Note #1: Those of you who have watched Charmed's Season 5 probably know that the name of Darryl's wife is Shelia, but I stopped watching the show after the season finale of Season 4, and so I only learned her name a few months ago, while reading a story by a fellow fanfiction writer. By then, I had already referred to her as Vanessa in "So Mote It Be" (3rd installment of this series), so I decided to keep the name I had chosen. I think it has become pretty clear by now that Spelling et all don't have any power over my Charmed universe.

Note #2: Nightcrawler, I absolutely loved your suggestion, and I'll certainly put it to use on future installments. :-)

Note #3: Shel, we're still four or five chapters away from over: there's still Buffy's bad luck to deal with, remember?

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When Darryl got home from work, he only had to follow the sound of laughter and splashing to find his wife and Ben in the bathroom, having a lot of fun. Ben was in the bathtub, surrounded by several tub toys, while Vanessa was kneeling beside the bathtub, playing with him. They didn't notice Darryl right away, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned on the doorframe, watching them with a smile and thinking, not for the first time, that maybe it was time he and his wife started to think about children of their own.

Ben was the first one to notice his presence, and waved a wet little hand towards Uncle Darryl, greeting him cheerfully:

"Hi!"

"Hey, sport." -- Darryl uncrossed his arms and walked towards them. "Hi, beautiful," he said, leaning down to kiss Vanessa lightly on the lips.

"Hi, you," she said, giving him a slightly surprised smile. "Why did you come home so early?"

"What do you mean, early?" he said, puzzled. "It's almost six, Nessie."

"What! That can't be, I..." -- Vanessa looked at her watch and her eyes widened slightly -- "That can't be..." she muttered again, shaking her head.

"I think," Darryl said, smiling, "that the two of you were having so much fun that you lost track of time."

"No, Darryl," Vanessa insisted, "it was 5 o'clock when I put Ben in the bathtub. Here," she said, taking his hand and dipping it into the water. "The water should be cold after almost one hour."

"You're right," Darryl said, frowning as he looked from his wife to the water, which was still pleasantly warm. "It should."

He hesitated, giving the water a confused look, then sighed and turned to Vanessa again.

"Nessie, you must have gotten the time wrong. That's the only logical explan..."

Darryl stopped in the middle of the sentence as the same thought hit him and his wife. Without a word, they both turned to Ben, who was oblivious to their interplay and to the wary looks turned towards him, very busy pushing a rubber ball towards the bottom of the bathtub. Ben had just discovered that if you held a rubber toy under the water for a while and then released it, it promptly swam back to the surface, usually jumping out of the water with a very amusing "plop" sound.

"Do you think...?" Vanessa asked, with her eyes still trained on Ben.

"I..." Darryl said, watching as the toddler let go of the ball and squealed in delight when it dashed up and popped out of the water. "No," he finally said, shaking his head. "No, Cole and Phoebe would've told us. Besides, Cole said that it'll be a good two years before his powers start to develop."

"Well..." -- Vanessa reached out and stopped Ben before the toddler stood up to look for a rubber fish that he had thrown out of the bathtub. "I guess you're right," she sighed. "I must have gotten the time wrong."

She gently stroked Ben's cheek, saying:

"You're such a good boy: you wouldn't go magical on Auntie Nessie, would you?"

"My!" Ben muttered, frowing and looking around the bathtub. Why was Auntie Nessie talking about magic when there were much more pressing matters to deal with? Didn't she see that his fish was missing?

"Here, sport," Darryl said picking the toy from the floor and handing it to Ben with a smile. "I think this is yours."

"Hi!" Ben exclaimed happily, grabbing the fish and promptly dipping it into the water.

"Well," Vanessa sighed, while Ben released the fish and watched with gleeful excitement as it shot up and popped out of the water, "if it's almost six, then this little guy had better get ready to go home. Come here, sweetie," she said reaching out for Ben.

"No!" he said, shaking his head vigorously, and pushing her hands away.

"Yeah, I know how much you love to play in the bathtub," she said, smiling. "But you need to be ready when your Uncle Leo comes to take you back home."

