Fifth Installment to "Forever in the Dark" Saga (another dark poem about unwanted stitches and desire for redemption is brewing)
Sweet Surrender
no one has bled quite like me
at least, not the average mortals
my body and mind are covered in scars
many that you can't even imagine
nor see with your judgemental eyes
flickering memories of when they bled can be
harrowing
even worse when they can reopen
leaving me open for all to see
weak and vulnerable with no where to hide
i have some believing that i'm mutalated
either upon self infliction or disagreement
they will never and could never know
those stories are not for them to know
nor can they make me tell them so
i refuse to tell tales of them like an elder
an elder telling his story of times of war
not going to sink to that level
shall not let myself be seen by anyone
my scars shall remain there
untouched by another living soul to bear
so much doubt that any mortal could bear my
tales
even if i were to be honest to one
which is quite rare to do
to let a single string or flow of those
memories to come back
will only allow my stitches to come undone
for people to tease at
to unravel my self to them
must i always resew my worn out clothes
cloth tattered from many years of use
plain to see that my protection is thin
but not as fragile as glass
although shattered shards i can gather
will be deadly then for them
but yet i don't want to bleed them
like others have done to me once long ago
not right to wrong them like i've been
no one truly deserves to heed where i've been
and what i've seen
such pressure on their pure souls is
unnecessary
nor does anyone deserve what i've got
a tortured soul
a heart that is damned to hell
much like mortal fantasy of cursed immortality
like the vampyric immortals we dream of
such an illusion, truly
but so much alike, never the less is so
i do not fear being damned all that much
like i rightly should be doing so
it is just that i've gotten so used to this
this self imposed exile
my conscious bearing down on me all the time
to claw at me with such dark words
words that i dearly need to hear
although i would prefer to hear things i would
like
i hear the wisdom
but i am deft and dumb to them way too often
the light of reason needs to show through me
my dark aybss that always clouds my mind and my
vision
blind for all eternity, yes
but the choice not to remain deft and numb no
longer
sounds quite inviting
as strange as i find that
i speak of such conviction, do i not?
but yet i take no action whatsoever
i desire that feeling of inspiration
to plunge myself forth into a new shell
for this one to seek redemption
my new born desire
these wounds and scars of mine are great in
number
obvious sign for help
to turn my inner tide
to wash away this insanity from my entity
that has clouded me too long
and has gone unchallenged for ages
must come to an end
that is for certain
a damned soul seeking inner peace
to which many of us mortals seek
but few of us ever find
a wonderful dream like world where we can do no
wrong
to have our sins uplifted and barden
a sweet surrender
like a heaven upon earth
to those who have found that garden of eden
makes one wish that the great gods were still
alive
just so that they can see this
and know that their creations can find this
possible
that not all hope is lost upon the sinners
dark ones have a way back to the light
even when they tangle by a fraying shred
of sanity and health
one day i'll fly to that heaven
you just wait and see, my friends