Disclaimer: I, the author of this fanfic blah blah blah blah skip a few lines to get to actual fic, claim no ownership to Gilmore Girls, I am just a fan and this is a sillyfic that I barely want to claim.
Rory walked around her college campus, reading a very important book by a very important author. As she does this, she quickly glances up and looks around with her perpetual state of doe-eyedness causing some blonde guy filming a movie or something to come running up to her shouting for someone named "Joey." She shrugs and continues reading, walking away more quickly than before.
Boys flock to her feet as she passes. Why? God, if I know, but they take one look at her and they're this helpless pile of Rory-lovin' goo. As I say this Dean runs up.
Dean: Rory!
Rory: Dean!
Author: Shit.
Dean: Rory, I think I really love you. Way more than that Lindsay person I used to date.
Author: Married. You married that Lindsay person, asshole.
Rory: Hey! You are not allowed to call my boyfriend an asshole! But she does have a point about that marriage thing, Dean.
Dean: Oh yeah... But anyways, yes, I love you Rory! We can be just like we were when we were 16 when I was working at Doose's and hadn't gone to college yet and you were living at home and hadn't started college either!
Author: Weird, but doesn't everything sound exactly the same for Dean and totally different for Rory? It's almost like she's moved on to a different life that doesn't include you and you're still stuck in high school...
Dean: (misses point) Yeah, it kinda does!
Author: (disgusted) Oh god, that's just too much.
Dean: (random meteorite comes hurling to the Earth, hitting Dean in the head)
Author: Thank god. Somebody else should have written that in a long time ago.
Rory: Did you just kill Dean?
Author: Maybe...
Rory: You can't just go ahead and do something like that. There are repercussions. We have history. There have been many, many plot lines. Me, Dean, and my mom. Me, Dean, and my grandparents. Me, Dean, and Lindsay. Me, Dean, and Tristan. Me, Dean, and Jess...
Author: (Pulls out two boys by the hand) This is Logan and this is Marty. They're your new love interests. I guess we're starting back at the beginning, because Logan is pretty much Tristan and Marty is a more self-conscious and less prickish Dean.
Logan: Hey, Mary.
Author: Too Tristan.
Logan: Hey...Bookgirl?
Author: Better. Still needs work though.
Marty: (almost gets a line in, but is quickly shushed by everyone around him)
Rory: I'm really not sure I like this...
Grandpa Gilmore: I do! It looks like he has money! (points to Logan) I like him!!! Pick him!!! We've had to hide that your boyfriends from the club for long enough!!!
Lorelei: I know I don't like this.
Emily & Richard Gilmore: SHHH, NON-IVY LEAGUE POOR DAUGHTER!
Lorelei: You know what? Screw you both. Rory, when you figure out that I'm the only good person you're related to then you can come home to Stars Hollow and cut ties with these two snobs like I did.
Emily: Because, we all know how well that turned out...
Lorelei: I have a college degree, my own successful business, and a boyfriend who can cook! Plus, I'm happy you pretentious bi-(leaps at her mother with the intent to kill)
Rory: (restrains Lorelei) Mom, calm down! It's ok!
Emily: Let her go, Rory! Come on, let's see what you've got!
Lorelei: (looks at Rory)
Rory: (nods) Yeah, go ahead. She asked for it.
Lorelei: (beats the shit out of her mother)
Emily: Aaah! Help! Richard!
Richard: (sneaking out the door, because he knows he's next.)
Emily: Richard?
Richard: (deer in the headlights look) (runs out door like a gazelle)
Logan: Hey, maybe now I can stop sucking up, then sneaking around with my friends and booze, which all the adults know about, but won't admit.
Lorelei: Shut u- Hang on. I can totally relate to that. (drops Emily) So, you're like this spoiled rich kid, but you're also cool?
Logan: Yeah, as it turns out, I rock. Our writers have made me extremely likeable and I'm not as big of an asshole as Tristan was. And apparently I make our author swoon.
Author: (giggle) Yeah, he does...I love you, Logan!
Logan: Right...
Author: (terse look)
Logan: OW! Did I just have a...camera fall on my head?
Dawson: (snatches camera and turns to moon at Rory) Jo-Hey you're not Joey!
Author: Yeah, yeah. Sorry I took your camera, it was the first thing that came to mind. Now, get out of my fic! OK, where were we?
Rory: I have no fucking idea, but I think I like Logan.
Author: You do. I'm bored anyhow. Go off with Logan and you (points to Lorelei) go find Luke.
Rory: Alright. I guess...
Lorelei: Ok, then.
Logan: I'm up for it.
Author: Good, then everything's settled.
Marty: Hey, what about me?
Rory: I didn't know Marty could talk.
Author: It's ok, Marty, m'boy. We can play Scrabble or something. Bye guys! (waves and everyone leaves)
Emily: What...(pain)...about...me?
Author: I never liked you (snits).
Marty: So, this is the end?
Author: Yep. Ooooh! They have Boggle!
End
Or
Fin if you're European