Without A Thought
Pairing: Yuzu/Kamui, Kamui's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own X or any of it's characters.
Note: If you strictly like yaoi or shounen-ai, then don't waste your time, but if ya like the idea of this couple (as I so immensely do) go for it!
Rating: PG-13 for some mild language, a bit of angst and just to be safe.
There was something about the way she looked at me. Just now. Tomorrow. Yesterday. Something beautiful, something scary as hell as it crept up my spine. The thing is, I want to keep seeing it. Its drug-like. Every time she's near me now, I crave it, and I'm unable to think.
She steals my brain and perfumes it with her strawberry scented shampoo and then shoves it back into my head through my nostrils. I really hate it. I wish she'd stop. I'm falling way to fast with nothing to give. If I hit bottom, there won't even be a blood cell to scrape off the pavement, and I wouldn't ask her to wash me away with her tears. I can't stand it when she cries or even looks sad. She kills. And she just keeps on breathing like she doesn't know what she's doing to me. I know she has this all planned out. She's laying in the dark somewhere, like me, plotting the next move. Heh, maybe I'm the one who's plotting, even without the ability to think. I might as well be, since I've been screwed up since the day I was born.
There has to be a reason she's so cute. There must be. I need reasons. I NEED A REASON. Is that too much to ask? Guess so. Tomorrow won't answer me either. But then. . . a funny thought just came into my head, imagine that. She's like a work of art that the artist finds his sanity in. It would be in her soft eyes. The eyes of strength and the eyes of my nightmares. The eyes no one else falls into and drowns in. She's perfect, no scratch that. I can't remember anyways, because she just walked in to the outside. See what she does to me?
Coming toward me, with that ridiculous, beautiful smile on her face, and radiating waves of energy, forcing the corners of my mouth up to mirror hers.
"What?" she laughs at me for no reason. "You never smile Kamui-chan. Are you happy to see me?"
Happy. Good God. Her very presence on the earth is what makes me. . . what was it? Happy. Yeah. Now for my brilliant response.
"I was just thinking." Idiot.
"That's good, I won't ask about them though," she smiled even brighter. Is it possible to fit the sun inside one's head?
"Them who?"
"Your thoughts."
I'm an idiot. I should die, I really should. Someone help me find a knife.
She giggled like a child and grabbed my hand. I jerk away, immediately regretting it. But her touch startles me, its like she really can see inside me, and I don't want her to yet.
"Kamui?"
"Sorry...sorry..." I force myself to relax and place my hand on her shoulder. No damage there.
"Pocky?" she holds a stick of her trademark out to me. She's always doing this. Since the first time I met her. I don't deserve her kindness.
"No thanks. I'm not hungry."
Her face changed to a worried sort of half frown. "But Kamui-chan, you're so skinny and pale. And its-"
"Its really good, I know Yuzuriha," I sigh and withdraw my hungry limb from her shoulder. She does this every time until I cave in, so as not to cause her any worry. I'm pathetic.
She smiles again, and sits next to me. The sun has just about left the sky, and I'm a murderer. Of myself, of my desire, of my feelings. Death. It's actually been on the wish list if you can imagine, but living like this is almost worse. This, without speaking, without thinking, without knowing what will really turn out in the end, and this fear that has never stopped me before, now its stabbing me in the jugular.
Maybe thinking about all this is the problem itself. Trying to find the answers like this isn't working. Feelings aren't logical. Logic does not exist in the heart. I wonder if she knows that? There I go though, thinking again. If I let myself just go, what will happen? Something says I'm too scared to find out, because she'll have to kiss me first. And there's no way in hell that will happen.
"Keep up the faith Kamui."
"What?"
Her face is serious now, an unusual occurrence. I kind of like it. It made her look like my nightmares even more. I'm sick.
"Don't give up okay? I care about you, and so do the others. We," she blushed, " really do."
Yuzuriha. . ." God I want to say too much and do too much.
"Yeah?"
"Nothing. . ." I lay my head in her lap, without a thought. It wasn't that hard actually. Drowning in my dream. Water lapping at my eyelashes and there I go. This world is over.
"Kamui you're crying!"
Yes. I'm crying like the poor bastard I am. Wishing there was no such things as eyes. They messed up too many things.
I sit up and her arms went around me tightly. Sniffling, I hang my head. Pathetic. This is what not thinking is. I don't know how worse this is than ten minutes ago.
Suddenly it dawns on me. This girl, the one I feel is special, has her arms around me, and I'm clinging to her as well. Things suddenly don't feel so heavy anymore. This huge weight has just been taken off my chest, and cast into my heart. Its filling the empty spaces. Has it really been this easy the whole time?
After a few minutes, she pulls back.
"Feel better?" she asks tenderly.
I almost say yes, but it really could screw this up, so I go for the plunge once more, using this newfound courage gliding through my veins. I kiss her. Her and her strawberry hair and her strawberry skin and strawberry lips, all at once. Her mouth is like life flowing back into me. Lips, so soft and tender. They've never been kissed, neither have mine. Why does it end so abruptly?
Shock. Denial. Healing. As her body leans into mine.
Author's Note: So how was it? Squee or no? Well, I hope you enjoyed it, or whatever. I have so many fan fics written revolving around these two. I liked this one the best. They're all pretty short though. Hopefully next time I'll have a different pairing. I'd hate to bore you. Thanks for reading! Please R&R! I'm open for constructive criticism and suggestions. Thanks so much!