Fallen VIII

Thanks to my new Beta: BLT, DPR, Daemon, Maester, Sanity Complex(:P, that's one person)

--

I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you to live, to breath...
You're taking over me.

Can you know what I know and all we have.
You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand.
I knew you loved me then.

I look in the mirror and see your face, if I look deep enough.
So many things inside that just frighten you are taking over

--

"I need to tell you something"

"It's just that you told me... the things you told me and now I..." Harry stopped obviously nervous.

Draco moved, making space for Harry to sit. Harry sat down slowly; Draco could feel him trembling slightly.

Harry took a deep breath and continued. "When I died, or thought I died, something happened..." Harry stopped again for a moment, as if he couldn't remember.

"Yes," Draco tried to encourage Harry.

"If you promise you won't laugh in my face, or think I've gone mad." Harry whispered blushing slightly.

"I promise," Draco answered, wondering what was so hard to tell.

"I could feel a part of me slipping out of my body. My whole life I've felt comfortable in my body, connected to it. I lived in every cell of it. As my blood had stopped floating, I felt restless in my own body. As if I would feel trapped if I stayed there much longer. I was losing grip of my body, I was leaving it. I couldn't fight it; I was flying with no control over anything. Then when I looked around I could see myself lying on the floor, all the pain was gone. I was so scared, and then suddenly a little girl appeared. She whispered to me in a language I couldn't understand and was beckoning me to come. I was lingering beside my body, dreading to leave it, but she smiled and offered me her little hand. Her whole body was shining, radiating light. She looked so peaceful, sweet and beckoned me so gently. I trusted her and took her hand. Suddenly my body and the bathroom disappeared. Pitch black darkness took its place. I was scared and thought I'd made a mistake by trusting the little girl, but she turned to me and told me not to fear the darkness. This time I could understand what she said. She said it would pass, just like the night had always turned into the day. ... Am I boring you?" Harry suddenly asked.

Draco, who had listened silently, shook his head. "No, what you're telling me is so strangely comforting." he said hesitantly.

Harry smiled relieved, ready to continue to tell his experiences.

"After she said that, water appeared in front of me, although it wasn't really water. It was a black thick liquid. I thought I'd landed in hell, soon the liquid would start to burn but it never happened. A small white boat appeared in front of us. She guided me to the white boat. The black liquid couldn't touch me and her white dress remained as white as it was. We stepped into the boat and I could see a blinding white shore. When we got closer I saw four figures standing on the shore. I could recognize three figures, my father, my mother, and Sirius. I was so eager to get to them. I totally forgot about what was, but the boat stopped and the little girl turned to me. "Your name is called," she said. "Libby wants to talk to you." I saw my father and mother slowly disappearing and remembered everything that was. I told Libby to sod off and go away, reaching out for my parents. They had to take my hand; I wanted them to take my hand. Libby returned telling me that you wanted me to turn back. The little girl told me it was what was best for me, that I was too young to give up my life. My mother told me it wasn't my time. I cried, I really wanted to stay, to be able to hug my father, mother and Sirius. I realised that I would be able to stay here forever, while the life I lived was only temporary. I wouldn't be able to experience the things I hadn't experienced yet. My soul wouldn't be able to grow. I would be happy, knowing I left something unfinished behind. Then when the little girl took my hand again, I knew I lost control over the situation and that I was going back... We will be right here waiting for you, my father told me. I smiled when my mother blew me a kiss and they disappeared. Libby came and I told her I would be coming back, but I wanted you to show regret and you did. Suddenly I was back in my body, listening to you while the little girl gave me a last kiss. She told me she would be waiting for me and watching over me." A silent tear ran over Harry's cheek as he remembered.

Draco placed his hand on Harry's knee, squeezing it slightly. All he wanted was to squeeze the air out of Harry's lungs by hugging him, but he knew Harry wasn't ready for that yet. The boy was still weak and well to Draco he was filled with hatred for the blond.

"When I opened my eyes it seemed so foolish, everything! I wondered why I came back. I hated myself for not fighting hard enough to stay. Then when I fell asleep I had this dream. I was a little child and was playing in some kind of pool. My father and mother were watching me; I used to have this dream all the time. And just like always, I could feel the love in their gaze. My mother grabbed a big towel and wrapped it around me, holding me close. She kissed me on my cheek. Usually she would say that she loved me, but this time she told me something different. She said, "Why fear destiny's path, when you have the strength to embrace it and don't fear the flame of love's candle, when your heart is yearning to be enflamed." Harry suddenly felt the weight of Draco's gaze upon him and the boy's hand upon his knee.

He waited the moment he would hear Draco's laughter in his ears, but it never came.

"Do you think it was really my mother, or do you think I just made it up in my dreams?" Harry asked eventually. He'd been too ashamed to ask the question, but he couldn't resist the urge to ask it any longer.

