Disclaimer: We do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Elladan: Do you know where Southerngirl tried to have me get pierced? What kind of sick, twisted woman is she? I'm gonna NEED that particular part of my anatomy! Me: You can still use it. You're just being a baby. Elladan: I'm gonna use it? Really? Me: I knew that would get your attention. Elladan: When? With who? Me: Get it pierced, and I'll tell you. Elladan: NO! You get pierced! Me: What makes you think I'm not already? Elladan: Ewwww, that's gross! Aren't you, like, older than god? Me: Alright, that's enough! You want to know who you're going to use it with? Elladan: Yes! Me: Gimli. Elladan: ARGHHHH!

Chapter 10

Heavy Petting

Elrohir grabbed Elladan and pulled him in behind the shelving units of the back storeroom.

"Merry. We should use Merry," Elladan said, peeking through the shelves at the dancing Hobbits.

"No, no, not Merry - he's gotten much too independent since the War...Pippin! He's much more manageable. I wish we could use Frodo - he's the most well known, and nobody can resist those big blue eyes...but Pippin will do nicely!" Elrohir argued.

"Okay, Pippin it is!" 'Dan said, shaking 'Ro's hand to seal the deal. "Now, how do we get him alone?"

Their problem was solved when Misha called to Sam (the tall) and told her to shut off the music because there were customers in the store. Both girls went out into the store to help serve the customers, leaving the Elves, Dwarf and Hobbits alone.

"Psst. Pippin, come here...we have something to show you..." Elrohir whispered from behind the shelving units.

"Is it drinkable? I'm very much ready for a pint..." Pippin said, following the voice to the back of the storeroom.

'Ro and 'Dan grabbed Pippin, covering his mouth with their hands. "Shhh...we can't let everyone know! It's just outside, Pippin." The twins carried the Hobbit quietly out the back door of the storeroom.

Legolas walked around the storeroom, looking in the various boxes and bags stacked on the shelves, when something in particular caught his attention. He picked up a package containing a child's bow and arrow set. Smiling, he tore into the package, examining the items. The bow was of a smooth substance that bent easily in Legolas' hands. The arrows had small round ends instead of hard sharp points, but Legolas was intrigued anyway. He quickly fit the tiny arrow in the equally tiny bow. BOING! The arrow shot clear across the room, hitting Haldir in the forehead. The suction cup at the end of the arrow stuck firmly just under Haldir's hairline.

"Ooops."

Gimli, Frodo, and Sam (the hobbit) burst into laughter, seeing Haldir with the arrow gently bobbing on his forehead. Haldir, however, was NOT amused.

"GREENLEAF!" he bellowed, pulling the arrow from his forehead and snapping it in two with his strong hands, "What are you doing? Have you lost your senses? I've a good mind to skin you alive!"

Legolas' only answer was a belly laugh. Haldir looked around quickly, and grabbed the first thing that looked like a weapon to him. The aluminum can was just the right size for beating a certain blonde Elf to death with.

Unfortunately, Haldir's finger accidentally depressed the nozzle, and a spray of Silly String shot out, coating Gimli's head with bright pink threads.

"Ack! What be ye doing, ye great lout!" Gimli cried, swiping the Silly String from his face with his hands. He launched himself at Haldir's midsection, pushing the big Elf backward into a shelf. A box tipped over from the impact, and a flood of tennis balls showered down on the two of them. The balls bounced every which way, some striking Frodo and Sam (the Hobbit) who began yelping and batting the balls away. Legolas came forward, and shot another arrow, this one sticking to the back of Frodo's head.

Soon the five of them were involved in a free-for-all, pitching tennis balls, shooting silly string, and firing plastic arrows at each other in a frenzy. The noise was bound to be heard from the store, and sure enough, Misha came charging into the back room, fit to be tied.

An arrow, covered in silly string, struck her right in the nose, and stuck there, quivering.

The room suddenly got deathly quiet.

"What the HELL is going on in here? Are you all insane? I told you we had customers...it sounds like World War III back here!" she exploded. The arrow, dripping silly string, bobbed up and down with every word, causing the Elves, Dwarf, and Hobbits to burst into laughter.

Legolas was the first to recover. "We are very sorry, Misha...we will clean up this mess, and be quiet from now on," he said, trying very hard not to start laughing again.

Haldir still snorting reached out and yanked the arrow from Misha's nose.

"Ow!" she cried involuntarily, her hand flying up to the offended appendage. "Yank some skin off with it, why don't you?"

"Legolas...see if you can get one in that mouth of hers...it's a big enough target," Haldir called, jerking his thumb at Misha.

"I've had aboud enough of you, Elf..." Misha said, her hand clamped tightly over her nose. She was cut off as Sam (the human) opened the door, whacking Haldir in the elbow in the process.

"Ha! Whad goes around, cubs around, Haldir!" Misha laughed, still holding her nose.

"You are insufferable," Haldir declared. "How do you put up with her?" He asked Tall Sam, cradling his elbow to his chest.

"She pays the rent."

"Sam! Whose side are you on, anyway?" Misha asked, finally letting go of her nose. "Look at the mess they made...how can you be smiling?"

"Customer bought that painting of the mermaid on black velvet," Sam (the human) said, smiling. "One hundred smackers for that piece of crap!"

"Yes! I didn't think we'd EVER unload that thing!"

Looking around the room, Sam (the human) said, "What happened in here? It looks like the storeroom exploded!"

"We left them alone for five minutes - that's what happened," Misha explained, gesturing toward the Elves, Dwarf, and Hobbits.

"Hey...we're missing a couple again! Where are 'Ro, 'Dan and Pippin?" Tall Sam asked, looking around the storeroom.

"Damn it! I'm going to glue their butts to a chair when I find them!" Misha exclaimed, running toward the back door.

They all went out back, looking around for the missing trio. Hearing laughter coming from the direction of the petting zoo, where Sam (the human) and Misha kept a few sheep, a deer, and, in a pond surrounded by razor wire, a 7 foot alligator named Herman, they sprinted in that direction.

Coming to a screeching halt in front of the petting zoo, they were met with a sight none of them had ever imagined. A small gaggle of teenaged girls were clustered around something just inside the petting area, cooing and giggling like crazy. Every so often, a small hand could be seen waving about over their bowed heads.

Elrohir and Elladan sat in lawn chairs off to one side, a small table between them. On the table was an open cigar box, stuffed with money.

A large sign was taped to the table, and read, "Pet a Hobbit...$5.00.

A/N: We'd like to take a moment to thank all everyone who has reviewed our story! THANK YOU!!!! Okay, Southerngirl...you may commence torturing the Elves now.