Well sorry for the long wait, school has been evil. Enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans

Dirty Little Secrets

File Three: Beast Boy

We were all shocked to find out what was going on with Starfire, out of all of us she seemed the one who would never have any of these kind of problems.

I sighed and slowly made my way out of my room. I was spending a lot of time in here lately and it was just easier to shut myself out from reality. When I'm alone in here I can pretend that everything is okay; I can pretend that if I were to leave my room Robin and Star would be standing there, and everything would be okay. But I can only spend so much time in this room; I had to take care of my physical needs.

I slowly walked out of my room and looked at the doors around me. Three of these doors had gone silent; two of their owners went to that hospital; one just vanished.

I leaned against me door and closed my eyes. I wished Cy would come back. Maybe if he were here things wouldn't be so bad, at least it wouldn't be so quiet around here. He would be able to bring the life back to this place. I missed him a lot, I missed all of them. I looked down the hall to another silent door, except this one would come to life every so often, and then she would come out. I wonder if she's in there, meditating or reading a book or something. Maybe I could knock on her door and get her to come out, maybe we could go out to get a pizza. It would be nice to have some company. I took a deep breath and walked down the hall.

I turned so that I was facing her door; I raised my hand and was just about to knock when I noticed a yellow post. It was attached to the door, there was something scribbled on it.

Beast Boy,

I have gone out for food and supplies, I should be back in a few hours.

-Raven

I sighed and walked away from the door. Why didn't she ask me to come with her? Why did she have to leave me alone in here?

The silence began to get to me so I walked out to the main room of the Titan's Tower and plopped down on the couch. I grabbed the T.V controller and switched on the T.V. Maybe time will pass by faster if I just stare at the screen mindlessly.

I channeled surfed for a while and stopped on a news channel, a sinking feeling formed in my stomach. Ever since they found out what was going on with Robin and Star news stations have been attacking us saying we were unfit for fighting crime and they can't see why the authorities trusted us in the first place. It made me sick, they shouldn't put this stuff in the news! We've saved this town so many times and they repay us by posting our secrets to the masses. I quickly shut off the T.V, throwing the controller across the room.

Why did everything have to start falling apart! When I joined the Titans sure I felt insecure, but I also felt safe. I thought that I had finally found a place where I would never have to see the death of someone close to me, yet I almost did! Both of them could of died, and somehow I feel guilty.

I can't help feeling that I carry a curse that as long as I am around other people they will some how get hurt. I couldn't help feeling that if I never joined the Titans then Cyborg, Raven, Robin and Star would be in this room having a good time. I couldn't help thinking that the world would be better if I was never born.

To disappear from this earth doesn't seem like such a bad idea right now, it's actually pretty appealing. To disappear would mean that I would just go into nothingness and I would no longer feel this constant pain. I would be free. Sure I would miss all the "good" parts of life, but if the bad parts out number the good is life really worth living? No, I don't think so.

I got up off of the couch, suicide!, this was the only chance I have. No one's home I wouldn't have to worry about being found until...until it was to late. I doubt I would be too missed. No, I wouldn't missed. Yes, they will be fine without me. No one needed me. Yes, it was time I needed to go now.

There where things I needed to do first, I need paper, I need to let Raven know I love her. I want her to know everything. Then I'll go.

I ran to my room and looked on my desk for a clean piece of paper and something to write with. I settled with a half used piece of paper and then grabbed pencil. I paused for a moment; I needed to write from my heart.

Dear Raven,

I'm sorry for being so much trouble. I am sorry for being so annoying. But you must understand, I was so afraid how you would react if you found out how I really felt inside. I felt so insecure around all of you, especially you, Raven. Your so powerful, calm...but most of all your beautiful. Every time I'm near you my heart starts to pound and my palms sweat. I wanted so badly to kiss you to hold you in my arms. But you are unreachable to me, I am in no way worthy of your love.... I am even unworthy to keep on living on this earth, but I need to say goodbye I need to say things in this letter that I could never say to you in person. Good bye Raven, I love you. I'm sorry.

-Beast Boy

I folded up the piece of paper and took it with me, the final room I would be seeing would be the bathroom it was there I would take my life.

I slowly entered the room, there was still a little blood in the cracks of the tile, a reminder of what has already happened in this bathroom. I looked at the mirror before me and pulled it open, looking quickly at its contents and grabbing what I needed. It was a small bottle containing one hundred tablets of some kind of sleeping pill, it was brand new and unopened, I knew that this would be enough. I placed the note on the table counter and quickly opened the bottle. I just need to swallow these and then I could go.

I swallowed down twenty and then stopped...suddenly I wasn't so sure I wanted to die. Suddenly I wanted to live, I wanted to tell Raven I loved her. I gripped onto the marble counter, my legs where already heavy. I tried to keep myself standing but I feel to the ground I whimper escaping my lips. I didn't want to die anymore! I wanted to live! But my world was already growing dark.

[X][X][X]

"Beast Boy?" I started to open my eyes, lighting momentarily blinding me. Someone was leaning above me.

"Where-" , but some how I already knew where I was, the hospital.... I didn't die.

"Oh thank God your okay! I thought you would never wake up." I was looking into the face of the last person I wanted to see right now, Raven.

"Raven... I'm so sorry." My voice was no more than a croak.

"Shhhh there's no need for you to be sorry ,Beast Boy, just rest for now. You'll have to leave soon." My eyes began to close again, and Ravens face slowly faded away.

[X][X][X]

Raven wasn't lying when she said I would be leaving the hospital soon. Once I was well enough to get out of bed I was shipped off to Lucky Springs. I didn't think it would be so bad, after all I had friends here. Well I was wrong. From the moment Robin found out I was here he wouldn't speak to me or to Star. Star told me he hadn't spoken since she first came here; neither of us could really understand why.

On my first day here I got a room and a roommate, both of which weren't very nice. The room was small and really only had enough room for two metal frame twin sized beds, each had their own night stand. There where two different dressers where we kept our clothes. The floor was a white tile, the walls where also white...everything was white. There was only one window in the room, and this one was barred, not to homey.

My roommate was here for rehab, apparently they where doing drugs and so their parents sent him here. He claimed he had no problem with drugs that he could have quite if he wanted to. He said the only reason he stayed in this place was to be away from his parents. At least he was lucky enough to still have his.

I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it here...

Well, here you go Beast Boys chapter. Sorry if its crappy but right now its about one in the morning and I can't feel my fingers anymore... I might not be able to update again for a while because it's the end of the year and I have a lot of stuff to do for school.