Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I never have and I never will.
A/N: I wrote this one before I wrote "He sees me" and then I forgot about it. I wasn't sure I should post it, but depression hit me today after my exam, so I decided to change some of the things in it and post it anyway. It's a Grissom POV.
I wish
He has been hovering in front of my office. I know what his intentions are, because I have been trying to avoid him. Trying to hide from him. I know what he is planning to do, but I don't want to hear it, not now not ever.
I have seen him stare at her longingly. I have caught them whispering to each other, touching each other, but it is all innocent, because I know there is nothing more, because I know her. She is afraid and it is my fault.
I'm ashamed that I'm the cause of her insecurities. I never intended to hurt her, but somehow I managed to do that over and over again. I wish I could take it all back, but there is just too much that time cannot erase.
She has changed and I'm proud of her, even though I have done nothing to make this change possible. She has been treating me differently. Her hostile attitude towards me has changed into something I have difficulty to describe. We are starting to get more comfortable around each other again. I wish I could have her, have all of her and I wish I could give myself to her, entirely, completely. I wish, I wish so many things........
He is still standing in the same spot. If I would charge him for the time he stands in front of my office like it is a bus stop I would be a rich man. I'm proud of him too. He has become the man I always wanted to be. The man who is worthy of her. Still, if he would ask my blessing I wouldn't give it to him. I wish his intentions would be just that, asking my blessing, so I could turn him down. I know that's not the topic of the conversation I'm sure he is rehearsing in his head right now. The conversation I have been rehearsing. It's not that topic, so I'm back at wishing again. I'm getting good at it, wishing that is, if only I could make my wishes come true.
I always thought telling her about my feelings would be difficult, but now I realize that letting her go, setting her free, will be even more difficult.
The sudden movement in front of my office startles me out of my deep not work related thoughts. He has walked away once again, but something tells me his departure is different this time. I guess he really has grown up. He probably realizes I'm not his father, her father or worse not her boyfriend. He doesn't need to ask me permission. He doesn't owe me an explanation. Strangely, this action of his is a relief, because it will stop my constant wondering, my inner debate if I should do something about this. Now it really is too late for this.
He probably has gone to find her. I wish he will find the courage to tell her what he decided not to tell me. I wish she will be able to open her heart for love once again. I wish they will find happiness together, because if anything they deserve that. And I wish this will stop hurting so badly one day. Until then I will keep wishing.
END