A/N- Its me again. Aren't you so happy to see me ? Haldir: I hate you both. SG: Come on Haldir, is that all you have to say ? Haldir: I refuse to be baited by you two mad women again. SG: Well, you just insulted us. I say my job here isn't quite done. I think the Dragon Lady should get her way. Haldir: No, please, anything but that.
Disclaimer: We own it all. Along with the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Clause who by the way wasn't too happy about being bought and then downsized.
Of Mice and Men
"Oh, God, I don't think my mind can handle this," Sam (the tall) muttered while staggering back. The sight of her mother, who Sam considered very ancient by her standards, groping at Haldir was just too much for her fragile psyche to take. It was bad enough that Sam's father was the wimpiest man on earth surpassed only by George Jetson and that her mother sought to destroy her sanity by setting her up with the richest men on the planet with the worst personalities but this was going too far.
"Will you get off of him already," Misha screamed, trying to pull the Dragon Lady off of a nearly hyperventilating Haldir. "You're married woman. Go to your husband."
"I will not let this god of a man go until I get what I paid for. And for four hundred dollars I expect a hell of a lot more than just stroking his hair and idle conversation. I expect real petting that involves heavy breathing and lots of moaning."
"Okay," Sam said in a slightly high pitched voice ",that's it. Going to pass out now. That was way too much to hear from someone especially my mother."
With that Sam (the tall) fell backwards into Elladan's awaiting arms. The desperate fan-girls sensing that something was amiss tried to help by beating the Dragon Lady senseless. Their futile attempts only brought multiple bruises to Gimli, Legolas and Misha who got the brunt of their slaps and scratches. During that time Jessie's sixth sense kicked into high gear. Feeling that her precious Frodo was in a dire circumstance she boldly ran out of the shop and into the fray before her. She was promptly thrown out a few minutes later. That didn't deter her though. Jessie threw herself into the unstable crowd multiple times before she was able to retrieve the hobbit that she wanted. During her failed attempts she had only grabbed Sam (the old) and quickly threw him back in much to his own dismay.
Elrohir was doing some fast thinking on his feet without his brother who was busy tending to the felled Sam. 'Ro stormed up to the Dragon Lady who had yet to relinquish her hold on the zipper of Haldir's pants. He placed a hand on her shoulder and said the one thing that he knew would draw her away from the abused elf ",Perhaps we can work something out more to your liking."
"Lets discuss this further." The Dragon Lady let Haldir go and stepped out of the crowd to follow Elrohir to a somewhat quiet corner of the petting zoo. The corner that happened to house the alligator.
Sam had regained consciousness and saw that her mother was doing some hard bargaining with Elrohir. "Throw her to the gator. He's always hungry and he eats anything. Lets hope he eats her," Sam (the tall) screamed at the bartering pair.
"You, my dear," Misha sighed ",definitely have some issues to work out. Might I suggest something in the way of professional therapy with lots of drugs."
Sam just smirked as she took Misha's offered hand. Though she found that she couldn't get up as readily as she would have liked. Looking back to Elladan she shot him a 'remove your hands or lose them' look. He immediately let go. Elrohir was back with the group in a matter of moments just as Misha yelled out to the crowd.
"Petting zoo's closed for the day. Come back tomorrow."
With many sighs and groans the obsessive fan-girls left the lot. Elrohir waited until the lot was completely empty before he spoke.
"I was able to get her to agree to leave Haldir alone as long as some other things are done. First, Sam you have to apologize to Andy for breaking his nose. Second, you have to out on a date with some Congressman's son. And last, Haldir you have to go on a date with her. If those things are done she swore that she would leave all of us alone for the rest of her life."
"I will not subject myself to that crone's company. I would rather die first," Haldir snapped.
"I'm not going on another date with a jerk," Sam ground out between gritted teeth.
"Its either that or," Elrohir sighed ",she comes to the apartment everyday for the rest of her life and personally escorts Sam on every date that she sets up for her. Not to mention random groping of any elves present."
The group looked at one another before all looking to Haldir. Haldir finally got the point and caved ",Fine. I will escort the Dragon Lady out to the place of her choosing."
Sam (the tall) remained silent while everyone waited for her to crack. After ten minutes it didn't look to likely that she would give in to her mother's demands. Gimli was smirking at the group looking quite amused with the turn of events. Misha was going to have to be the voice of reason yet again. As she opened her mouth to give Sam the reasons to take the deal another voice cut her off.
"Think of the elves that you would be saving from your mother's advances. I'm sure Haldir would be most grateful to only have one night of the Devil's mother than a lifetime of it. And just think of what you would be getting out of it. No more dates with the scum of the earth."
Everyone stared at Jessie in shock. Real shock. Complete with raised eyebrows and dropped jaws.
"What," Jessie shrugged. "I can be mature and adult like when I want to be."
The silence was broken by laughter. Through her tears Sam finally agreed to her mother's impossible requests. As Elrohir left the group to tell the Dragon Lady the good news Sam looked over to Misha ",We need a night out. A real night out complete with red paint and people remembering us for the next century."
"For once I agree with you."