"O'b?" Ben promptly asked, the beautiful blue eyes he had inherited from his daddy sparkling with interest.

"I bet he will," Vanessa said, receiving the towel Darryl was handing her and smiling at the toddler. "But first you need to get all dry and properly dressed. Come here," she called again, reaching out for him again.

"O'b!" Ben said with great enthusiasm, raising his arms towards her.

While Vanessa wrapped him in the towel and snuggled him, showering the chubby face with kisses, Darryl reached out and pulled out the plug.

"Hi-hi!" Ben chirped, waving bye-bye as the water went down the drain, its temperature now quickly lowering and reaching the environmental temperature.

"Bye-bye, water, bye-bye!" Vanessa said, giggling as she, too, waved at the water.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Phew!" Paige sighed, letting herself fall on the couch. "That was a LOT of powdered saffron!"

"And you still have a lot of it in your hair," Phoebe pointed out, turning off the vacuum cleaner, "so get off my sofa."

"I need a shower," Anya said, grimacing at the sight of her own saffron covered arms. "Badly."

"As soon as Spike finishes," Phoebe said, taking the broom from her hands, "you can use the bathroom upstairs."

She saw Cole enter the room, coming from the kitchen, and added, turning to Paige:

"Honey, we can finish it in here: go take a shower at the manor. I need you to bring Ben back before the pizza arrives; once he sees the pizza, he'll refuse dinner."

"Sure thing," Paige said, giving the broom to Cole and going to the kitchen to cross the backyard towards the manor.

"Here," Phoebe said, giving him Anya's broom, too. "You do know where the brooms are kept, don't you?" she asked, raising a mocking eyebrow.

"Hey, I offered to help!" Cole protested. "You're the one who turned me down on my offer!"

After Leo orbed with Piper to their bedroom, Phoebe and Paige had distributed brooms, dusters and dustpans among the others to clean up the mess in the living room. Spike and Cole had proved themselves so clumsy, though, spreading the powdered saffron farther instead of collecting it, that Phoebe had finally sent Spike to the bathroom upstairs and Cole to the manor to take a shower while the rest of them cleaned up.

"Put the brooms in the closet, order the pizza, and be here when Paige comes back with Ben," Phoebe told him with a smile. "That'll help."

She saw Spike coming down the stairs, wearing one of Cole's sweaters, and said, pointing at him:

"And you can help them push the furniture back to place."

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About twenty minutes later, Leo orbed Piper to the solarium at the manor, to meet Cole, Buffy, Spike, Anya and Xander. Phoebe, Dawn and Willow were still in the shower, and Paige had just orbed to Darryl's house to pick up Ben.

"How long before the pizza arrives?" Piper asked. "I'm starving."

"Fifteen minutes," Cole said, glancing at his watch. "Are you okay?" he asked Leo, frowning as he noticed how pale the Whitelighter was.

Instead of answering, Leo grimaced and orbed out, and Cole turned to Piper with an interrogative look.

"Nauseous," she sighed.

"Really?" Cole said, standing up and helping her ease herself down on a whicker chair. "You mean like...?" he left the question hanging, knowing that Leo would be mortified if Buffy and her friends knew about his sharing Piper's pregnancy symptoms.

"Yep," Piper said, nodding.

"I thought it had stopped," Cole said, sitting on a chair by her side.

"So did I," Piper sighed. "I think it's the curse."

"How can a dead person be nauseous?" Xander asked, intrigued.

Paige's arrival spared Cole and Piper from having to answer Xander's question. The blue orbs still hadn't settled down completely, and they already could hear Ben's voice, singing with great enthusiasm:

"HI-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

As soon as he saw Cole, he started to squirm in Paige's arms, clearly wanting down.

"Dada!" he called out gleefuly.

Paige placed him on the floor and he ran towards Cole, giggling and raising his arms to be scooped up.

"Hey, you!" Cole said, taking Ben in his arms and smiling as the toddler patted his chest, prattling excitedly.

"O'b!" he exclaimed happily, bouncing in daddy's arms, and Cole chuckled and shook his head. This would indeed be the mother of all sugar rushes.

