Sixth Installment to "Forever in the Dark" - The Path that leads to redemption has many obstacles for the seeker to overcome and be tested in order to suceed. Fair thee well...

Dangerous Addiction

no one knows me
no one truly understands me
i've been addicted to the darkness for
far too long
i need to find a way back to the light
where i know that everything will be
alright
what i say now may seem like a cliché
to you
my conviction not having much value
for i have spoke of this so many times
before
but please believe when i say this
that i'm trying to find a way to turn
the tide
to prevent me from drowning within' my
mad world
that is as deep as the ocean
filled with unshed tears of sorrow and
regret
if i continue to explore the mysterious
water
surely, i'll be lost forever within' an
illusion
the surface will freeze over from
winter's harsh breath
blockading my escape to what is more
i am not willing to go out like this
never have i tolerated a dishonorable,
disgraceful death
ignoring the sirens' calls from below
the earth
to where a world is consumed by an
eternal fire
i'm too aware of what awaits me down
there
a million miles of pure living torture
for the rest of my days
that is not something that i am looking
forward to
what i'm trying to say here is that i'm
not going to give up
i won't back down from the light
a shimmer that is inviting and clear in
my mind
all i have to do is to seek it
redeem myself for past wrongs
to have it wash away my sins
evaporate my demons and forget my dark
past
i am not ready for hell to swallow me
whole
i would like to have a second chance in
life
so that when the day comes that i may
die
i would have the opportunity to go to
heaven
so that i can live out the rest of my
days in peace
for knowing only hell can truly break
me
cause me to shatter to pieces
fire melting, burning my few precious
memories
rare red roses in my lifetime
pealing away by outer shell
leaving me bare and open
open to welcome in more demons
that idea frightens me
having no choice but have to face this
a death that repeats itself a thousand
times over
making me unable to forget
what i've done
where i've been
the repulsive being that i've always
been
a dark soul has many layers of filth
so hard to wipe them all off
gone from existence
i try my best and with all my known
strengths
to pry it all away
but, alas, only with my imagination can
this seem easy
my grip grows weaker with the passing
time
time flies by and i get wearisome of it
wasting my time just by thinking too
much
tearing away at my own being for
allowing myself
to get this bad and mutilated
but, all is not lost
i have learned one thing
during this phase of self reflection
i am dire for another human companion
someone who is as scared as me
and wishes to escape his inner hell
to share burdens with one another
to lift a part of the load off our
shoulders
so that life won't be so hard anymore
upon those who have suffered
and desire to see better days
i am confessing to aide
such an alien, unknown concept to me
but, my moment is dire
and i'm left with no other options
either to seek help from another
or let myself waste away from the
inside
allow my soul to slowly fade
face and mind's eyes losing mobility
to conclude it all by killing myself
starting from the inside on out
becoming an empty shell of nothingness
these sort of thoughts strike such fear
chills run up and down my spine
my whole nervous system quivers
making my body feel like ice
feeling numb and paranoid to nothing
not a single thing around me matters
to me anymore during this anxiety
attack
i must make my grand escape
before it's too late for this poor soul
panic fills my mind as i rush forward
into the unknown
making my way towards the welcoming
light
before it snuffs itself out forever
my heart bounds wildly within' its cage
now do you believe in my conviction?
can i be freed of this damnation?
released from these balls and chains
that have been weighing me down
in this chamber with no light but from
the window
may i be bailed out of this jail that i
call my life?