Disclaimer: We do not, nor have we ever owned LOTR, or any of its characters. Zeke: It's a twisterit's a twister! TICS: No, it's a hurricane. Legolas: Who's the hayseed? TICS: Zeke, from the Wizard of Oz. Legolas: What's he doing in my disclaimer? TICS: The weather report. Legolas: You're off your medication, again, aren't you, TICS?

A/N: Tongue In Cheek Scribe, here, yet again! I've taken my cue from the twins and built a shrine to you, our reviewers, on my computer desk, where I burn incense and chant several times a day. Ohmm.

Chapter 20

The Wind's Not All That Blows

Sam (the tall), Misha, and Jessie scurried about the apartment, ripping through closets, searching under beds and in cabinets, adding to an ever growing pile of hurricane supplies on the dining room table. Batteries, flashlights, radio, first aid kit, canned food, can opener, and a host of other useful items went into the pile.

The Elves, Hobbits, and the Dwarf sat in the living room, watching the girls avidly, as they whipped about the apartment in their bright yellow slickers, while thunder rolled, and lightning flashed outside.

Haldir finally grabbed Sam (the tall) by the arm, bringing her to a halt. "What is this hurry-cane?" he asked, his face deadly grim. "Tell me now, how do I fight this beast? Which is better - sword or bow?"

Legolas slammed Misha bodily up against the wall, pinning her - it was the only way he could get her to stand still for a moment. "Tell me how to fight this monster. I am a seasoned warriorI will not let you, Sam, and Jessie fight it alone!"

"Aye! Me axe has gone quite a while without tasting blood! I will fight with you, Laddies, erand Lassies!" Gimli shouted, waving his trusty axe in the air.

"We are not only devilishly handsome brutes, we are also Knightswe, too will fight!" Elladan cried, Elrohir nodding in agreement.

"Small we may be, but in our hearts we are giants! We will fight for you, too, Misha, Sam, and Jessie!" Merry shouted, jumping to his feet. The other three Hobbits proudly came to stand next to him.

Frodo stepped over to take Jessie's hand, and said in a small voice, "Can't we just hide? I'm not a coward, but I'm very good at hidingI used to have a ring that"

Jessie interrupted him, saying, "You can't fight this, or hide from it. A hurricane is a tremendously powerful storm that can tear buildings apart! But, you are all very sweet to offer"

Misha smiled at Legolas for the first time in over a day. "We have to secure the apartment, then get down to store. We'll need to board it up, and make sure the animals are safe. You can help us with that."

Sam (the tall) just smiled at Haldir, not trusting herself to speak. When was the last time any guy she knew offered to put his life on the line with some unknown danger to help her? Never, that she could remember.

Putting the guys to work, they quickly boarded the windows, removed breakables from shelves, and packed up the hurricane supplies. Piling into the cars, they made their way to the store, noticing that all the other traffic was going in the opposite direction. Never a good sign.

Arriving at the store, everyone exited. The wind was blowing so strongly at this point, that the Elves had to carry the Hobbits and the Dwarf inside, to keep them from blowing away down the road.

"I'm going to the barn to tend to the animals!" Misha yelled over the shrieking winds. She bent into the wind, trying to make her way over to the barn.

She had only made it half way, when a nearby tree, bent and broken by the wind, began to fall. She felt something tackle her, rolling her out of the way as the tree crashed to the ground just inches away.

Looking behind her, she realized Legolas had just saved her life. "Greatno pushing him out of the bedroom tonight, I guess," she thought, surprised that the thought of it didn't upset her one bit.

He helped her up, and then together they fought their way to the barn.

Inside the store, everyone worked at a feverish pitch, boarding windows and securing merchandise. Sam (the tall) explained that hurricanes often spit out tornadoes, which were even worse that the hurricane itself. Any loose items could become deadly missiles in the high winds. During one fierce storm, she had seen a pencil imbed itself into a tree.