"Hi hooooooooooo!!!" Ben sang after some more gibberish, throwing his arms up.

"I know," Cole said, smiling. "You orbed. Twice. With Uncle Leo and Auntie Paige."

"Hi hooooooooooo!!!"

"And you saw Snow White and the dwarves," Cole added, nodding. "That's great."

He stood up with Ben in his arms, while the toddler kept babbling non-stop.

"Uh-hu," Cole said, mindfully nodding his head. "I see. Excuse me for a second," he told the others, looking over his shoulder as he took Ben to the kitchen.

Father and son had just left the room when Phoebe arrived, followed by Willow.

"Let me guess," Phoebe said with a smile. "Ben's back." Piper nodded, and she added with a sigh: "I'd better go to Cole's rescue."

The others snickered as Phoebe quickly left to the kitchen, and then Piper turned to Buffy, saying:

"Now that we're done with Liusaidh, we can start working on your curse."

"I'll talk to the Elders first thing in the morning," Leo said, entering the room.

"And I'll see if the Book of Shadows says anything about this pendant," Piper added, holding his hand as he sat next to her.

"Do you have a computer that I could use to access the Internet?" Willow asked, sitting next to Xander and Anya. "I could try googling for it."

"Google?" Paige said, interested. "Hum! That's a new concept."

"A powerless witch's resource," Willow said, smirking.

"No, I think it's a great idea," Paige quickly said. "Really. There's much more knowledge around today than there was two hundred years ago; we should use all resources at hand."

"And of course you can connect from here," Piper said. "You can use either Phoebe's laptop or Cole's PC."

"Good," Willow said, smiling. "What time?"

"I think Phoebe and Paige will be at work all day, especially since they've already left early today," Piper said, "but I'll be home all day. You can come over any time you want."

While they talked, Dawn arrived, still buttoning up one of Phoebe's jackets. The whole Sunnydale gang was wearing borrowed clothes, after having been tossed around the room and over the powdered saffron by Liusaidh and D'Hoffryn.

"Is the pizza here?" she asked.

"Not yet," Piper said.

Dawn stood at the doorway, unsure; she looked around the room, suddenly feeling self-conscious and out of place. Paige and Willow were talking about magic and stuff, while Leo watched, occasionally piping in. Anya and Xander were cuddling in the love seat, talking in a low voice. And Buffy and Spike were standing by the open window, talking -- or arguing, it was hard to say. Buffy was frowning and Spike was rolling his eyes in obvious exasperation, but they seemed oblivious to the other people in the room, and Dawn somehow felt that they didn't need company. She felt -- not for the first time in the past few months -- strangely detached and utterly lonely, and didn't notice that Piper was watching her until this one called out gently:

"Dawn."

Dawn looked at her and Piper smiled, patting the chair next to her.

"So," she said when the teenager sat by her side with a grateful smile, "you're in high school, huh? It can be almost as hard as fighting evil."

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Cole leaned back on his chair with a contented sigh and took a sip of his beer. He had been watching with a smile as Ben walked around the solarium, prattling and giggling and making a big mess with his pizza. When Ben saw the pizza he had been as excited as Phoebe had predicted, not because he liked pizza all that much, but because it belonged to the most fun food group: food to be eaten with your hands. He was now sitting on Buffy's knees, prattling happily and ocasionally chewing on the thin slice of white pizza that Phoebe had given to him. Much to Phoebe and Cole's satisfaction, tonight Ben had not one, but three very willing baby-sitters: Buffy, Dawn and Willow had been taking turns holding the toddler and playing with him, and finding it very cute when he tugged on their clothes with greasy little hands to get their attention.

Cole unwillingly took his eyes off his son and turned his attention to Spike: the vampire was sitting apart from the others, drinking his beer in silence. Despite his nonchalant look, though, his eyes had been following Buffy all evening, watching her every move even though she never looked at him.

