A/N: This chapter is quite long. I apologize for the length, a great many things needed to happen here. I will also apologize for the wait. For those that know why, I'm sure no apology is needed.
June 1981
"The wounds are deep, we'll have to keep him for a bit longer," the hushed voice said. James opened his eyes and stared up at the white ceiling. How could it still hurt so much to move?
"Honey?" Lily called softly, coming into view. She sighed and smiled. "Good, you're awake." James smiled up at her. Perfect green eyes, perfect red hair, perfect smile.
"Where's Harry?" he asked.
"He's with Sirius. Out in the hall," she added as a brief panic flared through him, tracing across his face. He nodded and even that hurt. "The healers are keeping you a while longer," she continued. Her voice held the slightest hint of a sob.
"Don't cry Lily, please. I'll be up and about in a few days." Tears filled her eyes and she looked away.
"I know," she said. James studied her. I know I must look awful. I feel awful. But. . .
"What is it, Lil?" he asked. "What's wrong?' Again she sighed.
Her voice shook, "I'm just so lost without you," she said, looking down into his eyes. He smiled and tried to reach for her. Pain lashed through his arm, driving deep into his joints. "Don't move, honey," she cautioned. He felt her slip her hand into his and squeeze. Smiling, he returned the gesture. They sat that way for a few minutes. Then furtive cries carried through the closed door.
"It sounds like Harry's ready for his nap," James whispered. With a chuckle, Lily nodded and pulled her hand from his.
"I'd better go," she said as she bent and kissed him gently on the lips. Then she was gone, leaving only the remembered softness of her lips. The door opened. "Bye, honey; I love you," she called as the door closed.
"I love you too," he said to the ceiling. James closed his eyes and sighed. The door opened and closed again. James opened his eyes and Sirius was there, staring down at him, concerned. "Hello," James said, smiling.
"Alright?" Sirius asked, his brows furrowing over his gunmetal eyes.
James' heart skipped a beat. "Why? Shouldn't I be?" Sirius gaped at him and pulled away. Glancing sideways, moving as little as possible, James watched him as he straightened and began pacing. Back and forth, in and out of sight, he went. Oh God! What?! Anger built around Sirius, his hands clenched and unclenched.
"What?" James asked, almost afraid of the answer. Sirius flew over to him. Startled, James pulled away, pain shooting through his neck and head, making him wince.
"She didn't tell you, did she," he hissed. James peeked up at him. His hair had grown longer and now lent an extra, feral touch to the anger on his friend's face as it draped around them. Sirius was close enough that James could smell his shampoo.
"What?" he repeated. "What didn't she tell me?" A wave of panic shot through him. I'm not getting better! I'm dying!
Sirius pulled back. "She. . ." he stopped, his mouth opening and closing but no more words coming out.
She! Oh God! "What?!"
"She was attacked by Death Eaters!" Sirius blurted out.
"What?" I didn't hear that right. I couldn't have heard that right!
"She was walking home from the market, yesterday. Along the way she was attacked by a handful of Death Eaters."
James tried to push up from the bed. The pain flared again but he fought against it. Death Eaters attacked my Lily! Sirius pushed him down flat with one hand on his chest. Agony rode through him, bringing tears to his eyes. Death Eaters attacked my Lily! "Padfoot!" he raged, trying to sit up despite the pain.
"Stay, Prongs," Sirius commanded. Slowly, James gave in to his friend's gentle pressure. "There's nothing you can do in your condition anyway," Sirius chided. "She had the mirror and contacted me. I took care of her. I also made her promise not to go anywhere without me. At least until you're out of hospital." He removed his hand from James' chest.
James closed his eyes, breathing around the pain until it subsided. Why Lily? Why not finish me off instead? "Harry?" he asked.
"He was fine. Lily used a silencing charm on him and hid in the bushes on the roadside. She called me as soon as she could."
"Did you catch any of them?" James asked. I can always hope to watch them in prison or interrogate them.
"Just one," Sirius said, a definite note of disappointment in his own voice.
"Why didn't she tell me?"
Sirius shrugged. "Maybe she didn't want you to worry." James laughed bitterly, wincing again. "I don't want you to worry, Prongs," Sirius continued, "I'll watch out for her and Harry. You just concentrate on getting better." Sirius smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "I'll camp out at your place until you get out and about again."