Draco looked up to him and smiled. "It was your mother. Dreams are a way to communicate with the ones you left behind. She gave you those dreams show you her love, this time she used the dream to help you and guide you," Draco said.

Harry sighed in relieve. He just wanted to hug Draco for giving him that answer, it was so perfect. But there was far too much holding him back. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you before," Harry said.

"Don't be. I deserved it," Draco answered softly, knowing it was true. He pulled his hand back, although he didn't want to. He was afraid Harry would pull his knees up, before he could pull away his hand and feel rejected.

"It seems so long ago everything that happened. I know I'll never be able to forget. I know I'll dream about it, but I know I'll fight it and that I will survive, although, I do not know how to find a way to forgive you. After all the tears I cried in front of you, the hurt you saw me go through." Harry ended in a whisper, even though it seemed so long ago. There was still this anger and hurt lingering in his heart. Towards everything, the world he lived in, fate, Draco.

Draco couldn't breathe; the guilt was preventing him to suck in fresh air. He had to bite his lip and blink with his eyes not to start crying again. "I know" Draco answered, to Harry's surprise.

Then Harry remembered what Lucius did to the blonde boy. A weight of pity fell on his heart.

"I never thought I was capable of doing such a thing as raping someone, but I couldn't suppress the anger inside of me. It was taking over my mind, capturing my will. All I wanted was to get rid of the anger. To release it and I did in a horrible way. It always came back. Now I'm feeling restless, the anger is gone, but I can't sit still for one second. Until I know for sure I'll be free once," Draco continued, barely above a whisper.

"I know your anger. We're very much alike in a way. Our future had something different in mind for us than we both hoped for," Harry said, refusing to feel sorry for himself.

"You took your anger and hurt yourself. I hurt others," Draco argued, quickly changing the subject. "Let's go inside to my study. I don't want to run into my father."

They both stood up and entered Draco's room. Harry had found the door to Draco's study earlier, so Draco didn't have to lead the way.

"I saw your paintings they're beautiful." Harry said walking into the room.

"Thank you. I would give them to you, but I don't know if you'd like to have a horrible painted you on your wall. I captured those moments in my thoughts for days sometimes weeks before I could paint them. I couldn't paint in Hogwarts. I thought of them when I tried to remember the last time I saw you smile and be truly happy. I found them when you were asleep. Doesn't it seem like a lifetime away, Hogwarts? We had no troubles, no dark thoughts shadowing our hearts. The ones we had seem so small compared to the troubles we have to cope with now." Draco said.

"I know. The Harry I was then and the Harry I am now seem to be two different persons. I don't know what to do to go back to that time; I wish I could go back." Harry confessed.

Picking up the paintings and looking at it for a while. A smile appeared on his lips as he remembered the fights they used to have. The plans he used to make to bug Harry. He placed the paintings into a dark wooden box.

Harry sat down in one of the black chairs in front of a warm fire and studied the large wall covered with book shelves. Surprised about the Draco revealed to him. It wasn't the Draco he used to know, or thought he knew. Apparently he didn't know Draco at all. "How come I never knew these things about you? The way you speak, act and think is so different."

--

I walk by statues never even made one chip
but if I could leave a mark on the monument of the heart
I just might lay myself down for a little more than I had the last day

Wait a time to spare these lies we tell ourselves
These days have come and gone
But this time is sweeter than honey

--

"I've changed, I've learned and to be honest you judged me before I could prove you wrong. I admit it is hard to go into your friends' opinion," Draco said, taking a seat next to Harry.

"You're telling me that if I hadn't listened to Ron, I would have liked you?" Harry asked frowning.

"No, you were a Gryffindor all of your friends hated or disliked the Slytherin. Not only Weasley. It was an obvious thing to do, but that doesn't take away the fact that even though I've learned, I stayed pretty much the same throughout Hogwarts. You just didn't see it." Draco said. "Let's order something to eat." He quickly changed the subject, not wanting to fight with Harry.

Harry frowned, but decided not to argue. He was too tired and hungry to do so.

Draco clapped with his hands and a very small house elf appeared in front of him.

"Kikky here at your service, Master." The little, obviously young house elf squeaked.

Draco smiled, and then turned to Harry. "What would you like?"

"Something to eat, I'm starving," Harry answered, laughing because of the jumping anxious house elf in front of him.

"We'll have some tea and early dinner, Kikky." Draco decided.

"Yes, Master Draco. Kikky will bring you," Kikky answered, bowed and vanished with a 'plop'.

Draco observed Harry. The boy was still pale, but you could see he was doing better. The only thing he needed was a little sugar to bring the sugar-level in his blood to normal.

"Could I ask you a favour?" Harry asked.

"Depends," Draco answered, while his heart was pounding.

"I would really like to know how my friends are doing," Harry said, biting his lip.

"I'm not allowed to leave the house, but I could ask around or send Libby, but that would be tomorrow. Libby is mine; we can't ask other house elves. If my father suspects something, he'll interrogate the house elves. Because Libby is mine, she won't tell him a single thing. Or a single true thing," Draco answered.

