Chapter 17: Morning

Logan woke first the next morning, to bright sun streaming in the window. He started to move, groggily, then felt a weight on his arm and realized Jubilee was still sleeping on top of him. Careful not to disturb her (she looked too peaceful) and eased himself carefully out of bed.

He set the coffeemaker to brew a pot of strong black coffee, figuring that Jubilee would probably want some when she woke up, and poured himself a cup when it was ready. As he sipped it, he thought over what Jubilee had told him the night before.

It was terrible. Sick. Obscene. Bastion had called mutants, especially the X-Men, monsters. What should he call himself, then, who could torture an innocent child? Jubilee hadn't done anything wrong, just happened to be born with an extra gene that made her able to release little colored sparkles. She wasn't a monster, she wasn't bent on controlling the world. She was having trouble just controlling her own powers!

He ground his teeth. There were a few of their enemies he wouldn't have minded seeing back there in the facility. Creed. Magneto. Others, countless others the X-Men had faced and defeated over the years. Not Jubilee. Not his happy, enthusiastic, perky little Jubilee. She hadn't deserved what happened to her. The world could be so unfair sometimes.

And the guards. Was he the only one who found the thought of touching a child sickening? What was wrong with them? How could they force a clearly unwilling, immature, young girl to do…they were grown men, she was a child, small for her age, and the pain…Logan clenched his fists, and his claws popped out. With difficulty, he forced himself to relax, and they slid back in. He put his coffee down, reached backward, and absently rubbed his shoulder. His muscles were stiff from lying on a bed too narrow for two people. He really should think about replacing the mattress with a bigger one.

Gentle hands pushed his hand aside, replacing them with a pair of soft-skinned, smaller set. "No, don't push me away, Wolvie. My massage teacher said you can't reach the shoulder muscles with your own hands, you really need to have another person work on those muscles for you. So put your hand down and stop dithering and let me work." There was a mix of irritation and tenderness in the voice that sounded more like his Jubilee than it had since her run-in with the tree and Creed. Logan dropped his hands into his lap, leaned forward and rested his forehead on the tabletop, and felt Jubilee's hands go to work on his back and shoulder muscles. Damn, that felt good.

"And there's no Emma here to walk in and interrupt us, so I can do a proper job on those muscles. Wow. You're really tight here, Wolvie." She worked busily for a while, working the kinks out until his back muscles lay smooth and flat against his bones, then she patted his back, leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his neck, and kissed his shoulder. He reached up, touching the hands that were draped over his shoulders, and said, "Did ya have a good sleep?"

She nodded against the back of his head. "Haven't slept that soundly in a while."

"Did I wake you up?"

There was a slight hesitation, and then Jubilee nodded again. "I heard your claws pop. I thought someone might be trying to get us up here."

Logan grinned. "They ain't getting' ta ya, darlin'. They're gonna haveta go through me ta get ta ya."

Jubilee got up and crossed to the coffee maker, pouring herself a cup, then looked around for cream and sugar. Finding none, she looked inquiringly at Logan and arched her eyebrows.

He shrugged, cursing himself for the oversight. "Sorry, Jubilee," he said. "I don't usually put anythin' in my coffee…an' yer the first person I brung up here."

She grinned, and her eyes sparkled. "Really? You've never brought anybody else up here? Wow. Cool." She crossed the room holding her coffee cup, and he was suddenly aware that she was wearing only an oversized t-shirt and socks, and little else. He tried not to notice the way her breasts poked out against the front of the shirt, or the peek of her underclothing under the shirt, but it was very hard not to notice when she sat down in the only other chair in the cabin, sat back, and crossed her legs, and he saw… "Jubes," he said, averting his eyes and trying not to look like he was looking, "Do you think you could maybe go an' put some pants on or something?"

"So you have eyes after all," she teased gently, and Logan flushed when he realized she was doing it deliberately. She giggled at his blush, which just made his blush deepen. "I was wondering when you'd notice."

Logan put his coffee down and crossed his arms. "Jubes, if this is yer way of inviting me ta sleep with ya…or askin' me if we're 'goin' out…then no. I can't, Jubes, especially not after what ya told me last night."

Hurt filled her eyes, and she stared into her coffee cup. "Why do you think I didn't tell you…or anyone else…before?" she asked, her voice shaking. "I didn't want anybody to look at me like I was…dirty, somehow. Tainted. I didn't even tell Hank, although I think he guessed."

"Jubes. I don't think you're dirty. What happened…it wasn't your fault. It's just…you had all those men force you into being…physical…with them, and I don't want to be the next one to violate you like that."

"You wouldn't be, Logan. You wouldn't be…forcing me. If I say it's okay, it's okay, right?" She looked at him anxiously.

Logan hesitated. "It would…but I really don't see ya that way, Jubilee. I don't see ya as a little sex kitten," she gave a little watery smile at that, "I see ya as my partner, my pal, my sidekick. Besides, ya wouldn't want an ol' man like me. Look at all them boys at college ya dated, an' gone ta parties with," and he made an unmistakable hand gesture.

"No." Jubilee said in a small voice.

He stared. "No?"