James nodded, smiling up at Sirius despite the pain flaring in his shoulder. "Okay, Padfoot. I'll behave." With a nod, Sirius left. The door opened and closed behind him. James heaved another sigh and closed his eyes. Why would they attack Lily? Why wouldn't they try for me again? I can't even move! James drifted off to sleep.
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He felt the presence in the room as he pulled himself out of the grip of sleep. Who's visiting me now? Sirius? Lily? James opened his eyes.
The wrinkled face before him smiled. Blue eyes twinkled behind half-moon spectacles. Oh, him. James did not return the smile. Dumbledore's smile faded quickly and he looked away. "Ah, James," he said.
"Where were you?" he asked, feeling the anger build. "How could you use me like that?! You set me up with Voldemort and then left me to die! Look at me!" he screamed.
Dumbledore turned and looked at him. His face held its own anger. "You were in my office last Saturday, James. You called off the setup. You said you had to help Lily with Harry."
James stared at him, mouth agape. "I did no such thing!" His head started spinning.
"Yes, I know that now," Dumbledore spat.
"How--"
"Polyjuice Potion. Vile stuff," Dumbledore interrupted.
"But, that means that someone had to collect something of mine."
Dumbledore nodded, "Would it be so hard?" he asked.
No, it wouldn't be hard. All the shaving I do, my weekly hair trimming, fingernail clippings. "No, it wouldn't be hard at all," he conceded. "All they'd have to do is check through my dust bin." Dumbledore nodded again. "Sorry," James offered, "for losing my temper."
"There's no need to apologize, James. If our positions were reversed, I would be just as angry." Dumbledore said with a smile. James looked away.
"They attacked Lily," he whispered after a moment. Why? Why her and not me?
"I know. She's very lucky to have escaped Voldemort the way she did."
Voldemort? "Voldemort?" James tried sitting up again. Dumbledore watched him struggling for a moment.
"They didn't tell you," he said with a sigh, "You need to stay in bed, James. Sirius is looking after Lily and Harry. You trust him to do the job, right?"
James lay back, gasping. "But Voldemort, Dumbledore! Why does he care so much about us?!"
James felt the distance grow between them. "I'm not sure," he said, looking away. "I need to check a few things."
"You know," James accused.
"No, no. I have a suspicion, nothing more. I will tell you in good time James. I promise. But, for now, you must concentrate on getting well. Harry's first birthday is coming up. I'd hate to celebrate it here," he said, looking around for a minute at the sterile white walls, the small, stingy window. Then he rose, "Well, good-bye. I'll come visit you soon."
"Good-bye Dumbledore," James replied. He listened to the door open and close. He knows why they're after me! He's probably known the whole time! The old Codger!" With a sigh, James closed his eyes and took a slow inventory of his pain. As long as I don't move, I'm fine. But that's not true. That first day, the pain was fresh and bold. The next day it was deeper, older. But today, the pain is less; more bearable. Another week or two? Yeah. That sounds about right. I'll be out of here soon, my sweet Lily.
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James eased himself stiffly to the floor. With a grimace, he leaned back against the table that lay on its side. The run-down building hadn't changed much since the last time Sirius had led him here. Sirius slid down beside him. "You made it," he breathed.
James chuckled, "I've been up and about for a week, Padfoot. A short walk down an alley isn't about to do me in."
"True," Sirius said with his own chuckle. They lapsed into silence. Soon footsteps echoed through the abandoned office building. They drew near and James and Sirius listened as their guest sat stiffly beside them; the table between them.
"The Dark Lord has made his plans known to me," the messenger began. "At first he targeted James Potter and Sirius Black because they are two of Dumbledore's best men. Then, when Mister Black grew bold, it was obvious to the Lord that he needed to take further measures. His attempt to neutralize Black failed because of Potter."
Sirius scoffed silently beside James. Smiling, James elbowed him. This is important. He bit down on the laugh that bubbled up at the hurt look on Sirius' face.
"From that point," the informant continued, "Potter became the prime target. All our efforts went into learning his movements, his whereabouts."
And they found themselves a spy. James glowered. Remus! Pain flared in his heart.
"For some reason, every time Mister Potter slipped through our fingers, the Dark Lord grew increasingly incensed. Last month's attack was our last chance, he claimed. Potter could not defy him again!"
"Defy him how?" James interrupted. I don't remember defying him. Sirius glared at him. The man behind the table stopped mid-word.
"By remaining alive," the informant answered, a sneer in his voice. James shrugged at Sirius who shook his head. I just wanted to know. With a small sigh, the man continued, "We failed a third time. Potter remained alive and well." The man stopped.