Xander said something that made Piper and Buffy laugh, and Cole watched as Spike's jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked from Buffy to Xander and then back at Buffy. Cole suddenly wondered how it would feel to spend etternity alone, loving Phoebe, needing, aching for her, yet confined to the periphery of her life, following her from a distance and being there when she needed him but never allowed to be a part of her life. Cole frowned as it occurred to him that Spike had fought by their side and helped defeat Liusaidh just like everyone else; no one had thought of sending him away then.

Cole looked at Buffy, but she had her back turned to him, holding Ben's bottle and helping the toddler drink his apple juice. He shifted on his seat, a feeling of uneaseness creeping over him as he wondered what his life would have been without Phoebe's love and support. What would have he done if she hadn't believed him when he claimed that he was good and that he loved her? If she hadn't gone to the Underworld to save him from the spell Raynor had placed on him? If she had left him while he was possessed by the Source? Cole clenched his teeth, subconsciously tightening his hold around the beer bottle: he wanted to stand up and go join one of the groups that were spread around the room, snap away from that cold, sinking feeling, but his legs refused to obey him and he found himself frozen in place. He knew that what he was experiencing was just the first effects of the aftermath of his descent to hell, but he just couldn't help himself. He felt a lump in his throat: so many what if's, so many ways his life could have gone so terribly wrong!

Cole reached out to place the beer bottle on the table beside him, and was disturbed to realize that the hand holding it was shaking so badly that he wasn't sure he'd be able to perform the task without dropping the bottle. Then, as he struggled to get himself together and stop the shaking of his hands, Phoebe's warm hand closed gently upon his own and led it safely towards the table.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting on a chair next to him.

"Nothing, I just..." -- he looked at her and sighed. "I'm fine. I was just thinking of how lucky I am," he said with a faint smile.

"Right now, you don't look like a man who's feeling lucky," she said, giving him a suspicious look as she raised her hand to caress his pale face.

Cole didn't answer right away: he just closed his eyes and relished in the warmth and softness of her touch. When he leaned forward to kiss her, Phoebe raised her other hand and wrapped both arms around his neck, ignoring everyone else in the room as she focused solely on her husband and on the fact that he needed her.

"I suppose the nightmares are coming back," she whispered, giving him a concerned look as they pulled away.

"I'm afraid so," Cole sighed. "I'd better sleep in the guest room tonight."

"You're not going anywhere," Phoebe promptly said. "I'll talk to Paige and move Ben's crib to her bedroom so that he isn't scared."

"Phoebe, you have to wake up early tomorrow," Cole reasoned. "You need to sleep."

"Baby, do you really think I'd be able to sleep, knowing that you were all alone in the other room, struggling with those nightmares?" she asked.

Cole opened his mouth to reply, but he didn't really have an answer to that. Besides, the mere idea of spending this night alone was enough to make his stomach churn. He finally sighed and pulled her into his arms again, burying his face in her hair as she moved to sit on his knees and hugged him tight.

"I do feel less scared when you're there," he admited in a whisper.

"I'll always be there, baby," she assured him.

Cole kissed the top of her head, holding her tight. After a while, though, he pulled away slightly, tipping her chin so that she'd look him in the eyes.

"Am I being too needy?" he asked, only half joking. "It seems to me that lately you've been doing nothing but comfort and tend me."

"What?" -- Phoebe's raised her eyebrows, not sure whether to laugh or to take his question seriously. "Oh, baby!..."

"Cole," she said, taking the hand that was tipping her chin in hers, "you hold me when I have nightmares, and you bear with me when I have PMS, and you tend me and pamper me to no end when I'm sick. You stood by my side and held my hand while I was giving birth to our son, and I've lost count of how many times you saved my life."

She smiled at him, a smile full of love that sent a warm feeling through him, pushing away all memories from hell.

"You went to hell and back today, baby," she added softly, touching his face. "You're more than entitled to be as needy as you want."

Cole smiled as he looked into the brown eyes that he loved so much, and he knew that she meant every word. Some might see Phoebe as light-headed and even frivolous, with her baby voice and her love for B movies, shoe-shopping and chocolate sundaes with weird toppings, but those who were close to her knew better. The scatterbrained girl who used to drive her older sisters crazy with her rash, reckless ways had grown up to be a strong, reliable woman who was sensitive to the needs of her family and friends and took responsibility for their welfare. She had always been there for him when he needed her, and Cole knew in his heart that she'd always be.

