A/N: I am not dead just really busy. I am very sorry for the lack of
updates but because school is ending soon I think I will be able to find
more time to update...or not who knows but I hope that you can tolerate me
and my lack of updates...oh yes this chapter has not yet been betaed but it
will...and then I will repost it.
Dirty Little Secrets
File two: Starfire
A low sigh escaped my lips, my eyes focused on the slowly setting sun; my mind was a jumble of thoughts. I lowered my body so that I sat down on the cold concrete surface of the titans tower roof; I was trying to lose myself in this sunset trying to let all these painful memories. The sunset however did not help me, there was just too much red, too much red.
I pulled my eyes from the sun, and looked towards the door, the door that would lead me back to the titans tower. A door that would bring me back to reality. I hated spending time down there; everyone was...depressed I think the word is. I everyone would move in slow motion. Beast boy has been locking himself in his room, claiming that he needed time to think about things. Cyborg has almost completely disappeared from the team, the last time we saw him was last week when we had a mission, after that he disappeared again. Raven however seemed to have taken the role of our leader, she seems to be the only one to be strengthened by all this...I myself have also separated myself from the others staying outside in a garden that I have come to build.
I slowly opened the door and descended down the stairs. I turned the corner at the end of the stair well and too k a few steps and stopped. There in front of me stood a door, a door that has not been opened in a month's time. It was the door to Robin's room. I leaned against it and closed my eyes...I should have been able to help him.
If I truly loved him then I would have noticed what was going on with him. But I did not and so I failed him. This ripped me up inside...but I deserved these feelings...I deserved this guilt.
"Starfire are you all right" I was pulled away from my toughs and looked up to see raven standing beside me.
"Yes Raven I am fine.... when can we visit Robin, it has been a full month since we last saw him." I looked into Raven's eyes; she seemed to be so wise.
"I'll call the hospital, I am sure that we will be able to see him very soon Star." She walked past me, and soon I was alone again, it was very tempting to call her back.
A panicked feeling came over, I was very familiar with this feeling, and I knew there was only one way to get ride of it...to eat.
I ran down to the kitchen and looked around, it was empty. I ripped open the cabinets any place I could find food. Once I did I would stuff it in my moth. It did not matter what the food was, just as long as it was in me... it got ride of that panic, it let me forgot for just one minute what was wrong...but I knew once this was over I would have to get ride of this food or the panic would come back.
Quickly I ran to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I need to get rid of the food...quickly! I stood over the sink and put my finger to the back of my mouth forcing my self to be rid of the food...then when it was all done, I was okay. I slowly I cleaned myself up and then exited the bathroom, I was good at keeping this secret.
[X][X][X]
The next day we had training, and then finally we would be able to go and visit Robin. I really couldn't wait, but training kept on getting harder every day. No matter what I did I would always grow tired very quickly and also I would become very dizzy. So I would always have to sit out and return to training later. But I will not grow weak today! I will not rest until I am done, then I can see him, then I can tell him that I love him. But I was already growing weak, and my limbs grew heavy, I closed my eyes and though of robin and then pushed my self on. I just had to do a few more things then I would be free just a few more things then I will be able to see robin....
The world started to spin, I couldn't stand up, no I can't.... Robin I'm sorry
I was in a room, a white room. I was lying in bed white sheets around me and strange tubes connected to back were attached to me. I did not like this place, nor did I know how I got here. Slowly I propped my self up, but I was met by a wave of dizziness.
"Excuse me Miss I wouldn't do that, you should lay down" I looked to the left of me and saw a kind looking man dressed in a white coat he was holding a clip board and looking at me.
"I have no time to rest! I am supposed to visit Robin...where am I" my mind was very jumbled.
"You are in the hospital, and you will not be visiting your friend any time soon. I have done some test on you, and I have found that you are suffering with symptoms of Bulimia, do you know what that is?" the man looked at me now his eyes focused on mine.
"No, I do not know what this is but-"the man held up his hand.
"Bulimia is an eating disorder where one will purge and binge, or eat a lot of food at once and then go to get ride of it either by throwing up using laxatives or some other way. This is a very serious disease and I think you should be put into a hospital. Now I know this idea may seem unappealing but there is a nice place close to here, lucky springs its called..." I did not need to here any more of the man's words. That is where Robin is, and if he is there then I will go, I will go wherever robin is.
[X][X][X]
In a few days I found myself in the halls of lucky springs getting shown around by a nurse, it was not a very nice place, this lucky springs. Everything was white or this ugly blue. The halls smelled funny and they locked the bathroom. I also have seen no sign of robin.
"Now you'll eat your meals with all the other patients you can sit with whoever you like, in fact lunch is being served now! You don't have to eat on your first day but, soon a nutritionist will have a look at you and you will have to eat whatever meal they plan for you." She lead me to the eating room and I looked at the people there, please let robin be here. Then I saw him sitting at a table in the far right.
"May I sit over there please, I know that boy." I looked at the woman hoping she would say yes.
"Of course you can, ill take you over there." Slowly she led me to the table, Robin was looking at his food and did not look up when I came.
"Hello Robin...I have missed you." Slowly his face turned up to mine, and he gasped.
"S-Star why are you here!" his eyes were wide and he looked to the nurse.
"Oh Dick, she is a new patient her, she just informed me you two know each other well I leave here hear and pick her up at lunches end." With that the woman left
I slowly sat across from robin. Smiling I was so happy I was with him! I am sure he is happy I am here to.
"Star what the hell are you doing here" My smile disappeared, Robin was not happy I was here no he was mad.