A/N 2- Not my longest. But I found it somewhat humorous. The bad thing is the Dragon Lady is exactly like my mom. I've been married for nearly six years and the woman still tries to set me up on dates when I'm home. Talk about denial. And now (drum roll) TICS its your turn.
Disclaimer: We own it all. Along with the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Clause who by the way wasn't too happy about being bought and then downsized.
Of Mice and Men
"Oh, God, I don't think my mind can handle this," Sam (the tall) muttered while staggering back. The sight of her mother, who Sam considered very ancient by her standards, groping at Haldir was just too much for her fragile psyche to take. It was bad enough that Sam's father was the wimpiest man on earth surpassed only by George Jetson and that her mother sought to destroy her sanity by setting her up with the richest men on the planet with the worst personalities but this was going too far.
"Will you get off of him already," Misha screamed, trying to pull the Dragon Lady off of a nearly hyperventilating Haldir. "You're married woman. Go to your husband."
"I will not let this god of a man go until I get what I paid for. And for four hundred dollars I expect a hell of a lot more than just stroking his hair and idle conversation. I expect real petting that involves heavy breathing and lots of moaning."
"Okay," Sam said in a slightly high pitched voice ",that's it. Going to pass out now. That was way too much to hear from someone especially my mother."
With that Sam (the tall) fell backwards into Elladan's awaiting arms. The desperate fan-girls sensing that something was amiss tried to help by beating the Dragon Lady senseless. Their futile attempts only brought multiple bruises to Gimli, Legolas and Misha who got the brunt of their slaps and scratches. During that time Jessie's sixth sense kicked into high gear. Feeling that her precious Frodo was in a dire circumstance she boldly ran out of the shop and into the fray before her. She was promptly thrown out a few minutes later. That didn't deter her though. Jessie threw herself into the unstable crowd multiple times before she was able to retrieve the hobbit that she wanted. During her failed attempts she had only grabbed Sam (the old) and quickly threw him back in much to his own dismay.
Elrohir was doing some fast thinking on his feet without his brother who was busy tending to the felled Sam. 'Ro stormed up to the Dragon Lady who had yet to relinquish her hold on the zipper of Haldir's pants. He placed a hand on her shoulder and said the one thing that he knew would draw her away from the abused elf ",Perhaps we can work something out more to your liking."
"Lets discuss this further." The Dragon Lady let Haldir go and stepped out of the crowd to follow Elrohir to a somewhat quiet corner of the petting zoo. The corner that happened to house the alligator.
Sam had regained consciousness and saw that her mother was doing some hard bargaining with Elrohir. "Throw her to the gator. He's always hungry and he eats anything. Lets hope he eats her," Sam (the tall) screamed at the bartering pair.
"You, my dear," Misha sighed ",definitely have some issues to work out. Might I suggest something in the way of professional therapy with lots of drugs."
Sam just smirked as she took Misha's offered hand. Though she found that she couldn't get up as readily as she would have liked. Looking back to Elladan she shot him a 'remove your hands or lose them' look. He immediately let go. Elrohir was back with the group in a matter of moments just as Misha yelled out to the crowd.
"Petting zoo's closed for the day. Come back tomorrow."
With many sighs and groans the obsessive fan-girls left the lot. Elrohir waited until the lot was completely empty before he spoke.
"I was able to get her to agree to leave Haldir alone as long as some other things are done. First, Sam you have to apologize to Andy for breaking his nose. Second, you have to out on a date with some Congressman's son. And last, Haldir you have to go on a date with her. If those things are done she swore that she would leave all of us alone for the rest of her life."
"I will not subject myself to that crone's company. I would rather die first," Haldir snapped.
"I'm not going on another date with a jerk," Sam ground out between gritted teeth.
"Its either that or," Elrohir sighed ",she comes to the apartment everyday for the rest of her life and personally escorts Sam on every date that she sets up for her. Not to mention random groping of any elves present."
The group looked at one another before all looking to Haldir. Haldir finally got the point and caved ",Fine. I will escort the Dragon Lady out to the place of her choosing."
Sam (the tall) remained silent while everyone waited for her to crack. After ten minutes it didn't look to likely that she would give in to her mother's demands. Gimli was smirking at the group looking quite amused with the turn of events. Misha was going to have to be the voice of reason yet again. As she opened her mouth to give Sam the reasons to take the deal another voice cut her off.
"Think of the elves that you would be saving from your mother's advances. I'm sure Haldir would be most grateful to only have one night of the Devil's mother than a lifetime of it. And just think of what you would be getting out of it. No more dates with the scum of the earth."
Everyone stared at Jessie in shock. Real shock. Complete with raised eyebrows and dropped jaws.
"What," Jessie shrugged. "I can be mature and adult like when I want to be."
The silence was broken by laughter. Through her tears Sam finally agreed to her mother's impossible requests. As Elrohir left the group to tell the Dragon Lady the good news Sam looked over to Misha ",We need a night out. A real night out complete with red paint and people remembering us for the next century."
"For once I agree with you."
A/N 2- Not my longest. But I found it somewhat humorous. The bad thing is the Dragon Lady is exactly like my mom. I've been married for nearly six years and the woman still tries to set me up on dates when I'm home. Talk about denial. And now (drum roll) TICS its your turn.