"I am indeed lucky," he said with a smile. "More than I ever thought any person could be."

"We're gonna make it through this night, Cole," Phoebe said, glad to see that the shadow that had crossed his face a while ago was no longer there. "Together. Just like we have done before. Like we always will."

"I know," Cole said. He cupped her face in his hand and gently fondled her cheek. "I know. No matter how far away I go, your love will always bring me back."

He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle.

"You," he whispered, "are amazing. You're beautiful, and strong, and magical in ways that go far beyond being a Charmed One." He kissed her lightly on the lips and added, his face very close to hers: "You're everything every poet has ever writen about love."

"Keep talking like that," she purred, "and you may get really lucky tonight."

"Oh, really?" he said with a smile.

"Uh-hu." -- she said, nodding. "You know," she added with a mischiveous glint in her eyes, "there's something I had planned, to celebrate our first night alone at the new house..."

She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, and what she said I'll leave to the reader's imagination, because it made Cole's eyebrows shoot up to the ceiling.

"Now, that will definitely help keep the nightmares away," he said, a wide grin spreading accross his face.

Before Phoebe could reply, though, they heard Ben's voice calling:

"Mama!"

Phoebe and Cole smiled as they saw their little boy happily crossing the room towards them.

"Mama!" he called again, reaching out his arms as he approached them.

"Hey, little man," Phoebe chirped, gathering up the toddler and kissing him. "Are you having a good time tonight?"

Ben giggled and snuggled with her when she held him tight: mommy was by far the best snuggler in the household. Phoebe was still sitting on Cole's knees, and he kissed her temple and leaned down to give Ben a sound kiss before saying:

"Keep mommy company for a while, will you?"

"Mama," Ben said, touching Phoebe's face. He thought a little then added, grinning: "My."

"That's right, Benny Bunny, mommy is all yours," Phoebe cooed, smiling as she stood up.

She gave Cole an interrogative look as he, too, stood up, and he touched her face and said, cryptically:

"There's something I must do."

"Mama?" Ben called again, grabbing her face to get her undivided attention, and she turned to him, while Cole picked up his beer bottle and crossed the room towards where Spike was sitting, drinking his beer and pretending not to be watching Buffy.

"Spike," Cole said, stopping before him. "We need to talk." The vampire raised an inquisitive eyebrow and he proceeded, motioning his head towards the door: "Outside."

Spike perked up, giving him a suspicious look, and with the corner of his eye Cole saw that Buffy had tensed up slightly, even as she pretended not to be listening. Good, he thought. It wouldn't hurt her to worry a little. He showed his hands to Spike, palms up, saying:

"Come on, do you see any wood stakes here? I just wanna have a word with you."

Spike stood up, still watching him warily, and Cole headed to the door, motioning for him to follow. Once they crossed the door, Cole walked down the few steps that led to the garden and carefully placed his beer bottle on a stone bench before turning around to face Spike.

"How much do you love her?" he asked, straightforwardly.

Spike gave him a startled look that completely spoiled his cool act, the hand holding his own beer bottle frozen halfway to his lips.

"I don't... Hum! You... What are you talking about?" he said, frowning.

"I'm asking how much you love her, Spike." Cole patiently said. When Spike still didn't answer, he sighed roughly and insisted: "How much do you love Buffy?"

"What!"

"Come on, I saw the way you look at her."

Vampires were known to be skilled poker players. But, Cole thought as he saw Spike squirm, either the one before him was the exception that proved the rule, or his feelings for the Slayer were rooted even more deeply than Cole had first thought.

"I'm sorry to piss on your parade," Spike said with a half convincing sneer. "But vampires don't love: we lust, and that's all."

"And that's why you came all the way from Sunnydale? For lust?" Cole said, raising a mocking eyebrow. "Man, she must really be a great..."

