Originally Written: Sunday, November 23, 2003

Revised: Wednesday, December 16, 2012

Underneath My Shivers

Ginny Weasley's Point of View

Chapter Two

When I leave the class I'm still confused at myself. That wasn't the first time I snapped at someone for a silly thing. I always thought of myself as a pleasant, polite girl. Now I am… Well, now I'm not quite sure what I am. All that I strived for and all of the purity I tried to so desperately to tie to me seems to be slipping away.

"Ugh," I utter with a sigh. On the last step up the stairs, nearly everything that I am carrying slips back down the stone stairs. I'm ignorant to the people who pass, as they are to me, and soon I only have my miniature cauldron to pick up. Of course, because of its weight it rolled down the entire set of stairs.

As I descend down the stairs I feel a chill and I realize that my schoolmates are no longer in sight. I try to recall how the items managed to fall from my grip, and I wonder if I am just being imaginative or if there is evil at play here.

Before I have a chance to reach the miniature cauldron, I see a sickly thin and pale hand snatch it. One long boney finger lets it dangle by its handle, taunting me.

I look from his hand to his face and let a cry out.

Ice.

His eyes are like ice.

Blue.

Stunning.

Evil.

His face is slightly deformed and his black and silver hair is slicked back thinly, unable to cover all areas of his waxy scalp.

"Take it, love," He hisses and immediately I obey. He seems slightly amused by my shock. He tilts his head. "Did you truly believe that this stone building would keep you safe, my pet?" He whispers. I can hear the evil in his voice.

I nod. I know not to lie to him. Sometimes I try, just to please him, but…

He is slowly shaking his head as he comes closer to me, giving a little "tsk, tsk."

We're all alone in a dungeon... unless... did Snape leave? No! He didn't. Maybe if I...

"You know I can kill you so easily if you do," He says, his voice cold now; not cruel, just cold. He scares me with his ability to see through me so easily. That's not the only thing that scares me, of course.

"He's marked as one of mine anyways, have you forgotten?" He chuckles quietly and rests his chilling hand on my shoulder, "Follow me, my pet."

He leads me not far away and pauses to look at me.

"I know what you're wondering. You're wondering how this building didn't stop me. You think a stone building can outsmart me?" He hisses, gripping my face with his boney fingers.

I try to shake my head.

"I... I was not thinking... Please..." I stop speaking. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Never ask for mercy. Never ask for anything.

"Please?" He taunts, in a mimicking tone. "Please...?"

He wishes for me to finish what I wished to say.

"Please..." I search for words. What would please him? "Please... kiss me?" I am terrified by my words, and surely it shows in my facial expression. I never know what to do to make any of this easier. He is full of games that make me on edge; sometimes if I play into flattery for him he punishes me more severely than he would if I were to be rude. Yet, sometimes he punishes me for that too. I never know what the right approach with him should be.

He smiles slowly, but stoops down and kisses me fiercely. His lips send shivers down my entire body.

When he pulls away, he looks down on me, mirth in his eyes.

"You are such a horrible liar, love." He says, and grabs my arm fiercely, yanking me away from the stairs and towards a dark room...

Dinner: I always have to make an appearance, unless I'm deathly sick. I always sit beside my brother and Neville; they always fuss about me, which is something that I wish I could avoid.

"Are you still sick, Ginny?" Ron asks, placing a slab of roast on my plate.

I stare down at it, but make no move to eat it. I stopped eating a lot of things, like meat, due to the faint trace of blood that I can taste in it now.

I look to Ron and I deeply want to tell him. I deeply want to cry, to tell him of all the horrible things happening, but I can't. I remember what happened in my first year. I remember being shunned from people, all but my brother and Neville, and I remember being treated as the devil's child. I cannot let that happen again; I just started to fit in a couple years ago.

Why waste it all? One day, maybe he will die. One day, maybe I will be able to forget this. Or maybe, one day he will be caught. I close my eyes and try to imagine the horror and relief of it…

-Harry, Ron and Hermione burst in a dark room with two huge wooden doors and they have their wands withdrawn. They see me slouched on the ground, hands tied back against a big pillar. My clothes ripped, and my hair messed. Ron yells and charges behind the tall, thin figure standing over me. Hermione puts her cloak over my body and Harry lifts me up in his arms. My brother is fighting he-who-mustn't-be-named. Hermione is spelling the chains off of me-

"Honestly, woman, if you're going to day-dream about your lover-boy all day, then I'm going to just stop talking to you!" Ron says, frustrated.

"Sorry… what?" I ask, blinking out of my daze.

"I asked if you were still sick... then I asked what you're doing tonight... then I asked if you wanted to come to the library with us to help Hermione with some... well, some sort of... of thing." Ron says, with a sigh. "You shouldn't be able to say no, really... I know I don't get a choice... Don't know why..."

"Because Ron," Hermione stresses, "you have to know this too!"

"I'd enjoy coming." I say quickly.

"Well, if you'd hurry up and eat..." Ron says, looking down at my plate.

I gradually stuff a bun and some salad in my mouth. I look to Ron, and he looks right back at me. He doesn't "believe" in salad... I have to eat some 'real' food, as he calls it, before we can leave.

I look at the table. There isn't anything edible.

"Here," Ron waves a sausage in my face. My eyes widen in terror and I shake my head. The thought of the feeling of biting in to that makes my stomach turn.

"Get it away, Ron!" I whine, pushing his hand away from my face.

"Gin, you need meat in you. C'mon, hurry up and eat. Remember what happened to Aunt Tabby? She got so skinny she up and disappeared that one day, and it took two years for her to appear again!"

Harry begins to nod in agreement, but then stops and looks at Ron when he finished the sentence.

"Uh… Ron?" Harry asks, "I don't think that actually happens."

"Sure it does. Mom says Aunt Tabby has never missed a meal since she appeared again. Mind you, now she's the size of a whale… but that just goes to show, eat right in the first place, then you won't be concerned about keeping weight on. Eh, Gin?" He says, stuffing the sausage in his mouth.

"Ron, just be quiet." I say, popping part of a butter tart in my mouth to satisfy him.

"How much do you weigh, anyways?" Ron asks, as if it's an okay thing to talk about at the table, in front of all these people. "I think my jumper weighs more than you..."

Up until now, everyone tended to avoid this subject, although I knew they'd see how much I've lost. I used to be a fairly decent size. Only a few months ago, I was a lot bigger. 142 lbs. I never liked my weight, but now looking back, I would rather be 142 than this. Ever since he started coming… I've been losing a lot of weight. He says it's an improvement. I hate it because of those words. I'm down to 101 lbs. I lost nearly a third of my weight in just a few months. Isn't that sick?

"Ron," I say, "I don't want to talk about this. Can't we please go?"

Ron sighs and stands. Harry and Hermione follow suit, as do I, and as we walk out of the hall, Ron mutters something about 'killer salad'. Hermione and I roll our eyes.