Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: Haldir is still with SG? TICS: Yep. And he is NOT being a good boy. Legolas: Uh oh. What did he do? TICS: It's more like what he won't dohe wouldn't help SG write this chapter, so I have to do it. Legolas: What's she going to do to him? TICS: I'm not sure, but I think it involves thigh high leather boots, a dog collar, and a whip. Legolas: No! That won't help! Tell her he enjoys that

A/N: Tongue in Cheek Scribe hereHaldir-the-muse is not cooperating with SG, and Nienna's computer is down, so I'm writing this chapter

Chapter 24

Running Interception

"Since the Dragonlady is my mother, I should be part of the team that goes to intercept herI'm the best shot you have of getting her to cooperate," Sam offered, still looking rather pale.

"No. Absolutely not - she always gets you to do exactly what she wants you to do! I will go to intercept your mother," Misha said forcefully.

"I agree with Misha," Haldir put in, his hands on Sam's shoulders. "Of all of us, Misha has the strongest willshe threw Legolas out of her bedroom twice!"

Legolas frowned, and turned pink before agreeing with Haldir. "I will go with you, Misha. The Dragonlady likes Elvesyou should have at least one with you."

"We'll go too," Elrohir and Elladan offered in one voice. "Three Elves are better than one."

"NO!" Sam, Haldir, Misha, and Legolas shouted together. "You're the ones that offered to let Haldir sleep with her in the first place!"

"You two will go with Sam and Haldir to Mordor to make arrangements with Sauron," Misha said, leaving no room for argument from the twins.

'What are we supposed to do while you're all off gallivanting around Arda?" Jessie pouted, a little put off that no one had included her in the plans.

"You, the Hobbits, Gimli, and Elrond have a very important task, Jessie," Misha said. "You have to get a room ready for the Dragonlady. It must be completely Dragonlady-proofed. No pointy objectsnothing she could break and make into pointy objectsnothing she could use to fasten a noosemost importantly, it must be arranged so that she can be locked in - because she is NOT going to be happy when we get her here."

"How are you going to get her here, Misha?" asked Elrond. "Surely this daemon is not one to be bargained with."

"I have no intention of bargaining with her, Lord Elrond," Misha answered, a cold look coming into her eyes that startled even Haldir.

"Then how will you get her to come with you?"

"That's the easy partI'm going to lie, of course," Misha answered, a small smile creeping on to her lips that was even more frightening than the cold look in her eyes.

"Elrond," Misha asked the Elven Lord, "You're a healer, right? I need you to come up with something that will knock the bejesus out of her for a couple of days."

"Knock the what out of who?" Elrond questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"I need you to come up with some herbal concoction that will render the Dragonlady unconscious."

"OhI suppose I can do thatliquid or powder?"

"Haldir used liquid the last timeshe won't fall for that again."

"Powder, then. How will you get her to inhale it?"

"Oh, I'm not, Lord Elrondyou are," Misha smiled, whispering her plan in his pointy ear. Elrond blanched, but nodded his head.

The group immediately split up and the chosen parties went about making arrangements to leave Rivendell. Legolas and Misha would go to intercept the Dragonlady, while Sam, Haldir, Elladan, and Elrohir would go to Mordor to bargain with Sauron. The rest sat a table in Elrond's private study, thrashing out the details of the room needed to confine the Dragonlady.

Since Haldir, Sam, Elladan, and Elrohir had the furthest to go, they left immediately upon fine steeds supplied by Elrond.

Riding hard it would take them a couple of days to reach Mordor. Sam only hoped Misha could keep the Dragonlady confined for that length of time.

Misha looked at Legolas, who had dressed in his traveling clothes. She couldn't help giggling just a little bit. "They really did a good job in the moviesyou look just like Orlando Bloom in that get-up."

"I look nothing like him, and I wish you would not compare me to another male," Legolas replied, clearly affronted.

"Now would not be the time to let the green eyed monster out of the closet, LegolasI just meant that your outfit looks a helluva lot like the one he wore in the movies when the Fellowship left Rivendell."

"Oh. You do think I look better in it though, right?" Legolas asked, standing tall and straightening the hem of his jerkin.

"Fine. Yes, I think you look better in it. Are you satisfied, now?" Misha said, throwing her hands up in the air, exasperated. "Can we leave now?"

