This poem is the seventh installment to my poem saga at called Forever in the Dark, which centers on Once Upon A Time In Mexico's psychotic CIA Agent, Sheldon Jeffrey Sands.
Grim
Deliverance
being able to see
what only the eyes
can see
color and expression
seems all wonderful
gives
meaning to life
compared to one's emotions
observing the
world
is but a fading memory now
shades and hues losing
their value
deprieved of the simplest joys in life
to gaze
upon breathtaking landscapes
just isn't the same anymore
when
one can only feel the gentle breeze
with the echo of nature's
daily sounds
mocking me so
a constant reminder of what's not
there
all that i have got to look forward
to is darkness
behind nonexistent lids
endless abyss of shadows
promising
me nothing
lacking things to offer
but fading memories of
the past
to haunt me forever more
upon this demanding
world
that i no longer desires to be a part of
or at least
the portion of my dying being
upon this green earth
i have
become so numb to my emotions
inner humanity is a mystery to
me
the need to survive is waning
my strength evaporating
into thin air
the sensation of being alive
is killing me
from the inside
bringing me closer to my demise
whenever
that may be
living from day to day
is a difficult
struggle
such torture i'm burdened with
weighed down by poor
judgment
regrets and demons of my past
eating away at all my
hope
although i'm still amongst the living
i've already got
the knowledge
that i'm dying, soon to be dead
life doesn't
have any meaning
just another way to lash out at me
hurt and
scar me for ignorance
for not taking the time to redeem myself
sooner than i had begun to plan
why must everything offered
to me
in life, be delayed in delivery?
by the time i get the
signs
it's already too late for me
why didn't i see the
signs before?
i must've been too damn blind
even before i
lost my view upon
this harsh world
even i hadn't been
deprived of them
i would suffer and crumble
under the weight
of my heavy heart
depression setting in like rushing
acid
eating away everything in its bath
my eyes would have
been dead
so long ago
and i wouldn't even know
slowly
killing myself
a million miles to the final step in life
death
is on the horizon
i ache for a pleasant break
a quick
transition onto the next
onto the better life
where i can
finally be at peace
may god grant me that much
peace is all
i ever wanted
(Also, this poem is loosely based on Linkin Park's "From the Inside", from their sophomore album, Meteroa.) One more thing, this poem covers how Agent Sands is coming ever so close to giving up on his dreams of redemption.