She shook her head. "No. I tried. There was this boy I liked, and we went on a few dates. And I brought him back to the dorm room, and we…tried…and I couldn't. As soon as he got close, I…I just couldn't. I kept seeing the guards, and I couldn't." She looked down, all trace of her playfulness gone. "Logan, it wasn't just force. The other things they did to me got so bad that…well, after the first time with the guards…I found it was bearable. It was better than some of the other things they wanted to do. I let them, so they wouldn't do…the other things."

Logan flinched at that revelation. "Jubilee…no matter what, it was still force. Ya hadda do that, in order ta survive. It still didn't make it right. You were a kid, they were grown men. They had no right ta touch ya, even if ya did tell 'em they could. It was still wrong."

Jubilee's shoulders started to shake with silent, tearless sobs. "I…tried so hard…to do what they wanted…so they wouldn't hurt me even worse. I tried to tell myself that I was doing it because I had to survive. I tried to ignore them…they told me I wanted it because I let them do…what they did. And I think after a while I started to believe them…"

Logan got up out of his chair, going to crouch down in front of Jubilee, huddled in a small, miserable lump in her chair. "Listen ta me, Jubes." He captured her chin in his hands, tilting her face up to meet his, and saw the misery, the pain, the anguish in them. "It wasn't yer fault. None o' it was. Regardless o' what ya told 'em, they still shouldn't'a touched ya. They were grown men, they shoulda known." Tears filled Jubilee's eyes, and she laid her head on Logan's shoulder and cried. He held her for a long time, his own heart crying in anguish for her pain, until she finally ran out of tears, picked up her now-cold coffee, and drained the cup.

"I decided that what they did ruined me, that I'd never be able to sleep with a guy without having flashbacks to Bastion and his guards. And the boy I liked…he went around telling everyone that I was frigid, and I liked girls…I was so embarrassed and humiliated. The rumors died down, but I never got close to another classmate." She took a deep breath. "I found a book in the library about dealing with the aftermath of traumatic events like my…experience…with the guards…and the book said that it's different with someone I really cared about, someone I loved. That if I found someone I really cared about, he'd be patient and gentle and I'd be able to enjoy it."

Logan's heart skipped a beat. With all the things Jubilee had been through, the fear she had of physical intimacy, and she was asking him to be her 'first'… "Oh, Jubilee," he said quietly. "I would if I could…but I can't. I just…don't see ya that way. But I'll be your friend. And if anybody ever dare s touch ya again, I'll rip their hands off!" His vehement declaration brought a smile to her face, finally, and he stood, kissing the top of her head. "So with all that out of the way, how's breakfast sound?"

"Lovely. I'll make toast."

Logan pinned her with a glare. "Don't even think about getting up out of that chair," he said in mock ferocity. "I see how your toast comes out. You can butter it, but you're not making it!"

Jubilee crossed her arms and pouted. "No fair. That was ages ago. I've gotten better at cooking since then. And how about how your eggs come out? The last time you went camping your skillet came back with all those burned eggs in it." They glared at each other for a moment, then simultaneously broke into smiles. 'Okay," Jubilee said at last. 'You win. But hey, you were up all night listening to me run my mouth—"

"Ya weren't runnin' yer mouth," Logan interjected quickly.

"—so in return for listening to my whining, how about we go into that town we passed on the way here and get a breakfast somebody else made? My treat."

Logan was just glad to see her smiling. 'Okay. And while we're there, I got another errand to run you can help me with."

"What?" she asked, cocking a brow at him quizzically as he headed for the bedroom for his shirt.

"The bed ain't big enough for the two of us. Wanna get another one."

Jubilee giggled as he came out dressed and held the door open for her. "Thanks." She closed the door and started dressing, and as she did, she called, "Hey, Wolvie?" through the door.

"Yeah?" he said back, emptying and cleaning the coffeepot and used cups.

"You know even if we don't do anything, they're still going to wonder back at the mansion what we're doing here. I'm sure Remy probably told everyone where we were going by now."

"Yeah, but if any rumors start, Chuck'll squash them."

Her head popped out around the bedroom door. "Charles knows where we are?"

"Not exactly. But after ya woke up I asked him if he thought it was a good Idea fer you an' me ta take a little vacation, an' he said it was okay."

"Oh." Her head disappeared back in, then popped back out a minute later as she thought of something else. "Emma won't take Charles's word for it. She's going to suspect the worst. Remember how she was jumping to conclusions after we came back from the motel?"

'Let her." Logan's tone spoke clearly of his distaste for the former White Queen of the Hellfire Club. "She can jump ta all the conclusions she wants ta. We ain't done anything wrong, Chuck okay'ed our trip, and I don't give a flamin' rat's ass what she thinks." He put his hands on his hips. "Now are ya just gonna hang yer head outside my bedroom door or are we actually gonna get some breakfast sometime today?"

Jubilee burst into laughter, and her head disappeared back into the room again. Moments later she came out dressed in hip-hugging black jeans, sensible hiking boots, and a red plaid flannel shirt like Logan's. She grinned at his raised eyebrow, and said, "I found out from years of wearing yours that they were really very comfortable." She was twisting her long hair into a braid at the nape of her neck as she grabbed her wallet and shoved it in her back pocket, and tucked her checkbook in her jacket pocket. "Let's go," she said.