Here's the second and most depressing version of the final part of my trilogy.
(Please do not read this version, if you hate reading major angsty death-fic).
STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED: I do not own any of the GW characters or mobile suits.
WARNINGS: Yaoi, Angst, Deaths.PAIRINGS: 43 and 13
I'll like to warn you all, that most probably this fic, don't make that much sense, as at the time when I wrote this version (long ago), I was under pretty heavy flu medication, so well I was really "lost" mentally at that time.
Unlike the first two parts, this part does not follow the actual GW anime timeline. I begged to be pardon for my inconsistency. Sorry.
ANGUISH (the second of the alternative sequel to 'Sorrow')--PART 1--
HEERO
Seeing Quatre and Trowa cuddling, touching or kissing each other, always caused my heart to shatter into millions of pieces...
It hurt so much... so much... but this was the best path for Trowa...
I loved him too deeply to allow him to suffer by my side. He deserved someone better, someone like Quatre.
"Hey, Heero! Oh Heero!"
A voice penetrated my thoughts... I looked up and saw Duo hanging at my doorway.
"What?" I asked coldly.
"Quatre called for an emergency meeting at his room, now!" the violet-eyed pilot replied in his usual joyful manner. Sometimes, it really puzzled me as to how Duo managed to remain so happy with all those matters we were facing...
------------------------
QUATRE
"I've just received a mission message from the doctors, assigned to Heero and Trowa," I reported.
"Hey, Quatre! You're not worried that Heero will snatch your lover, on their date, huh?" Duo, the clown of the group, teased.
"Duo, it's not a date," I laughed as I answered the long-haired pilot, "It's a mission."
"Really?" Duo asked teasingly.
"Duo! Stop interrupting Quatre!" Wufei, the workaholic among us, snapped.
"Well... this mission is rather simple in comparison to all our recent missions. But it is very important," I paused to check that everyone was listening, before I continued, "Heero and Trowa are assigned to destroy the moon base totally, as it will be one of the main suppliers for the final battle. Everything clear?"
"Mission acknowledged," Heero replied.
"..." Trowa as usual, just nodded.
------------------------
HEERO
"Mission accomplished," I said calmly, "All enemies destroyed."
Trowa just nodded. Since our fight sometime ago, Trowa never talked to me any time more than necessary. I could not and would not blame him. What right did I have to blame him? After all, it was my words that had hurt him.
As we were about to leave, a man suddenly appeared from nowhere behind Trowa, and fired his gun at him...
Without any hesitation, I pushed Trowa out of the way...
------------------------
TROWA
I was shocked beyond words, to see Heero's body slumping onto the ground at my feet...
I quickly reacted by gunning down that gunman and then, I kneeled down, beside Heero, and scooped him into my arms.
"Heero!! Heero!!!" I called out, as I shook his body gently...
------------------------
HEERO
I heard the voice of the only person that I truly loved, calling out to me...
With much effort, I forced my eyes to open.
"Trowa..." I acknowledged in a feeble voice.
His eyes were filled with concern, and he was sobbing... sobbing? For me?
I strenuously reached my hand up to wipe off his tears.
"Trowa... I... I ... needed to... to tell you... something..."
"Shhhhhh, don't talk now. Save your energy."
"No... I must... or... or else I'll never ... have a chance again..."
"No! Don't say that. You'll get well. You will!"
His voice was agitated, so unlike Trowa...
It hurt me so... just seeing him feeling sad for me... it really hurt me... I did not want this; I want him to be happy.
"Heero, please..." Trowa was literally begging me...
But, I shook my head. The body was mine, and so I most definitely would understand it better than anybody else.
"Trowa... I know... it's better... if I...I don't say this... but... but... I... I'm selfish... and I want you to... know how I feel..." I gasped out my words, "I...I love you..."
On hearing this words, Trowa started crying again, "Heero, I... I love you too, always."
"Please... please kiss me..."
Trowa pressed his lips against mine, as my eyes slide shut...
I could feel my life force slowly disappearing... vanishing into the darkness...
------------------------
TROWA
I felt Heero's body leaned back lamely in my arms... I knew he was gone... gone forever...
I sat there unmoving in the same spot for what seemed like hours, cradling Heero's body in my arm, sobbing.
I knew that it was of no use to cry... no matter how much tears I shed, Heero will never come back to life... but I just could not seem to stop myself. Tears continued to flow like a stream after a heavy storm...
For once in my entire life, I was totally at lost... I could not seem to control myself at all...
I tried really hard to get a grip of myself, to put back on my mask of no expression...
It was only after a long while, before I slowly started to calm down...
