A/N: SouthernGirl here again. Haldir (sarcastically): Yea ! Lets all give the lazy authoress a standing ovation for actually trying to write for once. SG: Is that really necessary ? Haldir: After what you've put me through ? Yes. SG: TICS told me you were showing off your new piercing. Haldir: I was not. I just casually mentioned it. SG: That's not what 'Dan and 'Ro said. Anyways, I'm writing this at 7 a.m. so please excuse any typos or confusion. Thank you. We'll also be having some guest authors dropping by to add some chapters so be nice.
Disclaimer: I don't see the point in these. My last name's not Tolkien. I'm not related to the god nor have I ever been. So therefore I don't own it.
Speed Dating
Sam was busy frowning at everyone since she wasn't too happy about the fact that she had to give Sauron a pedicure. To make it even worse Elladan and Elrohir couldn't stop giggling about the whole matter. Haldir remained indifferent so Sam shot him dirty looks anyway since he wasn't too high on her list at the moment. Sauron wasn't paying attention to anyone. He was sitting on a log, keeping to himself while quietly singing ",I'm so pretty, oh so pretty."
Just when Sam was about to wring Sauron's skinny neck she heard a noise that caused her spine to go straight.
"Samantha Agatha Masters stand up straight. You look like a mess. Honestly, it looks like you just rolled around in a dumpster. Brush your hair and take a bath. Change out of those filthy clothes. And go find a man. Preferably a rich one."
It was the Dragon Lady. Looking every inch of angry as she sounded. 'Dan and 'Ro began to snicker even harder (though they tried miserably to hide it). 'Dan leaned over close to Sam's ear and whispered the one thing that would get the living crap kicked out of him by Sam.
"You're middle name is Agatha ?"
Sam elbowed him so hard in the stomach that he fell back wards off of the log. Having no time to run and hide she did the only thing she could. Sam stood up straight, ran her fingers through her hair and tried to smooth out her dress. Her mother still didn't look pleased. Until she laid eyes on Haldir.
"Haldir, my love, I just knew that Samantha kidnapped you away from me. After all you wouldn't just leave me in that room all by myself. Come, lets go away from here and spend the rest of our lives in a bed."
Haldir shuddered and his stomach heaved. To hide the fact that his stomach was revolting he pushed Sauron forward. Misha took it from there. "Erm, Sam's mom, this is the guy we were telling you about. His name is Sauron. He is a very powerful king over his own lands."
"Salmon ? You don't look very powerful." The Dragon Lady immediately stuck her nose up in the air.
Sauron felt as if he had just been insulted and he actually had. He rose to his full height, held his head high, and bellowed ",You, woman, are coming with me."
And with that Sauron managed to toss the Dragon lady over his shoulder without showing how much effort it took and left in the direction of his home. The Dragon Lady screaming the entire time. The remaining group just looked at one another with dumbfounded expressions on their faces.
"That went better than I thought it would," Misha sighed, wiping imaginary sweat from her forehead.
"Gummi Bears," Sam exclaimed, while sitting ungracefully on the ground.
"What?" Misha asked. The look on her face was one of thinking her friend had finally lost it.
"I miss gummi bears. And soda."
A package of gummi bears landed on Sam's head while a soda can nearly missed her face. Everyone looked up to the sky except for Sam who was too busy trying to get the impossible bag open.
Jessie flopped down next to Sam and tried to steal a few gummi bears but quickly pulled her hand back when Sam growled at her. "I miss pixie sticks and Yoohoo."
Miraculously another bag of pixie sticks landed in front of Jessie while a Yoohoo bottle gently rolled up to her. Misha, suddenly having cravings of her own, crashed down onto the forest floor and yelled ",I miss steak and lobster dinners and wine."
A wine bottle appeared in front of her with a pop. No steak and lobster dinner was to be seen. At this Misha pouted before opening the bottle. The elves were now realizing all of the things they were missing and quickly joined the girls on the dirt and leaves.
"I miss lembas," Legolas called.
"I miss my brothers," Haldir yelled.
"We miss playing pranks on Arwen," 'Dan and 'Ro screamed.
"I miss jewels," Gimli said up to the sky.
"We miss second breakfast," Pippin started.
"And elevensies," Merry continued.
"And afternoon tea," Sam took up the pace.
"And supper, dinner, and snack time," Frodo finished.
But then all of the hobbits looked at one another at as one bellowed ",And we miss ALE !"