"Is that all?" Sirius asked.
"No!" the man hissed. "The Dark Lord has revealed, grudgingly, that his new target is not Lily Potter as everyone seems to think, but rather, her child."
But rather her child! But rather her child! Harry? James' mind went blank. He threw himself up and over the table. "No!"
"Wait!" Sirius shouted trying to grab James and missing. James landed on the surprised informant, bearing him to the stone floor. But rather, her child! The sneer in his voice! My Harry! No! The informant grunted, threw a punch towards James and missed, struggled to get away. But James had him. He grabbed the man's questing hand, certain it was going for a wand. He straddled the man, lifted his head with his free hand and pounded it into the floor.
Dazed, the informant stopped struggling. "What do you mean?! How can he be after Harry?!" James shouted in the man's face. He slammed his head down into the pavement again.
"Stop it, Prongs!" Sirius said, pulling him bodily off the man.
"NOT HARRY!" James shouted. "YOU'RE WRONG!" Sirius pulled him away. The informant stood, a stray beam of light falling on his face, lighting his pallid features, his lanky, black hair. James stopped struggling and Sirius released him, his hands falling to his sides. Both of them stared at the informant.
"Snivellus?" Sirius asked.
Snape's lip curled with loathing as he glared at Sirius. He turned his dark eyes to James. "Like it or not, Potter," he hissed, "The Dark Lord is after that mudblood child of yours. Merlin knows why."
"And why should I believe you?" James asked.
Snape stalked towards them, undoing his shirt sleeve. He stood glaring at them as he rolled it up. "Do you see that?" he snapped, holding his arm up to James' face. The Dark Mark tattoo burned as a dark ember in a fire-pit on Snape's forearm. Above it, the skin was red and raw, new and shiny ribbons of flesh. "The Dark Lord took that skin from me, Potter! He skinned me for asking why he'd bothered with Lily when you lay near-death in St. Mungos!" James recoiled as Snape shoved is arm closer, "And then he answered my question as I lay at his feet; bleeding for Dumbledore's precious information!" he spat. "And do you want to know the answer my blood bought? He said, 'I wasn't after that red-head mudblood! I wanted her son!'" Snape lowered his arm. He tossed a sneer of hatred at Sirius before turning his back on them. Then he disappeared, his deep purple cloak taunting them as it vanished into the shadows.
"Well, that went well," Sirius mused after a minute.
I wanted her son! But rather her child! James clenched his fists. A buzzing began in his head, just inside his ears. He's after Harry? Why? What would killing Harry prove? He turned and headed for the door. Sirius trailed quietly behind him. "I'm going to Hogwarts," James said as the buzzing in his head turned wooly, surrounding him in a soft, white noise.
"What? You don't believe Snivelly, do you?" Sirius asked, his voice both laughing and disbelieving. James pulled out his wand and vanished.
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He reappeared just outside the grounds of Hogwarts. Sirius apparate next to him as James started up the dirt track. Soon enough, they were once again sneaking through the corridors, climbing to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore stood outside the secret entrance to his office. He smiled at them as they neared him.
"James, Sirius," he greeted, "This way, please," he said, giving the password, Chocolate frog, and inviting them up the spiraling staircase.
"Please, have a seat," he instructed as they entered his office. He conjured two straight-backed chairs.
"No thank-you," James spat. I will have answers! He can't keep this from me! Dumbledore studied him.
"Very well," he sighed, "A little privacy, please. Thank-you," Dumbledore called out to the room in general. There was a small commotion as the portraits surrounding them emptied. "You too, Sirius." he added.
"What? No!" Sirius said. He folded his arms across his chest and stood his ground.
"Go, Sirius," James whispered. Sirius gaped at him. "Please, Padfoot," he added, watching the anger settle around his shoulders. Glaring, Sirius stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
"Snape just told me that Voldemort is after Harry," James began as the echoes from the door died away. "I'm not leaving this office without the whole story, Dumbledore."
"Snape told you?" Dumbledore's eyebrows climbed towards his hairline. He turned and made his way around his office. "You do realize Snape's role in our war?" he asked.
"He's a Death Eater," James said, voice full of scorn, and then he stopped, "He's a Death Eater risking his scrawny neck for our side."
"Eloquent." Dumbledore said. James smiled wryly. "And true. You and Sirius must not let his identity slip."
James nodded his agreement. "Of course not. Now, the truth."
