September 1981
The same layer of dust that covered the old furniture lent a fuzzy rime to the memories. He lay just there, staring out the window. Was he watching for me? Was he hoping I'd save them or that I'd come too late? Too late to save them, just in time to save myself. With a grimace, James turned away from the front bay window. Family ghosts flitted through the rooms around him. His mother baking pies for Sirius, setting them down to cool, just there on that counter-top. And there he was, about eight years old, running through the dining room, knocking over the family heirloom vase. It shattered on the hardwood floor. I knew there was a spell to fix it; I just couldn't remember what it was. His father found him crying over the pieces and repaired it. I wonder if mother ever found out. Was a broken vase the type of secret a father took to his grave? Would I ever tell Lily something Harry did that only I knew about?
With a sigh, James waved his wand and started an army of feather dusters flying around the room, removing the dust, the memories. Turning away, he made his way out into the front garden. Godric's Hollow greeted him with a sunny September day. The crisp autumn air, just beginning to turn nippy, had persuaded the trees to change color. Lily and Harry were playing with the first leaves that had fallen from the willow tree that dominated the front yard.
Sirius was there too, stripped down to the waist. He swung an axe high overhead and dropped it soundly into the log before him. It split cleanly, the two halves clattering to either side of the chopping block. "What are you doing, Padfoot?" James asked, smiling. My dad loved to work with that axe. "Muggles are so fascinating," he'd say, "The simplicity of it all."
Sirius smiled up at him, resting the axe across his shoulders. "I loved chopping wood with your dad, Prongs." He glanced at the axe-head. "Your dad's spell is still intact. Can you believe it?"
James chuckled, "Of course." One-swing chopping. Yes, chopping wood was easy once his dad had bespelled the axe.
"Want to have a go?" Sirius offered him the axe. "You can take your shirt off."
Laughing, James took the axe. "I'll leave my clothes on, thank-you," he said. Sirius bent and placed a log on-end for him. James swung the axe in a smooth arc over his head. It slammed into the log, splitting it cleanly in two with a satisfying thunk. The pieces joined Sirius' on the ground. Sirius picked up the four pieces of wood and carried them over to the wood-pile beside the house.
Setting the axe down beside the chopping block, James picked up Sirius' shirt from where he'd discarded it. He followed behind Sirius and handed him the shirt after he'd deposited the wood. "What's wrong, Prongs?" Sirius asked as he shrugged the shirt back on.
"You'll catch your death out here, dressed like that," James said, his smile dying. But maybe that's the plan. "I heard a rumor, Padfoot."
Sirius looked away towards the thicket of trees that bordered the Potter's family home. "I've let it slip that I'm your secret keeper. Is that the rumor you heard?" he asked. James nodded. Sirius' eyes grew distant and he started towards the woods. James trailed after him. They walked in silence until they reached the back fence. Sirius folded his arms and rested them on the top railing of the wooden fence. James stood beside him, leaning against the fence, facing his home. Sirius continued, "Voldemort knows I'm the only one who has ever known your whereabouts. He'll be after me anyway. I . . ." his voice broke and he sighed. "I'm leaving, James," he whispered.
"What?" James turned to him. "That's why--"
"That's why I've started the rumors," Sirius said. He nodded and met James' stare. "Everyone will know I'm the only one who can find you. But they'll never find me." He smiled wistfully.
"That's crazy, Sirius! The Death Eaters will be all over you!" James pushed away from the fence and faced him.
"That's the idea, James. That way. . . That way you and Lily and Harry will be safe. Forever." Sirius turned back towards the autumn thicket.
"But what if they find you?" James demanded.
"Well, they'll never take me alive." NO! "Don't worry though," he continued, "America's a big place."
"America?" James echoed. Sirius nodded.
He looked at James, "they'll never find me," he repeated.
"No," James shook his head. This isn't right! "I don't want you to do this. It's crazy!"
Sirius studied him hard, "What have you done with James?" he asked with a smile and a chuckle.
"I'm serious," James said, "You can't do this."
"It's too late, Prongs. I've already told every gossip in Great Britain. Once you and Lily are done refurbishing this place, and Lily is ready, we'll. . . Well. . ." he shrugged and turned back towards the forest. James stared at his back.
"This isn't right," he tried. "You can't leave Harry like this, Sirius. He needs you; I need you."
"I promised to protect your family, Prongs. And this is how I've chosen to keep that promise." Sirius looked over his shoulder at James, "What better way is there to protect Harry? I'll draw all the Death Eaters on a ten year, wild goose chase. It's a brilliant plan." Jaw set, he crossed his arms and looked away again.
