Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR, any of its characters, Dairy Queen, Muppets, Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, Coca Cola, Pepsi Cola, General Mills, or any underwear belonging to Orlando Bloom. Orli: For the love of God, woman - stop writing about my underwear. No one is interested in my underwear! Legolas: You think they care? They don't care. They do it just to irritate us. Besides, if they're writing about your underwear, they'll leave me alone for a while. Orli: Get a haircut, Elfboy.

A/N: I thought we would have a new chapter by a guest author by now, but I haven't heard back yetso I'm writing this one. I get hives if we don't update on a regular basis.

Chapter 29

The Sky's the Limit

Elrond, no longer able to contain his curiosity over what might be happening out in the fields at the borders of Imaldris, rode out of the Last Homely House in search of the party of Elves, Humans, Dwarf, and Hobbits.

Reining his horse to a stop at the edge of the field he rubbed his eyes, not quite believing what he was seeing.

The entire group was sitting in the field, eating, drinking, and generally making merry. There was, however, something extremely odd going on. He cantered up to the group, dismounting and approaching the first person he saw, Gimli.

Gimli was holding his hand up before his eyes, as if he were admiring something of great beauty. Elrond, raising an eyebrow, asked, "Gimliwhat are you doing?"

"Admiring something of great beauty."

"Umwhat would that be?"

"This beautiful emerald! Look, 'tis the size of a bird's egg!" Gimli replied, holding his empty hand out toward Elrond.

"Uh, huh," Elrond said, backing away from Gimli. He next went to Sam and Jessie, who were shoving fistfuls of nothing into their mouths.

"What are you two doing?" he asked, standing before them with his arms folded across his chest.

"Eating. I have a real addiction to gummi bears!" Sam replied, popping another invisible treat into her mouth.

Elrond turned to Haldir, who was, evidently, having a conversation with the Invisible Man.

"Haldir, who are you speaking with?" Elrond asked, growing more and more ill at ease with entire situation.

"What are you talking about, Elrond? You know my brothers, Orophin and Rumilsay 'hello' and don't be rude."

"Umhello, wardens" Elrond stammered to the empty air, running his fingers through his hair. He began to pace, trying to figure out exactly what had taken place that day.

Misha staggered up to Elrond, her fist wrapped around the neck of a completely invisible bottle.

"Hic. Elronnyhave I ever told you, hic, how cute you are?" she slurred, laying her head on his shoulder. She reached up and twirled one of his braids in her fingers. "Kiss me!" she said, pushing her puckered lips toward his.

Elrond took her by the shoulders, holding her at arm's length. Legolas trotted over, brushing imaginary crumbs of lembas from his jerkin. "Elrond, I'll thank you not to try to take advantage of Misha in her current condition!" He warned, wrapping his arm around Misha's waist and leading her away.

"What condition? You can't get drunk from a bottle of nothing!" Elrond called out after him. He watched as Misha stumbled, and Legolas swept her up in his arms, carrying her to the far side of the field. Shaking his head, Elrond turned his attention to the Hobbits.

The Hobbits were lying about on the field, having a belching contest. "Hand me another pint," Merry said to Pippin, who tapped an invisible keg next to him, and handed Merry an invisible glass. Downing the nonexistent brew, Merry, banging on his chest, let out a long, bleating burp.

"Good one, Merry!" Frodo laughed, releasing his own gas-powered belch. Pippin, Sam (the old) and Merry laughed, rolling about in the grass.

Elrond watched as his sons chased after someone who didn't exist. Grabbing Elrohir's arm, he asked, "What in the name of Arda are you doing?"

"Don't worry, Ada, we won't really set her hair on firewe're just teasing"

"Set whose hair on fire?"

"Arwen'slet go, Ada, she's getting away!" Elrohir laughed, pulling his arm free and taking off after his invisible sister.

"For the love of Eruwill somebody tell me what's going on!" Elrond cried to the sky, standing in the middle of the field.

A cloud shaped like a man's head formed in the sky above him. "Calm down, Elrond," the cloud thundered. "Your screeching is giving me a headache."

"Manwewhat is wrong with them? They are all seeing things that are not there!"

"They worked so hard at getting Sauron ready for the Dragonlady, that I felt pity for them and decided to let them have a little funthat's what happened."

"Butthey are seeing things! Why didn't you just give them what they asked for, instead of making them think they saw what they asked for?"

"That wouldn't have been nearly as funny," Manwe chuckled. "We've all been having a good laugh up hereoh, waitCelebrian says this is her gift to youshe also says to stay away from the girl with the purple hair."

A magazine floated down to land at Elrond's feet. Picking it up, he looked at the front cover, reading, "PlayElf - Elleths of Arda Issue."

Flipping to the centerfold, he opened the trifold to reveal Celebrian staring at him in a very provocative pose. "My turn-ons include walking on the beach, sunsets, and Elves with funky eyebrows," he read. Looking up at the sky, he saw Cloud Manwe chuckling, as he dissipated.

Sighing, Elrond wondered how long the invisible party would go on. He saw Legolas leading a very inebriated Misha into a nearby stand of trees, and decided that it would be at least another twenty minutes, or sounless Legolas was quick on the draw.

Shaking his head, resigned, he sat down in grass, the magazine on his lap, and began to, erread the articles.