A/N: Reviewers: Thank you so much! That really made my day. :)
Warning: THIS PART CONTAINS SLASH. (Just a little. Sorry to disappoint everyone. But it's getting there.) Don't like? Please leave. Now. Thank you.
xxxWhen Ryan wakes up, he immediately feels disoriented, forgetting for a minute where he is. Then he remembers: the pool house. He groans audibly, thinking about the way he left things last night. Sandy and Kirsten will probably never trust him again. He doesn't blame them.
He gets dressed and walks back to the house, dreading the inevitable conversation. The conversation that will probably go something like: "Ryan, you need to stop being irresponsible and making us worry. If you're going to stay here, we're going to have to go over some rules. Otherwise, maybe you should go back to Chino with Theresa." Though, of course, he might do that anyway. Still, it's different to decide that himself than to hear them telling him to leave.
Sandy is in the kitchen, eating a bagel. "Ryan, hey. I think we should talk about last night."
"I know," Ryan says. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. I promise to call next time. Not that there will be a next time."
"It's okay," Sandy says, and Ryan inwardly breathes a sigh of relief. "I mean, it's not okay that you forgot to call us, but I know you meant to. You're a responsible person, Ryan. I know that."
Ryan doesn't know what to say. Sandy continues: "What are you planning to do?"
He blinks, surprised. "What?"
"Well, are you staying here? Are you going to go back with Theresa?"
"Um, I don't know. I told her I'd go back if she needed me, but I'm not so sure that's really the best idea."
"I have to be honest, Ryan. I don't think it is a good idea. But you're going to do what you think is right; I know that. However, I think that it's not fair to anyone for you to leave again. Especially Theresa. She needs to learn to survive on her own, without you around to protect her. Because you're not always going to be around. And, of course, I want you here for my own selfish reasons, but that shouldn't influence your decision. I think you should think about this more before you decide anything."
Sandy understands more than Ryan would have given him credit for. "Thank you. I'm going to see her later today, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay. Take the car. You shouldn't have to rely on us or Summer to drive you."
"Thanks," Ryan says gratefully, suddenly hungry. He grabs a bagel and begins buttering it with a fervor. "How's Kirsten?"
"She's fine. She was just a little upset that you didn't let us know what was going on, but she understands. She's still sleeping. I didn't want to wake her."
Good. She's fine. Fine is good. When did Ryan's brain start sounding like Seth?
Right on cue, Kirsten stumbles in to the kitchen, half-awake. "Coffee. Where's –" Sandy hands her a cup. "Mmm, thanks, sweetie." After a few sips, she notices Ryan standing there, unsure what to do. He is visibly awkward.
"Ryan, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." Okay, here it comes: the ultimatum. At least he's ready for it.
They walk into the living room. Kirsten sits on the couch and beckons Ryan to join her. He sits, still not knowing what to do with himself.
"Are you in love with my son, Ryan?"
What?
"Um," Ryan sputters. This is so not what he thought she was going to say.
"It's okay, you don't have to answer. But he's in love with you. I think you should know that."
Ryan still can't speak. He nods mutely, unsure what the correct response to this information is.
"Don't hurt him, Ryan. If you break his heart when he gets back... things will not be pleasant for you around here for a very long time." Her tone of voice lets him know that this is a huge understatement. So there is an ultimatum after all, just not the one he thought he was getting.
"I won't," Ryan tells her.
"Promise."
"Why would I break Seth's heart? He's my best friend."
"Promise." Her voice gets low, threatening.
"I promise not to break Seth's heart when he gets back."
"Good." Kirsten stands up, dismissing him. "I just wanted to get that cleared up." She starts to walk out of the room.
"Wait," Ryan calls. She turns back to him silently. "If... if I was, would that, I mean, would it be an issue if I stay here?"
"No," Kirsten says softly. "I'd be glad." And with that, she walks out.
Glad? That was about the last reaction Ryan expected her to have. Well, that's one more thing he doesn't have to worry about, at least.
xxx
When he gets to the hospital later that day, Theresa is gone. At least, that's what the nurse tells him.
"She went home about three hours ago."
"Great," Ryan mutters. Aloud, he says, "She told me she'd be here for a few more days."
"Well, that was the original plan." The nurse squints at him. "You wouldn't be Ryan Atwood, by any chance, would you?"
"Yes. Why?"
"She left a note for you." The nurse hands him a folded piece of paper, creased and wrinkled. Well, at least someone cares enough to leave me a note before leaving. He opens it.