But, I still could not leave, not with all the tear stains on my face...
No! I must not allow anyone to see me crying...
After all I was a soldier, and soldier should not cry. It was just not right!
It was only until all my tears dry up, did I stand up and carry the lame body of the one I truly loved away from this nightmarish place...
--PART 2--
TROWA
I was the one who should have died... not Heero...
I sat down, with my back against the wall, hugging my knees and cried... it had been so long since I last cried...
I didn't want to cry... but the more I tried to control myself, the more my tears escaped my eyes.
I should not be alive... I... I should just end my life... but... but Heero had sacrificed his life for me, I... I... would be wasting his life if I were to suicide... yet... yet...
Heero must be so lonely... being alone... I must find him, in after life...
I felt so confused. Never in my whole life had I felt so lost, not even when I had lost my memory was I this lost...
Suddenly, I felt so frustrated with my life. I felt sick of this surrounding... I wanted to escape... I wanted to die...
Calming myself down, I stood up, and walked over to the table to write... I needed to explain my situation and decision to Quatre. This was the least I could do... I owed him too much...
------------------------
QUATRE
I headed towards Trowa's bedroom, to find Trowa, so as to inform him regarding some changes made to our battle plans.
On reaching his room, I knocked at the door. Silence...
Strange, Trowa had to be in his room... after all, ever since the death of Heero, Trowa never left his room, unless there was a mission...
I knocked once more before finally deciding to try and push open the door myself.
The door was unlocked... and the lights were on... and lying on the middle of the room's floor... was Trowa in a pool of blood... On the floor beside him, was a gun...
He...he had shot himself? But why?! Why?!!
The sight appalled me so much, that moments passed before I could react...
"Trowa!!!" I screamed, as I rushed forth towards him...
I checked for his breathing... but found none... he was died...
I looked him over, and spotted a paper clenched tightly in his hand.
With trembling fingers, I took out the paper from Trowa's hand, unrolled and read it...
Dear Quatre,
I'm a coward. I don't dare to tell you this in words, so this was the only way I can think of to tell you.
You must think that it's very silly of me to kill myself, but I really can't think of any other way to repay Heero's kindness. I have nothing to give, except my life.
He sacrificed himself for me. No one had ever done something like this before; I'm nobody of any importance. I really don't know what to do, or how to react.
You can call me a coward for trying to escape from reality. But, I really can't comprehend such feelings. Since young, I've learned that I have to protect myself, by closing up, by locking out all my feelings.
I don't know how to react to love and neither did Heero. I guess this is why we can't be together.
But now, with his death, I've understood that I do really love him and without him, there is no life for me.
Quatre, I really thank you for all the things you've done for me. Thank you, for being such a true friend.
I really do not deserve your kindness and love. I'm just a worthless being. I'm sure you can find someone much better than me. I'm very sorry.
Goodbye, Quatre.
Trowa
Tears clouded my vision...
------------------------
DUO
I paced around, mumbling, "I'm sure they've received my message by now. I've told them to meet us here before the battle begins. So, where in the world are they?"
"Wufei, has Trowa or Quatre contacted you?" I questioned the Chinese pilot.
"Nope." He replied in his usual calm manner, but there was a quizzical look on his face, that prompted me on.
"It's at the very verge of the final battle, and they've both disappeared," I answered. My voice was clearly tainted with anxiety.
"What's the matter, Maxwell? You sounded pretty disturbed," uttered Wufei as he eyes bored through me.
"I don't know... it's just... it's just... I've got a really bad feeling about this," I answered, sending across my nervousness along with my words, "its so unlike them to be this late."
"Yes. I do understand your worries. After all, even a perfect soldier, like Heero, can die," Wufei said quietly. His tone expressed the sorrow he too had felt, with the death of our fellow comrade. No! More than that... Much more. We were like a family...
------------------------
QUATRE
"I... I'm really... sorry Trowa... sorry..." I said aloud, my voice echoing through the empty room, "Please forgive me, Trowa."
I knew that Trowa was dead and that I would never ever get to hear his reply... but... but I was still hoping, praying that his spirit, his soul would be around still and would forgive me for my mistakes.
I had never meant to separate Heero and Trowa, I would never have wished for any of my friends to feel miserable. I never knew that they were ever together.
I really don't mean to tear them apart. But... but still... I did... And now they are both gone...
My tears poured down onto the lifeless body that I was holding...
I stayed in the position for quite a long while, before I regained some of my composure. Then, I carried Trowa's body into his bedroom and carefully laid him down onto the bed. I sat down beside him, my hands holding on to his, as I studied him...
