TITLE At the End of Chaos
RATING PG-13
SUMMARY Carter's POV…ah, love…
DISCLAIMER I don't own them, blah blah blah…
AUTHOR'S NOTE Again, continued thanks for the awesome reviews! And thanks for being so kind about my smut…I really was embarrassed, but now that's out there, I'm feeling okay about it. LOL
CARTER
I awake slowly, peacefully, sensing a calm surrounding me, encasing me in warmth. As my eyes open, I see nothing in front of my eyes but hair, brown, with highlights of blonde. I take a deep breath, smelling shampoo and jasmine.
All my senses arouse, feeling in my hands warm, smooth skin, hearing the stillness of the middle of the night. I feel a yawn come over me, and I stifle it with my hand. As I move it from Abby's body she shifts slightly, but remains asleep, back to my chest. We are wrapped here in her bed, under the covers, sheltered from the deep cold of December.
I move onto my elbow, just high enough to be able to watch her sleeping. She is so peaceful, a small smile lighting her face even in slumber. I wonder momentarily if she is dreaming of me. I can't help but reach out and make a soft path on her arm with my fingertips; being here with her is so unreal that I need the physical reminder that it's actually happening. A few months ago I could never have imagined myself back in this place, Abby asleep beside me after making love.
I don't think I could possibly be happier.
A year ago, I thought the same thing, a world away, with a different woman. But I was a broken man then, and I was ready to hold onto anything. Just like any addict, I grabbed onto anything that helped to ease the pain of my suffering, to distract me from what was really wrong, and Kem and our child became my new addiction.
I've had numerous conversations with Dr. Thatcher about this, owning up to the mistakes I've made. I've never been very good about that. Instead of forgiving myself for whatever actions of mine that led to Lucy's death, I escaped into the bottle of pills. And instead of dealing with my guilt about ignoring Gamma just before her death, I escaped to Africa, ran away from Abby, and fell into the arms of a woman who knew nothing about me and wouldn't require me to heal. In the process, I hurt Kem, hurt Abby, and ended up getting hurt more myself.
But I feel now, in this moment, more than ever, that I'm really going to be okay. Abby and I, we've both grown, accepted our own faults, and I think we're really ready to be together. Am I sure of this? No. But what in life are we ever really sure of? What I am sure of is the feel of her next to me, the smell of her hair, the taste of her on my lips. The sound of her breathing. These are facts I cannot escape. More than that, I do not want to escape them.
"I love you, Abby," I whisper softly, close enough to her ear that I see the hair move slightly with my breath. I kiss her lightly on the cheek, and lay back down, my chest pressed against her back.
I am closing my eyes, about to drift back into sleep, when I hear her voice.
"I love you too," she says, and my eyes burst back open. Did I just imagine that? Did she say that in her sleep? Am I dreaming? In response, I feel her turn around in my arms and face me. Her face is serious now, her eyes deeper and more passionate than I've ever seen them before. I am speechless.
"Wh-what did you say?" is all I can manage. I search her face with my eyes. She smiles at my shock, then kisses me sweetly.
"I said I love you," she replies. I have no idea how to react to this. She has just uttered words I had once thought I would never hear her say, and it has completely stunned me.
But Abby, in her usual way, knows exactly what to do. She kisses me again, this time more deeply, and begins to make love to me. She moves beneath me, and as our bodies dance together, I can only think: this is perfect. I don't ever want it to end.