April 1981

James stared out across the pond. Huge white swans floated serenely across the glassy surface. A flock of ducks babbled in front of him. Sirius and Harry sat in the middle of the ducks, passing out breadcrumbs as fast as they could. Sirius' great barking laugh almost drown out Harry's delighted chuckles.

It could never be Sirius. Never. Sirius looked back at him smiling. James returned the smile. When the bread was gone, he picked up Harry and helped him walk over to James. The youngster held tight to one of Sirius' fingers with each chubby fist. His legs wobbled, unsure of themselves, as he toddled towards his father. James beamed with pride.

"Hey there, Daddums," Sirius greeted, handing Harry back to James.

"Hey little man," James replied to Harry. He sat the baby on his lap, resting in the crook of his elbow. Sirius flopped on the bench beside James, heaving a great sigh. James sat silent beside him.

"What's wrong, James?" Sirius asked at last, his grey eyes drilling into James' heart.

There's a spy amongst us! You or Remus or Peter! I've decided it's not you. It can't be you! But . . . What if it is? He shook his head. "My thoughts are heavy and can't be shared," he said. Sirius glared at him then looked out across the pond, the swans and the departing ducks.

"You've never kept anything from me before James," he whispered.

"I know, Sirius," James sighed, "I know. I don't want to keep it from you, but . . .," Oh God! Why did it have to be one of my friends?! Why?! His eyes clouded over with tears. Sirius was watching him.

"Alright, Prongs. You don't have to tell me. I won't hold it against you." James smiled sadly. "But," Sirius continued, "Will you tell me when you can? Next week? Next year?"

James nodded, "Yeah. I'll do that. I'll tell you when I can." Sirius smiled and, for a moment, all was forgotten. He leaned over close to Harry.

"Whatcha reckon? Will he be walking before his birthday?" he asked, rolling his grey eyes up to look at James.

"Of course," James said, smiling down at him. Sirius sat back up and stared out across the pond. The sun was setting in the distance, spilling a dreamy orange across the sky.

Sirius yawned. "Well, Prongs, I'll see you for Harry's Birthday. I hope your thoughts are light and airy by then."

"So do I, Padfoot." He smiled as Sirius stood. "Bye-bye" James said for Harry. Harry opened and closed his thick hand in Sirius' direction.

"That's right!" Sirius cried, elated, "Bye-bye!" he repeated Harry's wave. "See ya, Prongs," Sirius said, donning his Muggle sunglasses.

"I'll send you an invitation," James called after him as he turned to wave. Sirius smiled again and turned his back on them, hiking across the park, disappearing into the shadows. When he'd gone, James heaved a sigh. Checking his watch, he saw that he only had an hour to get home, drop off Harry and meet Remus. "Come on, Harry," he said, standing. He stuck out his wand and summoned the Knight Bus.

James studied the faces in the crowd. So many people laughing and smiling. Remus sat at a corner table. His face broke into a wide, friendly grin as he spotted James. A waitress brought two tankards of beer and set them down in front of Remus. James pulled up a chair and grabbed one of the drinks.

"Alright, James?" Remus asked.

"Hmm. And you?" James asked with a shrug.

"I've been better," he replied. "So," he continued, "Old Dumbledore has you running errands?"

James chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, I think it was just an excuse to order me around."

"Keep tabs on you?" Remus offered.

"Exactly," James conceded.

"Well, since you're here, you might as well enjoy the moment," Remus said, picking up his glass. "To good friends," he said. James schooled his face into a smile.

"To good friends," he repeated, clinking their glasses together. He drank deeply, his mind racing. He had practiced this part of the conversation until it flowed naturally through his head. But now, sitting across form Remus, it just wouldn't come! It can't be Remus! If I tell him I'm going to visit my parent's graves, he'll show up! Not Voldemort! Never Voldemort!

"What's wrong, James?" Remus asked.

James gave him a small smile. "I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've been thinking about my parents."

Remus nodded sadly, "They always welcomed me into their home."