A short while later, Misha and Legolas made it back to the store. Everyone sat in the middle of the windowless storeroom, having emptied the shelves, putting merchandise into boxes and storing them in the main room.

As the storm outside intensified, the winds began to shake the very walls of the store, They could hear the shingles being ripped from the roof, and spotted leaks forming here and there as the wind driven rain found its way through the chinks. A thunderous roaring sound could be heard outside, and it was getting louder by the minute.

Haldir motioned to Legolas, who came and sat near the March Warden. In Elvish, Haldir said, "I fear for their safety. This building will not hold much longer."

"Aye," Legolas answered in their native tongue, "The walls shake from the force of the wind. Never have I seen so fierce a storm! What do you think we should do?"

"Perhaps it is time to return home."

"Would you leave them to their fate?" Legolas asked, darted his eyes to the girls who sat hugging their knees, watching the roof. "I will not leave them. I will stay."

"We will ask the Valar to send them back with us. If they stay, they may die."

Legolas thought a moment, casting a look at the girls. "They will be like hellcats thereit will not be an easy adjustment," he said with a small smile.

"Better to adjust than to die," Haldir reasoned. Legolas gave a slight nod. He got up and whispered something to 'Dan and 'Ro.

The girls were startled when the four Elves began to sing. The song was in Elvish and was completely incomprehensible to them, but the Elves' voices were so pure and sweet as they rose above the noise outside, that, for a moment, the girls forgot about the danger of the storm.

Another moment and the roof began to peel away from the building. Rain, wind and debris began to sweep in, as the storm pulled at the remaining walls of the store. One by one the walls were pulled up and away by the swirling force of a tornado, leaving everything within at the mercy of the storm.

Luckily, everyone in the store had vanished.

The first thing Sam (the tall) became aware of was something heavy lying across her back. She struggled to move, but was pinned securely to the floor. Twisting her head, she met Haldir's gray eyes.

"Get off of me!"

"In a momentfirst we need to speak."

"Get off of me, NOW!" She bellowed. Still, Haldir didn't move.

Twisting her head in the other direction, she saw Frodo and Merry sitting on Jessie's back, and Legolas had Misha in a full body tackle. Both of the other girls were also screaming to be let upMisha's language was more colorful than Sam could ever remember.

"Listen to us! This is importantstop wiggling like that, MishaI will not be able to remember what I need to tell you!" Legolas shouted, his nose inches from Misha's face.

"If you would stop screeching like wounded wargs, you would hear that there is no more wind," Haldir said, slipping his hand under Sam's (the tall) chin, and covering her mouth.

The girls fell silent as they realized the Elves were rightthere was no more wind. There also was no more parking lot, petting zoo, or store. Instead, there was only thick, blue-green grass and colorful, dainty wildflowers.

"I don't think we're in Kansas, anymore" Jessie said, as Frodo and Merry let her sit up.

"Please let me up," Sam (the tall) said to Haldir, the volume of her voice reduced to near normal.

"Will you behave yourself?"

"Have you ever known me to behave myself?"

Haldir chuckled, letting Sam sit up. He hovered close, in case she went berserk again.

"Legolas, if you don't get off me, you will find yourself in the unhappy position of having to find another body part to pee from," Misha growled, staring into Legolas' blue eyes.

Realizing exactly where Misha's hands were, Legolas reluctantly rolled off her, allowing her to move.

Looking around her, Misha's eyes grew as big as saucers, "Where are we? Did the twister drop us here?"

"No, the storm did not bring you hereI did," came a voice.

Looking around for the voice, Sam (the tall) called out, "Where exactly is here, who exactly are you, and what exactly gives you the right to bring us anywhere?"

Haldir sighed, and said, "I believe you left out 'when' and 'why." He lifted her chin up so she could see the cloud, shaped like a man's head, hanging in the sky above them.

"Is he any relation to Wave Head Guy?" Sam asked, before falling back on the ground in a faint.