"Shut up," Spike snapped, his eyes sparkling dangerously.

"What? Now you're jealous?" Cole taunted. "Come on, just because you're banging her, it doesn't mean other guys can't..."

When Spike charged against him, Cole was ready for him and switched his weight slightly from one foot to the other, intending to dodge him. But he wasn't at all prepared to see the vampire howl in pain and fall to the ground, his hands grabbing the sides of his head.

"What the...?" -- Cole quickly crouched on the ground next to the quivering vampire, wondering if he should call the others. "Spike?" he called, unsure, as Spike quieted down, his ragged breath gradually slowing down.

When Spike opened his eyes, they didn't focus right away, and for a moment they looked so dull and lifeless that Cole shuddered and almost withdrew the hand that he had placed on the vampire's arm.

"Can you sit up?" Cole asked, and as Spike nodded in silence, he helped the vampire get off the ground and sit on the porch steps. Then he picked up the beer bottle that Spike had dropped and, seeing that there was still some beer left, handed it to the vampire.

Spike accepted the bottle without a word and swallowed the rest of the beer at one gulp. He didn't look at Cole as this one sat by his side and asked:

"What the hell was that?"

"The chip," Spike said, curtly.

"What!"

"I could swear this bloody thing is getting stronger as time goes," Spike sighed, frowning and rolling the empty bottle between his hands.

"That's what the chip does?" Cole asked, incredulously. "That's how it prevents you from hurting humans?"

"Yep."

Both men remained silent for a while, until Cole muttered, frowning:

"This isn't behavior modification; it's a choke collar."

Spike gave him an intrigued look, but before he could reply, they heard the door behind them open and Phoebe call warily:

"Cole?"

"Yes, baby?" Cole said, turning towards her.

"Is everything alright?" she asked. "I thought I heard..."

"We're fine," he said. "It was just..." -- he sighed and shook his head -- "Never mind. Would you be an angel and bring me another beer?"

"Uh, yes," she said, still looking a little unsure, and he gave her a reassuring smile, repeating: "We're fine. Really."

When Phoebe went back inside, Cole turned around and faced the garden again. Neither he nor Spike said anything until Phoebe came back with the beer and handed it to Cole. She gave him a curious look, but he just gave her the look that meant "Later," so she nodded and left them alone again.

Cole handed the beer bottle to Spike, who took it without a word; then he sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"So," he said after a while, turning to Spike again, "now that we both agree that you love Buffy, I'll ask you again: how much do you love her?"

"Enough to be in trouble," Spike muttered bitterly.

"Enough to cross over?" Cole asked

Spike sighed heavily and Cole pursued, slightly impatient:

"Do you love her that much, Spike? Because if you don't, you're wasting your time here. Good and evil can't get along: one of you will have to turn. And Buffy won't. So, will you?"

"Ha!" Spike snorted, rolling his eyes. "A good vampire: that's sweet."

"It's not easy for demons, either, you know," Cole said, annoyed.

Spike turned to him, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

"What?" Cole said, shrugging. "You heard Phoebe and Buffy talking about that last night."

"So, all that talk about you already being good..."

"When Phoebe and I got together, yes," Cole explained. "When I first met her, no." He took a sip of his beer before adding, in a low voice: "I really meant to kill her."

"You thought you could beat the Power of Three," Spike scoffed.

"Hey!" Cole exclaimed, frowning. "I had quite a good plan."

"And it didn't work because...?" -- Spike gave him an ironic look and took a sip of his beer.

"It did work," Cole said, quietly. "For a short time, the Power of Three was broken."

Spike gave him an intrigued look and he proceeded:

"At the end, I found out that I just couldn't do that. I told Phoebe how to restore the Power of Three, thus ruining my perfect plan."

"Why?" Spike couldn't help but ask.

"She was crying," Cole said, shrugging.

"I see," Spike muttered, nodding.

Cole glanced at him, but the vampire seemed to be lost in his own memories. Both men remained silent for a while, staring, without seeing, at Piper's roses across the garden.

"What about you?" Cole asked after some time. "How did you...?"

