Chapter 1
Sanzo's Point Of View
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated When The Roses Bleed but I am not in my romantic 58 setting that I need for the next chapter so I am writing as many 58 one-shots as my mind can drabble up. And I am doing well so far. I got one bad review on It Can't Wait but I can live. Anyway, read on and review.
I tried to sleep. Honestly. But I was getting a vibe from Hakkai, who was sleeping just inches away from me, that he didn't want to be there. No big deal for me. I didn't care. He was longing for something else. As was I.
I bet he thought I was sleeping, because before he started to shift slowly out of the covers, he whispered apologizes plenty of times, so many times I almost pitied him. But that's not me at all.
I hear him walk slowly to the door. As soon as I hear the soft click of the door, I get up slowly and follow him, down the hallway of the inn, and out onto the porch. He's on the path in front of the porch, I'm not visible to him as I hide behind the shadow of the door. He's basking in the moonlight on the almost white path. I am in awe in a way.
I don't think I ever felt, love, for Hakkai. More like a place to throw my emotional garbage, and same for him as well. I guess he needed a change, as did I and we both felt it. We didn't want to be trash disposals anymore. We wanted to be somebody's heart and soul. And in plenty of ways, even I can admit to that. But, I can't as well, because also in plenty of ways, emotions like that, love, are for the weak.
I hear a sign of movement coming from the left of Hakkai. Hakkai turns to the sound of the movement and smiles, as if it's something familiar, something he had been longing all this time. And as that thing walked up next to him, something ached in me. It was Gojyo.
" You been waiting long?" Gojyo grinned, that usual grin with a cigarette between his lips.
" Not long enough." Hakkai said back, a different smile on his face. One I never saw before, anywhere. I think, Hakkai was truly smiling this time.
" Heh. You left Sanzo upstairs?" Gojyo asked, a bit worried.
" I had too." Hakkai said, almost sadly. " I know who he really loves."
" So you do feel bad about this?" Gojyo questioned, looking at the brunette, a half grin on his face.
" Not at all, he needs this." Hakkai said. " I need this."
" You need what?" Gojyo said, almost anticipating the next few words.
" You." Hakkai smiled again, looking up at the moon.
" Heh, I wanted you to say that." Gojyo grinned, tossing the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. He inched toward Hakkai from the side and took his hand, slowly, as if Hakkai didn't notice. I noticed Hakkai shiver. When Gojyo fully took Hakkai's hand, Gojyo turned to face Hakkai. Hakkai looked at him, shyly. Gojyo moved his hand to Hakkai's chin. My stomach dropped.
" You sure that's what you want?" Gojyo said, a different smile on his face. His hand cupping Hakkai's cheek.
" Of course. I have no doubts in my mind, about you, or about anything anymore." Hakkai smiled, gently pushing his cheek against Gojyo's hand.
" You sure?" Gojyo said, leaning in, their noses almost touching.
" How many times to you have to ask?" Hakkai chuckled. " I've never seen you so hesitant to take advantage of the situation."
" That's because, I want this moment to last." Gojyo whispered, almost on que as Hakkai leaned into his him. Their lips met slowly, then separated and they looked at each other and smiled, and they leaned in again, Hakkai sliding his fingers through Gojyo's hair while Gojyo moved his hands on Hakkai's waist, drinking in all of each other. I looked away, not really wanting to see anymore as I went back upstairs, I heard Goku sturring in his room, probably unable to sleep, just like me.
" Perhaps, that's who I love." I said, hesitant about knocking on Goku's door. But, maybe if I did what that kappa did, I could possibly get something out of this stupid night.
A/N: Thank you to Toshihiro Seki's beautiful song, Trigger on the Saiyuki Reload Vocal Album Volume 1. It helped me write this. Please review.