A/N: Eck I didn't like how this turned out way to rushed...Ah well I wanted to get this out. Well I shall get to work on the next chapter: Beast Boy!
Dirty Little Secrets
File two: Starfire
A low sigh escaped my lips, my eyes focused on the slowly setting sun; my mind was a jumble of thoughts. I lowered my body so that I sat down on the cold concrete surface of the titans tower roof; I was trying to lose myself in this sunset trying to let all these painful memories. The sunset however did not help me, there was just too much red, too much red.
I pulled my eyes from the sun, and looked towards the door, the door that would lead me back to the titans tower. A door that would bring me back to reality. I hated spending time down there; everyone was...depressed I think the word is. I everyone would move in slow motion. Beast boy has been locking himself in his room, claiming that he needed time to think about things. Cyborg has almost completely disappeared from the team, the last time we saw him was last week when we had a mission, after that he disappeared again. Raven however seemed to have taken the role of our leader, she seems to be the only one to be strengthened by all this...I myself have also separated myself from the others staying outside in a garden that I have come to build.
I slowly opened the door and descended down the stairs. I turned the corner at the end of the stair well and too k a few steps and stopped. There in front of me stood a door, a door that has not been opened in a month's time. It was the door to Robin's room. I leaned against it and closed my eyes...I should have been able to help him.
If I truly loved him then I would have noticed what was going on with him. But I did not and so I failed him. This ripped me up inside...but I deserved these feelings...I deserved this guilt.
"Starfire are you all right" I was pulled away from my toughs and looked up to see raven standing beside me.
"Yes Raven I am fine.... when can we visit Robin, it has been a full month since we last saw him." I looked into Raven's eyes; she seemed to be so wise.
"I'll call the hospital, I am sure that we will be able to see him very soon Star." She walked past me, and soon I was alone again, it was very tempting to call her back.
A panicked feeling came over, I was very familiar with this feeling, and I knew there was only one way to get ride of it...to eat.
I ran down to the kitchen and looked around, it was empty. I ripped open the cabinets any place I could find food. Once I did I would stuff it in my moth. It did not matter what the food was, just as long as it was in me... it got ride of that panic, it let me forgot for just one minute what was wrong...but I knew once this was over I would have to get ride of this food or the panic would come back.
Quickly I ran to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I need to get rid of the food...quickly! I stood over the sink and put my finger to the back of my mouth forcing my self to be rid of the food...then when it was all done, I was okay. I slowly I cleaned myself up and then exited the bathroom, I was good at keeping this secret.
[X][X][X]
The next day we had training, and then finally we would be able to go and visit Robin. I really couldn't wait, but training kept on getting harder every day. No matter what I did I would always grow tired very quickly and also I would become very dizzy. So I would always have to sit out and return to training later. But I will not grow weak today! I will not rest until I am done, then I can see him, then I can tell him that I love him. But I was already growing weak, and my limbs grew heavy, I closed my eyes and though of robin and then pushed my self on. I just had to do a few more things then I would be free just a few more things then I will be able to see robin....
The world started to spin, I couldn't stand up, no I can't.... Robin I'm sorry
I was in a room, a white room. I was lying in bed white sheets around me and strange tubes connected to back were attached to me. I did not like this place, nor did I know how I got here. Slowly I propped my self up, but I was met by a wave of dizziness.
"Excuse me Miss I wouldn't do that, you should lay down" I looked to the left of me and saw a kind looking man dressed in a white coat he was holding a clip board and looking at me.
"I have no time to rest! I am supposed to visit Robin...where am I" my mind was very jumbled.
"You are in the hospital, and you will not be visiting your friend any time soon. I have done some test on you, and I have found that you are suffering with symptoms of Bulimia, do you know what that is?" the man looked at me now his eyes focused on mine.
"No, I do not know what this is but-"the man held up his hand.
"Bulimia is an eating disorder where one will purge and binge, or eat a lot of food at once and then go to get ride of it either by throwing up using laxatives or some other way. This is a very serious disease and I think you should be put into a hospital. Now I know this idea may seem unappealing but there is a nice place close to here, lucky springs its called..." I did not need to here any more of the man's words. That is where Robin is, and if he is there then I will go, I will go wherever robin is.
[X][X][X]
In a few days I found myself in the halls of lucky springs getting shown around by a nurse, it was not a very nice place, this lucky springs. Everything was white or this ugly blue. The halls smelled funny and they locked the bathroom. I also have seen no sign of robin.
"Now you'll eat your meals with all the other patients you can sit with whoever you like, in fact lunch is being served now! You don't have to eat on your first day but, soon a nutritionist will have a look at you and you will have to eat whatever meal they plan for you." She lead me to the eating room and I looked at the people there, please let robin be here. Then I saw him sitting at a table in the far right.
"May I sit over there please, I know that boy." I looked at the woman hoping she would say yes.
"Of course you can, ill take you over there." Slowly she led me to the table, Robin was looking at his food and did not look up when I came.
"Hello Robin...I have missed you." Slowly his face turned up to mine, and he gasped.
"S-Star why are you here!" his eyes were wide and he looked to the nurse.
"Oh Dick, she is a new patient her, she just informed me you two know each other well I leave here hear and pick her up at lunches end." With that the woman left
I slowly sat across from robin. Smiling I was so happy I was with him! I am sure he is happy I am here to.
"Star what the hell are you doing here" My smile disappeared, Robin was not happy I was here no he was mad.
A/N: Eck I didn't like how this turned out way to rushed...Ah well I wanted to get this out. Well I shall get to work on the next chapter: Beast Boy!