Trowa looked so beautiful this way... so fragile... so peaceful...
I knew I had no right to do this... I was not the one Trowa loved, but still I bended down and planted a kiss gently on his cold lips. Trowa...
I straightened up, and gaze down at him... my love, then, now and forever...
Even though now, I knew that I would never win his heart, and that the one he truly loved was and would only be Heero, but still... I would still continue to love him and only him. Always.
"Goodbye, Trowa, I don't mean to leave you here, alone, but the battle called out for me," I spoke audibly facing Trowa... as if... as if he was still alive... but to me, he really was... and would always be, for he would always be alive in my heart...
It was definitely not within my wish and desire, to leave his body lying here... alone... he deserved something better... he deserved a proper burial, but... but I had to return to war, now. Please wait, Trowa. I promise you that straight after the war, I'll come back and lay you for your final rest beside your true love, Heero.
I stood up reluctantly and walked briskly out of the room, not daring to turn back... I could not turn back now; I knew that just by taking another look at Trowa was enough to kill me...
For now, the thing I really wish for was death... to die with the one I loved... but I could not die... not now at least, not with the war still on. I was needed to help stop the war, to stop the continuing bloodshed. I knew that this was the path that Trowa too, would want me to choose.
Furthermore, I still have my promise to Trowa that I have to fulfil. So, not until after I've lay him down in a grave beside that of Heero, before I can take my own life too... Yes, by his grave... by the grave of Trowa, I'll face my end...
Goodbye, my love, goodbye.
I will join you someday soon... in heaven or in hell, I will go wherever you go...
Goodbye, Trowa... Goodbye for now...
--PART 3--
QUATRE
Unending streams of group after group of mobile dolls... one after another...
When would this ever stop?
It was not within any human ability to continue fighting for hours without feeling exhausted and getting hurt. Our opponents were but remote control mobile dolls. They, unlike us, would not feel drained...
"Trowa, pass me your strength," I whispered. Calling out to the love of my heart...Trowa...
I could feel crystal droplets, slowly making their way down my cheeks... for within my heart, I knew that we were doomed to fail...
------------------------
WUFEI
Most of the functions of my Nataku was no longer in working condition, and by looking at the movements of my comrades' gundams, I could easily conclude that their gundams too were suffering from the same fate as mine...
------------------------
DUO
Blood... endless flow of blood...
I was soaked in blood...
I was hurt but.... but I had to continue to attack... had to...
I was weakening and was starting to lose control of my 'partner', Deathscythe Hell.
"Shimigami to hell we'll go together," I said out loud, with a bitter smile etched on my face.
------------------------
WUFEI
We were losing...
This was an impossible battle, which we were destined to lose even from the very start. We all knew that, all three of us.
Yet, we still fought on... we had to, because we were Earth's only hope...
If we lost this fate deciding battle, the White Fang would destroy Earth... We had to stop them, no matter how impossible this was, we had to try... at least try...
We needed to try and find the justice that was buried within each and everyone of our hearts. We had to follow what we believed in. We had to, as there was no other way out...
I shut my eyes in despair... memories of my deceased, head-strong wife flooding over me...
Meiran... this will most probably be my last and final battle... I will join you soon...
Wait for me, Meiran... please wait for me. Wait for me, up there, in the vast heavenly sky...
------------------------
QUATRE
I could feel my energy slowing draining... draining away...
I felt so tired... so very tired. Fatigue had finally gotten hold of me. All I wanted now was to rest...
I glanced out of the window of Sandrock, watching the endless stretch of space... and smiled wistfully, knowing that I would never ever get another chance to see my family again...
I closed my eyes, fully resolved to let go... to give in to the weariness I felt...
It was odd, but I actually felt genuinely relieved, when the huge ball of glowing red-flames blasted towards me...
------------------------
DUO
All of the sudden, time seemed to slow down its pace, creeping slowly by... as the horror of witnessing the explosion of Sandrock, the gundam of my ever-caring friend, the angel amidst us, unfolded slowly before my very own eyes...
For once in my entire life, I, the ever-talkative Duo, was actually suffered from a loss of words...
Moments past before I finally found my voice again.
"Quatre?!!!"
My shout thundered across the battlefield, bringing with it all the biting pains and worries of my heart.
But in return, I received only silence... total silence.
Never again would there be a reply...
Never again would anyone be fortunate enough to hear the sweet voice of the golden-haired angel...
Goodbye Quatre, farewell to you, the angel of mankind. Goodbye...
-- THE END --
Special thanks to Neesan Tracy (hugs) and Neesan Uni (hugs) for the C&C.
Thanks for stopping by to read my work.