Bowser pulled up to his castle in a truck full of instruments, uniforms, and other assorted band equipment. "Stupid rental clerk made me late," he grumbled to himself. "That trilobite didn't know the difference between an oboe and an elbow! Hehe, elbow, hehe, more band humor, hehe."

As he was unloading all the equipment into the castle, he found all the Mushroom Kingdom residents sitting and chatting in the main guest hall. He couldn't believe it. His flyer actually worked. They came despite all the awful things I've done to all of them! he thought. He grinned evilly.

"People, people, settle down!" Bowser announced above all the chitter-chatter. Everyone grew silent when they heard Bowser's husky voice. "Okay, now how many of you have played musical instruments before?" Bowser asked the crowd.

"Do instruments of torture count?" Wario asked.

"No," Bowser replied sternly.

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?" Waluigi asked while waving his hand in the air.

"No, Waluigi, mayonnaise is not an instrument," Bowser replied. Waluigi put his hand down, and then raised it high in the air again. "Horseradish isn't an instrument either," Bowser sighed. Waluigi silently put his hand down again.

"That's fine, no one has any experience," Bowser began. "Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you!" Bowser laughed and slapped his leg at his own joke, and everyone just stared. Bowser's laughter tapered off when he saw that no one was laughing with him. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"When do we get the free food?" Wario blurted out.

"Okay," Bowser started, "try to repeat after me." Bowser whipped his clarinet out and played the concert Bb scale. "Brass section, go."

The brass section, which consisted of Wario on tuba, Waluigi on trombone, Birdo on trumpet, and several toadstools on other brass instruments, played a sloppy scale, while some of the toadstools passed out from exhaustion. "Okay, good!" Bowser said, raising one eyebrow. "Now the winds!"

The woodwind section, which consisted of Peach on sax, Daisy and Yoshi on flute, and Luigi and a few toadstools on clarinets, also played the scale, but they weren't any better than the brass. Peach started to improvise by playing random notes, then she got really into the music and played while on one knee. Bowser had to drag her back to her chair by her hair to calm her down. "And the drums!" Bowser said.

The drummers, which consisted of only Mario and Toad, blew as hard as they could on their drumsticks, trying to play the scale. They obviously failed, and instead of playing notes, they shot the drumsticks out of their mouths at Bowser like darts, and he got pinned to the wall by the incoming drumsticks. "Too bad that didn't kill me," Bowser said disappointedly.

"Okay, lets try stepping in rhythm," Bowser said. "I need everyone to stand in straight rows of five."

"Is this the part where we start kicking?" Mario asked dumbly.

"No, Mario, that's a chorus line," Bowser stated, his annoyance apparent.

"Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!" Waluigi yelled. He kicked Wario in the shin, and Wario started screaming in pain.

"Why you..." Wario began, then he and Waluigi engaged in a fistfight until they were outside. Everyone inside the castle heard a terrible scream from outside. There was a moment of stillness, then Waluigi poked his head through the doorway and said, "Whoever's the owner of the white Sedan, you left your lights on." Waluigi crept in, his body shoved inside a trombone. Only his head showed, and it stuck out of the bell of the trombone. When he sat down, a trombone sound came out of his mouth. Everyone just stared, dumbfounded.

Day Two

Everyone was outside this time, marching down the street and playing nothing in particular. It sounded similar to a train wreck. Two little toadstools were in front of the band, twirling color guard flags. Bowser walked backwards in front of the crowd, trying to encourage them.

"Come on, flag twirlers, really spin those things!" Bowser encouraged. So the two toadstools spun their flags a little faster. "Now, turn!" Bowser yelled to the group. "Flag twirlers, let's move, come on, move!" Bowser yelled. The toadstools twirled their flags so fast that they flew into the air, the flags serving as propellers. They flew uncontrollably into a nearby blimp, and a fiery explosion took place. A trumpet player played Taps, and Bowser curled up in the fetal position.

Day Three

"Well, everyone, this is the last day before we perform, and I know you, uh, haven't improved since we began," Bowser said as he saw Wario pull a bag of Cheetos out of the bell of his tuba. "But I have a theory. People talk loud when they want to act smart, right?"

"Correct!" Waluigi said loudly.

"So, if we play loud, people might think we're good!" Bowser announced. "Everybody ready?" They readied their instruments. "And a-one, and a-two, and a-one, two, three, four!" The windows shattered at the blaring sound of the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom playing as loudly and awfully as they could. Bowser's shell got blown off of his body in the process.

"Okay, new theory," Bowser stated calmly as he slipped his shell back on. "Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.

"Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty mitts!" Waluigi yelled at Wario.

"What did you say, punk?" Wario said as he gritted his teeth.

"BIG, MEATY, MITTS!" Waluigi fired back.

"Well, these mitts ain't for just torturing that one over there!" Wario belted out as he pointed at Mario.

"Who said my name?" asked a confused Mario.

"Bring it on Wario, bring it on!" Waluigi hollered.

As they were about to hit each other, Peach got between them and said, "No, people, we should be smart and bring it off."

"Oh, so now the preppy little princess is gonna preach to us!" Wario yelled. Peach didn't like being called "preppy." "That's it, you're in for it now!" Peach said as she raced toward Wario with her saxophone.

"Wait, wait!" Bowser said. "I know tensions are high--"

Everyone engaged in a huge fight, using their instruments as lethal weapons. Flutes went flying across the room, and clarinets and drumsticks were being used as swords. Some people (as in Wario and Waluigi) loaded missiles into the trombones and trumpets and fired them off. "There's a deposit on that equipment, people!" Bowser cried over the commotion. The fighting got even worse and more dangerous (if that's even possible), and Bowser kept making feeble attempts to calm the crowd. "People, settle down!" he cautioned, but no one could hear him. Just then, the clock struck ten o'clock.

"Hey, class is over!" a toadstool exclaimed. Everyone happily said their good nights to each other as if nothing had happened, and then Bowser busted through the door as they were leaving.

"Well, you did it," Bowser said as tears rolled down his face. "You took my one chance at happiness, and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces! I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So thanks, thanks for nothing." With those words, Bowser sulked away.

"You're welcome," Mario said innocently.

"What kind of monsters are we?" Daisy asked. "Bowser came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Bowser has always been there for us when it's been convenient for him! Birdo, when your cat Mittens got caught in that tree, who helped him down?"

"Uh, a firefighter."

"And Luigi, when you blacked out when I kissed you, who revived you?"

"Some guy in an ambulance."

"Right! So if we all could pretend that Bowser was a firefighter or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we could all pull together and discover what it truly means—to be in a marching band!"

"Yay for the firefighter!" Mario exclaimed. Everyone cheered, and Daisy stepped up to the podium.

"Now let's make Bowser proud! A-one, a-two, a skidly-skidly-doo!"

Will the band pull together despite their lack of, well, intelligence? Read on and find out! (Don't worry, it's almost over.)