Dear Ryan,
By the time you read this, I'll be back in Chino. You're probably wondering why I didn't call you, or wait for you, or something. I'm sorry that this is how you'll find out, but I shouldn't have asked you to come with me. You don't belong in that world anymore. You belong in Newport with the Cohens. You have a future now, Ryan, and that future doesn't include me. I need to learn to make my own life, without relying on you for everything. And you need to move on. If I'd had the baby, things would be different, but I can't ask you to put your life on hold otherwise. Now I need to go home. And so do you. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Thank you for everything. I can't believe the sacrifices you would have made for me. I think we'll always be part of each other's lives, no matter how far apart we live. I love you, Ryan. Now go home.
Theresa
There are tear stains all over the note, and Ryan can't stay mad at her for long. He wishes she'd talked to him first, though, before deciding this for him. But mostly he's relieved, both at having the decision made and at its outcome. He can't let this go without talking to her, so on the way home, he calls.
"Hello?" Her voice is weary.
"Hey."
"Ryan, what's up? Did you get my note?"
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"Going home."
"Oh. Good."
"Yeah."
She gets right to the point. "So why are you calling?" It's not mean or harsh, the way she says it, just straightforward. Curious.
"I just wanted to talk to you. Make sure you're really okay."
"I am."
"Good."
"Ryan?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks," she says softly. "For caring."
"Of course," he replies, matching her tone. "I'll always care about you, Theresa."
"Me too."
"Then call me sometimes, okay? Just because I'm not there... we can still talk. It doesn't need to be an emergency."
"You too, okay? I'll miss having you around. And thank Sandy and Kirsten, too. For... letting you go."
"I will."
"'Kay. Bye, Ryan."
"Bye."
xxx
The days pass quickly, now that Ryan knows he's not going anywhere. Quicker than he would have thought with Seth gone. Theresa calls every week just to chat, which they've never really done, but it's nice. Summer comes over sometimes to hang out. They're getting closer. She thinks Ryan's crush on Seth is sweet, but he won't talk about it anymore. She reports that Marissa knows he's back, but she's pointedly avoiding him. Apparently, he's left and come back one time too many. Which is fine with him; he doesn't want to see her, anyway.
He spends a lot of time thinking about Seth. Missing Seth. The way he un-self-consciously wants to be with Ryan all the time. How his unkempt hair falls into his eyes in the morning, before he brushes it. His unique humor, which is just so Seth it couldn't possibly come from anyone else.
So when Summer asks how he's doing, he answers honestly, for once.
"I miss him."
"Me too."
"I've been talking to his stupid plastic horse. That probably sounds ridiculous, but it feels like I'm talking to him. A bit, anyway."
Summer smiles sadly. "It doesn't sound ridiculous. It sounds sweet. I talk to Princess Sparkle about him."
"Oh, right. I always forget that you have one, too."
"Yeah." The sad look is still on her face.
"Do you think he'll come back before school starts?"
"I don't know. I hope so."
"Me too."
"Well, I mean, he can't have, like, actually tried to sail to Tahiti, right? I mean, that's too much, even for Seth."
"I hope not."
"He might have. He was pretty upset."
"What did his note say?"
Summer pulls a worn piece of paper out of her back pocket. "Here."
Ryan opens it.
Dear Summer,
Please don't hate me. Please, please don't hate me.
I don't know if I can make this work.
I can't picture Newport without him.
I can't watch my life go back to what it used to be, before he came. You don't know what it was like, Summer. I was the biggest loser. No one would even acknowledge my existence – except for Luke and his gang of assholes. But then Ryan came and everything was different. I was different. Cool, somehow, if only by association. You didn't talk to me until afterwards, but it was bad. It's all going to go back to the way it was, as if he was never here, and I can't do that.
Because he was here, and he did change me, and I can't pretend.
I can't pretend to be some superficial yuppie anymore. Ryan's the only thing that's kept me sane for the past year. And you, of course. But I can't do this, either.
I need to go. I'm sorry. I know you'll never forgive me, but I hope you'll understand.
I love you. But not in the way you need me to.
Love,
Seth
Silently, Ryan hands Summer back her note. "You keep it with you?"
"That way I always have him with me." Her voice is muffled, and Ryan notices the tears in her eyes.
"God, Summer, I'm sorry. I haven't even thought about how this must be for you."
She sniffles and looks at him. "Yeah, well, it's hard. But I'm okay."
"Is this..." he motions to them, "... are we okay?"
"Of course. You can't help who you love. And," her voice drops, "neither can I."
Her eyes are still wet. Without thinking, Ryan wraps his arms around her. She jumps, then relaxes into the embrace. By the time she relaxes, though, he's pulled away.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have..."
"No, it was nice."
"Oh. Okay." Awkwardly, he tries again. They sit on the bed in the pool house like that for a long time, Ryan holding Summer and Summer trying not to cry anymore. Neither of them needs words; the moment speaks for itself.