At the Last Homely House Elrond awoke to the strange sounds coming from the forest that surrounded Rivendell.
A/N 2- I wonder who is giving the group whatever they want ? Well, whoever it is, its your turn. Its not very funny but I'm tired right now. And I have to go do the parenting thing.
Disclaimer: I don't see the point in these. My last name's not Tolkien. I'm not related to the god nor have I ever been. So therefore I don't own it.
Speed Dating
Sam was busy frowning at everyone since she wasn't too happy about the fact that she had to give Sauron a pedicure. To make it even worse Elladan and Elrohir couldn't stop giggling about the whole matter. Haldir remained indifferent so Sam shot him dirty looks anyway since he wasn't too high on her list at the moment. Sauron wasn't paying attention to anyone. He was sitting on a log, keeping to himself while quietly singing ",I'm so pretty, oh so pretty."
Just when Sam was about to wring Sauron's skinny neck she heard a noise that caused her spine to go straight.
"Samantha Agatha Masters stand up straight. You look like a mess. Honestly, it looks like you just rolled around in a dumpster. Brush your hair and take a bath. Change out of those filthy clothes. And go find a man. Preferably a rich one."
It was the Dragon Lady. Looking every inch of angry as she sounded. 'Dan and 'Ro began to snicker even harder (though they tried miserably to hide it). 'Dan leaned over close to Sam's ear and whispered the one thing that would get the living crap kicked out of him by Sam.
"You're middle name is Agatha ?"
Sam elbowed him so hard in the stomach that he fell back wards off of the log. Having no time to run and hide she did the only thing she could. Sam stood up straight, ran her fingers through her hair and tried to smooth out her dress. Her mother still didn't look pleased. Until she laid eyes on Haldir.
"Haldir, my love, I just knew that Samantha kidnapped you away from me. After all you wouldn't just leave me in that room all by myself. Come, lets go away from here and spend the rest of our lives in a bed."
Haldir shuddered and his stomach heaved. To hide the fact that his stomach was revolting he pushed Sauron forward. Misha took it from there. "Erm, Sam's mom, this is the guy we were telling you about. His name is Sauron. He is a very powerful king over his own lands."
"Salmon ? You don't look very powerful." The Dragon Lady immediately stuck her nose up in the air.
Sauron felt as if he had just been insulted and he actually had. He rose to his full height, held his head high, and bellowed ",You, woman, are coming with me."
And with that Sauron managed to toss the Dragon lady over his shoulder without showing how much effort it took and left in the direction of his home. The Dragon Lady screaming the entire time. The remaining group just looked at one another with dumbfounded expressions on their faces.
"That went better than I thought it would," Misha sighed, wiping imaginary sweat from her forehead.
"Gummi Bears," Sam exclaimed, while sitting ungracefully on the ground.
"What?" Misha asked. The look on her face was one of thinking her friend had finally lost it.
"I miss gummi bears. And soda."
A package of gummi bears landed on Sam's head while a soda can nearly missed her face. Everyone looked up to the sky except for Sam who was too busy trying to get the impossible bag open.
Jessie flopped down next to Sam and tried to steal a few gummi bears but quickly pulled her hand back when Sam growled at her. "I miss pixie sticks and Yoohoo."
Miraculously another bag of pixie sticks landed in front of Jessie while a Yoohoo bottle gently rolled up to her. Misha, suddenly having cravings of her own, crashed down onto the forest floor and yelled ",I miss steak and lobster dinners and wine."
A wine bottle appeared in front of her with a pop. No steak and lobster dinner was to be seen. At this Misha pouted before opening the bottle. The elves were now realizing all of the things they were missing and quickly joined the girls on the dirt and leaves.
"I miss lembas," Legolas called.
"I miss my brothers," Haldir yelled.
"We miss playing pranks on Arwen," 'Dan and 'Ro screamed.
"I miss jewels," Gimli said up to the sky.
"We miss second breakfast," Pippin started.
"And elevensies," Merry continued.
"And afternoon tea," Sam took up the pace.
"And supper, dinner, and snack time," Frodo finished.
But then all of the hobbits looked at one another at as one bellowed ",And we miss ALE !"
At the Last Homely House Elrond awoke to the strange sounds coming from the forest that surrounded Rivendell.
A/N 2- I wonder who is giving the group whatever they want ? Well, whoever it is, its your turn. Its not very funny but I'm tired right now. And I have to go do the parenting thing.