"Thank you," Harry smiled weakly. "How come you're not allowed to leave the house?"

Draco's smile vanished.

"I know you had some troubles with your father, you told me." Harry continued.

"Well, I turned out to be the biggest disappointment in his life." Draco answered bitterly. "When we were still in Hogwarts my friends discovered that I had no interest in girls what-so-ever. I dated of course, but never fell in love. So they slowly figured out that I'm gay. It was the number one on the gossip-list for a few weeks. Apparently they found their discovery so important they had to tell the whole school. I denied everything obviously, but it reached my father's ears. Just like everything else. When I came home with Christmas, he gave me a truth potion. I had no idea, until I noticed I was bound to telling the truth, so he found out. I wasn't allowed to have any male friends and my father arranged a private room for me. My last days at Hogwarts were hell. Paintings in my room told everything to my father. I had no privacy." Draco said.

Then Kikky plopped into the room, so Draco stopped talking.

"Your tea, and early dinner are served, Master Draco, Sir." Kikky said, standing in the room trembling with a big tray in her hands.

"Thank you, Kikky." Draco said, quickly taking the tray from Kikky. "That will be all."

Kikky bowed and plopped away again, with a proud smile on her face.

Draco grinned and gave Harry his plate with warm food and poured the tea into two cups. He prepared Harry's tea with lots of sugar.

Harry began to eat, when Draco told him he wasn't that hungry and that it was alright for the boy to begin.

Draco grabbed his cup of tea and sat back into the black chair, pulling his legs to his chest and placing the cup on his knee.

"After graduation I had to come home immediately. My father was so scared I would cause a big scandal. The family name is the most important thing in his life. I'm not allowed to leave the house, until my father finds me a bride. I wasn't even allowed to fight in the big battle. I wanted to be there, for obvious reasons, but wasn't allowed to leave." Draco finished.

"I'm sorry for you," Harry said, his plate nearly empty. Looking around to see if there were any paintings in this room, but there weren't any hanging on the walls.

"Well it is a bit hard to accept the fact that your father cares more about a stupid family name than his own son's happiness." Draco smiled weakly. "But I promise it will change when I get to be the one to rule the Malfoy Family."

"That's one thing we need to discuss. What about me? What am I supposed to do?" Harry asked.

--

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights

--

Draco had dreaded that question. It only stressed the fact that Harry did not like his company. Harry didn't like him at all. All Draco was feeling for Harry didn't seem to be important to Harry. It hurt to know that Harry wanted to leave him as soon as possible, when he didn't want to live without the pretty boy. "Like I told you, I'm not strong enough to face my father, Voldemort and his Death Eaters. They'll catch us and kill us. Even if we manage to get Libby to send a message, we'll risk very much." Draco explained.

"But you said Libby was yours." Harry asked confused.

"Yes, but she's also loyal to the Malfoy Family's rules. We'll be asking her to break several rules. We could try though, but we'll have to think about the consequences very carefully." Draco answered.

"I don't want to live here another fifty years waiting until your father finally dies." Harry snapped.

Draco bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. This was more than he could take. If hearts could cry, his was crying non-stop. "I understand." Draco whispered. "We'll think of a good plan. You'll have to realise that if we send that message, we'll be causing a second war."

"I know that, but isn't that better than the situation the world is in now?" Harry asked, drinking his tea.

"Not much has changed. It's like our days at Hogwarts. Voldemort isn't ruling the world and I don't want to sound selfish, but what about me? What am I supposed to do, when my family rejects me for helping you? Where am I supposed to stay, I'll be hiding for my father forever." Draco said, knowing he was wasting his time. Harry wanted to leave, as soon as possible.

Harry sighed. "I wish we could think up a good plan. Good for the both of us." he said, sounding defeated.

"I wish we could too, Harry." Draco said softly. "As much as I want to leave this place, I do not want to live my life being afraid, running for danger."

"You don't want to live your life, being like me." Harry said bitterly.

"What?" Draco asked confused.

"That was what my life was like before I got here." Harry whispered. "I had to move from place to place. Nothing was safe; there was always the fear of being caught by Voldemort, to die."

"Do you want to go back to that life?" Draco asked, his heart pounding loudly in his chest.

"No, but I don't want to live this life either." Harry said, unable to control his tears any longer. They fell, just like his heart.

"You know I'll try to make you happy." Draco said, wiping away Harry's tears with his fingers.

"Destiny is a hard thing to accept," Harry said, not fighting his tears anymore.

"I know, but you can change it." Draco said determined.

"No, I can't. My destiny already changed," Harry whispered, leaning against Draco's shoulder.

Draco could do nothing but hug the small boy, though his words made no sense at all.

--

Another chapter finished.

I might be repeating lyrics, sorry for that.

Please Review.

Black Elf(Cherish)

Used:

-Imaginary

-Taking over Me

-So Close