise and band together! We can kick these cosmically inept fools off our planet once and for all!" and all the people joined as one super-army and battled the Irkens with... uh, lots of fire hoses! Utilizing the Irkens most obvious weakness against them straight off the bat before they could devise any way of protecting themselves.
"OH NO! The Liquid Death! It Reigns From Above! We Must Retreat!" exclaimed the aliens and they all ran back to their ships and blasted off, never to return. Dib was hailed as a hero for it was his bounty of knowledge of the Irken race that led to their defeat. Why, if it weren't for him doing his human duty, all the earth would be enslaved by now! Man, Dib was great and not crazy and... and stuff!
"Look Dib, we've managed to capture a few of the unbelievably stupid alien menaces! Let's subject them to all kinds of horrible tests, just cause we CAN!" exclaimed a scientist as he gestured to a bunch of tanks holding a handful of Irkens. One face stood out most prominently above all the others- And that Irken, immediately realizing his horrific fate, did what he did best and cowered against the back of his tube. Dib smiled viciously and waved.
"Why, hello Zim." He sneered to his arch nemesis before nodding to the scientist "Take that one to the Special lab, you know, the one that's even more painful than the others." He turned back to the defeated alien with relish "I guess it's obvious who the Superior Race is here, eh Zim?"
"Nooo! I have been defeated and stuff! Oh the Prickly Humiliation, how Foolish I was to ever think I could defeat the humans!?"
Anyway, moving on to the lab of Horrendous Pain™... Dib pulled on his surgical gloves with delight before turning to the tiny Irken strapped to the autopsy table before him. Zim struggled vainly against the tight binds as Dib advanced on him slowly, scalpel in hand.
"Now Zim, all those threats are fulfilled in uh, full!" with that, Dib plunged his
ïƒ End Fic (just in time to keep the rating down o.O- Brutal little guy isn't he?) 
"Why hello Dib." An icy, evilly familiar voice hissed into his ear as something cold and sharp dug roughly into the back of his neck- Not enough to break the skin, but enough to let the human child know the Irken meant business. "Fancy finding you here." Dibs stomach dropped into his feet- Caught.
"Y- You won't get away with this Zim!" he barked in return as he turned his head slightly to meet those deadly crimson slits of poison. He may have been trapped, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let the alien know how scared he was. The invader leered darkly in response.
"Cute Dib-filth, real cute, using that robot. Here I thought something like that was beyond the simple grasps of your stupid, defective brain-meats." His voice dropped dangerously as he continued. "Real Cute." Dib winced as the alien spat hatefully into his ear. Eww... Alien slobber...(I would have liked to include Zim giving Dib a wet-willy at this point, however I can't seem to work it into the plot. But, mentioning it here allows you all to giggle at the mental image and me to keep the semi-serious mood. My mad skillz amazed even me sometimes) He resisted the urge to shudder as Zims (bad) breath rushed past his face. "But playtime is over Dib-worm..." Zim broke into a wicked smile once again, a gloved claw clamping forcefully down onto his shoulder as the sharp object was shoved farther into his neck. "Now the real fun begins!" Zims cackling rose in the small lab, vibrating off the deep, crimson walls as Dibs heart pounded against his ribs. He tried to wrench free, only to be met with a forceful blow to the back of his head. Stars danced before his eyes before it all faded to black, Zims thick, malicious laughter (shortly being cut off as the extra terrestrial megalomaniac chocked on his own superior drool) echoing on and on in the dark recesses of his mind... Kind of like when to blow really hard into the anus of a moose, it doesn't immediately waft out its nostrils, instead it swirls around in the animals lower intestine for a while as it promptly turns around and mauls you...
Back at the Membrane household Gaz was absorbed in her sketches. She leaned back and nodded thoughtfully as she gazed down at the small figure she'd finished colouring... She then delicately crumpled it up and ate it, chewing thoughtfully as she reached for another blank piece of paper.
She was startled out of her thoughts when the small floaty-screen thinger whirred up, stopping inches from her face. She calmly popped open one demonic amber eye to gaze at the shrouded face of her father.
"Greetings Daughter!" exclaimed the professor in his usual dramatic manner. "Might you have any idea where your brother has run off to? One of my colleagues is unveiling his newest invention in an hour, and I feel that you two should be present!" Gaz quirked an eyebrow.
"Why?" she said. It wasn't so much a question as a statement. Membrane continued without missing a beat.
"His invention is Obviously going to be a SPECTACULAR FAILURE, and I'd like Dib to witness first-hand where his foolish para-science will wind up putting him." Gazs other eye cracked open to give her father a sceptical look. "And I thought you'd enjoy it. It has pigs!" he continued, as if not noticing his daughters look.
"Dib's not here." She shrugged, her eyes squinting once again as she returned to her work.
"That's a shame, I suppose all this pizza will have to go to waste then..." he mumbled, more to himself than anything as the small hover screen floated off. Gazs eyes popped open once more as her crayon slipped from her small, claw-like fingers...
(Bitters voice-over)
On the next (and thankfully last) horrible chapter of this horrible fic, That horrible she-demon shall venture into the horrible recess of that horrible Zims home to save her annoyingly horrible brother. What kind of horror will such a horrible mind add to that horrible fic? I really don't care, but I'm sure some of you horrible stinks might. Stay tuned next time, same horrible time, same horrible channel. Ugh, you'd think this author would have some more productive way to waste her horrible time. This is just... dumb.
(Zim)
"Dumb like a Moose!"
Ending rant.
Wow. Another shoddy chapter. Once again, I'm sorry for the poor quality of this chapter, and I'm sorry for not updating sooner. A strange hybrid of writers block and laziness is what I attribute it to. Yay, you read right, the next chapter is going to be the last- Almost over! Why, because those four (Zim, GIR, Dib and Gaz) are the only characters that I could conceivably give the opportunity to type... Unless it wound up being transmitted to the Tallest or something through some freak accident, but then that's just getting stupid...
Just a few pokes at this chapter. Made the end slightly more funny...ish.