"I've always told you the truth, James," Dumbledore said, a twinkle returning to his eye.
"Omission--"
"Isn't lying," he interrupted. James opened his mouth to protest, and Dumbledore silenced him with a wave. "I will tell you what I can, James."
"But not all of it," James said, sitting at last, the glare on his face boring into Dumbledore.
"Enough of it," Dumbledore replied. "Voldemort feels that Harry is destined to be his undoing," Dumbledore said. James let the words drift around him. My son? His undoing? How?
"What would give him that idea?" he asked.
Dumbledore shrugged, "Something someone overheard, perhaps."
Someone overhears something and Voldemort decides to kill my son? Tears stung as they gathered in his eyes. "I. . . I can't believe it's just that simple," he said.
"Ahh. That part is simple," Dumbledore confided, "But what to do about it? How do we keep Harry safe?"
James looked up at the old wizard expectantly. You have an answer, right? That'll be easy for you, Dumbledore. Dumbledore sighed. "I will think on a more permanent solution. In the meantime, might I suggest keeping a low profile?"
"Should we move again? They attacked Lily and Harry on her way home." James sighed. How can I move my family again?
"No. I think you'll be alright for now. They followed her from the market."
"And Harry's party? We should cancel it," James said, looking away.
"Oh, I think we have time to arrange something. Portkeys and a safe-house," Dumbledore suggested with a smile.
Oh God! I have to tell Lily! "Lily," James breathed.
Dumbledore steepled his fingers and stared up at the ceiling. "Yes, you'll need to tell her. I'll come up with a solution, James. If Harry really is our hope for defeating Voldemort, we may need to keep him safe for quite a few years."
"Whatever it takes, Dumbledore," he said, rising. Dumbledore nodded before James turned away.
Outside the office, Sirius hugged him close. "Oh God, James!" he whispered. "Let my help, please. I'm Harry's Godfather!"
"So you heard," James said, pulling back.
"Of course," Sirius said with a smile and a wink. They rode down the spiral staircase in silence and crept past the gargoyle. It wasn't until the main door was closed behind them that James spoke.
"Alright, Padfoot. You're in. As soon as Dumbledore comes up with a plan, I'll let you know. For now, we're going to disappear. You may have to spend less time gallivanting around the countryside and more time running errands for us."
"Anything," Sirius agreed. James clapped him on the shoulder and they walked on out of the grounds. "I'll come over tomorrow, alright?"
James nodded, "Yes, alright. See you, Padfoot," he said, disapparating back to his home.
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"Is that you, James?" Lily called from the kitchen. James smiled.
"Yes it is," he called.
"Da da da da da," Harry babbled, taking a wobbly step away from the sofa he'd been using for support. James' heart skipped a beat. He knelt down, just inside the doorway to the front room. Lily came in from the dining area. Harry tried another half-step. "Da da da da," he said again.
"That's right, little man!" James encouraged, arms out to his son. "Come on!" He glanced up at Lily's beaming face. Harry toppled backwards, landing on his bottom. "Oh, so close!" James said. He stood and crossed the room to Harry.
Harry's arms and legs wriggled excitedly. "Da da da!" he squealed. James scooped him up and held him close. How can this precious angel save us from Voldemort? How can we keep him safe from Voldemort?
"James, honey, what is it?" Lily asked, wiping a tear from his cheek. Now I'm crying.
"I . . . Uh. . . Bad news, Lil," he said, taking a deep, shaky breath. Her emerald eyes flashed and she paled. "Umm. . ." he sighed. "Voldemort wasn't after you the other day, Lily."
"What?" her grip on his arms tightened as her eyes danced across his face.
"He was after Harry," James whispered. Lily's knees buckled and he held her up, supporting her.
"What. . . I don't," she began.
"He's gotten it into his head that Harry's going to be the one who defeats him," he pressed onward.
"Our Harry?" Lily asked, the incredulity unmistakable in her voice. James nodded. "But," she shook her head, "Oh James, that can't be right." Pain lanced across her face, burrowed into his heart.
"It's true enough, Lil," he said. She hugged him and Harry close, crying now, her tears falling to his shoulder.
"What are we going to do?" she asked, panic edging her voice.
"Dumbledore's thinking. He says to stay here for now and not go out."
"But--"
"Sirius will help us with errands, shopping."
"Our Harry?" she asked again, taking Harry from him, holding him close. "Not our Harry. It's a mistake."
Oh Lily, I wish it was one. I really do.