21. Being Muggle
24 April 2001
I want to keep him safe. I want so desperately to keep him safe. I need to keep him safe. To keep myself safe, my sanity intact.
He's like an incurable disease, that kills only when removed. How did I ever grow so dependent on someone?
And how utterly idiotic it was to grow so attached to the most hunted wizard alive. Potter's little friends may think that the most hunted is Voldemort, but I know better. I know Death Eaters. All too well. The Dark Lord (I've only recently realised how stupid that sounds) is merely chased by Aurors. They're much to good to be proper hunters. The very fact that they're moral and righteous makes them unable to hunt with the ferocity of Death Eaters.
Harry is hunted. Harry is prey.
I must find a way to protect him.
5 May 2001
Harry found my undercover suggestion humorous. Said we spend quite a lot of time undercover as it is. Though he didn't issue any complaints.
It went from a joke to an argument. Not for the first time.
Harry argued his case very convincingly. Said it's no use going undercover. He'd have to go under skin - someone else's - to escape detection. And Polyjuice is nasty and not very long-lasting.
We both left the room in a huff. Not for the first time.
But it gave me an idea, and a runny nose from all these dusty old books.
But the answer must be here. Somewhere.
Harry is back to distracting me. Definitely not for the first time.
No complaints here. The books aren't going anywhere.
Though they might decompose.
12 June 2001
I was right! I was RIGHT!
What better place to hide Harry from the entire wizarding world?
Am genius! This time, boyfriend must agree or boyfriend will have to look for fun elsewhere.
GENIUS!
Must allow boyfriend to bask in self's glory.
16 June 2001
Harry scowled when I told him I'd been out sampling the men of Redlace Street. I've an idiot boyfriend. What else is new?
17 June 2001
The conservation vials seem to be working and the Polyjuice hasn't lost its sting. Excellent.
Harry has day off tomorrow. Will test Muggle essence then. Should probably feel v. disgusted by this. However, am only feeling mildly queasy. Must be the fumes.
I need a house elf!
Ergo, I need Harry.
18 June 2001
Body v. good. Harry's better. Am disgruntled by this. Though am feeling should not be. As usual, life with boyfriend v. confusing.
Should probably never have bought that Fielding book. Am feeling embarrassingly girly.
Still, Harry loves me.
20 June 2001
The old place looks rather depressing like this. No wonder it's no big hit in the Muggle tourism game. Still, I may conceivably have sat in the lap of some uncouth Muggle hiker. Am both utterly appalled and slightly aroused by this idea. Boyfriend keeps telling me I'm weird. I say he's projecting.
The Great Hall sans enchanted ceiling is rather gloomy and oppressive. Not good for candlelit dinners for two. Luckily some of the smaller chambers could be made rather cosy. Will employ house elf Harry for any all manual labour.
Dust! Dust everywhere! And No Magic! Am on the verge of admitting to crappy idea.
Still, Harry seems pleased. Says it's like camping out, inside. Worryingly, he says this with mildly insane grin on his face.
Have shocked boyfriend into insanity. V. bad.
29 March 2002
Polyjuice. Sounds like pleasantly tropical flavour with fat parrot on label.
Tastes like squashed fat parrot.
Must rectify.
9 June 2002
One bottle is missing. I've counted them ten times over at least.
I knew I'd seen that face before. Can't be a coincidence.
Who was he? Why would he put on another face?
Have I been deceived?
Was Harry?
If I were -
Slytherins do revenge well.
Very well.
11 June 2002
I grow confused. Gobble keeps out of my way, skulking in the shadow.
Does he grow deceitful?
Does he fear? When we are both gone, will he vanish? Or have I already won . . . and lost? When there is no winner, is the duel done?
Did it ever end?
He fears that it did not. And that that is the only reason he is still here.
He fears.
I am past fear.
But I am not past vengeance.