"I went to her house to kill her," Spike started. "You see, this chip," he explained when Cole have him an intrigued look, "it's not like it controls my actions or something. It hurts like hell, but if I could endure the pain long enough to feed on someone, there'd be nothing the chip could do to stop me."

He took another sip of his beer and proceeded:

"So I got a gun: I'd have felt a lot of pain when I pulled the trigger, but by then it'd have been too late to stop the bullet."

"But...?" Cole said, giving him an interrogative look.

Spike shrugged, staring at the bottle in his hand.

"She was crying," he sighed.

"And you just..." Cole said.

"Couldn't."

"I see," Cole said, nodding.

They remained in silence for a while, until Spike turned to Cole again and blurted out:

"Then, what? You told her that you loved her, and that was it? Did she know that you were a demon? Was she okay with it?"

When Cole didn't answer, bemused by the string of questions, Spike asked, frustrated:

"How did you get through her?"

Cole placed his beer bottle on the ground next to his feet and sighed, pondering Spike's question.

"It wasn't easy," he finally said, "to win Phoebe's trust again. You see, I had lied to her: she didn't know I was a demon when we met. And when she found out the truth, she was..." -- he grimaced at the memory -- "more than a little bit irked."

"We had our ups and downs," he proceeded. "First, Phoebe was afraid that I'd turn her, instead of the other way around. Then, just as we started to work things out, evil wanted me back and..." -- he sighed, unwilling to talk about the Brotherhood and the time he and Phoebe had spent apart -- "Anyway, it was hard for her to believe that I was good, since I had already lied to her in the past. It took us almost one year to settle as a couple."

Spike mused over that for a while, then he said, quietly:

"I never lied to Buffy: she always knew I was evil."

"Well, that's a start," Cole said. "I guess. But now you need to start telling her that you're good. And mean it. Not just because of the chip," he added. "Regardless of it."

"I have been fighting for the side of good for about two years!" Spike exclaimed. "Isn't that enough?"

"Have you been fighting for the side of good?" Cole asked. "Or for the side of Buffy?"

"Does that make a difference?" Spike asked, impatiently.

"It makes all the difference!" Cole insisted. "This is not about doing good, Spike, it's about being good. Doing the right thing for the right reason."

"Why?" Spike asked, frustrated.

"Because Buffy can't be responsible for both her conscience and yours," Cole said. "Doing the right thing is hard enough without having to drag your partner along. Buffy needs someone who will cheer her up when she loses heart, not say 'sure, let's throw the towel in'."

Cole groaned inwardly as it ocurred to him that he must be sounding a lot like Leo, telling Spike the same things the Whitelighter had told him not so long ago, sitting on those same porch steps, witnessed by the same yellow roses. Good thing those flowers can't speak.

"You need to commit to good," he proceeded, "not to whatever side Buffy is on."

Spike exahled loudly and straightened up, turning angrily to Cole.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he snapped. Cole gave him a confused look and he stood up, opening his arms.

"This," he said, "is as good as I get."

He vamped and Cole jumped to his feet, quickly taking a step away from him, chip or no chip.

"This is what I am," Spike snarled. "I'm not good: it's not in me to be."

He turned back to his human form, suddenly losing all his drive, his shoulders slumping.

"Evil is a choice that I made a long time ago," he said, quietly. "And whether it was a good choice or not, there's no turning back from it."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Cole exclaimed, exasperated. "Do you want me to go upstairs and bring the Book of Shadows? Show you pictures of Belthazor?"

Spike glared at him, but Cole said, in a low voice:

"There is. Always. A way out."

"Yeah, right," Spike snorted, bitterly. "It's easy for you to say that," he said, giving Cole a rancorous look. "You're half human; you have a soul. Me, I'm an undead: my soul is long gone, and so is my humanity."

Cole thought of his mother and of her own struggle to be good, and of the price she had paid for it. He looked at the man standing before him, fighting the urge to beat some sense into that thick head.

"If a soul is what it'll take for you to be good," he snapped, "then I suggest you get yourself one."

With that, he turned around and went back inside, leaving behind a very baffled vampire.