Stubborn! But what can we do? He's already set this in motion! "I know there isn't any other path to take. But, God, Sirius! I don't want you to do this!"
"I'll miss you too, Prongs." Sirius turned to face him, his eyes too shiny, too wide, a soft smile playing across his lips. "All I've ever wanted was to be beside you. From that first night in Gryffindor Tower. Even now, years later, there's nothing I would rather do than stand here with you. But, a promise is a promise. And I will keep this one. They won't find me," his voice hitched, "And in ten years, I'll see you again."
James shook his head. Is this what it's come to? "Oh, Prongs," Sirius stepped forward, reaching for him. James pulled him close, laid his forehead against Sirius' brow. They stood still. A great, heavy pain grew within James. That's my heart breaking. It filled his throat, called tears to his eyes. Dear friend. Ten years is ten years too long! Sirius' hand tightened on James' shoulder, moved up to grasp his neck and squeeze. James wrapped his own arms around Sirius.
"I'm scared this time, Prongs," he whispered through his tears, dark hair falling around them, hiding them. "Really scared." Sirius held him tight, unwilling to part. James sighed and loosened his grip. Sirius took the cue and pulled away slightly. He laid a gentle kiss on James' head before he finished pulling away. "You're the best friend I ever had, James Potter," he said, voice unnaturally firm.
James looked up into his tear-filled eyes; crystalline tears filling his own, trailing down his cheeks, "And you're my best friend, Sirius Black. Forever." Sirius nodded and pulled James close again.
"Don't tell Lily yet, okay? I--I don't want her to worry about me," he hissed.
"Alright," James whispered, pulling back again. He left Sirius' arms and surreptitiously scrubbed the tears from his cheeks. Sirius looked away towards the house. "We'll see you one more time," James said after regaining his composure. Sirius nodded. James followed his gaze. Harry was toddling along the garden path, Lily close behind; a bright, proud smile lighting her face. "Lily has started practicing the Fidelius Charm. I still stumble across the things she's hidden, though. But she's improving. Another few weeks until she can hide the whole lot for ten years."
Sirius frowned at him, "Who's the secret keeper?"
"Harry." James laughed, "Where's daddy's armchair, son?" he mimicked, voice deeper than usual.
Sirius chuckled, "And does he tell you?"
"I can still find the hidden objects. I'll forget they were there until I think, 'where is that candy dish?' and then it will reappear, right where I thought it was. Lily asked Dumbledore if it's because Harry's the secret keeper and he said, 'No. It's just that you need more practice.' I'm dreading the day when I actually have to ask Harry that question." James started slowly towards the house.
Sirius followed him. "Please tell me Lily isn't going to use Harry to practice on the house," he said.
"No," James chuckled. "The house is a one-time deal," he said. They reached the end of the garden path.
"Wee Wee!" Harry called when they closed on him. Tiny arms reaching wide, chubby legs pumping hard, Harry raced for Sirius. Sirius stooped, waiting for him. When Harry reached him, Sirius scooped him up. He hugged him close, drinking in his Godson's warmth.
"Oh Harry," he kissed him on the head, just as he had James'. "I'll miss you." He gave a shaky sigh. "Don't let him forget me, James," he whispered as Lily closed on them.
"Of course not," James promised.
"Sometimes," Sirius said to Harry, "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, Harry. This is one of those times for me, son."
"Wee Wee," Harry hugged him about the neck with one chubby arm and patted his shoulder with the other hand. Then he snuggled close under Sirius' chin. With a slight gasp, Sirius held him close, bowing around him, enfolding him. Sirius kneeling before him on a wet, early spring evening, "Then this I promise you, James and Lily. I will be here for your family. Until the day I die I will keep your family safe from everything and everyone." So long ago. God, please keep him safe, return him to me, to us. James wiped at his face again.
Lily came up alongside Sirius, draping her arm across his back. She stood on tip-toe and kissed him on the cheek. Sirius opened his eyes, met James'. With a sad smile he held Harry out to him. James took his son and Sirius hugged Lily close. "We'll see you in a few weeks, Sirius. I'll send you an owl when I'm ready," she said.
Sirius pulled away reluctantly. "I know," he said. "I know."
"Thank-you, Sirius," James said. "For everything."
For sitting with me in detention, for throwing pies off the Astronomy Tower, for chopping wood with my father, for finding the animagus texts. For being my friend.
Sirius clapped him gently on the shoulder then turned away. He walked back around to the front yard and, CRACK, he was gone.