Misha and Legolas set out on foot, since they would not suffer a horse to carry the Dragonlady on the way back. Legolas led her down the well-worn path out of Rivendell, heading south toward the black clouds and mist that heralded the coming of the Dragonlady.

"I really want to know how she got here in the first place!" Misha said, slightly out of breath from trying to keep up with Legolas as he lightly ran down the path.

"Shhhwe draw close to the evil one" Legolas whispered, coming to a halt just within the treeline before an open meadow.

Looking into the meadow, Misha saw the unmistakable form of the Dragonlady walking steadily toward them. Summoning her courage, Misha stepped forward to meet her.

"What are you doing here?" the Dragonlady screeched, seeing Misha and Legolas walk toward her.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Misha answered, glowering at her best friend's mother.

"I have no idea how I got hereor where 'here' is for that matter! I was trying to find Haldir - poor thing must be worried sick about me - before the hurricane hit. I knew that pitiful excuse of a daughter of mine must have kidnapped him from my hotel roomwhy else would he have left before breakfast? When I didn't find them at the apartment, I knew she must have been holding him at that godforsaken, tacky fleatrap she called a store. Just as I got to the store, there was a tornado bearing down on the building, and then everything went black. When I woke up, I was here!" The Dragonlady explained. "I demand to be taken back to my hotel! I'm injured!"

"Where are you hurt?" Misha asked, not seeing so much as a hair out of place on the Dragonlady's perfectly coifed head.

"Look!' The Dragonlady exclaimed. "I've chipped a nail!" she cried, waving her middle finger at Misha's face.

"Ordinarily, I would snap that off at the knuckle for you," Misha growled, "but it just so happens that the Lord of Rivendell has seen your approach and wishes to meet with you."

"A Lordhmmm, I don't knowHaldir is an Elf"

"Haldir is just a simple March Warden - no power at all. Elrond is Lord of Rivendelland an Elf."

"What about this one behind you - he's cute. Does he have any power?" The Dragonlady asked, eyeing Legolas up and down.

"No, he has no powerjust a simple serf - a flunky," Misha said quickly.

"Misha, I am the Prin" Legolas began, but was unable to finish when Misha hit him hard in the ribs with her elbow.

"Just a nobody - what else would he be doing with me?" Misha said to the Dragonlady.

"Truetrue. Well, take me to this Edgar. Where is your car?" The Dragonlady asked, looking around the meadow.

"His name is Elrond, and there are no cars here," Misha explained, rolling her eyes. "We need to walk, but it isn't too far."

"Walk! Oh, very well! Leave it to you to be without transportation!" The Dragonlady said derisively, effectively blaming Misha for Arda's lack of limousines.

Misha and Legolas led The Dragonlady back to Imladris, fervently hoping that the others had completed their tasks in time.

Leading the wicked one up the stairs into Elrond's House, they brought her directly into the Great Hall, where Elrond awaited her, looking quite regal in his formal robes and mithril crown.

"My dearwelcome to Rivendell," he said graciously, doing the eyebrow thing.

"What's wrong with your eyebrow? That look is most undignified for a Lord," The Dragonlady sniffed.

Elrond's eyebrows went even higher. "Please, MiladyI have watched you approach and would like to spend a few momentser, alone with you." Speaking to Misha and Legolas, he said, rather imperiously, "You two are dismissed." He waved his hand at the exit.

Walking out of the room, Misha said to Legolas, "I have to hand it to Elrondthat was quite a performance. I wouldn't have thought he had such deceit in him!"

"Where do you think Elladan and Elrohir get it from?" Legolas laughed, as they went to inspect the Dragonlady-proofed room.

A short while later, they walked to Elrond's private study, where they found both Elrond and the Dragonlady unconscious on the floor.

Legolas looked alarmed at Elrond's still form, but Misha put a hand on his arm, and laughed. "It's all right, Legolaswe planned this. We knew that the easiest way to get the Dragonlady to snort the herbs would be for Elrond to snort it with herhe was to flatter her, make her think she was irresistible, and tell her that the powder was a powerful Elven aphrodisiac! Evidently, she fell for it. We'll need to carry her to the room that Jessie and the others prepared for her."

"You mean we have to touch her? Eww," Legolas shuddered. "I think we should wear gloves."

"No time. Sorry, palwe can cauterize our hands later," Misha smiled.

Soon enough, the Dragonlady was locked up in her room, completely free of pointy objects or noose-making materials, as the others waited for Elrond to wake up and for word from Mordor.