Disclaimer: I own Stargate the whole industry built upon this movie including the series SG1 and ATLANTIS and

all the characters that go with it. Mwhaaa mwhaaaa Mwhaaa. Sorry crazy moment over.

The above statement is wrong I do not own Stargate even though I would like to.

Especially Michael shanks aka Dr Daniel Jackson mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (Day dream) sorry bout that.

I also do not own South Park the movie or the series.

My sis also holds great responsibility for making this fanfic.

Chapter 2

Fuck!!!

Jack was walking past Sam's office when he heard a high-pitched voice.

But the voice couldn't possibly of been Sam's as it was saying some very girly stuff.

Jack put his ear to the door so he could hear what the voice was saying

Voice: oh my god. Why did I cut my hair I mean I am still total babe and all but still my hair was so nice when it was long but maybe if I put it like this, perfect. Now where's my clip. Oh here it is, Oh my god looking this beautiful should be a crime.

Jack couldn't take it any more he needed to know who was so obsessed about their looks.

Jack: HI I'm loo...Sam?

Sam was looking at her self in the mirror putting on her make up

Sam: yes sir

Jack: was it just was it just was it just you on your own a few seconds a go or was some one else in here.

Sam: Me. But who cares if it was only I. (Sam looked in the mirror) I mean look at how good I look.

Jack: But who, what, were, who are you and what have you done to Sam.

Sam: chill out Grandpa relax take a break. I know this ace club we could go to

Jack: we're on duty Sam

Sam: Grandpa you do need to chill we should see if Danny can fix you.

Sam exited the room and made her way to Daniels office.

Jack: I don't need to be fixed

Jack followed his colege.

Jack: sorry can't be fixed yet looks like Danny boy isn't here. Probably running some tests on the box.

Sam: well done Einstein. That's way the box is on the table. Lets go to that club now

Jack: what club and like I said before we're on duty

Sam: do you ever break the rules come on loosen up please when are you ever going to do any thing outrages if not to day.

I mean live for to day as if it's your last you never know it could be. The Goa'uld may attack tomorrow.

Jack: Were have you been don't you, don't you know me at all.

Sam: I mean non air force Government thing that saves the world or you have only done it because of an alien device.

Get a life like I said live for to die as if it was your last

Jack: I don't know if it's this room or the fact that your making sense. But your actually making sense.

Come on LETS GET A LIFE.

Jack runs out and Sam follows.

Sam: come on Jack dance with me

Jack: I think I'll just get an alcoholic beverage.

As Jack moved to wards the bar he noticed a group of people smoking weed, popping pills AND A FEW SNIFFING.

As jack moved closer he was sure he recognised one of them.

Jack: no it can't be him. Can it.

He then recognised a voice

Voice: Oh God who ever created weed GOD make em a saint

Jack: Daniel what are you doing here

Daniel: oh looks its Grandpa

Jack: WHY DOES EVERYONEKEEP SAYING THAT. DANIEL YOU'RE COMING WITH ME BACK TO THE ON.

Daniel:(still high): man you just gota chill you know relax. Wan'na have some?

Jack: (reaching out his hand) yeah go on Th... NO! I'm telling general Hammond over you.

Daniel: fine go right ahead man.

Jack: you mean you not perturbed.

Daniel: DUDE do I look like I care.

Jack: SAM we're going come on.

Sam: No I want to dance.

Jack: SAM DEPARTING NOW.

Sam: NO! Daniel will you dance with me

Daniel: sure babe why not.

Jack: DANIEL. SAM NOW OR I' LL INFORM HAMMOND.

Daniel: like I said don't care who you tell but your ruining my vibe right now so As long as you stop ruining my

vibe guess so? (To Sam) coming babe.

Sam: as long as Grandpa over here stops making a scene.

They both leave. Leaving Jack behind them shouting that he was not a grandpa just a snitch.

Back at the SGC.

Teal'c is outside listening to the conversation while jack; Daniel and Sam stand in front of Genaral Hammond's desk

As he shouts at them.

General Hammond: WHATS GOTTEN IN TO YOU SG-1 YOU WERE MENT TO GO OFF WOLRD 5 HOURS AGO.

Sam: I think I know the answer general Hammond sir.

Daniel mimicking Sam in a childish way.

Sam: SHUT UP SPECK FOUR EYES

Daniel: HAY. DON'T CALL ME SPECKY FOURM EYES YOU FUCKING WHORE

General Hammond: DR JACKSON WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MAJOR CATER.

Daniel: whore

Jack: No he's talking about fuck you can't say fuck in front of the fucking general you fucking fat ass

General Hammond: O'NELL

Daniel: why the fuck not

Hammond: DANIEL.

Sam: DUDE you just said fuck again.

Hammond: CATER

Teal'c: Fuck

Hammond: TEAL'C

Daniel: What's the big deal it doesn't hurt anybody fuck fuckde fuck fuck fuck.

Hammond: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE HELD IN A PRISON CELL?

Daniel: How would you like to suck my balls?

Hammond: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Daniel: Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry (pulls out a walkie-talkie on a frequency to the hole bass so all can hear)

What I said was how would you like to suck my ball, general Hammond sir.

Hammond was so dumbstruck that he couldn't speak.

Sam (whispering): dude (talking loudly now) that was fucking sweet.

Jack: general Hammond sir Sam just said fuck

Oh I just said fuck, oh I've said fuck twice no three, general Hammond I've just said fuck 4 times no make it five

Daniel: you know I yester beat up guys like you.

Jack: Really.

Daniel: yeah. Don't know what's stopping me now.

Hammond: all of you to the infirmary now.

Sam: told you being this beautiful is a crime.

Teal'c: Major cater it is not a prison cell that you are going to. It is the infirmary.

Sam: So still a crime.

Jack: don't know why I have to go I haven't done any thing erroneous.

All I did was tell general Hammond who's been saying fuck. General Hammond I just said fuck..twice.

Daniel: Man. Shut. Up. We should just go to the infirmary I need some aspirin I have got such a headache.

Sam: really?

Daniel: well yeah but I also just want the drugs

Hammond: SG1 INFIRMARY NOW. I SAID NOW.

Jack: yes sir. Right away sir come on people chop-a-d chop.

Jack led the way to the infirmary while Hammond was trying to stop the smoke coming out of his ears.

Thanks to all you who have reviewed. I could not remember all of your names. Infact non of your names (I have got such a bad memory)

Any way thank you and to that person who told me to get a beta I do not know how so I can't soz.

By the way I can not spell to save me life so please if you know what I meant to spell please tell me how the hell you spell it.