James nodded with him, "Yeah, you and Sirius. Especially Sirius."

"That was very kind of your mother to let him live with you the summer he left his family." James looked away through the crowd. His heart skipped a beat, sped up.

"I was thinking of visiting their graves, sometime," James started.

"Oh? That would be good. Would you like company?" Remus offered. James shook his head, no.

"I don't know when I'll get there," he said. "I've so much work to do. I probably won't get to them until the end of May."

"Well, let me know," Remus said. "I'd love to pay my respects." James nodded. He smiled warmly at Remus. Remus didn't return the smile. Rather, his brow furrowed in concern.

"I have a letter for you," James said as he reached into his jacket pocket. He slid the envelope across the table. Remus looked down at the envelope reluctantly.

"Do you need a reply?" he asked as he took the letter from James.

James looked at him, surprised. "I don't know. Dumbledore didn't say anything about a reply."

Remus smiled at James. "Then you don't need one. I'll read this later," he said, pocketing the envelope. James sighed. It's done. Now to make my exit. "So what brought your parents up?" Remus asked, sipping his beer.

James stared into his drink, watching the carbonation bubbles while his mind raced. Nothing! It's a trap! There wasn't a back story! He shrugged and looked up at Remus.

"I don't know, really," he began. "Maybe it's Harry. He's growing so big. . . So fast. It seems like only yesterday he was cooing in my arms. Waking at two in the morning, demanding food. Now, he sleeps through the night most of the time, he's almost walking!"

Remus was smiling at him, nodding sagely. "He's something alright." He sighed. "What about his birthday? Do you have any plans yet?"

James laughed. "Not me, no. But Lily keeps going through these party catalogues and detouring through the baby boutique! She says she's just looking." Remus' chuckle joined his.

"That's Lily for you," he said with a smile. James returned the smile. A real smile this time. He drained his beer and clinked the glass on the table. Remus looked from the empty glass to James, sipping his own beer. James reached for his wallet. "I'll get it, James," Remus said, waving his hand.

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"Of course," he said, his blue eyes sparkling. "I'll just count it as a business expense," he finished with a small laugh. James returned the laughter. He stood to go. As he walked around the table, he laid a hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus reached up and laid a hand over his.

"So, when do you think you'll see your parents?" he asked, his voice level.

James stopped, his heart leaping. No! It can't be him! He sighed. "Maybe the last Saturday in May," he said. Remus nodded and patted his hand.

"I'll see you, James," he whispered. James nodded and turned away.

Outside, James stopped and took a deep, cleansing breath. It's done. God forgive me. Tears threatened to fill his eyes. How could it come to this? Suspecting my friends. Knowing that one of them betrayed me to Voldemort! His stomach churned around the beer. James pulled his wand out and apparated. He stood in the gathering gloom, looking down on a small, unkempt cottage. How can we both fall to the same thing, dad? How can Voldemort pull both our friends from us? He clenched his hands into fists and took in a lungful of air. Closing his eyes, he screamed! All his anger, fear, pain, drifting out across the hollow below him. "Why?!" he bellowed. Falling to his knees, he let the tears fall too. Dear God, why? Why me? Why my friends? Have I done something wrong? He reclaimed his self-control and stared out at the old house.

My mother used to sit there, on the porch, rocking me on her knees. My father worked the garden beside the house, there. His eye found the patch of earth in the darkness. And now, they're gone. Taken by a friend's betrayal. Is this my fate? Will I be lost to a false friend? James stood, wiping tears from his cheeks. He won't show up! Voldemort won't be waiting at my parents' graves. He can't be. And if it isn't Remus then that leaves Peter. And that just doesn't make sense. Peter never had an original thought in his life. He couldn't betray me. He would blubber and cry and ask me to save him.

But if it's neither of them, then that leaves Sirius. Tears fell from his eyes again. Sirius pulled weeds with my dad in the garden that summer. He helped my mother hang out the laundry. Wizarding royalty doing dishes by hand because my mother loved muggles so much. It can't be Sirius! I can't believe it's him! Never Sirius!